My Soul to Win

by Robin Roseau

  “Like a bird’s wing?” she asked. She judged. “I don’t think that’s going to work. It’s twenty feet long, Teigan. It might fold, but then it will drag along the floor.”

  “Be gentle and let’s see,” I said. “I’m afraid if I do anything, I’ll bang into stuff. I’d rather do this outside, but…”

  “Right. Okay. All right, Sue Ellen, we’re going to try to trace the bones from where they attach all the way to the tip. We’re looking for the joints. We need to do it without crushing any feathers. Duck under.”

  With Kate in front and Sue Ellen in back, the two worked together, talking about what they found. There was a joint at my shoulder blades. And then they found two more, one only four feet further, just a little too far for me to reach myself. After that was the biggest gap, and then a short range before they ran out of bone, and it was all feathers from there. The two talked, and then Kate turned to me. “Teigan, they’re not fully straight. I think you should try, I don’t know. Stretching.”

  “Stretching.”

  “Yeah,” she said. She grinned. “Won’t a good stretch feel good.”

  “You stretch,” I muttered.

  She just laughed. “I don’t think I can do it for you.”

  “Right,” I said. “Stretch. Fine.” I tried things. I rolled my shoulders. I shrugged. I tried a bunch of things. The most dramatic was when I tried pushing my shoulders back, which would normally make a larger hollow between my shoulder blades.

  I nearly knocked Sue Ellen right off the sanctuary steps, as that motion caused my wings to flutter straight backwards. She ducked under it and dropped to the floor instead.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “Sue Ellen, I’m sorry.”

  She glanced over her shoulders, laughing at my wings, now high in the air over the front pews. “It’s fine, Teigan Dove.” She watched carefully and slowly got up, moving to stand behind Kate and eyeing my wings dubiously. “You really don’t have a clue what to do.”

  “Not one single clue.”

  “I think you stretched,” Kate said. “Look. Maybe do the reverse of whatever you just did.” But then she backed away, Sue Ellen remaining behind her. “Slowly.”

  “Right. Slowly.” I relaxed my shoulders, and my wings swept forward. It wasn’t neat, but it was with some amount of control. Then I did that back and forth, slowly waving the wings like a butterfly sunning herself.

  “That is so cool!” Sue Ellen declared.

  “It’s a lot of work, is what it is,” I said. “Beth,” I called out. “These are your fault!”

  “They’re very pretty,” Grace replied. “And the breeze feels nice, too. You can do that for a while.”

  “Smart ass,” I muttered. I brought them forward. “Kate, do you think we can fold them?”

  “We can try,” she said. “Try relaxing a little. Once you’re still, we’ll see if we can help you fold them.”

  “Try not to knock me over this time,” Sue Ellen said with a smile.

  So, I tried relaxing. They eyed the wings carefully, and then Sue Ellen ducked underneath. The two talked, and then they clasped the wings. “Teigan, we’re going to see if the tip folds in. We’ll go slowly.”

  I nodded. They began applying pressure. It was weird. Have you ever tried to just let someone move your arm for you? Try it. It’s actually a little hard. We tend to either try to help or try to hinder. But they worked slowly and carefully, and they moved the wing in. The tip folded down. As it did so, the middle section automatically folded upwards, and the closest part folded down. And so they were able to press the entire wing in closely, flanking my left side like a cloak.

  A very, very tall cloak. The “elbow” of the wing, or maybe it was the wrist? Anyway, the last joint was high over my head. The middle joint was very near the floor. And the tips of my feathers also brushed the floor. I didn’t really like that, but I didn’t fight them about it.

  They folded the wing in, and then they held it there before slowly releasing. It relaxed away from me a little, but it didn’t entirely unfurl.

  “Can you do the other one?” I asked.

  “Sure,” Kate said. They moved to my right and carefully folded my wing for me. I looked left and right and didn’t know what to do next.

  “God should have given you an instruction manual,” Sue Ellen said with a grin.

  “Your smart ass is rubbing off on her, Kate,” I replied.

  “I think she’s right,” Kate said with her own smile. “So. Think you can spread them and fold them yourself?”

