Secrets and Sacrifice: A Christian Romance (The Shadows Series Book 4)

by Juliette Duncan

  Lizzy chuckled. "I guess I have, but He's still got a lot of work to do on me."

  "As He does on me."

  Lizzy smiled at him. "I love you, Daniel. And I love that God brought us to this place. It's hard to remember what life was like before we were here. I feel like we've come home."

  "Home is wherever you are, Liz."

  "You're such a big softie, Daniel." She chuckled as he lowered his lips against hers, but she pulled away before he could kiss her properly. "If we're going dancing, we need to get ready."

  "I guess we do." He gave her another quick kiss and then fixed his eyes on hers as he traced her hairline with the tip of his finger. "Later?"

  Nodding, she stretched up and gave him a slow kiss.

  Chapter 21

  When Grace asked Lizzy what she should wear to the Ceilidh, Lizzy suggested jeans and a comfortable top, but in her designer jeans and soft cream silk shirt, Grace knew she would still turn eyes.

  Ryan ran his eyes over her when they all met up outside the main building before leaving. Despite not wanting to go at all, Grace found it hard to take her eyes off him too. Wearing black trousers and a long-sleeved black shirt with the cuffs rolled up, he was devastatingly handsome. His compelling blue eyes and confident set of his shoulders, coupled with the tantalising smell of his after-shave, sent her pulse racing.

  "Would you like to sit up front with me, Grace?" Ryan held his hand on the sliding door and looked at her as she stood beside Lizzy and Daniel. Danny had his arm around Lizzy's waist, and she got the impression they didn't want to be separated.

  "Go on, Grace, it's fine." Danny said, giving her a nod.

  Grace let out a breath. Why not? She smiled at Ryan. "Okay, thanks."

  The students were already in the back, and Ryan slid the door closed after Daniel and Lizzy climbed in, and then held the front door open for her. "You look lovely tonight, Grace."

  As she lifted her eyes to his, a ripple of excitement flowed through her. She gave him a grateful smile, but didn't trust herself to speak as she climbed in as elegantly as she could.

  The Ceilidh was being held in the local hall, and even as they pulled up, the sounds of accordions, drums and fiddles filled the air. Grace had to admit that the music was stirring, possibly even more so than the Irish music that often floated out of the hotels near Chambers. Despite not expecting to enjoy herself, her heart quickened in anticipation.

  The drizzle had stopped, and people gathered inside and out while they waited for the official start, but some eager couples were already dancing to the music. Ryan's light touch on her back sent tremors through her body. "Can I get you a drink?" He had to shout as he guided her through the crowd.

  Turning her head, she lifted a brow. "Gin and tonic?"

  He shook his head and chuckled. "We've been through this before, Grace. Water, soft drink or tea..."

  Grace raised her other brow. "Whisky?"

  He chuckled again. "Sorry."

  She let out a sigh. "Guess I'll have water."

  He handed her a glass. "I need to check on the students. I'll be right back."

  She smiled at him. "Okay. I'll stay with Lizzy."

  Ryan left with Daniel and headed towards the students who were all standing together in a huddle. The old Brianna would never have been seen dead or alive at a gathering such as this, but what would the new Brianna do? Grace kept her eye on the two men as they stood with their arms folded talking with the group. Half of the students looked like they didn't want to be there. Brianna was talking with Brayden, who had a sullen look on his face.

  Daniel and Ryan returned just as the band stopped playing and someone blew into the microphone.

  "Welcome everyone to tonight's Ceilidh. Take your partners for the first dance of the night, a Gypsy Tap."

  Ryan held out his arm. "May I have this dance, Madam?" His eyes twinkled, warming Grace's heart.

  "Thank you." She took his arm, as solid and firm as a tree trunk. The smell of him made her flesh tingle.

  "Do you know this dance?" he whispered into her ear.

  "No."

