His by Christmas

by Teresa Southwick

  “Let’s drink to that.” Amy held up her glass and the rest of them tapped theirs against it. “But without a regular paycheck, isn’t it a little scary? You’ll be on your own.”

  “No.” Justine had been on her own for a while now. Then Cal had infiltrated her heart. Look how that turned out. Alone was better. She’d handled it once and could do it again. Now that she was out of his office there wouldn’t be any danger of running into him unexpectedly. That thought should have been a relief, but it was just sad. Then it sank in that her friend had asked a business question, not a personal one. “I’ve got a financial plan carefully worked out by my accountant.”

  “That’s so exciting,” Mary said.

  Funny, Justine had anticipated this moment being much more exhilarating than it was turning out to be. But now her life was defined by before the island and after. Since coming home, everything felt dull and drab. It didn’t feel as if there was anything to look forward to. Not like at the villa when she couldn’t wait to see Cal for coffee in the morning and the day was bright and shiny with promise. The prospect of a whole day with him for work and meals stretched in front of her.

  She’d gone to the mat on not working overtime, but she would give almost anything to break that rule now and spend as much time with him as possible. Then she wouldn’t have to put on a happy face because genuine joy would fill her and would show on the outside.

  “You are excited, right?” Mary asked the question but all three were giving her funny looks.

  She put her happy face firmly in place because anything else would require an explanation and she wasn’t willing to talk about what was wrong. “This is a dream come true for me. Of course I’m excited.”

  “Okay. Good. It was hard to tell for a second there,” Amy said.

  “I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Of course.” Sherry nodded enthusiastically. “There must be a million things to do.”

  “Probably more like two million,” Justine agreed. “And tomorrow is step one.”

  The other three fell into a conversation about the upside of having a friend in the fitness business, discounted rates on classes and nutrition counseling. Justine listened and interjected when appropriate. The women laughed when they were supposed to so she was pretty sure the right words came out of her mouth. But her thoughts kept wandering to Cal and his determination to avoid marriage. If only he had an open mind. Without that there was no point in investing time and energy.

  Unexpectedly, tears stung her eyes. This was supposed to be a happy send-off for her, and letting her friends see that she wasn’t in a celebratory mood couldn’t happen.

  She dipped her head and told them, “I’m going to the ladies’ room.”

  “Should we order you another chardonnay?”

  “That would be great.”

  She slid to the floor and walked past the long, scarred wooden bar where Delanie Carlson was polishing glasses. The place wasn’t very busy.

  Justine moved into the short hallway with two doors side by side. One said Gents and the other sign said Ladies. She walked through that one and went into a stall, then locked herself inside. Gathered tears trickled down her cheeks and she tried not to generate any more. Her eyes would get red and puffy; her nose would run. Not only was that an unflattering look, it would be impossible to hide.

  “Darn it. Why you, Cal Hart?”

  This just wouldn’t do. Sooner or later she’d have to come out or her friends would notice.

  “Pull it together, Justine.” She took a deep breath, then unlocked the door and walked over to one of the four pedestal sinks with the old-fashioned white water handles marked Hot and Cold in solid black letters.

  Looking at herself in the oval mirror she thought she’d nipped the meltdown just in time. She washed her hands and put a wet paper towel on her eyes, then checked her appearance one last time and took several cleansing, steadying breaths.

  “Good to go,” she said.

  She walked the short hall and came out into the main room. Delanie Carlson happened to be standing at that end of the bar. Justine smiled at the woman.

  “Hi.” The bar owner studied her, then frowned. “You okay?”

  So much for being good to go. “Don’t I look okay?”

  “Honestly?” Delanie’s auburn ponytail moved from side to side when she shook her head. “No. You’ve been crying.”

  “How did you know? Are you psychic?”

  “Hardly.” She laughed. “But people are my business. I serve drinks and food and make conversation. You don’t work at this as long as I have and not develop an intuition. I’ve been watching you and I could tell something was off. Then you went to the ladies’ room for a cry.”

  Justine glanced at the bistro table where her going-away party was going on without her. The three women were having a great time. “Do you think they noticed?”

  “No.”

  “Good.”

  “So you don’t want to talk to them,” Delanie guessed. “But it won’t be so easy to get rid of me because I know something’s wrong. And you might feel better if you get it off your chest.”

  Justine doubted anything would make her feel better but figured she couldn’t feel worse. “Okay.”

  The other woman waited several moments, then said, “Go ahead. I’m listening. Think of me like a lawyer. Anything you tell me is confidential.”

  She must have needed to talk about her feelings. Or maybe crying in the ladies’ room had made her emotionally vulnerable, because it never occurred to her not to talk to this woman. There was no way to ease into this, so she plunged right in. “I spent a month on an island with Cal Hart.”

  “Oh?” There was surprise in the bar owner’s voice.

  “It was for work,” Justine clarified firmly.

  “Yeah, when someone talks tropical island the first thing I think of is work.”

