by P. Jameson
“It’s gone, remember?”
Oh yeah.
He set the glass on the counter. “I thought your sister was changing the laws, that females wouldn’t be punished for being unmated.”
“Yes. Well, she did. Kinda. But…”
“The Elders followed the old law?”
Seleka pressed her lips together, staring at him for so long he had to look away. “I don’t belong there,” she said. “Don’t fit in. Never have really, but even more so now. I… I don’t belong anywhere, I suppose, but this was the only place I could think of to try. My wolf tells me I belong to you—”
“No,” he snarled, watching hurt flit across her face at his denial.
“I…” She swallowed hard. “I want to be your mate.”
Raden shook his head. “No. No, you don’t.”
“But I do. It’s why I came—”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“I do. I know you didn’t kill my sister like you wanted to. And you made that choice because of me.”
He slammed his fist on the counter making the empty glass rattle and his mate flinch. “You have no idea what happened in that ring with your sister. No. Idea. I gave you up that day. I gave you up for good, and you were never supposed to come back into my life. It was just supposed to be me and my regrets. Now you tell me it was all for nothing? I lost the pack. I lost my pride. I lost my mate. I lost myself.”
She stepped closer. “I can help you find yourself again. I can,” she insisted, as if she was trying to convince herself.
He shook his head. “Don’t you understand? I don’t want to.” He didn’t like who he was before her. He didn’t like who he was after. Memories of their brief time in the camp clashed with this reality. There was no happy ending here.
Her hopeful gaze fell and she stared at her hands where they twisted nervously in front of her. Moments passed and her breath took on a strange hitch. “I do understand.”
Raden let out the exhale he didn’t realize he was holding.
“I don’t have anywhere else to go,” she said quietly. “And this is taking every last shred of pride that I have but…” She stared up at him, her pretty eyes rimmed in tears that wouldn’t fall. She swallowed hard. “Can I stay with you?”
His heart cracked right down the middle. His submissive little mate, asking so sweetly to stay by his side. How could he tell her no?
He scrubbed his palms down his face.
“I have only one bed. You can have it. I will take the couch.”
“You don’t have to—” He put a finger to her lips to stop her, and that was a big mistake. Their softness made him wish it was his mouth on hers instead of his finger.
“Don’t finish that sentence, mate. This is non-negotiable.”
She nodded and he pulled his hand away. He strode for the door, needing fresh air and the calmness the sunset always brought. His hand was on the knob when his name on her lips stopped him.
“Raden.”
“Yes,” he answered without turning around.
“Thank you.”
He closed his eyes, letting her voice wash over him. How was he going to do this, live with her, here, without ruining her with his mark?
“I always take care of mine,” he said, hoping it was enough.
And then he escaped into the outdoors once again.
Chapter Seven
Seleka was dreaming and she knew it. She’d dreamed the same nightmare so many times since meeting Raden that she could practically feel it coming before her head hit the pillow. Tonight wasn’t any different, even if she was finally sleeping in her mate’s bed.
The nightmare played out the same way she knew it would. This one always hurt, because it ended in loss. Never the same. Sometimes it was her sister, other times it was her mate. But one of them always died in the end.
They fought in the same battle ring as they had before. The same blood stained their wolf coats. Except this time, one of them went for the killing blow.
Nooooooo, she screamed. She had to wake before she saw which one was dead. In the dream, she felt her claws prick her fingertips and she raked them down her neck. Pinching never worked, but this… maybe this…
She sat up in Raden’s bed, eyes peeled wide, gasping to catch her breath. It worked. She blinked, peering through the darkness to find the bedroom door closed, just as she’d left it. She listened closely, but there were no footsteps beyond it.
Good. She hadn’t woken him. She couldn’t imagine trying to explain this terror that came to her in the night. Or that he was partly responsible for it.
She sighed, rubbing her palms down her cheeks.
Watching the people she loved kill each other was painful in the dream. It broke her heart each time, but the truth was no matter what had actually happened in that battle, she’d lost them both.
Yes, they both lived.
But no matter how much she wished things were different, they were both out of reach.
Avan because she ran the pack Seleka couldn’t find a home in anymore. Raden because he’d hid himself away and refused to give her a chance. He’d said it himself when she practically begged him to let her stay: She reminded him of everything he’d lost in life.
Who in the world would want that memory hanging around?
She sank back to the mattress, letting familiar humiliation wash over her and mix with the remnants of the nightmare.
What was she doing here?
She had let him think the Elders banished her from the pack. She’d offered to be his mate—a proposal he’d crushed underfoot without even a thought to how hard it had been for her to say. And then she asked him to let her stay, and thanked him when he had pity on her.
God.
She really was the wimpiest wolf in existence.
No, not wimpy, her animal argued softly. You were made to be cherished, not cast aside.
Seleka closed her eyes as the words brought tears and one slipped from the corner of her lid. The animal had a way of keeping her sane. Of reminding her that she wasn’t worthless, no matter what anyone thought.