  “Can you guys do it for me a couple of times?”

  “We can try,” she said. “Both wings together?”

  “If you can.”

  She nodded. “Sue Ellen, let’s each take the center span.” It took them a moment to find a way they could support the center portion of my wings without crushing the feathers, but then they began spreading them apart. They spread them and folded them, spread and folded, and I began to see what it felt like that. “Ready to try, Teigan?”

  “There’s nothing breakable about, is there?”

  “You’re good,” she said. “Step over here, Sue Ellen. Teigan, bonus points if you whack Beth.”

  Sue Ellen tittered.

  Carefully and slowly, I extended the wings out to their full width. I brought them in just as carefully. I did that a few times, and then I tried moving them around a bit. Finally, I brought them in, tucking them as tightly as I could. Kate stepped forward and offered a high-five.

  “Thank you,” I told them. “Now, if I can just make them go away entirely.”

  “I don’t think I can help you with that,” Kate said. “But maybe if you move further from Beth, you’ll get a feel for it.”

  So that’s what we did. There wasn’t a fixed distance. I had to leave the church entirely before the wings faded. As I moved closer to Beth, I could feel when they began forming. At that point, unless I moved away, they would appear, but how quickly they did so was relative to the distance.

  I made a little progress on controlling it. I could keep the wings while moving further away, and I could prevent them from appearing if I sort of pushed back, but my control disappeared as I moved closer.

  If Beth and I were in the same room, at least for now, I wore wings. If she left, I lost them.

  I wanted to keep working on it. I didn’t like the loss of control, after all. But then Marley found me.

  An Army

  We met them in the church. Beth moved to Grace’s house, and we would conference her in. They arrived one or two at a time. Marley hadn’t told them a thing, and so reactions were varied.

  Jebediah was the first to arrive. He greeted Marley with a warm hug, picking her up and spinning her around. And then he ruffled Sue Ellen’s hair and treated her the same way. He wrapped an arm around Marley’s waist and looked around. “Nice church.”

  Marley introduced Pastor Grace and Rachel. Then he turned to me. “She looks familiar.” He cocked his head. “You know, she could be Lacey’s daughter.”

  “In a way,” I said, “I am. It’s good to see you, Jebediah. Still dancing?”

  He laughed. “Only at weddings. Have we met?”

  “I don’t want to explain this six more times, so can we just say ‘yes’, and hold the explanation.”

  “Sure,” he said. “So I suppose I shouldn’t ask why you called, Poppy?”

  “Not yet,” Marley replied. “You still turn heads, Jebediah. How’s Florida?”

  Something passed across his face. “According to Jeri, she’s fine.”

  “Oh,” Marley said. “I didn’t know.”

  “It’s fine,” he said. “She wanted more than I could give her, so she went looking somewhere else for it. But we have an amazing daughter. Jeri knows I love her, and we’re good together.”

  “How old is your daughter, Jebediah?” I asked.

  “Twenty-two,” he replied. “She just got a degree in electrical engineering but is going to start on her master’s degr
ee in the fall.”

  That was when the church doors opened. I recognized Karen – Naomi – immediately. Her mixed heritage made that easy. I wasn’t sure who the man was, but the two were very comfortable together as they strode down the church aisle. Then Karen turned and said, “Jake, this is a church. That means none of your funny business.” They closed the distance and exchanged hugs and handshakes with Marley and Jebediah. Sue Ellen received a hug from Karen, and, like Jebediah had, Jake picked her up and gave her a spin.

  Marley did introductions. Karen stared at me. “She looks like…”

  “She looks like Lacey’s kid might look,” Jebediah said. “And she seems to be a big secret, as Poppy didn’t introduce her.”

  “My name is the big reveal,” I said. “It’s good to see you. Thank you for coming.”

  Grace took over from there, distracting people from me. She talked a little about the church. In the meantime, we had two more people arrive. Hyacinth joined us, and two minutes later the last person arrived. Griffen stopped short of our group, staring at me. “Lacey? Lacey, it can’t be you.” He hurried forward. I think he was going to pick me up, but he stopped, staring at me. “Lacey?”

