Temporary Insanity: (Temporary; Paul and Indy #1)

by H L Day

  Chapter Eleven

  INDY: This is probably weird, considering our conversation yesterday and how we left things, but can I ask you something?

  I didn't even want to think about the strange feeling in my stomach that had manifested itself at seeing his name come up on my phone. He was right. I hadn't expected to hear from him. Not so soon anyway. What did that mean? Did that mean he'd cancelled his date? Or that he'd changed his mind about ending things between us so prematurely? I typed out a message.

  Paul: You can't ask anyone else?

  Indy: You have many, many faults, but honesty's not one of them and I need an honest opinion.

  Paul: Are you sure you put enough “manys” into that sentence?

  Indy: You're right. You have many, many, MANY faults, and I like you anyway. I think that says more about me than you.

  Paul: What did you want to ask?

  Indy: I have a choice of two shirts to wear for my date tonight. I need an honest opinion on which one's better. I want to look good. Can I send you photos?

  I stared at the screen, tamping down on the bubble of resentment that threatened to emerge. He expected me to help him look good for another man? But then why wouldn't he? I'd told him I wasn't interested in anything other than fucking him. Which I wasn't. That didn't mean it wasn't weird that the man I'd slept with less than twelve hours previously was asking me for dating advice. It didn't make me odd. It made me the same as anyone else. The odd person was Indy for asking. I could tell him no, but then he might get it into his head that I was bothered about the fireman. Which I wasn't. It was only a choice of shirts for God's sake. I didn't need to turn it into some big drama.

  Paul: Sure.

  Indy: Thanks. Notice how good I've been about not reminding you that I can't wear my favorite shirt because SOMEONE ruined it. ;)

  Paul: Do you want my opinion or not?

  Indy: Sending. This is option one.

  I waited until the photo loaded. It was a selfie of Indy in front of the mirror wearing a black shirt. He looked good in it. But then he looked good in everything.

  Indy: And this is option two.

  The next photo came through. It was almost identical, apart from the fact that the black shirt had been replaced by a dark purple one. It brought out the green in his eyes and contrasted nicely with his dark hair.

  Paul: Do you need to get that dressed up for a steakhouse?

  Indy: What are you suggesting? That I wear a T-shirt and jeans for my first date? You'll be telling me next not to bother shaving. Am I allowed to wear deodorant? What about aftershave? Should I chew gum as well while I'm talking to him?

  Paul: I'm just surprised. You didn't make it sound like such a big deal last night.

  Indy: Well, duh! It's a first date. Of course it's a big deal. I want to make the best impression I can. So, which shirt? I need to jump in the shower.

  The temptation to be churlish and say the black one was strong. But why would I do that? I found myself staring at the huge stuffed pink elephant. At some point I'd moved him from the kitchen to the sofa. He was a pretty good companion: never talked over the TV programs I wanted to watch, never complained about anything. I'd named him Jones, because of the whole Indy thing. "What do you think, Jones. What do I tell him?" He gave me a glassy stare. Not surprising considering the fact that he wasn't real and I was talking to a pile of fake fur and fluff.

  I sighed and typed out a message.

  Paul: The purple one brings out the green in your eyes.

  Indy: Oh, that's almost sweet. Thanks, Paul. Enjoy your evening, whatever you're doing. X

  Whatever I was doing. A big fat nothing, that's what I was doing. And what was the kiss about? Who sent kisses to a man that they'd only just stopped having sex with before going on a date with another? I bet Ben the fireman wouldn't be too happy about it if he knew.

  It was a relief when my doorbell rang twenty minutes later, even though I wasn't expecting anyone. It crossed my mind as I went to answer it that it could be Indy. There to tell me that he hadn't been able to go through with his date. That he'd rather pick up where we'd left off and that sticking to my terms wouldn't be a problem. It wasn't him. It was Russell and Gabrielle. Gabrielle held up two bottles of wine and smiled. "Surprise!"

  It was definitely a surprise alright, considering they'd turned up uninvited. Any other time I might have closed the door in their faces. But given I'd spent the last ten minutes wandering aimlessly from room to room, I could probably use the distraction. And wine. Wine was always good.

