by Tess Oliver
“You should definitely be sure before you jump into marriage,” I said far too enthusiastically.
“Trust me, I know. Unfortunately, my mom’s already got wedding fever. I feel bad that my fever just isn’t there yet.”
“Never really pictured you as the big wedding type.”
She looked over at me. “See, you know me better than my mom, and, dare I say, better than my fiancé. Of course he tends to project his likes and wishes onto me. For Jeremy, it’s very much about the image he wants to present, specifically the image that goes along with being a hot shot east coast lawyer.”
I leaned back on my elbows. “I don’t think I’d approve of this guy.”
She turned to look at me. Her hair flowed back off her face, exposing her creamy skin and the sweet smile I always loved. “As I recall, you and Grady never approved of anyone I dated. Especially Grady.” Her focus returned to the hole she had her feet tucked inside. She’d dug deep enough with her toes to find the layer of wet sand beneath the dry. I could tell she’d drifted off to a Grady memory. “Still can’t believe he skipped out on our senior prom just because he hated my date, Doug. It wasn’t like he was going to have to dance with the guy or anything. And Doug was one of the nicest guys in school.”
I watched her as she tried to puzzle out Grady’s complete overreaction to her choice of prom date. She seemed to go right past the obvious.
There were two reasons I’d never told her the truth, the first being that Grady would have been pissed off if I had, and the second because I was hiding the same truth about my own feelings for Kenna. And now Grady was gone, and Kenna would eventually leave to marry some asshole, who, no doubt, didn’t deserve her.
“Damn, Trinket, you really don’t know, do you?”
She looked at me. “Know what?”
“Grady didn’t approve of your date or any date because he was in love with you.”
Her pink lips curled on the sides. She worked hard to tame a long strand of blonde hair back behind her ear. “Grady loved me, but he wasn’t in love with me.”
I gazed at her. There was a tiny flicker in her expression that seemed as if she was page flipping through some of the past to see if there had been something she’d missed, some clues about the way Grady felt about her. But she wouldn’t find anything. He’d kept his true feelings hidden to the point that he’d gotten nearly sick from it. And, all the while that he’d kept this secret from her, I had been keeping one of my own. Not just from Kenna but from my brother too.
She shook her head. “I think you’re just mistaking a close friendship with love.”
The subject seemed to sadden her, and I decided to drop it. None of it mattered now. Grady was gone, and once Kenna was married and practicing law in New York, she’d be gone from my life too.
I stood up and brushed the sand off my jeans. Kenna squinted up into the bright sky as she stared up at me. I reached back to the collar of my shirt.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m going in the water.”
“In your jeans?”
I started lifting off the shirt.
“Wait,” she said, “I need to get into character. What was her name?”
“Kiki Dinklefrost?”
“Yeah, that’s it. Good memory. Kiki Dinklefrost. She was my alter ego to combat the stupid rounds of whistles you guys would taunt me with when I stripped down to my bathing suit. Let me see if I can remember my lines. I need my invisible microphone.” She held her fingers in a circle around a pretend mic and lifted it to her mouth. “And a stunned, awe-filled hush falls over the female half of the crowd on the beach as Caden Stratton removes his shirt and unveils the master—” Her words fell off and her mouth dropped open as my shirt came off.
“Uh, I think you dropped your microphone, Kiki.”
“Jeez,” she muttered. “Let me just mention that the teenage Caden doesn’t hold a candle to the all grown up one. I like what you’ve done with yourself and the tattoos work too.”
“Glad you approve.” I lowered my hand.
She looked at it in confusion. “You don’t expect me to go in. This dress is dry-clean only and would be kind of impractical in the ocean.”
I lowered my hand. “Suit yourself, but the teenage Trinket, the star of the swim team and Kiki Dinklefrost’s alter ego, wouldn’t have given a damn about the dress.” I turned and lumbered toward the water.