  “Poppy,” I asked. “Is anyone else coming?”

  “I called others, but these are all I invited to join us.”

  “Well then,” I said. “I have a story to tell. It’s going to sound crazy. I can’t prove all of it, but I have a rather dramatic demonstration to prove some of it. I know you’re going to think I’m insane, but it’s going to be worth staying for the demonstration. I promise.” I looked from one to the next. “I know why I’m here. I know why Marley is here. Karen, I know what Evaline once did for you.”

  “Poppy said Evaline is in trouble,” Hyacinth said. “She said she needs us. I don’t understand, but if I can help, I’m here to help.”

  “What if I suggested helping would mean walking past the pits of Hell and standing against an army of demons?”

  “I’m a dancer, not a fighter,” Hyacinth replied. “So I hope you don’t need me to actually fight. I can hold Jake’s coat, though.”

  “I’ll fight,” Karen said. “Are we coming back?”

  “Yes. Everyone is coming back.” I paused. “I mean that literally, by the way. Let’s sit.” I took a place on the steps. Marley sat beside me, and we leaned together. Grace took the other side, and Sue Ellen laid down with her head in Grace’s lap. The others found their own places, some on the pews. Kate sat down cross legged behind me, and she spent much of the time with her hand on my shoulder.

  I made sure Beth could hear, and then I said, “Let me start with the overview. You’re going to think I’m insane. I’m not, or at least I don’t believe I am. Please give me the benefit of the doubt, as hard as it’s going to be. My name is Teigan St. Claire. I am a former detective with the Minnesota Police Department. You all knew me as Lacey.”

  “Bullshit,” Griffen said.

  “As I said, you aren’t going to believe me, but I can prove much of what I’m telling you. Let me get it all out. It will take perhaps ten minutes. If you want the details, that’s a lot, lot longer.” I paused. “Evaline Marsh is a demon.”

  “Bull fucking shit!” Griffen exclaimed.

  “Evaline is the most loving person I’ve ever met,” Karen said. “And you’re a liar.”

  “Of everyone in this room,” Marley said, “who is the most likely to know the truth?”

  They all shut up for a moment, but then Hyacinth said, “Poppy, you can’t let this woman say that sort of thing about Evaline.”

  “Let her get it all out,” Marley said. “That’s all I ask. Let her explain it all and present her proof. For me. Please.”

  “Fine, but she’s a liar,” Griffen said.

  “I really am Lacey,” I said. “Evaline is a demon.” I told them the highlights. A few more times they called me a liar, but they grew quieter and quieter. I kept details to a minimum, but I told them everything, all the way to finding myself in this church. I finished and admitted there were details. Rachel began crying halfway through the telling, but she hadn’t otherwise said a word. “I know you have questions. I know you think I’m lying. Even if you’ve begun believing me, you have questions. I’m going to offer the evidence I have.” I had my badge, and I handed it to Marley. “Beth, can you join us?”

  “On my way,” she said, her tone subdued.

  I felt as she entered the church. I stood and stepped away from everyone else, then made sure when the wings appeared, I wouldn’t hurt anything.

  There was a gasp, maybe multiple gasps. Beth’s glow was subdued, and tears were streaming down her cheeks. She walked straight to me, mindful of the wings now on full display, and wrapped me in a hug. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Teigan.”

  “I know, Beth.”

  “If I’d known when I called you…”

  “You would still have called,” I said. “And I would have helped, even knowing everything.”

  “You always were better at protecting everyone else than yourself.”

  Eventually we separated, although she pressed against my side. “Beth is part angel,” I said. “You may have noticed she is glowing. We seem to react to each other.” I rustled the wings. “I have some control over them, but so far, very little control over when they appear. It is related to my proximity to Beth. This and my badge represent the only hard evidence I have.”

  “Not the only hard evidence,” Grace said. And then she opened her hand and spilled the flattened slugs across the steps. “These were fired into Teigan’s back from close range. Her jacket and blouse were destroyed, but there wasn’t a mark on her.”

