Alice-Miranda at School

by Jacqueline Harvey

  “I think it’s all flowers Miss Grimm hates,” Charlie replied.

  Alice-Miranda sipped her tea. “You know, I think she must be allergic. That’s got to be it. And surely it’s impossible to be allergic to all flowers.”

  Alice-Miranda leapt up and placed her teacup in the sink. She had decided to tell Miss Grimm about poor Mr. Charles and his flowers at once. After all, she thought, flowers were one of the joys of life—everyone needed flowers, and surely there were loads of blooms that wouldn’t offend her sinuses. Alice-Miranda turned and hesitated at the door.

  “Mr. Charles, Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale seems wonderful, but I can’t help feeling that there’s something missing. I just can’t work it out. Do you know what it is?”

  Charlie shook his head. “Can’t think of a thing, lass. This school has everything and more.”

  Alice-Miranda said goodbye to Charlie and skipped through the greenhouse door. As she left, he felt a tingling on his tongue and a tickle on his lips. His face crumpled and his mouth suddenly turned upward. For the first time in years he found himself laughing.

  Passing by the gymnasium, Alice-Miranda heard a piercing scream. She ran toward the open door and saw a young girl, about eleven years of age, sitting on the floor and squealing with the might of ten elephants.

  “Hello.” Alice-Miranda sat down beside the girl. “My name is Alice-Miranda Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones and I’ve just come today.”

  “Who cares?” the girl spat. “Leave me alone!”

  “But you’re upset.” Alice-Miranda reached out and patted the girl gently on the arm.

  “Don’t touch me!” the girl yelled, and started screaming again at the top of her lungs.

  Alice-Miranda blocked her ears. “I wish you wouldn’t do that. It’s ever so loud.”

  Then the girl did the most extraordinary thing. She jumped up and ran down the gym mats, tumbling and twirling.

  “My goodness!” exclaimed Alice-Miranda. “You’re the best tumbler I have ever seen. Mummy and Daddy once took me to meet a Russian count and we went to a big party and there were tumblers there, but you are much better than they were.”

  The girl took off again, tumbling backward over and over.

  Alice-Miranda clapped and cheered.

  The girl stopped. She strode over to where Alice-Miranda was sitting and stood in front of her.

  “My name is Jacinta Headlington-Bear and nobody likes me,” she declared with her hands firmly on her hips.

  “Well, I can’t understand why. You are simply the cleverest gymnast,” said Alice-Miranda. “Why don’t you tell me what’s the matter?”

  “Miss Grimm won’t let me go to the championships. She says that unless I do my homework I can’t represent the school.”

  “That’s awfully sad,” said Alice-Miranda. “How much homework have you missed?”

  “That’s just it. It’s only one assignment and I was so ill that I was in the infirmary for almost the whole of the term break. I haven’t had a holiday at all because my parents were too busy to come and get me. I think it was just an excuse so Mummy could stay in Bordeaux with her friends while Daddy was away on business. I’ve been trying to catch up, but the championships are on in two weeks and I just can’t train and get the stupid project done too.”

  “What’s your assignment about?” Alice-Miranda asked.

  “The endangered African elephant,” Jacinta replied, pouting. “What would I know about silly old elephants?”

  “I can help you,” Alice-Miranda offered. “Last year Mummy and Daddy took me on a safari and we got to see the elephants right up close. I have some wonderful photographs.”

  Jacinta looked as though she’d eaten a bee. None of the other students had ever been so kind to her before—mainly because she was the school’s second-best tantrum thrower and the other girls were scared stiff of having to endure a screaming fit like the one Alice-Miranda had just seen.

  Alice-Miranda said that she would go at once to talk to Miss Grimm about the homework, and that Jacinta should meet her at midday and she would help her get it all finished.

  Jacinta sat on the mats. She felt a tickly buzz around the corners of her mouth. Anyone who didn’t know her would have sworn she almost smiled.

