“I said, I’m done. I love you, more than my own life, but you lied to me. I asked you if there was anything going on I should know about. You said no. You downright fucking lied to me.”
His footsteps echo off the floor, the slamming of his bedroom door mixing with Shannon’s sobs. My knees shake and as they give out, Sorina wraps her arms around my waist.
“Mom,” she sobs. “Mom, stand up.”
“Let me go, Sorina,” I breathe.
“No. Stay with me, Mom. Please.”
“Let go, Sori. Please.”
Samuel pulls her away and I sink to the floor. Tears finally breakthrough, running down my face. Blake kneels in front of me as sobs rack my body. He grips his knees. If he touches me, I might kill him.
God, everything hurts.
“Carmen, James, Teresa . . . you all need to go. Let us take care of this,” Sammi whispers from somewhere off to my left.
“No, we’re staying with my son and Lily,” James says forcefully.
“Dad,” Blake chokes through his tears. “Just go.”
“Son . . .”
“Go.”
When I left a year ago, I wanted nothing more than to come back to him. To be a family with him and Sorina and have all the things denied to me since childhood. All my fears have come crashing down on me, and my lungs won’t let the air get through. The tears pool on my lips.
Deep down, I’ve always known I was never good enough to hold him. I’ve known it from the first moment he kissed me. Now, Maria is giving him the one thing I never will— a child of his own, one of his flesh and blood. Sorina is heaven-sent, but it’s not like creating a child.
Blake cups my face, and I slap his hands away, scrambling to my feet. A shotgun blast to the chest would feel better than this. He stands, moving toward me as my feet shuffle back.
“Lily, please,” he cries.
I take a deep breath, pulling the pain inside and swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m moving into the spare room. When this assignment is over, I’ll be gone. You can raise your new family in peace.”
“Lily, no. You’re my family.”
“No,” I say walking around him toward the bedroom. “I know you. Your past won’t let you abandon your child, and I can’t be with you and watch you raise a baby with . . . her. It’s over, Blake.”
“Mom, please. I need you,” Sorina yells.
“You’re old enough to make your own choices, Sori. When the time comes, you decide. I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I can’t do this.”
As the sobs threaten to overtake me again, I dart into the bedroom and slam the door, pressing my back against it. Something dark snaps inside me, as I sink to the floor, my body giving out, and my mind giving up.
†††
~Dresden~
Everything from the bedroom fits into four duffle bags. Carrying them into the main room, Blake and Shannon stand with the rest of the team and that evil bitch, talking in low voices. Lily is nowhere to be found. She needs time to herself, but tomorrow, we’re talking about this, even if she doesn’t want to.
How could Blake be so fucking stupid? And Shannon . . .
I drop my bags by the table, startling them. They spin in my direction, my arms crossing over my chest. Shannon’s face is soaked with tears, and I want so badly to hold her, but can’t. Lying to me was the biggest mistake she ever could’ve made.
People have lied to me my entire life. Mother, father, friends, Jax . . . Lily. It took everything in me to forgive her and had it not been for her circumstances, her past, I never would’ve let those lies go. I can’t let this go. Shannon’s the only person who’s captured my heart in a long time, and this . . . shattered it.
She walks over to me, her eyes cloudy and full of pain. “Dresden, can we talk? Please?”
“There’s nothing to say, Shannon.”
“Baby, please. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. But . . . I didn’t want to be in the middle of it. I love Lily, too, but Blake is my brother.”
“This isn’t about them. This is about us. Do you know how I ended up with this unit?”
Her eyes widen, mouth dropping open slightly. “No.”
I take a ragged breath. “I joined Interpol when I was twenty. My wife at the time, stayed in Hamburg while I traveled for the unit I worked for at the time.”
“I didn’t know you were married before.”
“She was my high school sweetheart, love of my life. For the first five years, I got to go home once a year and be with her. I missed the birth of all three of my children. Then, after a bad mission, I came home early to surprise her and found her in bed with my best friend. To top it all off, he was the father of the children I thought were mine.”
