Half Past Mourning

by Fleeta Cunningham

  ****

  Peter was correct. Nina did find common interests with the people who gathered around the oval pool in the late afternoon. Professor Millican and his wife expressed delight that Peter had brought his “new friend” to the gathering and made Nina welcome. Trays of appetizers and iced drinks filled tables around the pool area and small clusters of people in playsuits and beach wear made bright spots of tropical color under the striped awnings. Guests spoke the language of teachers—textbooks, attendance, curriculum, and administrative ills—regardless of the level they were teaching. Frank curiosity lingered in the faces of the people Peter introduced to her. A few managed to ask thinly veiled questions about where they met, how long they had been seeing each other, all of which Nina sidestepped with a smile. Peter might have to face an inquisition from his colleagues, but Nina felt no such obligation.

  The heat of the evening built, and slowly the guests began to find relief from the late sun in the shaded lounge chairs around the pool. At Peter’s suggestion, she unbuttoned the skirt covering her suit and sat on the edge of the pool splashing bare feet in the water, though she decided not to swim. The silky coolness rippled over her skin and spattered her legs and arms, but she felt a little hesitant about mingling too closely with Peter’s colleagues.

  “You look like a mermaid sitting there with your feet in the water.” Peter dropped down beside her, splashing a palm full of water over his face and throat.

  “I could find it in my heart to envy the people who have their own pool.”

  “Professor Millican is quite taken with you, Nina. You may have raised my standing with him just by gracing his event. Said you were a pip and I’d better keep you around.”

  “A pip?”

  “So he said.” Peter leaned on one knee and turned away from the edge of the pool to look behind her. “It looks like things are breaking up. Probably we’re safe to leave in a bit.”

  “I’ve enjoyed it, but the snacks are wearing thin. Dinner would be good, but I didn’t bring a change of clothes and I’m not dressed to go anywhere.”

  “I have a couple of steaks at my place,” Peter suggested. “And you’re dressed well enough to go there. Besides, you have that skirt thing if you feel self-conscious.”

  “Dinner at your place?” Nina shook her damp curls loose and considered the suggestion. “Is that an invitation or a request to help with the cooking?”

  Peter laughed. “Both,” he confessed. “I can grill a steak as well as anybody, but I could use some help with the salad and whatever else we have. There’s a nice bottle of red wine stuck up in the cabinet. I’ve been waiting for an excuse to open it.”

  Dinner at Peter’s house? The temptation to see where and how he lived was strong. And she was hungry. They couldn’t go anywhere dressed for a pool party, him in shorts and her in a play suit and little else.

  “A steak and a glass of wine sound like just the ticket. Thank you for suggesting it.”

  They lingered long enough to see the last heat of the evening fading into sunset. Nina buttoned her swirling skirt over her suit and fluffed her curls with her fingers. Bidding the host and hostess good evening, she and Peter returned to the waiting T‑Bird and left the elegant house on the outskirts of Pueblo. For once, being in the car didn’t bring back memories of Danny or the times they’d shared. Nina felt free of the past, at least for the moment.

  “My place isn’t much,” Peter told her. “I took what I could get when I came here. It belongs to one of the other faculty members, and I was lucky to get it. Faculty housing is something of a problem. It’s a nice enough house but doesn’t have much in the way of style.”

  “You know, I’ve lived in my house all my life. It’s exactly the way my mother left it the last day she was there. It’s comfortable, but I don’t really pay much attention to it. I suppose one of these days I’ll have to think about painting, or putting up new wallpaper, or changing something, but not till I’m forced to deal with it. Guess I’d rather talk cars with Uncle Eldon than discuss curtain patterns with the girls.”

  “A true tomboy, aren’t you?” Peter’s voice held a smile.

  “All the way through,” Nina agreed. “But I can cook. Mother insisted that I had to be able to do a little around the house, though I spent most of my time with Dad and my uncle. I knew more about cars and racing than I did about dolls and playing house.”

  “Ever think you’d get married, have kids, be a wife and mother?”