  Okay, so more clarification was necessary. “He’s a workaholic so his brother bet him that he couldn’t take four weeks off and stay there. Cal had a schedule of aggressive physical activities planned to keep him busy and pass the time. But on the first day he broke his leg skydiving. He figured he might as well work, but needed an assistant to be effective.”

  “You?”

  Justine nodded. “I was paid a lot. And that allowed me to put together the financing for my business faster than I’d expected.”

  “But?” Delanie put down the glass that she’d polished and slid her a wry look. “If there wasn’t a but you wouldn’t have been crying.”

  “Fair enough.” Justine sighed. “We got close.”

  “You slept with him.” It wasn’t a question.

  It was impossible to regret the pleasure-filled hours in his arms, but if she hadn’t taken that step, her heart would probably be in better shape now. “Yes.”

  “Okay. Just wanted to confirm context. Continue.”

  “I hadn’t thought it was possible for me to feel that way again.” Justine explained about losing her husband and child and the long hospital stay followed by rehabilitation.

  “That’s awful. Really rough,” Delanie said. Her eyes filled with sympathy.

  “I can’t even put into words how bad it was.” She looked down at her clasped hands resting on the bar. “For a while I didn’t want to live and felt guilty that I had. That feeling passed eventually, but I never expected or wanted to get close to a man again. Then I spent time with Cal and something shifted for me. I got what people meant about moving forward after tragedy and that finding personal happiness again wasn’t a betrayal of the loved ones I lost.”

  “But?” Delanie gave her a seriously? look. “Again, I should remind you that I saw the crying.”

  “Yeah.” She blew out a breath. “When we flew home, he told me he wanted to keep seeing
me, but I should know he never wanted to get married again.”

  “And that was a deal-breaker for you.” Again, it wasn’t a question.

  “Yes. I realized that it’s important to me. It’s who I am. And putting limitations on us was not something that worked for me. Doing that at the beginning doomed the relationship to fail.”

  “That’s one way of looking at it.”

  “Is there another way?” The comment pulled Justine out of her pity party.

  “Yes.”

  “Not for me.” She shook her head. “I won’t be putting myself out there again.”

  “The way I see it, that’s a little like the pot calling the kettle black.” Delanie met her gaze directly. “Now who’s into limiting?”

  “You think I’m wrong?” It was a little irritating to be judged. “I saw how suddenly life can be taken away. Wasting time doesn’t work for me.”

  “It was only an observation and worth exactly what you paid for it.” But Delanie hesitated a moment, then added, “I just wonder if you were looking for a reason not to take a chance on love again.”

  “I didn’t have to look for a reason,” she maintained, even as the words resonated.

  “I’m just saying that you might be shutting the door on anything with Cal because you’re afraid of being hurt again. And who could blame you?”

  “Okay, then. And if he says up front he can’t give me what I want—”

  “Did it occur to you that he might just need time? A chance to wrap his head around what he feels before getting to a place where he wants what you want?”

  Justine had every intention of pushing back about that, but there was a ring of truth in what the other woman said. Wow. She’d been so sure she had it all together and an open mind about going for it. She thought about Shanna, who was courageous enough to give up everything for a chance at love.

  Justine wasn’t even willing to invest a little time because she could be hurt and had shut Cal down flat. No wonder he hadn’t bothered to track her down at Hart Energy. Now that she was out of there, no way would their paths cross. She’d preached not wasting time to the exclusion of a judicious investment of time. That philosophy was supposed to prevent heartache, but pain ripped through her. How ironic was that? Not taking a chance had resulted in a broken heart.

  * * *

  Justine drove into the Black Mountain Marketplace, which was directly across the street from Holden House, the new hotel. The recently opened retail center was already 95 percent occupied by high-end boutiques, a jewelry store, an organic food market and a juice bar. The business she wanted to open was the perfect complement to the stores already here.

  Eventually she hoped to carry a line of fitness wear, but that was down the line. One step at a time. Hopefully she could come to an agreement with the property’s owner on monthly rent and terms. She was getting a little frustrated on the length of time it was taking to finalize this deal.

  Her Realtor was supposed to meet with the owner’s representative but had gotten hung up, so Justine had wheedled the key from her. The woman was coming here as soon as she was available. Now that she thought about it, that was another perk of this small town. In Dallas no one would trust you with a key to anything unless they were there to supervise.

  It would be good to go in alone and quietly study the space one last time, make sure this was what she wanted. More important, that it would work for her vision.

  She parked in front of the Space Available sign in the front window, then exited her small, fuel-efficient hybrid sedan. Key in hand, she walked over and unlocked the door. Morning sun flooded the room, giving off a cheerful vibe in spite of the fact that it was empty.

  There was wallboard up but no paint. It occurred to her that it was like a blank canvas on which to create her own vision. Now to come to terms with the owner on finishing it to her satisfaction. Apparently he had a contractor who would work with her in making the most flexible use of the area.

  “Hello.”

  Justine whirled around and saw Cal standing in the doorway. “Dear God, you startled me.”