  I held the door open wider. Never one to stand on ceremony, Gabrielle marched straight into the living room, closely followed by Russell who seemed to be picking up bad habits from her.

  I trailed after them, only to find Gabrielle seemingly fixated by the sofa, a huge grin on her face. "Sorry. I didn't realize you had company. Want us to leave so you two can get back to whatever it was that you were doing?"

  I frowned at her. "What?" I wasn't really in the mood for her particular brand of humor.

  "Your sofa buddy."

  It took me a moment to work out that she was referring to the elephant. "Oh, that."

  Russell seemed equally amused. Anyone would think that neither of them had seen a stuffed toy before. "Who's your friend, Paul? I didn't have you down as the stuffed animal kind of guy."

  "He was a present. Sort of."

  Gabrielle picked him up, the elephant appearing even larger in her arms since she wasn't that tall. "Ooh! From who? I sense a story."

  Maybe I shouldn't have let them in. "Why would there be a story? It's just a damn elephant. I haven't gotten around to giving it to a charity shop yet. That's all."

  Russell extended his finger, giving it a poke. "Why's it sitting next to you on the sofa?"

  I counted to ten. "Where do you want me to put it? And why the hell are you both here anyway? Without an invitation, I might add."

  Gabrielle moved closer to Russell, leaning in to speak in a stage whisper. "Paul's being a grump. Do you think it's because I'm touching his elephant? Should I have asked permission first?"

  Russell laughed. "Probably. Maybe put it down and back away from it slowly. They've obviously got a good thing going on. We don't want to get in the way of that."

  I snatched the elephant out of her arms, throwing it back onto the sofa. "Don't you start, virgin-boy!"

  As I knew it would, his cheeks flamed immediately. Gabrielle rounded on him, her face a picture of surprise. "Oh my God! Are you still a virgin? No way! How the hell has that happened when you're all cute and shit? Why didn't you tell me?" She grabbed his arm. "We need to fix it."

  She turned on me. "What kind of friend are you? Why haven't you sorted him out?"

  I blinked at her. "Sorted him out. What are you suggesting exactly?"

  She shrugged. "I don't know. Fixed him up with someone. But then I suppose you can't even get yourself sorted, so I'm probably expecting too much."

  Russell placed himself between us, waving his arms around like an out of control windmill. "Okay. Can we stop talking about it, please? I am perfectly happy being a..." He gave a slight headshake as if he couldn't believe he was being forced to say the word aloud. "...virgin. It's from choice, not because I can't get anyone into bed."

  Gabrielle's expression was one of pity. "Of course not, darling. I didn't assume that. But we need to rethink where we're spending our time. You're not going to meet someone on the sofa eating popcorn in your sweatpants. Or around at his"—she jabbed a finger in my direction—"hanging out with him and his elephant. We need to get you dressed up and out there, work out what kind of man we're searching for. Don't worry, I'll draw up a plan. First, we'll need to go shopping." She stepped back, surveying Russell from head to toe. "Get you some clothes that don't scream twenty-three going on ninety. Leave it to me. Operation lose your virginity starts now."

  I almost felt guilty. Almost. Russell should have known better than to join in with Gabrielle's teasing though.
Besides, it might do him some good to have her on the case, in some sort of twisted way. I'd certainly never gotten far in all my attempts to try and tease the information out of him about what kind of man he went for. She might have more luck. I eyed one of the unopened bottles of wine that Gabrielle had left on the table.

  "And as for you..." I turned to find her attention back on me. "Nice try at using his virginity as a deflection, but I'm not that stupid. Who was the elephant a gift from? You're being weird about it."

  "Does it matter? And I'm not being weird."

  She stared at me, and then leaned forward, peering even more closely. Uncomfortably close. Probably closer than I'd ever been to a woman who wasn't my mother, or at the very least related to me. I wished I had one of those spray bottles full of water. They worked well on insects and badly behaved dogs and cats so it would definitely have been worth a try. As I didn't have one, I settled for stepping back instead.