  Nina shook her head. “I guess I always thought I’d marry Danny, but we didn’t plan to have children. He said he didn’t want to pass on to them any of the health problems he had. I don’t know if that was what he really wanted or whether he just didn’t like the idea of having children around. He was good with the youngsters who came to the museum, in a sort of big-brother way, but he never wanted kids of his own. So I’d be a wife, I thought, but not a mother. No babies, not even kittens or puppies to raise, because of his allergies.”

  Peter didn’t comment, but his frown was as eloquent as words. In the fading light, he pulled the car into a driveway beside a small cottage. Its stone exterior and red trim were neat but a little shabby. Nina climbed out of the low car and pushed aside an overgrown bush to reach the porch. Peter opened the door and held it for her to enter.

  The furniture, mixed styles but sturdy and utilitarian, ran to beige and forest green. The kitchen, a dark little closet of a room, had only the most basic of equipment. Peter prepared the steaks as Nina used a corner of the table and a battered knife to cut and peel salad vegetables. In spite of the limitations, she enjoyed making and sharing dinner with Peter. He regaled her with stories of his adventures as an army brat and the instigator of pranks and misbehavior that gave his parents nightmares for years.

  A pensive silence fell as Nina compared her upbringing with the antics of Peter and his brothers. Having siblings must be nice, she mused, and felt she’d missed something in being an only child.

  “You’re awfully quiet, Nina.” Peter reached across the table to take her hand.

  “You and your brothers had some memorable times together.”

  Peter turned her palm up and ran one finger across it. “You did, too, Nina. Spending time with your uncle was something unique. He’s a famous guy, a legend in his field. That’s a pretty special relationship, not one many people can claim.”

  Nina agreed. “I guess it was unusual, a little girl and a world-class race driver. He’s always been my best friend. I wouldn’t trade that for anything, not even to have brothers and sisters.”

  A spell of silence fell between them again until Peter broke it. “You’re coming to the end of this long, dark night, Nina. We don’t have all the answers, may never have all of them, but you’re beginning to come out of the cocoon, little butterfly, and spread your wings.” He drew his chair closer. “I can’t tell you how proud I am of you, seeing you every day become more and more the person you were meant to be. I don’t know many people who could face the uncertainty, the long, empty days, with the kind of courage you have.”

  He stopped to fold her hand over his. “I love you, Nina. I know you can’t make promises or even think about the future until all of this is settled somehow. Whether you ever learn Danny’s fate or just have to go on and make your life without knowing, you’re going to be a strong and happy woman. I want to be part of that future, Nina. I want you with me for the rest of our lives. I know you won’t make that commitment now, but I’d like to know, sweetheart, that you care for me a little. At least a little?”

  Doubt and confusion had filled Nina each time she tried to sort out her feelings for Peter. So many times she’d asked herself the same thing. Did she love Peter? Did she respond to his touch only because she was a woman who’d been alone too long? Were loneliness and the empty place in her life the only reasons she turned to him so quickly? She stared down at the table between them for a long moment.

  “Sometimes I think I must love you, Peter. And then..
.then I remember how I felt about Danny, or I think I remember, and I try to decide if the way I feel about you is like the feelings I had for him. And they’re not. It’s totally different. So I’m all mixed up. Can I love you and not know it? Or maybe I don’t know what love is. When I was seventeen, I knew, absolutely knew, I was in love with Danny Wilson. Now I don’t know if I loved him or just had the habit of thinking I did.” Miserable with the confusion that threatened to swamp her, Nina looked up at Peter. “So the answer to your question is that I don’t know. I’m not even sure I know what love between a man and a woman feels like.”

  “What does it feel like, love between a man and a woman?” Peter pulled her to her feet and swept her up in his arms. “It feels like this, Nina.” His lips caught hers in a kiss almost savage in its intensity.

  Powerful steps propelled them into a bedroom where Peter deposited her on the bed. Long and lean, he stretched beside her, his arms holding her against him. Tight blue shorts hid nothing of his arousal, and she could feel the hardness of him against her.