  Alice-Miranda skipped back toward the office, determined to see Miss Grimm immediately. She navigated her way through endless hallways lined with rows and rows of beautiful timber doors. She now had quite a long list of things to talk to Miss Grimm about and would need at least half an hour. When at last she reached the office, she tapped on the door and let herself in. Miss Higgins was seated behind an enormous oak desk. Alice-Miranda could hardly see over the top of it, so she climbed up into the chair opposite to get a better view.

  “Hello, Miss Higgins,” she said cheerfully.

  Miss Higgins recoiled and almost fell off her chair.

  “Oh, hello, Alice-Miranda.” She sniffled into her handkerchief. “How are you getting on, then?”

  “I have had the most wonderful morning and I’ve met loads of lovely people. I had brownies with Mrs. Smith and a cup of tea with Mr. Charles and the most delightful chat with Jacinta Headlington-Bear and I really would like to tell you all about it. But it doesn’t look as though you’re having a very good day. Whatever is the matter?” Alice-Miranda leaned forward. “Have you been crying?”

  Miss Higgins was so taken aback that she burst into tears.

  Alice-Miranda took a clean handkerchief from her pocket and handed it to her.

  “Oh, Miss Higgins, you poor thing. Please tell me all about it. Perhaps I can help.”

  Through tears and sobs Alice-Miranda found out that Miss Higgins was about to get married. She had a lovely fellow from the village, Constable Derby. They had fallen head over heels last summer and on Christmas Eve he had proposed. It was all so wonderful. Except for Miss Grimm.

  “She told me that if I marry, I shouldn’t bother to come back again. She needs my full devotion and undivided attention and I’m afraid I don’t think that’s very fair at all.”

  Alice-Miranda frowned. “Why do you want to stay?”

  “It’s very complicated, Alice-Miranda, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You’re only a little girl,” Miss Higgins replied.

  “I know I’m small,” said Alice-Miranda, “but I’m quite a good listener.” She slid off the leather chair and walked around to Miss Higgins’s side of the desk. Alice-Miranda reached up and rested her hand on Miss Higgins’s shoulder.

  Miss Higgins blew her nose loudly. “It’s just, well, I have a very important job to do and I’m afraid that I don’t want to leave it up to anyone else.”

  Alice-Miranda smiled. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, Miss Higgins, but I know lots of young ladies who could do this job. My father has twenty girls in his office who could swap places with you in a minute.”

  Miss Higgins frowned.

  Alice-Miranda continued. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Miss Higgins. It’s just that I thought secretaries did jobs like answering the telephone and writing letters and doing the filing—things like that.”

  “Yes, I suppose I do all those things, but there are other responsibilities that I must look after and, well, I hate to imagine what would happen if I wasn’t here,” Miss Higgins replied.

  Alice-Miranda bit her lip. Her brow furrowed and she seemed lost in her thoughts.

  “Miss Higgins, Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale is the most beautiful school in the whole country. The staff are dedicated and the students, I’m sure, are magnificent. But there is something missing from this establishment and it has been nagging me all day.”

  Miss Higgins dabbed at her eyes and looked up.

  “I need to see Miss Grimm immediately,” Alice-Miranda continued. “If she doesn’t make some changes right away things will only get worse.”

  “Oh dear. I’m afraid Miss Grimm doesn’t see students,” Miss Higgins replied quietly.

  “I don’t understa
nd,” said Alice-Miranda. “She’s the headmistress. It’s her job to see the students and the teachers and all of the people who work in this wonderful school.”

  “I’m afraid that Miss Grimm doesn’t really see anyone. She hasn’t seen anyone for, well …” Miss Higgins hesitated. “Now, let me think … goodness … is it really … over ten years now,” she whispered.

  “Ten years! Is she dead?” Alice-Miranda exclaimed loudly.

  “No, of course not,” Miss Higgins said anxiously. Alice-Miranda couldn’t help noticing that her hands were trembling. “She’s just very busy.”

  “But what about assemblies and parent-teacher nights and plays?”

  Miss Higgins began shuffling the pile of papers on her desk. “There are the other teachers and, well, nobody seems to fuss. The school just sort of runs itself, and as long as the results are good, I don’t see why it matters all that much.”