  “I am not the only one present who knew Evaline was a demon. Rachel, am I lying?”

  “No.” And then she was sobbing. She climbed to her feet and ran to me, then dropped to her knees at my feet, but it was Beth who lifted her back up and pushed her into my arms. I held her as she sobbed. “It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. You went through all that for me.”

  “No, Rachel. It is not your fault. Fault lies with Theophania, for collecting on an ancient debt, and for the choices she made after. Fault lies with Evaline, for not doing a better job protecting me. Fault lies with me, for not doing a better job negotiating my agreement. We cannot change the past, so we must now look towards the future.”

  I paused. “Beth, do you know for a fact Evaline is a demon?”

  “Yes.”

  “Poppy?”

  “Yes, Evaline is a demon. She told me. She showed me.”

  “Kate?”

  “Evaline is a demon. I am convinced you are exactly who you say you are, and I believe every detail of your story.”

  “Beth?”

  “I believe you, Teigan.”

  “Anyone who wants can look at the wings,” I said. “Please be gentle if you touch them. I can take off the blouse if you want. I’ll answer any questions I am able to answer. I have no other evidence, so you may need to have some amount of faith.”

  Griffen stood and approached. “I’ve never believed in God. I wasn’t raised that way, and it always seemed like hogwash.”

  “I’ve never worshipped the Christian god,” I replied. “Frankly, I still don’t. And I’m not sure the entity I met is really that god, anyway, or that the Christian stories are accurate, either. I wasn’t really in good shape to ask those sorts of questions. But I find it telling I felt welcome in this church but not others.”

  He came to a stop in front of me. Then he eyed the wings, eventually ducking underneath and moving behind me. He examined what he could. Then he reached around me, and I didn’t fight as he began to unbutton my blouse. He got it unbuttoned and began to shrug it from my shoulders then began laughing.

  Soon, he wasn’t the only one. “I think we’re going to have to leave it over your shoulders.”

  “No,” I said. “Beth, come back in three minutes.”

  “All right.”

  She walke
d away, and soon I felt the wings began to shrink and fade. Griffen muttered under his breath, but he shrugged the blouse from my shoulders, and I stood before all of them in a bra. It barely registered that that might be weird. Frankly, I didn’t really care. I’d been naked for most of two and a half decades, after all.

  Griffen examined my back. “If I hadn’t felt them myself, and if I hadn’t seen the slits in your blouse, I wouldn't believe it. There’s not so much as a mark.” Then he examined the blouse. “And the slits are gone.”

  The others got up and clustered around me. I nodded to Kate and gestured to Rachel, so she took the woman from me and moved her to look at my back. Then I said, “Beth is returning, and I don’t have very good control. Step back a little and be prepared to duck.” The wings formed, and I spread them widely.

  Then Beth was there, smiling now. She walked straight to me. “You are so beautiful,” she said.

  * * * *

  They had questions. We stayed up late, talking. Kate ordered food delivered. Sue Ellen saw to refreshments, and she did a fabulous job keeping iced tea ready for anyone who wanted it.

  It was Karen who asked, “How are we going to get Evaline back?”

  “I don’t have all the answers. I need to go get her, and I need the power of love with me. I need as many of you to come with me as are willing. I can protect you. I can’t promise no one will be hurt, but I will leave no one behind.”

  “Could we die?” Sue Ellen asked.

  “You’re staying here.”

  “Could the people going with you die?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Possibly. If so, I promise their souls will go to heaven.”

  “I owe Evaline everything,” Karen said. “I’m going.”

  It took time, but I received promise after promise. Jebediah was a holdout, and finally he asked, “What do I tell Jeri?”

  “The truth,” I said. “Because while we’re going to Hell, we need people who love us here. Grace is staying here. Beth, so are you.”

  “No, I am not.”

  “I need you here, Angel,” I said pointedly. “Grace alone is not enough to anchor this side, to contain the gate we use. Beth, I need to open a portal to Hell, and I’m going to do it in the middle of this sacred ground. Do you have any idea what would happen if that gets out of control?”