  “Peter!” Her protest wavered and died with his flaming kiss. He held her captive, long fingers of one hand tangling her curls, the other holding her wrists confined, as he kissed her again, deeply, lighting fires within her that consumed her thoughts. He was the sole reality, the only solid thing in a world that was spinning out of control.

  “What does love feel like between a man and a woman, darling? It feels like heaven, it burns like hell, and it sweeps away everything that tries to stop it.” His hand roamed slowly down through her hair, caressed her neck, and lit small flames as his fingertips stroked the curve of her breast. “Can you love me, Nina? Do you? Will you let yourself?”

  Nina stared into the stormy depths of his grey eyes and knew, knew at last, what he meant. “I do love you, Peter. Oh, I do, I do. I didn’t know it until this minute, but I do.” She buried her face against his shoulder, clinging, holding, afraid to let go.

  His lips touched her forehead, her eyelids, the curve of her neck. She arched up to him, reveling in his touch, the heat of his body, the power in his kiss.

  “I want you, Nina. Want to touch you, hold you, feel myself inside you.”

  She swallowed hard, facing her own needs and desires. “I...I want that, too,” she whispered.

  “I know.” He brushed his fingers through her hair again. “I know, sweetheart, and it’s going to happen. But not tonight, not now, and not like this. We’ll have all the nights of the world and all the reasons to make our love complete, but not just yet. When you know you’re free to give yourself to me, and when I know that nothing can come between us, then it’s going to be right.”

  Trembling in his arms, Nina felt the fire of desire building. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” she protested.

  “It’s not going to be easy, is it? Not for either one of us.” He pulled away. “I shouldn’t have started this, and I know it. But you were tormenting yourself, tearing yourself apart with doubt, getting to the place where you didn’t have any faith in your ability to make choices or judgments. And when you said you didn’t know what love between a man and a woman felt like, I had to do something. Maybe I went too far, maybe I unleashed the wildcat in you. I may have been premature, but by heaven, I’m glad to know that wildcat is there. And before I do all the things I want to do with you, I think I’d better get you home.”

  “Drive me home, walk me to the door, and give me a goodnight kiss like a proper gentleman?”

  “Drive you home, walk you to the door, sure, but I think you’ve had enough kissing for one night. There’s a temptress behind that schoolmarm smile of yours, young lady, and I’m not foolish enough to let it loose again tonight.”

  Chapter 18

  Nina lived the spectrum of emotions for the rest of the week. One moment she was in a state of bliss—she loved Peter, loved him in a way she’d never experienced before, could only think of a lifetime spent in his arms. The next minute her heart plummeted as she remembered she wasn’t free to plan any kind of future, not until she talked with Danny’s lawyers or someone found out what had happened when Danny walked away from the church. It could be that the question might never have a satisfactory answer. Where would that leave her? Nina had thought the questions that whirled in her mind were perplexing enough when she was unsure of her feelings for Peter. Now that she knew the power and reality of love, the confusion only ran deeper.

  By Friday, the day of the car show, she’d made a dozen plans, come to a compendium of conclusions, only to discard each one.

  “I can’t deal with this today, Sinbad,” she told the indifferent cat. His bowl was full and a nice cushion on the porch was waiting for him. Human problems were too insignificant to disturb a well-earned catnap. “I have to go get the Princess and bring her down for the judging,” Nina was saying. “I’ll be driving Unc’s pickup and pulling the trailer. I can’t let my mind go wandering toward a certain redheaded professor while I’m behind the wheel. Uncle Eldon would have me drawn and quartered if anything went amiss at this point.” She glanced back in time to see her audience slip through the open window and settle on the cushion in the yellow rocking chair on the porch. “I guess that tells me how trivial my problems and I are. Thanks, cat. I’ll remember your concern when I buy cat food next time. See if I indulge your taste for lamb kidney anymore.”