  "Don't worry, it's easy." They joined the circle of other couples before an older man wearing a kilt stood at the microphone and gave instructions. Within moments, Ryan slipped his arm around Grace's back and his left hand took her right one. His face was close enough for her to feel the warmth of his breath on her cheek. Against her better judgment, she allowed herself to relax. The music played, the man called the steps, and the dance began. Ryan was right—it wasn't difficult, and within a couple of sequences, Grace had it sorted. He hadn't told her it was progressive, and too soon she found herself with men she'd never met, each paying her a compliment. She was sure they said the same thing to all the women, but it boosted her spirits, nevertheless. When she came to Brayden, she tried to jolly him along. She was surprised he was up dancing at all. She glanced around the circle and found Brianna. She was laughing, and it looked like she was having the time of her life. The change in her was still so hard to believe.

  Once the Gypsy Tap finished, Strip the Willow was called. Ryan headed straight for Grace, and taking her elbow, placed her opposite him in a long row that stretched all the way from the front of the hall to the back. She had no idea what she was letting herself in for, but by the time it was hers and Ryan's turn to "Strip the Willow", she had a good idea she was going to embarrass herself in front of everyone, but Ryan's arms were so strong, and he made sure she didn't fall over, and every time she swung out into his arms, he steadied her. By the time they'd finished stripping the willow, she was breathless, but couldn't stop laughing.

  "You did well, Grace," Lizzy stepped close to her and shouted into her ear.

  "Thanks!" Grace's chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. On the other side, Ryan winked at her, and a warm fuzzy feeling surged through her.

  The rest of the evening passed all too quickly. Grace had never danced so much in all her life, nor had so much fun. Before she was ready, it was time to leave.

  As she sat beside Ryan on the way home, instead of after-shave filling her nostrils, masculine body odour oozed from him, but she didn't find it offensive, in fact, it had the exact opposite effect on her. She found it intoxicating, and had to fight her overwhelming desire to be close to him.

  When he stopped the bus in front of Lizzy and Danny's cottage, her hopes for a romantic evening flew out the window. He jumped out, jogged around the front, and opened the door for her. Instead of sweeping her up in his arms and kissing her as she'd hoped he would, he just took her hand and smiled. "I enjoyed myself tonight, Grace. I hope you did, too."

  She forced a smile. "Yes, I had a lovely time, thank you."

  "Will we see you in church in the morning?"

  She fought her automatic response of "no", and instead answered "maybe."

  "You'd be welcome." His smile widened, and her heart once again fluttered as his eyes twinkled at hers.

  "I'll think about it." But she'd already thought. If he was there, she'd go.

  "Thanks for coming, Grace. I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow." He leaned forward. She held her breath as he placed the lightest kiss she'd ever had on her cheek. But just the touch of his lips was enough to send her heart into a spin.

  As Lizzy, Daniel and Grace waved good-bye to Ryan and all the students, Grace's throat clenched. Nothing could happen between her and Ryan, but seeing him drive away just accentuated her loneliness. It would have been nice just to talk with him, if nothing else.

  "Come inside and have a cup of tea, Grace." Danny placed his hand gently on her back. "Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

  She let out a sigh and nodded, turning her head slightly to smile at him. "Yes, it was fun, thanks."

  "It was good to see you laughing." He left his hand on her shoulder as they walked inside.

  Rosemary and David greeted them with tired smiles as they all entered the kitchen.

  "How were the children?" Danny stepped to the stove an
d picked up the kettle.

  "No problem at all. They're all sound asleep in bed, which is where we should be." Rosemary chuckled.

  "Sorry we're so late, Rosemary." Lizzy hurried over and gave Rosemary a big hug. "Thanks so much for looking after them."

  "Our pleasure, Lizzy. Hope you all had a good night."

  Lizzy beamed. "The best. It was so much fun."

  "Ceilidhs always are."

  "You'll have to come next time."

  "Not sure about that." Rosemary chuckled. "I don't think I could strip the willow any more than I could climb Ben Nevis! No, we were happy to mind the children so you could go."

  "And we appreciate that, we really do."

  "As I said, it's our pleasure, but we really must be going. We have to be up early in the morning to prepare the flowers for church."

  After Rosemary and David left, Danny pulled out a chair for Grace and they both sat while Lizzy began making tea.

