Sarah Love

by Geraldine O'Neill

  “I miss you every single day,” he told her. “And I blame myself every single day for what happened.”

  “It’s all in the past, Con,” she told him. “I’ve forgotten what happened. I’m grand.” She talked faster to get it over with. “I told Orla earlier that I was settled and happy in England, and it’s the truth.” She looked him straight in the eye. “I think you might have done me a favour.”

  “How?” he said, a note of desperation in his voice.

  “I don’t think we were really suited.” Her voice was quiet and calm. “I don’t think we would have been that happy together.”

  “You only think that because of what happened. You’re forgetting how well we got on before I feckin’ well ruined it . . .” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I can’t believe I was such a fool, throwing everything away for a few minutes of – what?”

  Sarah raised her eyebrows. “You should have thought of that at the time. And you should have thought of the little life it might create . . . the little life Patricia lost.”

  “Aw, Sarah,” he said, shaking his head. “She meant nothing to me.”

  “More shame on you,” Sarah said. “If you caused all that devastation for nothing.”

  He dropped his head in his hands. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve not had a happy day since it all happened.” He was silent for a few moments then he looked up at her. “You’ve changed,” he said. “I could never have imagined you without the long blonde hair – but you’re more beautiful than ever.” He looked at her black dress with the daisy buttons. “Orla said you looked like a model and she was right.”

  “You’re right, Con, my hair and clothes have changed. But they’re only outside things – I’ve actually changed far more inside.”

  “How?” he said.

  “I’ve discovered things about myself I never knew. I’ve been studying at college and my marks are up at the top with every exam. I’ve helped to turn an ailing business around and put it back on its feet.” She smiled. “And I’ve learned to live in a strange new country and stand on my own two feet without feeling I need a man to look after me. I’ve done all that completely on my own.”

  He reached over to grasp her hand but she pulled it away.

  “Just think,” he told her. “If you’ve done all that on your own, how much more we could do together. Orla and me are starting a new venture together in the New Year. We’re opening up a store that will sell both decorating materials and furniture, and it will be all laid out in sections with Orla choosing everything from wallpaper to matching curtains and bed linen and lamps.”

  “It all sounds very promising.” He had just described the kind of business that had done David’s flat up. It had worked in London and it could work in Dublin. Con was a hard worker and so was Orla. They would put their mind to it and they would do well.

  “But you could be part of it,” he said. “Just think, if you were to do all the sewing and designing of the curtains and things – we could work around you.” He looked deep into her eyes. “We had dreams together, Sarah, and it’s not too late. We could pick up where we left off.”

  “We did have dreams together,” she told him, “but it’s far too late.” She looked at her watch now. “I’ve given you the five minutes I promised, Con, and that’s it.” She moved her chair back.

  “Don’t go, Sarah, Please give me one more chance. You can see I’ve changed, I’ve learned. You can see I’d do anything to get you back . . .” His voice faltered and his eyes welled up. “Please . . .”

  A wave of pity came over her and, without taking time to think about it, she reached over and squeezed his hand. “I do believe you’ve changed, Con. Sincerely, I do. But I’ve changed too and I know from the bottom of my heart that things would never work out between us. The thing is – I don’t love you any more and I’m not sure I ever did.”

  She wanted to tell him that she never had the right type of feelings for him but she felt she had hurt him enough. While she knew he was a hard worker and deep down a decent lad – she realised now she never had felt the necessary physical attraction towards him that would make a good marriage.

  She never experienced the intense, overwhelming feelings with Con that she’d felt earlier with David McGuire. She never knew they existed. It made her wonder now if, had she understood Con’s needs instead of getting angry with him, the thing with Patricia Quinn would never have happened. It was something she would never know.

  What she did know for sure was that splitting up was the right thing. Fate had intervened in order that she could lead the fulfilling life in Newcastle that she now had – and she was grateful for it.

  She stood up now. “I’ve got to go, Con. But I just want to say something before I do.”

  He moved to his feet. “Goodbye – is that what you want to say?”

  “It’s more than that. I want you to know that I forgive you for what happened, that it’s over and done with, and I don’t hold it against you any more.” She smiled at him, amazed at feeling so calm. “I wish you all the best with your business and with everything else in your life.” She lowered her voice. “Now, please walk out of the pub, Con, and let me get on with the rest of my life.”

  He just looked at her, shrugged and then nodded. “I can’t expect you to be fairer than that. Good luck and God bless . . .” His eyes filled again.

  She knew to kiss him would be too much, so she put her two hands out and squeezed his and then she walked back to her friends.

  Chapter 40

  The following Monday Lucy listened with rapt interest as Sarah told her all about the fashion show and all the shops they had visited in London. Then, when Sarah gave her the make-up she had bought for her, she tried it out and they had a great discussion about the logo design and packaging.

  When Sarah brought the Bazaar and Biba carrier bags out, Margaret and Lucy were mesmerised with the things she had bought. They studied the stitching and the materials and the buttons and fasteners, and turned each garment inside out to see how it was made.

  “There’s a whole new world opening up out there in fashion,” Sarah told them. “And when you see the designs for 1966 it’s even more inspiring.”