  Nina pulled on a worn pair of jeans and a faded shirt. She’d have to dress up, wear the pretty flapper dress and high heels, for the rally on the next day. For ferrying the car from the museum to the courthouse square, she didn’t need to make a fashionable appearance. Tennis shoes and a ball cap would do for this event. Catching up the keys to her woody, she started for the door. Half an hour to get to the museum and check out the Princess, another hour or so to trundle the ancient lady to her spot in the contest area, and then home, Nina told herself. As soon as I can get the Isotta out of the trailer and squared away, get her set up for the show, I’m finished. I can just come home, maybe make a toasted cheese sandwich, and look over possible routes for the rally. It won’t take any time to get back... Nina’s thoughts stopped cold. Have time to look over the rally routes? Not a chance!

  She’d have to stay with the car until the judging was over, sometime late in the evening. The priceless machine couldn’t be left where strangers could touch or possibly damage the restored masterpiece. She hurried to the living room and reached for the phone.

  “Peter? I have a small dilemma.” Chagrined at her own failure to plan, she outlined her problem in as few words as she could manage.

  “So you’re going to be babysitting your uncle’s car till the car show closes this evening? And it’s hot, you won’t be able to leave, and would somebody who has your best interests at heart see you have a break now and then and get food and drink to you once in a while? Is that the question, sweetheart?”

  She took his teasing in stride. “Something like that. You did want to see the car show, didn’t you? There will be a great collection of the classics, Duesenbergs to Morgans, and all well worth seeing. Can you help me out?”

  His soft laugh at the other end of the wire suggested the plan met with his approval. “I didn’t realize you’d have to do the show by yourself, Nina, but it won’t be any hardship to help. I can meet you at the courthouse square in an hour or so. Do I need to bring you anything? A cooler? Some soft drinks?”

  Nina envisioned the long hot hours ahead. “A cooler? That would be heaven. Thanks for thinking of it. I’ll see you downtown as soon as I can get the Princess into her tiara and on the road.”

  After thanking Peter again, Nina hurried back to her bedroom. The faded jeans and shirt wouldn’t do for the show. She couldn’t look like a ragamuffin if she was representing her uncle and the museum. Bad public appearance didn’t draw customers to the collection, and at least part of the reason for showing the Isotta, outside of Eldon Lassiter’s pride in owning the elegant classic, was to bring more visitors to the place. She opene
d the door to her closet and gave a hasty look at the garments hanging inside. Something that wouldn’t be suffocating in the July heat, something that would look as good at the end of the day as it did in the morning, she told herself, and slid hangers along the rack.

  A day outside in the July sun is no place to wear a frilly, full skirt and petticoats. No, people may still have some kind of prejudice against women in pants, but I think that’s the only practical thing to wear for this event. Nina pushed the skirts farther down the closet bar and glanced at the slacks and capri pants. That will do nicely. She unfastened a pair of pale blue capris from the hanger and searched for the print blouse she usually wore with them. Both were lightweight cotton, freshly washed and ironed. The crisp top was thin enough to be cool but not so thin it would need something under it. With a pair of navy sandals, Nina would be as comfortable as weather permitted.

  By the time she’d changed clothes and put her station wagon on the road, Nina could see crowds gathering for the parade. To get the Princess into place before the parade held her up, she’d have to hurry. For once the only traffic light in town blinked in her favor, and she pushed the speed limit more than a little to reach the museum promptly.

  “Cut it a little close, didn’t you, Snookie?” Eldon Lassiter had the doors to the Isotta’s private bay open and was tucking a chamois and some clean diapers into the trunk. The trailer and pickup blocked most of the rest of the shop.

  “Just didn’t get away as quick as I planned,” Nina answered. She wasn’t about to confess to being so distracted by her feelings for Peter she’d forgotten the most basic details of the car show event.

  “No matter.” Uncle Eldon turned his chair and rolled to the front of the bay. “We’re going to show them a car they won’t forget. Won’t hurt to have everything else in place when the Princess comes to town. Royalty expects to make an entrance.” He shot a quick glance at Nina. “You got that boy Peter coming to help you out, or do I need to send Ron along with you?”