My feet had just hit the froth that lingered along wet sand when Kenna went running past me, clutching the skirt of her dress, as she plowed into the water. Before I could catch up to her, she dove in and emerged out past the line where the waves were breaking. She smoothed her wet hair back and waved for me to join her. “Thought you were going swimming,” she called. “Not wading in like my grandma getting into the whirlpool at the gym.”
I dove under and swam toward her, popping up close enough to startle her. She splashed my face and swam out of my reach. Then she slowed down and floated up on her back. Her dress and her pale hair spread out around her as she closed her eyes. Another moment of sad silence swept over us. It had been like that all day, minutes in time where we smiled and thought about the past, temporarily forgetting. Then it would drag back over us, the bleak, hopeless feeling of loss and disbelief.
Kenna’s thoughts seemed to mirror my own. She didn’t look up or open her eyes as I swam closer to her. Her arms moved out like wings in the water to keep herself afloat in the rolling tide. “I feel as if my emotions are moving like the water. Up and down. For a second I’m able to tolerate the pain and then boom, it just hits me again like a bus plowing into me at full speed.”
She pushed her feet down. Salty water sparkled on her clumped together long lashes. Before I knew what was happening, she circled her arm around my neck and hopped up so that I was carrying her in the water. My heart thundered in my chest, and she had no idea.
“You were a good big brother to him, Caden.” She reached up and pushed wet hair off my forehead, another gesture that nearly sent me over the edge. “Just thought you should know that.” She leaned her head against my shoulder.
A wave rolled under us and we floated up as if on a cloud of air, then my feet touched the sandy bottom again. I held tightly onto her.
“Dad and I had an argument last night,” I started, not completely sure if I wanted to finish. But sometimes, it seemed Kenna could read my thoughts long before I said them aloud. When we were teens hanging out together, she always knew when I was twisted in knots about something. Even when no one else saw it, not even my parents, who thought my two sided, half life, where a block of houses separated my mom from my dad, was just fine. But Kenna saw it. She always knew.
“I’m sorry to hear that. What was it about?”
“Apparently, even in his grief, my dad has plenty of stamina to lecture me about my life choices. He’d had a few too many beers, trying to keep up with Sally’s Valium high, I guess. He rarely drinks, but when he does, the vampire teeth come out. He didn’t say it outright, but it was pretty obvious.” I thought about those few minutes in the kitchen and the expression on Dad’s face as we argued. His thoughts were so clear, it was as if they’d been typed above his head in a dialogue bubble.
Kenna lifted her head and looked at me. “What was obvious?”
I shook my head, deciding it was better left unsaid.
Kenna nudged me with her hand. “Tell me.”
“The wrong kid died,” I blurted, as if that would soften the harsh reality. “I know that’s what he’s thinking without him saying it. He’s thinking, why Grady? Why his favorite son?”
Kenna popped out of my arms and stood with the water moving around her. “Bullshit. That’s not true at all. I know things were bad for you, Cade. I know that silly social experiment your parents tried by living close enough
that you could migrate between both your mom’s and dad’s families was a failure. But they love you. Both your parents love you. You have to know that.”
“Let’s just drop it.” I started swimming back to shore, but she grabbed my hand.
“You haven’t changed a bit. You always turn away when it’s something you don’t want to hear. But you should hear this. I was sitting with my dad last night, and we were talking about the past, the neighborhood and just things in general. He told me that on more than one occasion, when he and your dad were talking, your dad would go on and on about your bravery in the war and how great you were at bike racing. My dad said he always thought it was interesting how much time he’d spend talking about you as compared to Grady. Your dad knows, just like Grady and I always knew, you are incredible at everything you do. You just need to let yourself in on that secret.”
I looked toward the beach, pretending to have my attention pulled away by the people playing Frisbee on the sand.
“See, you can’t even hear it straight forward and without embellishments from me. And you know damn well you can trust me not to lie to you. I’m going to be a lawyer after all.”