  Grace toyed with the spoon that had been left sitting on the table. The feeling of loneliness that had crept through her after Ryan drove away still sat heavily inside her.

  "So, one more day…" Danny angled his head and looked at her.

  "Yes. One more day."

  "The kids will miss you." He paused. "We'll miss you."

  Grace swallowed hard, her shoulders sagging under the weight of her loneliness and confusion. She finally lifted her head and met Danny's gaze. "And I'll miss you all, too." Her words caught in her throat.

  Danny leaned forward and squeezed her hand. "You don't have to go, Grace. You're very welcome to stay as long as you want."

  His kind eyes unnerved her further. She glanced down at her lap and tried to compose herself.

  Finally, she lifted her head and met his gaze. "I don't know, Danny. I don't know what I want to do."

  "Why don't you stay, then? Surely somebody else can step in for you."

  Shaking her head, Grace sucked in a slow breath before releasing it. Her shoulders slumped. “I really don’t know.” She swallowed hard. And that was the truth. She didn’t know. If she went back to work, it would all be the same. She’d get caught up with high profile cases that might help her forget for a while, but seeing Niall on an almost daily basis would be a constant reminder of what she could never have. If only she’d never got tangled up with Samara and Fergus. The only real way out was to confess and pay the penalty. But could she really do that now, after all this time? And how would she cope being in prison with those she’d put there? Grace shuddered at the thought. She was caught between a rock and a hard place. The only way forward was to push it all away again and not think about it. Bury it. Hide it. Pretend it had never happened. She could do that. She’d done it before, she could do it again. But staying a while longer was tempting.

  Danny squeezed her hand again. "Think about it?"

  She shrugged. "Maybe."

  Lizzy placed three steaming mugs of tea on the table and sat down opposite. "Dillon would love it if you stayed longer." She lifted her eyes and smiled. "And so would I, Grace. It's been lovely having company."

  Tears sprung to Grace's eyes. If she ever wanted a friend, Lizzy would be a great choice. Oh, blow it! She'd stay. Sniffing, she let out a small chuckle. "Okay, you talked me into it."

  Lizzy's eyes popped. Jumping up, she threw her arms around Grace's neck. "That's fantastic, Grace."

  Grace laughed. "I didn't know I was so popular."

  "You'd better believe it." Smiling, Lizzy took her seat and touched Grace's wrist lightly. "The kids adore you, Grace."

  "I don't know why."

  "Oh, I think it's because you look like their dad, and they love him to bits." Lizzy's eyes shone with love and devotion as she slipped Danny a smile.

  Once again, the pain of knowing she'd never share such a moment with anyone special tore at Grace's heart. But being loved by Danny and Lizzy's children was some compensation at least… or was it?

  "Well, now that's sorted, let's drink our tea." Danny winked at Grace as he lifted his mug. Did he ever miss drinking anything stronger? She knew she did… but she'd have to do without while she was here.

  Taking a sip of her tea, Grace leaned back, and wrapping her hands around the mug, angled her head towards Danny. "Do you think Brianna's going to make it?"

  His expression grew serious. She'd caught him off-guard with her direct question. He cleared his throat and steadied his gaze. "Yes, I think she will."

  "What makes you so sure? She's stayed off drugs before for weeks at a time, and then she's gone back onto them. What's different this time?" She raised her brow. "And don't tell me it's because she's found God."

  Danny drew a slow breath, put his mug on the table and folded his arms. "I can't guarantee she won't go back on them at all, Grace, but I do know that she's sincere about wanting to stay clean. I know you won't want to hear about her conversion experience, but you should ask her someday. I believe it was real, and that God has filled the hole in her heart that's been there all her life. He's given her a new start, Grace. He's washed away all the dirt from her previous life, and cleansed her from the inside out. She's still going to face challenges, as we all do, but she's got God in her heart now, and He'll give her the strength to get through whatever comes her way."

  Grace remained silent. It was a lot of rubbish as far as she was concerned, but she couldn't deny Danny's sincerity, and the change in his own life. "Has she told you what happened to her?" Grace's eyes narrowed as she angled her head.