  “Then how does she tell people things?” Alice-Miranda frowned.

  “She has her ways.” Miss Higgins smiled thinly and raised her eyebrows.

  Alice-Miranda was not convinced. “Well, that won’t do at all.” She turned and ran toward the huge double doors that led to the headmistress’s study.

  “No, Alice-Miranda, you mustn’t, you mustn’t.” Miss Higgins leapt from her chair and rushed to block her path.

  Alice-Miranda ducked under Miss Higgins’s outstretched arms, grabbed the ancient brass doorknob and pushed open the huge mahogany doors.

  There, in the most enormous chair, sat a tall woman wearing what appeared to be a dressing-gown. Her long blond hair hung limply around her shoulders like an old shawl. Her porcelain face was a blank canvas.

  With an elegant fountain pen perched nimbly between her manicured fingers, she was engrossed in the contents of an enormous leather-bound book.

  “Hello, Miss Grimm, I am so very pleased to make your acquaintance.” Alice-Miranda skipped around to the other side of the desk and held out her tiny hand.

  Miss Grimm peered over the top of her very stylish spectacles. She stared at Alice-Miranda as though she were some kind of nasty stain.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Grimm. I couldn’t stop her.” Miss Higgins stood behind Alice-Miranda, ready to scoop her up and take her away.

  “Hello, Miss Grimm, my name is Alice-Miranda Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones and I have just started here today. Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale is quite the most beautiful school in the world but there are a few things I need to talk to you about most urgently. In fact, I’ve been worried ever since I arrived that there was something not quite right, and just a few moments ago I think I realized what the matter is. It’s most important that we talk right away.”

  Miss Grimm did not say a word. Alice-Miranda smiled and waited … for just a moment.

  “I am so sorry. I can see that you are not ready for visitors this morning, so I will go away and come back a little later when you have had time to dress and finish your cup of tea. I have some work to do with Jacinta Headlington-Bear, which I can tell you all about later. What about two p.m.? That’s marvelous. Thank you so much for your time, Miss Grimm. It really is a pleasure to meet you and you should be very proud of this beautiful school.”

  And with that, Alice-Miranda turned on her heel and skipped back from where she came. Miss Higgins rushed after her and hurriedly closed the doors.

  Miss Grimm had not said a word during the entire exchange. It appeared that she was completely dumbstruck.

  Alice-Miranda was weary. It had indeed been a very busy morning and she still had to help Jacinta with her homework. She hurried back to her room to give Brummel a full briefing.

  Then she used the phone in the common room to call her parents.

  “Oh, darling heart, you’ve changed your mind?” It was fortunate that Alice-Miranda couldn’t see the smile on her father’s face. “You can be back with us in a blink,” he cooed. “I’ll send Cyril and Birdy right away.”

  “Silly Daddy. I’m having a marvelous time. I have met loads of interesting people and it really is the most amazing place. But there are a few things I’ve noticed and I was wondering if perhaps you could help?”

  “Of course, darling—I’ll send the builders right away,” said her father.

  “No, Daddy. I don’t need the builders. But I was wondering if perhaps you could spare Mrs. Oliver for a little while.”

  “Oh, don’t tell me the food is awful?” her father moaned.

  “Not at all. Cook, whose real name is Mrs. Smith, made the most delicious brownies I have ever tasted. And you know, she might even somehow be related to Mummy’s side of the family, seeing as Mummy’s a Highton-Smith and I suppose a long time ago someone was just a Smith.

  “Anyway, Mrs. Smith has two delicious grand-children who live all the way over the sea in America and can you believe that she has never been to visit them?”

  “That’s terrible. Why ever not?” Alice-Miranda’s father replied.

  “Well, I asked her the same thing and she said that Miss Grimm doesn’t let her take holidays because there would be no one to cook her dinners.”

  “That’s a little bit selfish.” Her father’s voice frowned down the phone line.

  “That’s exactly what I said. So I was wondering if you could spare Mrs. Oliver, just for a couple of weeks.”