  At one o’clock Lucy asked Margaret to hold the fort for them so she and Sarah could go to lunch together. When they came out of the shop Sarah automatically turned to the left but Lucy guided her in the opposite direction.

  “We’re meeting Peter in the Station Hotel,” she said. “He has some news for us.”

  “About what?”

  “Wait and see. Tell me about David. All about his shop and flat and this new girlfriend of his.”

  Sarah recounted every detail she could remember. “He was the most wonderful host to me and Jane and Camilla is lovely, a bubbly bright, intelligent girl. They’re very well suited.”

  “And does he seem happy?” Lucy wanted to know.

  “I think he does,” Sarah said. “But he did say there are things about Newcastle that he missed.” A picture of David flew into her mind and it brought back the incident in the pub which she had been trying to forget – when she realised her feelings towards him had suddenly changed from friendship to something else. Just thinking about him brought the same physical sensation back which made her feel all strange and awkward. She had lain awake the last night in London thinking about him, and she’d lain awake again last night back in the flat in Newcastle. She knew now, without a shadow of a doubt that she was in love with him. From the minute they had first met, she knew she liked him more than any other lad she had ever met, but she hadn’t anticipated, after all this time, that those feelings would turn into such a strong passion.

  She changed the subject around then and went on to tell Lucy about meeting Con Tierney.

  “And you really felt nothing?” Lucy asked as they walked into the hotel foyer. “No anger, no resentment, no feeling of wanting to make him suffer?”

  “Not by the end. It’s all gone and we wished each o
ther well.” She sighed. “It’s actually been a big relief. I feel I can go back to Ireland next year for Sheila’s wedding, and to finally see James’s little girl without feeling awkward about meeting him or his family. Orla will have told everyone they met me and it will all have died down by the time I see them next.”

  “I could see a change in you, when you walked into the shop this morning. There’s something different about you, and now I know what it is.”

  For a moment Sarah wanted to tell her what the real change was, but she knew how selfish it was going to sound. Lucy would have every right to tell her what a foolish, immature girl she had been to let David McGuire move away to London to get over her, and then change her mind when he was settled in a new life with a lovely girl like Camilla. She would also have to point out that Sarah was acting nearly as badly as Con Tierney, thinking she could cause hurt and embarrassment and then expect David to forget it.

  Peter was sitting at a table waiting for them. He gave both women a peck on the cheek and then he gestured to the barman, who first brought over three tall thin glasses and then a silver ice bucket with a bottle of champagne.

  Sarah watched with some confusion as the waiter opened the bottle and then poured the bubbly liquid into the flutes. Lucy and Peter waited until he had gone and then Peter lifted two glasses and handed one each to the women.

  “We’re here to celebrate something big today,” he said. “The start of your sparkling new career, Sarah.”

  “Well, thank you . . .” Sarah said, looking from one to the other. “But I’m not sure I really understand.”

  “I think Lucy would probably like to explain, since it was really her idea.”

  Lucy took a deep breath. “For some time, I’ve come to think your talent is wasted in Harrison’s, Sarah. You’ve outgrown us and you need something to challenge your talent and help it develop further.” She glanced across the table. “I’ve discussed it with Peter and we think we’ve found the very thing.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Before you went to London,” Lucy said. “I put an offer in on the old building next to the bookshop – you know the one that’s been closed for the last few years?”

  “Yes,” Sarah said, “I do . . .”

  “I heard on Friday that it’s been accepted, and it’s just a case of waiting for all the documents to be signed now.” She looked at Sarah and smiled. “Aren’t you going to ask what we’re going to do with it?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “It’s going to be your boutique,” Lucy told her. “A place where you can show and sell all your fabulous designs.”

  Sarah’s hands flew to cover her mouth as she tried to take it all in. “But how? How can I afford to buy a building?”

  “I’ve worked out all the financial details,” Lucy said. “And I think you can actually afford it yourself. But I’m prepared to put up a share of the money or go as guarantor on the mortgage if there are any difficulties.”

  Sarah bit her lip. “But I don’t know anything about owning a business and all that it involves. I don’t think I’m up to it.”

  Lucy noticed Sarah was trembling and she reached over to reassure her. “But I know all about owning a business and so does Peter – and you actually know a lot more than you think.” She squeezed Sarah’s arm. “Harrison’s is not big enough for all your ideas. We sold out of all the dresses and skirts while you were away and we’ve orders for more. The clothes side is taking over the sewing business.”

  “Well, we can leave the clothes,” Sarah said. “I’m happy with the cushions and curtains. I’m happy in Harrison’s and I don’t think I’m ready for anything else just yet.”

  “You are, Sarah. You just need a little time to think it all over.”

  “What about you? Don’t you still need me in the shop?”

  “But you’ll only be across the lane,” Lucy laughed. “That’s the main reason I thought of it. I was actually thinking of expanding Harrison’s again to have a separate area for clothes, but then I realised that it’s trying to mix two separate businesses. The shop is perfect as it is for the sewing end, and I would probably lose my older customers if we mixed them with all the youngsters who are only interested in fashion.”