“Dresden, I . . .”
“Don’t. I don’t want or need your sympathy. Lying to me is the one thing I can’t let go. Not after a lifetime of being lied to. I love you. I will always love you, but I can’t do this.”
“Dresden,” Vlad says striding forward as I pick up my bags.
“Rattlesnake, don’t. When this shit is over, I’m putting in for a transfer. I’m done with the HTT. This unit, despite its issues, used to mean something. We used to trust each other.”
I walk out the front door and make for the guest building. My heart aches and the need for Shannon grows as I drop my bags inside the door. Flicking on the light, the room is minimal at best. Queen sized bed, dresser, bathroom, and television. I flop down face first on the mattress and let exhaustion take hold.
This shit is going to suck so fucking bad, it makes killing the Taurus seem like child’s play.
9
~Lily~
It’s been two days and it’s as if nothing has sunk in. I keep repeating the words that bitch said in my head, willing them to go away, for all this to be some nightmare. It’s not, and my heart is shattered worse now than it ever was from the ring. Air doesn’t pass through my lungs right, my chest aches as if someone dug out the center of my being and poured grain alcohol in the wound. Fire and brimstone don’t have shit on this . . . this is true hell.
Thunder shakes the house, calling to the dark pit within me. Without Blake, there’s been no light to fight it off and I’m tired of trying. We never should’ve come back. A whole year spent killing, in hopes of a future with Blake and Shannon, and Dresden and I have nothing to show for it.
The lightning illuminates the living room as I tiptoe through it to my new bedroom. It’s time to let this pain go— the only way I know how. The flogger slips from my duffle bag, the metal hooks jingling slightly as I hold it at my side. Branding myself isn’t enough to overcome the pain radiating through me . . . but this might.
The rain pounds against the overhang as I step onto the porch, covering the thump of the front door closing. The clearing is a black abyss, lit only by the scattered lightning. I hardly feel the moisture as I shuffle down the steps making my way to the training area.
I want to forget everything.
Our reunion at the hospital, our first night here, the day I met him, the first time he made love to me . . . I let the memories take over, driving me further into madness. Physical pain is the only thing that’ll take this away. Stopping in the center of the training area, the flogger is lead in my hand. I drop it next to me and peel my soaked shirt over my head, letting it fall to the ground.
Picking the flogger up, I crack my neck, whipping the suede fronds against the ground, testing their strength. The hooks dig up the dirt like a till through a garden. If this doesn’t overcome the devastation, nothing but death will.
There isn’t much to live for now anyway.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I whip the flogger over my shoulder. The hooks dig into my flesh and I bite my bottom lip, suppressing a scream. My lids open, battling against the rain as I lash myself again. Black spots dance in my vision as the hooks tear the skin just under my bra strap.
I scream, falling to one knee, my heart racing, pushing back the sick visions of Blake tou
ching Maria . . . loving her. Again, the hooks connect, a scream erupts, and the rain washes blood down my back onto my jeans. New darkness creeps in, mixing with the one already consuming me.
Images of Blake and me, him and Maria, and my years in the ring dance through my mind. Without thinking, I push to my feet and bring the flogger to my skin repeatedly, screaming with the thunder shaking the earth each time.
It feels good to scream.
I swing the flogger, gaining momentum. The last should be the worst to drive the images from my mind at least for tonight. I whip it back, a deep, guttural growl reaching my ears as the clinking of metal resounds before connecting with my flesh. The flogger rips from my hand, spinning me around. A large figure looms in front of me, my heart all but stops. Strong arms dart out and pull me toward it, sobs erupting from my throat.
“Stop this, Lily. It isn’t worth it,” Dresden whispers, his breath hot and calming against my ear as we sink into the mud.
“Let. Me. Go,” I say between heaves.
“No. I care about you too much to let you do this.”