  “I’ll have to check with Mummy, but I think that should be positively wonderful. We’re heading off to the town house for some business and I’m sure Dolly would enjoy a change of scenery.”

  “Oh, thank you, Daddy. You are the best. And please tell Mummy I love her too and I will talk to you both in a little while. And don’t worry—Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale is everything I expected and so much more.” And with that Alice-Miranda hung up the telephone, hugged Brummel Bear and set off to meet Jacinta.

  At exactly five minutes to two, Alice-Miranda left a smiling Jacinta Headlington-Bear to finish the last sentences of a quite astonishing project on endangered African elephants. She headed back to the office for her meeting with Miss Grimm.

  Miss Higgins’s door was closed. But propped against it was a letter addressed in beautiful script to Miss Alice-Miranda Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones.

  Alice-Miranda loved to receive letters and this was her second of the day. She was surprised anyone had had time to write to her, since she had only left home that morning—but she was pleased nevertheless. She opened the envelope carefully and pulled the fine notepaper from inside. Her tiny fingers unfolded the sheet. It read:

  Miss Alice-Miranda Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones

  Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale Academy for Proper Young Ladies

  Waddlington Lane

  Winchesterfield via Downsfordvale

  Dear Miss Highton-Smith-Kennington-Jones,

  Thank you for your interest in speaking with Miss Grimm today at two p.m. Unfortunately Miss Grimm is otherwise engaged and will not be able to see you today or any other day. Her time is precious and the matters of students are not something with which she cares to acquaint herself. Please do not attempt to enter Miss Grimm’s study now or at any other time. The door is quite firmly locked.

  I am your most obedient servant,

  Miss Louella Higgins

  Personal Secretary to the Headmistress

  Winchesterfield-Downsfordvale Academy for Proper Young Ladies

  Alice-Miranda was puzzled. Miss Grimm hadn’t objected to the meeting time when she had suggested it. She supposed headmistresses had lots of important things to do, and if Miss Grimm was unavailable, Alice-Miranda would have to try again tomorrow. In the meantime, there were so many people who needed her help that Miss Grimm would just have to wait for now.

  Alice-Miranda ran back to the house and called her parents again. This time her mother answered the phone. After a few minutes’ conversation, a plan was in place. It seemed that everything was going to work out beautifully for Mrs. Smith after all.

  Alice-Miranda skipped off toward the kitchen. She
had to tell Mrs. Smith to pack her things. Mrs. Oliver would be arriving soon and Cook should be ready to head off immediately.

  “Hello, Mrs. Smith.” Alice-Miranda peered around the kitchen door. Cook was stirring an enormous pot, from which the most mouthwatering smell wafted. Alice-Miranda’s nostrils twitched as she tried to work out exactly what was simmering away so temptingly. “My goodness, that smells delicious.”

  Mrs. Smith turned and smiled at Alice-Miranda—a warm smile that few students had ever seen.

  “I’ve been to see Miss Grimm. I thought we could have a lovely chat and get you off on a holiday. But she wasn’t available and so I haven’t spoken to her after all.”

  “Thank you for trying, miss.” A tear welled in the corner of Cook’s eye. She brushed it with the back of her hand. “Must be the onions I was chopping.” She took a deep breath and pursed her lips together tightly.

  “Don’t be sad, Mrs. Smith. I’ve fixed things, and I can just tell Miss Grimm later. I’m sure she won’t mind in the least. Mrs. Oliver will be here in a little while, and then Daddy has arranged for you to be picked up and taken to the airport so that you can go on our plane to the United States straight away. The plane has to go over for some special refitting, so it’s not the slightest bother at all. But you’ll need to pack your suitcase immediately.”

  Cook’s hands were trembling. “But I can’t leave without Miss Grimm’s approval. I’ll lose my job.” She looked decidedly pale.

  “No, of course you won’t. Miss Grimm is only worried that if you’re not here there’ll be no one to cook her dinners. Isn’t that right?” Alice-Miranda asked with a frown.

  “Well, that’s what I’ve always been told,” Cook replied. “Who’s Mrs. Oliver?”