  Light was starting to dawn on Sarah. It was beginning to make sense.

  “I also thought that you could keep on the flat, and still take in alterations which would give you extra money towards your mortgage.”

  Peter leaned forward. “If you ladies don’t mind me chipping in, I think from what Lucy’s told me that it would be wise for you – after the initial opening phase – to take on shop assistants to sell your designs in the boutique, while you spend your time sourcing all the materials and making them.” He paused. “I’ve had a look at the building and it’s not as bad as I thought. It’s a case of repairing the roof and the outside of the building and then damp-proofing and plastering the inside and putting in central heating. It would be up to you then to decide on the décor and furnishings.”

  Sarah’s mind suddenly began to tick over. She could already picture the inside of the boutique in her head – right from the colours down to the display furniture and accessories. Unconsciously, she had been planning all this when she was walking around the boutiques in London, absorbing all the details she would take from each and add to her own ideas if she were ever to own such a place.

  “I wonder if I dare . . .” she said, looking at them.

  “I’ll help with any finances,” Lucy reassured her. “My father left me quite a bit of money plus a house in London my mother owned, so I’d be delighted to give you an interest-free loan.”

  “And you have plenty of time to sort things out,” Peter said. “It will take a few months to get it ready. I reckon the building could be sorted and your stock all ready in time for an Easter opening.”

  Then, as if a light bulb had suddenly been switched on in a dark room, Sarah knew. She knew she could do it. “I have quite a bit of money saved,” she said. “and my brother gave me some when I moved over and I put it straight in the bank and I’ve never touched it.” She looked a Lucy and started to laugh. “It’s a brilliant idea!”

  Lucy hugged her then and so did Peter.

  “I’ve asked around, and everyone is saying that it’s the perfect time to open a boutique like this in Newcastle,” Peter said. “Everything is changing – the music, the fashions, people’s views on things. The sixties are like no other time in history.” He lifted his glass. “To Sarah,” he said. “To her new business venture!”

  They all clinked glasses and took a drink of the champagne, then Lucy put her glass on the table.

  “There’s one more thing,” she said. “And I thought I would be thrifty and celebrate it while Peter’s paying for the champagne.”

  Peter started to laugh and Sarah looked at them in a bemused fashion.

  Lucy lifted her handbag and brought out a small box. She opened it to show Sarah the three-diamond gold band. “Peter and I are engaged, and you’re the first one to know!”

  Sarah stared at the ring and then she suddenly couldn’t see it as her eyes were filled with tears. She hugged her friend tightly. “You deserve this,” she said, “You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

  The glasses were topped up and a second toast was made.

  “We’re going down to Durham later this afternoon to show it to Charlotte,” Lucy said, rubbing her own damp eyes. “And we’re going to tell her she can be a flower girl at the wedding in November.” She looked at Sarah. “Needless to say, you’ll be making your own bridesmaid dress and hers as well.”

  “What about your wedding dress?” Sarah said.

  “But I thought . . .” Lucy faltered for a moment. “I thought that you wouldn’t consider making one again.”

  Sarah shrugged. “That was last year – this year things are different.” She grinned. “I’ve seen some lovely short wedding designs. I have them back in the flat.”

&nb
sp; Chapter 41

  Sarah spent Christmas with Lucy and Peter, who had married the month before, and this time all three went in the morning laden with gifts for Charlotte. The structural work on the shop was already completed and Sarah planned to go and pick wallpaper and furnishings in the January sales. She had also started collecting items for display and had built up a collection of mannequins, antique shawls, hats and jewellery, and a set of six old French chairs she found in an auction.

  Harrison’s was busier than ever and she was still working long into the night doing alterations and building up her stock of dresses and skirts and tunics for the shop.

  Lisha and her mother were now helping several evenings a week, Lisha cutting out and sewing patterns and her mother tacking and pressing seams. Sarah had also taken on two new members of staff – Adele, a curly-haired blonde girl who was passionate about clothes and had experience of working in a boutique in London, and Diana, a brunette who was studying fashion in the evenings as Sarah had done. Lisha would now be working on a Saturday in the boutique and during her school holidays.

  Sarah had struggled to find a name for the business, trying to find something in keeping with the London boutiques when Lucy said, “Why don’t you just call it ‘Love’? Apart from the obvious link with your name, it fits right in with the popular music and the style of the clothes.”

  Sarah looked at her. “You’re right – Love it is!”

  She had kept David up to date with her plans and they met up for a meal on Boxing Night. She had hoped that her feelings for him would have gone back to that of a platonic friendship, but when she caught sight of him outside the restaurant from across the road, her pulse quickened and she was tongue-tied by the time they were inside.

  Sarah felt more relaxed after the meal and a couple of glasses of wine. They sat chatting over coffee and David told her all about the book business in London and then listened as she described her plans for Love.

  “Pilgrims Lane didn’t know what hit it when you arrived,” David laughed. Then he suddenly looked serious. “I don’t think I knew what hit me either. It’s funny looking back at it. It seems like a long time ago. A lot of water has passed under the bridge since then.”