  “Sorry.” He was wearing jeans, boots and a sheepskin jacket.

  She’d only ever really seen him in shorts and cotton island shirts. But it was November and cold. The look was a good one, masculine and very Montana. Oh, please, who was she kidding? The man didn’t have a bad look. Her pulse was pounding and skipping erratically. She was pretty sure she could concentrate on breathing and count her breaths, but the technique wouldn’t calm her down or bring serenity. Not with Cal. She was so incredibly happy to see him.

  “How are you?” she asked.

  “Okay.” He shrugged.

  Was it wrong to be the tiniest bit happy that he was just okay? Not fabulous or fantastic, but only satisfactory? She wanted to think he missed her even a fraction of the way she’d missed him.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “Okay.”

  “I guess yesterday was your last day at Hart Energy.”

  “It was.”

  His mouth pulled tight. “You won’t be easy to replace.”

  Did he mean at the office or in his life? She’d given up the right to ask that question when she refused to give him time. She wouldn’t blame him if he was the tiniest bit happy that she would never forgive herself for that. But if she knew anything about anything it was moving on.

  “Leaving wasn’t personal. I told you that,” she said.

  “You did.” He looked around. “So this is where you decided to open your yoga studio.”

  Was that bitterness in his voice? She hoped not but felt compelled to make sure he understood. “It’s better for the company to find personnel whose dedication matches your own.”

  “Funny thing about my dedication.” He met her gaze. “Mine got a restructuring. A work/nonwork ratio reset. So when can I sign up for yoga classes?”

  Her mouth curved upward, but she knew the smile was sad. “If you weren’t ready for the change, you wouldn’t have embraced it so enthusiastically.”

  “Maybe I had a good teacher.” There was a breathtaking intensity in his eyes. “I’m sure you’re going to be a very successful yoga instructor.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Of course I am. If you can make a convert out of me, you must be good.”

  She shook her head. “When you have visual aids like sea, sand and sky, it’s easy to get the message across.”

  “I respectfully disagree.” His gaze never left hers. It was as if he couldn’t look at her hard enough. “You are the best visual aid.”

  This conversation was going in a direction that wasn’t helpful for her peace of mind or serenity. She was here on business, and speaking of that...

  “I have a question. Why are you here? How did you know I would be here?” She didn’t know what to think, but one thing was for sure. “It can’t be a coincidence that you showed up here at the same time I did to sign a lease on this property. What is going on, Cal?”

  “That’s three questions and a conclusion.” He slid his hands into his coat pockets and moved closer, stopping just in front of her.

  One baby step would put her body right up against his, and she wanted that so, so much. Focus, she ordered herself. “I’ll give you another conclusion. This is very suspicious. And, of course, my real estate agent is conveniently not here. What are you up to?”

  “Nothing nefarious, I promise.” He sighed. “My brother, Lincoln, is in property development. He owns this retail center.”

  “Oh, I see. So you’re here to break the news that it will be a cold day in hell before he would rent to me.”

  “Not even close.” He smiled but it was tense. “I’m here to tell you that I rented this space from him and am prepared to sublet it to you at a lower cost.” />
  It all became clear to her then. “So that’s why the negotiations dragged on and the price went down to a number I would be crazy not to take.”

  “Yes.”

  “You would be subsidizing me.” So much for everything being clear to her. “I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

  “Don’t go to the bad place, Justine.” He put a hand on her arm as if he expected her to back away and run out of there. “First of all, your dream is a good one. Something to be encouraged.”

  And it would be realized. Her pride kicked in and her voice was defiant when she said, “I don’t need any help, if that’s what you’re thinking. I can do this on my own.”

  “I agree. You’re the strongest woman I know. And you’ll do this with or without me. But you should know that if you decide it’s without, I will still sign up for your classes.”

  “Why?” That was part suspicion talking and part hope, because the pleading look in his eyes was wearing down her pride, her defiance and her resistance.

  “As it happens, the muscles in my bum leg aren’t the only ones that need attention. Turns out the heart is also a muscle and needs regular exercise or it will waste away. It needs a good workout and you’re the only one who can do that.”

  “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.” That wasn’t quite true. She got it but was afraid to believe. “I could do with less muscle metaphors and more straight talk.”

  “You’re right. My bad. So, here goes.” He took several deep breaths. “When we got back to Blackwater Lake, my words were clumsy. In an attempt to be honest, I said it badly and should have just gone for the simple truth. I love you.” He looked around the big, empty room. “This is your dream. But you’re mine. I want to be part of yours in any way possible, but I’m really hoping you’ll consider being a part of mine and marry me. If I had another chance, I wouldn’t make a mess of it. I’m sorry.”

  “No, Cal. I am. It took missing you so much my heart hurt in places I never knew were there.” She looked down, then back up and met his gaze. “I realized that I was too hasty and judgmental because I was looking for excuses to avoid getting involved. I was afraid of taking a risk and being hurt again.”