I turned back to her with a smile. Kenna had always been a pro at making me smile. “Seems like you’ll be a damn good one too, Trinket. You almost have me convinced. I guess we should get going. I’m sure my dad could use some help cleaning up after the wake.”
“Probably a good idea.” There was a gleam in her brown eyes as she looked at the beach. “I’ll race you back to shore.”
“Shit, not a chance Little Mermaid. You still swim like you’ve got a tail instead of those great legs.”
The last comment came out unexpectedly, and Kenna picked right up on it. “Ah ha, is that a compliment from the infamous, notorious womanizer, Caden Stratton? You think I’ve got great legs?”
“For a mermaid, they’re not bad. And when the hell did I become a notorious womanizer?”
She splashed water at me. “Oh please, enough with that look of shock and innocence. Your picture was still plastered in half the girl’s lockers in the high school gym two years after you left. Who was that one girl that all the guys were having wet dreams about, but she was nuts about you? Tanya Tuttle, right?”
I thought back to those high school days with a smile. “Oh yeah, TNT. That’s what all the guys called her. We had fun, Tanya and me, but she wasn’t the one.” I looked pointedly at Kenna, but she didn’t pick up on the clue. She had no idea at all.
“No? With her figure and those dark blue eyes, I think she was the one for just about every guy in town. Just not Caden Stratton, I guess.” She dragged her long legs through the foamy water. Her wet dress clung to her slender curves as she waded back to the sand. “Well then, who was the one?” She combed her long, wet hair back off her face. Her skin was pink and glossy smooth from the cold salt water.
I shook my head with no answer.
“Ah, as always, secretive. I’ll have to do some mind sleuthing to see if I can figure out who this mystery woman was.” She tapped her chin and then pointed at me. “That girl, Sammy, the one you used to hang out with at the park. She was cute. Just exactly what were you two always doing at the park after hours?”
“Samantha Vickers preferred the company of girls. I hung out there with her because she always had really good weed.”
“Oh, guess that doesn’t say much for my sleuthing skills.”
I couldn’t hold back a smile. “Trinket, if you knew the answer, you’d be hanging up your detective shoes for good.”
Her brown eyes looked even more beautiful surrounded by spikes of long, wet lashes. “Now you’ve piqued my curiosity.”
“Give it up, Sherlock.”
We waded back to shore and dragged out of the water in wet clothes. Kenna looked down at her dress. Heavy with salt water, the hem hung down to her knees. “Sadly, dripping wet is actually an improvement.” She leaned down, pulled all the material forward and twisted it to remove some of the water. “You don’t happen to have a towel in the truck?”
“Actually, I do. I was hanging out at a beach house about an hour from here, at Chantry’s Pointe, when my mom called about the accident. I rented it for three weeks, hoping Grady and I would head back there after visiting with our parents.” The last statement fell out like a piece of heavy lead. How different everything had been just a few days ago when I was looking forward to hanging out with my brother on the beach.
Kenna took hold of my hand and squeezed it. “They say time eases all this, but, at the moment, that doesn’t seem possible.” She released my hand and crossed her arms around herself. The sun was warm but the relentless ocean breeze against a sopping wet dress caused her to shiver with cold.
“Come on, Kiki Dinklefrost, let’s get you home.”
Again, she reached for my hand, and this time, I gripped hers tightly, not wanting to let it go. We trudged along the warm sand back toward the parking lot and the truck.
“I know I’ve already said this, Trinket, but I’m glad you’re here.”
Chapter 8
Caden
I’d showered off the sand and salt and pulled on dry clothes. I could hear the last few guests saying good-bye to my dad at the front door. I was relieved to have missed most of the wake. I could never figure out the reasoning behind food and conversation after a funeral.
My dad passed the hallway on the way to the kitchen. He still looked hunched over and as if his feet were filled with sand as he shuffled past. I knew I’d disappointed him yet again today, but I found that I had to deal with Grady’s death on my own terms, in my own way. I’d grown almost sick with the thought of sitting through a long church service with a lot of people who I no longer knew or cared to talk to. And the argument with my dad the night before had left me feeling more alone than ever. We’d hardly spoken all day.