  Danny leaned back in his chair. "No, she hasn't, but I can see she's been hurt in the past." He turned his head and met Grace's gaze. "Was it terrible for you at Aunt Hilda's, Grace? I've always wanted to know, but you've never wanted to talk about it."

  Grace shook her head. "You really don't want to know."

  "I feel guilty that you and Brianna were sent away when Mam died, Grace. I wished you could have stayed in Belfast with Caleb and me. I'm sure there would have been room for you at Aunt Moira's."

  "But you didn't have such a good time either, from what I hear."

  Danny sucked in a big breath. "No, you're right. I messed up badly."

  Lizzy reached out and squeezed his hand.

  He looked up and smiled at her, causing Grace to gulp. He shifted in his seat and turned back to Grace. "Would you like to hear about it?"

  Grace shrugged. "Okay. I've only heard bits and pieces from Caleb, so I may as well hear it from you."

  He drew a slow breath, as if he was steeling himself. "You already know Aunt Moira and Uncle Desmond took Caleb and me in."

  Grace nodded.

  "I was fourteen, and angry about Mam dying, and even more angry about the way Da had treated her." He shrugged. "I started drinking when I was sixteen, but then one night I got so drunk I ended up in hospital. I was given an ultimatum, either start going to church with the family, or move out. They'd had enough of me." He paused. "I wasn't ready to move out, so I started going to church, and I met a girl… her name was Ciara."

  Danny's eyes moistened. "She was beautiful. She had long, flowing hair, and she was always smiling. For some reason, she liked me, and we started dating." His expression grew serious and he wiped his eyes. "She got pregnant, and her parents made us get married. We lived in a room at the back of their house. It was hard, but we loved each other." He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath.

  Grace reached out and touched his arm. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to…"

  He opened his eyes. "No, it's okay. I want to."

  As she gave him a smile, her heart went out to him.

  "The baby was born. A little girl… we named her Rachel. She was the most precious little thing, and we loved her so much." He swallowed hard. "Having a baby to look after made me grow up. I got a job, Ciara and I moved out into a place of our own, and everything was great for six months, until one night, Rachel died in her sleep." His eyes moistened again, and his body shuddered. "I can still remember that night…"

>   Lizzy rubbed his back.

  Grace pushed back tears of her own as memories of the night Brianna's little baby boy died flooded back. But she couldn't tell Danny about that. It was up to Brianna to tell him if she wanted to.

  "I couldn't handle it and started drinking again, heavily. I went on binges, and one night when I came home, my cousin Liam had his arms around Ciara. I lost it, and beat him until he was almost dead. I went to prison for it." He lifted his head. "Ciara left me after that. I don't blame her. But this is the worst bit, Grace." Tears flooded his eyes. "A few years later, Ciara took her life." Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I should have been there for her when Rachel died, instead of beating Liam up and landing in jail."

  Tears streamed from Grace's eyes. She reached out and pulled him close. She'd had no idea. Why hadn't Caleb told her? Maybe he had but she just hadn't listened. "I'm so sorry, Danny."

  He sucked in some big breaths and released them slowly. "It's okay. It's part of my past, and it doesn't haunt me anymore. Meeting Lizzy was the best thing that happened to me. Well, the second best. She led me to Jesus, and He changed my life. I know you don't believe in Him, Grace, but I can testify for a fact that He's real. The gospel message is real. Jesus died for my sins so that I can live with Him forever, and while I'm here on earth, He's given me peace, joy, purpose, and forgiveness. That's what Brianna's found, and I pray that you'll find it too."

  Grace didn't know what to say. She couldn't deny Danny's experience. But how could Jesus ever forgive her of murder?

  Chapter 22

  The following morning, Grace rose and dressed for church, something she hadn't done since Mam died, almost twenty years ago. Danny's story had haunted her all night. Something about it had stirred her heart. If God had relieved him of his guilt over Ciara's death, maybe there was a way of getting rid of her own. Maybe she didn't need to tell anyone, other than God, what she'd done. Brianna hadn't. She'd go and hear what they had to say, because if there was a way out of this hole, she was starting to think she should look for it. Anything had to be better than the hell she was living in.