Even her mate.
If no one else in the world could see it, her animal saw worth in her, and she would love herself. Somehow.
Maybe forcing her way into Raden’s home, and hopefully his heart, wasn’t the way to do things. She had hoped that just seeing her would spark some alpha instinct in him. That’s how it was supposed to work, wasn’t it? She was supposed to be the most important thing to him. Instead, he wanted to send her back to her people.
She turned onto her side, punching the pillow to make it softer.
She shouldn’t have lied to him. She shouldn’t have concocted a plan to stay. All of this was wrong. So wrong.
Her heart throbbed as she realized that things could never work like this. Raden didn’t want her here. He didn’t want a bond with her. And was only letting her stay because he thought she couldn’t go back to Ozarka.
Which was true, but not because they wouldn’t let her. She could never return to her pack because being there was too painful. She was raised to believe her place was serving her people and her mate. If she couldn’t do that, then she had to find another way to make life meaningful.
Twisting onto her back, she dashed the treacherous tears away. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She didn’t want to hurt anymore. She thought coming here would help, but it was only making everything worse.
“I’ll leave,” she said to the ceiling.
There was another wolf pack down south, a small one. They were… well, different. They didn’t have Elders and they didn’t follow the old ways. They welcomed outsiders. Maybe they would let her join their pack. They liked racing and working on cars. She didn’t know a thing about that, but she could learn. If there was one thing she knew about herself, it was that she was a good learner. Even Avan said so.
“I’ll leave,” she whispered again, letting the sadness take her under.
Lea
ving Raden would be the hardest thing. Imagining seeing him again had gotten her through the roughest nights back at the Ozarka camp, but reality was cruel.
She tossed until the very first hint of the dawn lightened the room, and then she made herself climb out of his bed. But not before pressing her face to his pillow and soaking up as much of his scent as she could. She would remember this, not the bad parts. She would remember the way he looked at her when he first scented her in the camp, puffing out his chest like he had something to prove. She would act like this little jaunt to the mountains had never happened. Better to pretend she’d never found him, than that he’d rejected her.
Setting his pillow back on the bed, she dressed in her warmest clothes and returned everything she’d unpacked to her backpack. She stopped with her hand on the bedroom door and took a deep breath to steady her nerves.
“You can do this, Sel.”
Twisting the handle, she eased the door open and tiptoed into the living room. She avoided looking at the couch. She wanted one last glance. Or even to kiss his cheek. She’d never had a chance to even touch him the way he’d touched her. It wasn’t fair. But if she did, she might never make it out of the house. She’d start crying or… or…
Just keep moving. One foot in front of the other.
At the front door, she quietly worked the handle free and opened it enough to slip through. The cold air whipped at her back as she twisted to inch the door closed again. When it clicked shut, it felt like a hammer nailing the coffin of her heart closed. She let out a breath and pressed her forehead to the cold wood.
Goodbye, mate.
Seleka turned—
And came face to face with the man she’d been avoiding.
Raden sat on the porch rail, one arm crossed over his shirtless chest while the other held a steaming mug of coffee. His face held a scowl that would make the bravest wolf cower.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
***
Raden sipped his coffee as Seleka’s mouth opened and closed without forming words. She was fully dressed, backpack on her shoulders, and if he wasn’t mistaken, she’d intended to sneak out of the cabin without him knowing.
“I… well…”
He noticed the wetness on her lashes and wondered if it had anything to do with the crying out he’d heard last night. Should’ve checked her, his wolf grumbled.
“Good thing you’re already dressed,” he said, briefly tipping his face to the dawn sky. “There’s a storm coming and we need some supplies. I figured we could go into town today.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Sure. That sounds… fine.”
He eyed her. “Should eat breakfast first. Unless you want to eat at the diner. I don’t go into town much, but when I do, I make sure to stop at the diner for pancakes.”
“Oh, um…” Seleka fidgeted with the strap of her bag. “I don’t know.”
Raden raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you like pancakes?” He knew she did. He remembered from when he was at the camp.
“Sure. Yeah. I like pancakes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
She frowned, causing a little crease to form between her brows. “How much do pancakes cost?”
Raden blinked at her unexpected question.
“I saved a little, but I didn’t leave home with much cash.” And she probably didn’t have a bank account to pull from. Unmated, she would have been supported by the pack.
Once again, anger filled his chest until he wanted to shift. He’d battled back his fury over her situation all night. It kept him awake knowing how she’d been treated.
“I have money,” he rumbled, but Seleka shook her head.
“I’d rather not be a burden. I will pay for my own.”
He pushed off from the porch rail, stepping closer until she had to look up to meet his gaze. “What kind of male lets their mate go hungry? The pancakes are good.”
“Listen,” she said, flustered. “You shouldn’t feel like you have to take care of me. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.”
“I will buy you food and you will eat it.”
She blinked, looking away, and he knew he’d won. Except then she found his eyes again, and this time he could see a stubborn glint that was new.