  Something dawned on her face. "Oh! I see."

  "You see what?"

  Russell came to stand by her side as if he hoped to be able to pick up that same understanding by a process of osmosis.

  Gabrielle nodded, looking very pleased with herself. "Hate-sex guy. He gave you the elephant."

  I stared at her, open-mouthed. She definitely had a cauldron. Poor Russell was probably going to get a boyfriend made out of candle wax and body parts if he wasn't careful. "You can't possibly have worked that out."

  Smugness exuded from her. "He did though, didn't he?"

  Russell tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips. "Who's hate-sex guy?"

  Gabrielle turned to face him, completely blocking me out of the conversation. "I'm not sure. I thought you might be able to help me work that one out. I tried talking to Dominic, you know, because those two are meant to be close, but he was all distracted. Plus"—her eyebrows knitted together—"I'm not entirely sure he had a clue who I was. In retrospect, it might have been better to approach him while we were at work, rather than in the sandwich shop. It was okay though. I left before he called the police."

  I made an attempt to interject. "You didn't really—"

  She held a hand up in front of my face. "Shush, you. We need quiet. We've got stuff to work out." She tapped her finger against her chin. "So who could he be?"

  Russell looked pensive. He was no doubt overjoyed that the focus had moved away from his virginity. His eyes went wide and he snapped his fingers. "I know! The bartender guy. Paul got all out of sorts because I accidentally gave him his number. I thought it was a bit of an overreaction."

  I snorted. "Accidentally. Right." But neither of them were paying me even the slightest bit of attention.

  Gabrielle nodded slowly. "And does this bartender guy have dark hair, green eyes and tattoos?"

  Russell smiled and I wanted to slap him. "He does! That describes him to a T."

  "Aha!" Gabrielle held up a finger as if she was about to introduce exhibit A in court. "Then we have our man. The man that Paul has been so busy with that he hasn't had time for us. The man that likes to buy little..." She glanced sideways at the elephant. "...big gifts for Paul. Then we have the fact that Paul is not in a good mood tonight."

  I sighed. "Paul is here, you know. I haven't achieved invisibility. And the two of you talking about me as if I have isn't exactly doing wonders for my mood. Just in case you're interested."

  Predictably, neither of them even spared me a glance. Gabrielle scratched her head. "The question is... why is he being so secretive? What's the big deal?"

  I waved a hand between the two of them. "The question is why you've forced your way in here uninvited to talk about me."

  Russell's mouth twisted as he moved his head to the side so he could peer around my hand and put Gabrielle back into his field of vision. "Maybe something's happened between the two of them."

  I dropped my hand. "Maybe it's none of your business."

  Gabrielle nodded. "You're probably right. They were screwing and now they're not and that means Paul's not getting any action anymore. Unfortunately, it also means he's going to be back to being sexually frustrated. Hanging out with pink elephants is the first stage."

  I'd had enough of this. "Oh, for God's sake! I got action only last night. I'd have to be a sexaholic to be getting sexually frustrated already. And I'm not hanging out with pink elephants. He just happens to be on the sofa with me."

  Gabrielle finally acknowledged my presence, her neck turning to the side to place me in her sights. "Last night, eh! So what happened between now and then? Why isn't he here tonight?"

  I glared at her. "Are we opening that wine or not? Or did you just bring it around so we could all stare at the bottle?"

  She turned back to Russell. "Trying to change the subject. Did you notice that?" Russell nodded obediently. She tilted her head to one side, scrutinizing me. It was the way I looked at Dominic when I was trying to work out what he wasn't saying. Oh my God! I'd turned into Dominic. At some point over the last few weeks, I'd become repressed and secretive.

  I exhaled. "Pour me a glass of wine and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

  I HELD THE GLASS OUT. "Top it up."

  Gabrielle lifted the bottle and filled the glass right up to the top. "So, instead of hating him, you like him. Except you don't want to like him because you're still not sure what type of person he is. Which is your own fault for refusing to get to know him and keeping him at arm’s length. Oh, and you won't actually admit to liking him because you're a man and God forbid you actually have emotions. Now he's on a date with a fireman and it bothers you."