I’d thought plenty about what Kenna had said, about how my dad felt about me, but it was hard convincing myself that any of it was true.
I walked to the kitchen. Dad was filling the sink with soapy water. A tower of dishes stood nearby ready to be washed. The kitchen table was covered with a mosaic of half-empty casserole dishes and cookie trays.
Dad was in his own world staring down into the growing plume of bubbles. He hadn’t heard me walk in. I came up next to him, picked up a sponge and began dipping the plates, one by one, into the soapy water.
Dad didn’t say anything at first. He walked over and took a dry dish towel from the drawer. Then he stood next to me to dry the dishes as I placed them in the rack.
“Where’s Sally and Bev?” I asked, deciding to break the tense silence.
“They both went in to take naps. It’s going to take Sally a long time to recover from this. Not completely sure she ever will. Thank goodness Bev has been here to lend her support.”
I wasn’t completely sure if the last comment was a dig on my recent lack of support, but I decided to let it go. I wasn’t in any mood to get into it again, and if I was being honest with myself, I deserved it.
“Dad, I’m sorry if I let you down today. You know—me and sitting still in a church—I just didn’t think I could bear it. I needed to be by myself to mourn my brother. I have to absorb this on my own. There was nothing a pastor or friends and family could’ve said to me today that would have brought me comfort.”
“Except perhaps Kenna.” He lifted his hand to stop me from responding. “It’s not an indictment, Cade. I just noticed that you left with her. I know how close you and Grady were to Kenna. It makes perfect sense that she would be the person who could ease some of the pain. Lots of fond memories between the three of you. I was always glad she put up with you and Grady enough to stick around. She was always a good influence. Where did you drive off to?”
“Poplar’s Beach.”
Dad sto
pped drying the dish he was holding and stared out the window. “Grady loved that beach. All of you spent a lot of time there, as I recall.” A deep, lonely sigh rolled up from his chest as he placed the newly dried plate on the stack. “Cade, your brother’s death has steeped me in so many memories, good and bad, I can’t keep up with them all. But I keep coming back to you. I know it was hard on you, living in two separate houses. And God knows your mother and I didn’t have a smooth as cream relationship after the divorce. I don’t know where our heads were. We thought it would make things easier on you, living so close to each other, but I know now, it was a mistake. I’m sorry that we failed you.” His voice shook, like it had dozens of times since I’d gotten home. In all the years growing up, I’d only seen my dad cry once, at his mom’s funeral. And those tears had almost taken effort on his part. But this week, it seemed every other sentence or thought shook him at his core. He’d endured what was no doubt the worst pain anyone could go through—losing a kid. Even though I’d lost a brother, the depth of my agony couldn’t be even close to what he was feeling. And I’d acted the complete ass last night and today, the day of his son’s funeral.
I stopped washing dishes for a second and looked over at him. “Dad, I’m not letting you and Mom take the blame for all my fuck-ups. I own those. Not you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you today.”
“You were there. Even if you weren’t in the church or at the wake, you were with me, Caden. You always are.” He stared into the frothy suds in the sink and seemed to be lost in thought for a second. Then a faint smile crossed his face and he looked over at me. “When you were across the world, in Afghanistan, I woke up plenty of times in a heavy sweat and with my heart racing as if I was right there with you in the war. I was so damn relieved when your tour of duty was over for good. I couldn’t keep up with the gray hairs anymore.” He picked up the dried stack of plates, and he swallowed to steady his voice. “Guess it’s the horrible stuff you don’t see coming that finally nails you in the end. All those times I worried about you boys, but this time—” He took a deep, steadying breath. “This time, I hadn’t given it a moment’s thought. I was looking forward to having the both of you home for a bit. Not even a second of worry.” He turned and walked to the table and pulled out a chair. He sat down hard as if the wind had just been knocked out of him. “Just don’t think we’ll ever get past this.”