No one cares about me. If they do, it won’t stay that way. Blake proved that the moment he chose that whore over me.
“Let me go, please,” I beg.
“Never.”
He stands, scooping me into his arms. The flashes of the storm light the way as he walks toward the guesthouse. Dresden moved out here when all hell broke loose. He shouldn’t be taking care of me. He’s just as broken over Shannon as I am over Blake.
†††
~Dresden~
Lily shakes as I set her on the edge of my bed. She’s gone quiet— her eyes empty as I’ve never seen them. Blake has no idea what he’s done, but in the morning, he will. Gently, I lean over her, examining her back. She split herself open pretty bad. I dab the blood away with a towel, careful not to wipe the wounds. She doesn’t even wince.
I grab a can of topical anesthetic from my bag and spray her down with it.
“How’s that feel?”
“Fine,” she mutters, emotionless.
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I cup her face in my hands. Her skin’s damp and soft, stirring something inside me it shouldn’t.
“You can’t do this to yourself. I know it hurts, baby, but you’re stronger than this.”
Tears build in her eyes, shining in the dim light of my room. “I don’t want to be strong anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore.”
My chest heaves with pain seeing her like this . . . this broken. I never realized how much I cared for her until now. She’s always been so negative about herself, situations like this bringing all those bad thoughts home, making them more intense and more real. It’s a wonder she didn’t kill herself years ago.
“Hey, you’re better than this. You know that.” Leaning forward, I press my forehead against hers, shifting my hand to cup her neck.
She smells good.
Sniffling, she runs her hand across my shoulder. “I just want a way to forget.”
“So, do I,” I whisper.
Her skin is freezing from the rain, but somehow warmth radiates off her, washing over me. Lily tilts her head up and her lips brush against mine.
“Lil,” I whisper, massaging her neck.
She leans forward, gently pressing her lips to mine, and they’re so soft and warm. It’s wrong and we shouldn’t do this. We’re both hurt, on the rebound, and trying to forget, but my body aches to touch her. I’ve never really thought of Lily in this way, but she’s beautiful and the only thing on my mind is stopping her pain.
Cupping her face with my other hand, I deepen the kiss, possessing her mouth with mine, and I press my body flush against hers. My tongue caresses hers, my erection pressing hard against my jeans, and she moans softly.
She pulls back, gazing at me, searching for something, and I wish I could read her mind. Lily was broken when I first met her, but the despair in her eyes now is worse than it was even then. All the muscles in my stomach clench as she bites her bottom lip.
She really has no idea how beautiful she is.
“I know it’s wrong, but I want to make love to you,” I say in a hushed tone.
Her breathing hitches and my heart beats in my ears like a war drum. “Yes.”
Keeping her eyes on mine, she grabs the hem of my shirt, her fingers skimming my skin. I gasp, and she pulls my shirt over my head, dropping it next to the bed. Standing, I pull her up with me, my fingertips trailing across her stomach just above her waistband. She shivers, making my erection twitch.
I try to steady my breathing as I unbutton her jeans and drop back to my knees, sliding the denim down her legs. She grasps my shoulder, steadying herself as she steps out of them. She’s not wearing anything underneath. Gazing up at her, I kiss her softly at the apex of her thigh. Her lips part, her face turning slightly red.
Grinning, keeping my eyes on her, I kiss the other side, lashing my tongue against her skin. She moans, running her nails across my jaw. Her skin is like silk as my hands run up the back of her legs, kneading her as my tongue moves back across her skin.
“Dresden,” she whimpers.
Smiling against her skin, I trail kisses up her stomach, between her breasts, to her neck. She tilts her head, her fingers popping the button of my jeans. My teeth graze her earlobe, my fingers unhooking her bra and trailing across her back, the smoothness disrupted by her scars and new wounds from tonight.
“You’re beautiful, Lily. You always have been.”
She presses her lips to my collarbone as her hand slides inside my jeans, steadily grasping my erection.