“Actually, you know what,” she said quietly but firmly. “I’m going to pass on the trip to town.”
Raden frowned. She was going to pass. Like hell. He didn’t know what kind of stuff a female needed. She had to come or he would surely get all the wrong things.
“If you’re going to be staying here, we need to get supplies,” he repeated, but Seleka shook her head.
“It isn’t necessary.”
“I say it is.”
“I have everything I need.”
“I don’t think you do.”
She pressed her lips together, her sad, damp eyes never leaving his. He wanted to know what made her cry. Wanted more details about the Ozark pack and what had transpired after he’d left. These questions haunted his sleep and they were sure to haunt every waking hour until they were answered.
“Fine. You can pay for your own pancakes. Will that make you happy?”
Seleka frowned, her eyes searching him before she finally answered. “I guess so.”
Yeah, he had no intention of letting her pay for her own food, but he’d keep that to himself for now.
“Good. Then I’ll go get my shirt.” He pushed past her, into the cabin, sneaking a deep breath as he moved by. If she was going to be here anyway, he might as well get his fill of that delicious scent.
Chapter Eight
The trip down the mountain took less time than Seleka expected. And the town, as Raden called it, was less an actual town and more a small crack in the side of the mountain where a general store, a bar, and a diner resided. It didn’t even have a name. It was just… town.
He parked his black Jeep in the dirt lot that separated the store and the diner. Across the highway access road was the bar with its broken neon light flickering in the bright morning sun.
“Here we are,” Raden said, and it was the first words he’d spoken since leaving the cabin. She’d been caught, and she knew it. He wasn’t stupid. He must have known she was trying to leave. But he didn’t ask why or question her about it. She might think he didn’t care except when she’d tried to stay behind so she could follow through on her plan, he gave into her demand to pay for her food.
Raden was as alpha as they came. Winning any argument was nearly a requirement. He wouldn’t have conceded unless he wanted her to come here with him.
So here she was.
She stared out the windshield at the rusty metal sign that announced they’d be eating at Rosie’s Diner. The eatery didn’t look very promising, with its drab paint chipped exterior, but it was the only place around. And surprisingly, the parking lot was full. Every person who lived in these mountains must converge on Rosie’s for breakfast.
Raden got out of the jeep and walked around front as she reached for the handle. Stepping out, she came face to face with the giant wall of a man.
“Oh, ah…” She wasn’t expecting him to get her door and now they were standing too close. She stepped sideways at the same time he did, which put them even closer, then just decided to stay still until he moved back.
Raden slowly reached around her to shut the door, and she avoided his eyes. He was close enough that she could bask in his rich cinnamon scent. Her animal writhed inside, wishing she could roll around in it. Absorb it. Belong to it.
She cleared her throat, stepping around him to head for the diner. Anything was better than hoping for things she couldn’t have. He was right behind her as they approached the entrance, and he reached to pull it open for her. Her mate had manners. At least when it came to the small things.
Inside, the place was buzzing and just as crowded as she’d assumed.
“Pretty full today,” he murmured. “I usually sit at the counter.”
>
There were exactly two empty seats right in the middle of the bar area, flanked on either side by burly men wearing flannel and hunter’s camo.
“Counter’s fine by me.”
“Seat yourself,” a waitress called over the din, and Raden brushed past Seleka, grabbing her hand along the way, to pull her toward the two vacant stools.
Seleka bumbled behind him, shocked. Her skin buzzed where their fingers connected. Were they really holding hands? Like the way Avan and Lexar did? It didn’t feel romantic, but maybe she was just too excited to be touching him.
Was this a sign that Raden was softening to her?
Hope flooded her heart until it threatened to leak from her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to keep from embarrassing herself.
As they took their seats, he let her hand go to slide a menu her way. She wanted to reach over and grab him again. It didn’t take two hands to read a menu. But he gripped his so tightly, it looked like the plastic covering would snap under his fingers. She found his face and realized he was frowning. In profile, the corner of his mouth turned down and his eyebrow quirked up at the end.
He looked so… unhappy.
“Get whatever you want,” he muttered, when she didn’t look at the menu.
Seleka swallowed back the sudden lump in her throat. “Of course. I’m paying after all,” she reminded, just to keep a tiny bit of control over her situation.
Perusing the menu was pointless. Her mind was elsewhere, and she was already sold on the pancakes.
“Heyyyyy there, scarface. Long time, no see.” A woman wearing a frilly apron set two white coffee mugs on the counter and filled them. “And you brought a friend, I see.”
Raden dipped his head in a wordless thanks. “Hello, Rosie.”
Rosie. The diner must be named after her.
She turned to Seleka with a curious gaze. “I ain’t seen you around here before.”
“Seleka.” She held out her hand to shake, but Rosie’s mouth smirked to the side.
“Formal, I see. I like that.”
“Seleka is from the southern mountains.”
“Oooh,” Rosie said, tweaking a mostly gray eyebrow. “They swanky down there?”