  "It doesn't bother me."

  She rolled her eyes. "Why are you drinking so much wine then, and why do you get that look in your eyes every time you mention his name?"

  I carefully placed the glass of wine back on the table. It took some concentration, considering it was my third and I was feeling less than sober. "What look?" I turned to Russell, who was slowly sipping his first glass of wine, the glass still half full. "Do you agree with her?"

  He opened his mouth and then closed it again before finally speaking. "You definitely seem very touchy about him."

  "Of course I'm touchy. I caught him in bed with my boyfriend. Why does no one except me seem to have a problem with that?"

  Gabrielle leaned forward. "So you would have married him?"

  To think I'd thought these two would be a good distraction. It was like being cross-examined. Any minute now Gabrielle would break out the Chinese water torture equipment, and Russell would smile and nod while she did it. "Married who?"

  Gabrielle's expression said that I should really try and keep up. "Stephen."

  I thought back to our relationship, giving the question far more consideration than it deserved. "How should I know! It was a long time ago."

  "So probably not, then. So all Indy did was end your relationship earlier than it would have done anyway." Gabrielle drained her glass of wine and then stood, her gaze perusing the room.

  I watched her for a minute. "What are you looking for?"

  "Your keys. We're going out. To a steakhouse to see a fireman."

  I stared at her in shock. "That would be a really bad idea." So the question was why, if I really believed that, was I already on my feet, pulling my jacket on, and pointing to where my keys were. "You do know that there's more than one steakhouse near Trafalgar Square? I don't know which one they're going to."

  Gabrielle shrugged, her phone already pressed to her ear as she called a cab. "So we'll do a little tour until we find the right one. You want to see the fireman. I want to see Indy..." She paused, tilting her head to one side while she thought about it. "...and the fireman. Plus, I want a steak. A really big one." She pointed at the elephant who'd been relegated to the floor while we sat on the sofa. "I've got one of those, by the way."

  I nodded, picking up the glass of wine to finish it while we waited for the cab to arrive. I had a feeling I was going to need it.

  Chap
ter Twelve

  "ARE YOU SURE THEY CAN't see us?"

  Gabrielle sucked in her cheeks and drank half of her cocktail through the straw before responding. She gestured at the mirror, its angle giving us a perfect view of another table. "Not unless they can see around corners. Chill out."

  We'd tried two other places before finally hitting the jackpot. The three of us had sidled in like we were about to commit a bank robbery, jostling the waiter who'd been trying to show us where to sit and completely ignoring him while we positioned ourselves out of sight. After ordering drinks, and in Gabrielle's case food as well, we'd turned our attention to the two men we'd come all this way to see.

  Indy had taken my advice and worn the purple shirt, the material stretched tightly over his muscular biceps as he laughed at something his dinner companion had said. So the fireman was apparently hot and funny. Of course he was. He was more muscular than Indy with one of those physiques that looked as if he could probably crack walnuts with very little effort. He probably only had to glance at them and they'd surrender, jumping out of their casings.

  I'd probably appear puny stood next to him. Good job I was hiding around a corner then, instead of being anywhere near him. I'd like to have said that the face didn't match the body. But unfortunately, it did. He was handsome and built. And he probably rescued cats from trees as well. The perfect man. I made a concerted effort to remove my fingernails from the palm of my hand before they caused long-term damage. Hard as I searched for any signs of first-date awkwardness, I couldn't find it: the two of them were relaxed and chatty.

  Gabrielle paused with a chip halfway to her mouth. "He's really hot."

  I managed to force the words I needed out through gritted teeth. "Which one?"

  She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I mean both of them are, but the fireman is... what did you say his name was... Ben, right? He's particularly yummy. They're all trained to do the fireman's carry, aren't they? Do you reckon if I asked him nicely, he'd take me on a circuit of Trafalgar Square? You could video it. Jeremy wouldn't mind. He knows I've got a weakness for firemen. Reckon he'd take his shirt off while he did it? I could take my top off as well so he doesn't feel awkward."