“Oh, god,” I moan as she moves her hand up and down my shaft, pushing me to a place I really shouldn’t go with her.
She removes her hand and pushes my jeans and boxers from my hips, letting them fall to the floor. Her breathing is erratic, coming in puffs from her lips. Desire and need flood my body as I claim her mouth with mine, tangling my fingers in her hair and pulling her against me.
She wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me back with force. I walk forward until her legs press against the bed. Keeping my lips against hers, we sink onto the mattress. Kneeling between her legs, I kiss down her neck, across her collarbone to her breasts. Her back arches as I take her nipple into my mouth, teasing it with my tongue.
She tastes heavenly.
Moans and simpers escape her lips, hardening my erection further, as I move to her other breast, sucking and teasing her. Her legs tighten against me, her hips rising as she tries to find friction. She’s wet and wanting— it takes all my self-control not to bury myself in her.
“Please,” she begs as I move my lips back to hers.
“Look at me, Lily,” I whisper, my voice husky.
Our eyes lock and I sink into her, very slowly, my arms shaking with the effort to restrain myself. She cries out softly, raising her hips again, her nails digging into my biceps.
“Dres,” she moans, throwing her head back as I pull out and sink into her again.
I can’t hold back any longer. This is wrong on so many levels, but my ability to give a fuck seems to have disappeared. Hitching her legs up, the back of her knees suspended against the crooks of my elbows, I rear back and slam into her, hard.
She screams, trying to arch her body to meet mine. My desire takes over, our rhythm quickening. My release is getting close and her legs tense as she continues to moan and simper, begging me with her body.
Leaning down, pushing her legs up further, I press my lips to hers, gently biting her bottom lip. She clasps her hands around my neck as I continue to slam into her.
“I’m going to come, Lily.”
She scraps her nails down my back, and we both convulse, succumbing to energy-draining orgasms at the same time. I growl against her lips, stilling finally, my breathing ragged, my heart beating furiously. Slowly, I pull out of her and shift to lie beside her, pulling her into my arms.
She nuzzles against my chest, wrapping her arm arou
nd me. I should feel guilty, but I don’t. She’s my best friend, my solace, and deep down, I love her. It’s not being in love, not like with Shannon. It’s different, but it’s there.
“Thank you,” she whispers, her breath tickling my skin.
I chuckle. “I’ve never had a woman thank me for sex.”
She chuckles and it’s musical. It’s been over a year since that sound has come from her. “I wasn’t thanking you for the sex.”
“What were you thanking me for then?”
“For being here. For not giving up.”
I place my finger under her chin and tip her head up, forcing her to look at me. Leaning down, I plant a soft kiss on her lips. She runs her fingers across my cheek, cupping the side of my face.
“I needed comfort tonight and so did you. I’ll always be here, Lily. You mean more to me than you know. You and Blake will work this out, you belong with him, and I belong with Shannon. But right now, we’re both hurting. No one else calms me the way you do, Lil.” I kiss her again. “I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do come tomorrow. But I do know that I love you, in my own way. And I’ll move heaven and earth to keep you out of the darkness.”
She smiles and gently kisses my neck. Closing her eyes, she sighs and nuzzles against me. I let my lids fall closed, lightly trailing my fingers across her hip.
“I love you too, Dresden.”
10
~Lily~
Pain radiates through my back as I roll over. Dresden curls his arms around me, his finger trailing lightly across my forehead. My eyes flutter open, moonlight illuminating Dresden’s face. He’s propped on his elbow, pain shimmering in his irises, which almost glow in the light. Softly, I cup the side of his face, barely feeling his skin.
Agony is the only thing registering in my brain. Physical, emotional, everything at once pulling me down into a place I don’t want to go. We’ve been back a month, barely, and everything that kept us going for the last year has turned into nothing short of a nightmare. Dresden leans forward, pressing his lips to my temple.
The Gallows at Midnight Page 7
