Learning to Stand

by Claudia Hall Christian

  Ben burst out laughing. Seeing her confused face, he smiled.

  “You, my dear, are the best intelligence officer this world has ever seen,” he said.

  “You’re very funny. I promise to tell Dom you told me lies to make me feel better.”

  “How much do they pay you at Homeland?”

  “I don’t know Ben. I can’t keep track of that stuff. Why?”

  “They don’t pay you. Do they?”

  “No,” She said. “You made the deal for me so I could be a Green Beret. Remember?”

  “I remember,” he said. “Since you’ve quit everything, let’s work out this Homeland contract thing.”

  “I’d still do anything to be a Green Beret,” she said.

  “Yes, Alex, I know,” Ben said. “And you should be paid.”

  “I should be a Green Beret. And you should be my mentor. I’ll never be as good as you!”

  “You’re better than I ever was.” Ben leaned over to kiss her forehead. “Silly girl, will you ever see what you are?”

  Alex shrugged off his compliment, his question and his affection. He laughed.

  “Why are you retiring?”

  She couldn’t keep the ‘why-are-you-abandoning-me’ from her voice. His head jerked in her direction. He scanned her sorrow-filled face.

  “I told my supervisors I was old and tired. Over the last couple years, I’ve lost my taste for it. I want to enjoy my children, make love to my wife every day, take naps, and walk the Seine. With the new baby on the way, two little ones at home, Helene ready for college, and Frederec’s teen angst, Claire asked if I might help out at home. She’s never asked for help. You know, I can’t say ‘no’ to Claire.”

  Alex’s face hardened as if she was chewing on a bitter pill. She could not change this reality.

  “It’s time for you to step into yourself, Alexandra,” Ben said. “You’re a natural leader.”

  “No, I’m not. I suck,” she said. “They don’t respect me. It’s like they respect everyone else BUT me.”

  Ben chuckled.

  “What?” Alex asked.

  “Oh men,” he said. “They can be such children. Joseph wants to retire you from your Homeland Security contract. I will help him determine what’s next for you there. But you must learn to accept your power.”

  Alex sighed.

  “But first, I believe we need to eat some of Cian’s stew.” Switching to English, he imitated Cian’s Irish accent. “Ma’s secret ingredients build the blood and strengthen the heart.”

  “Ma?” Alex asked in English.

  “He made it for you,” Ben said in French. “You’re loved by so many. Let them show you now.”

  She leaned into him.

  “I’ll miss you, Benji,” she said in French.

  “I’ll be in Paris,” he said. “You’ll probably see me more!”

  She smiled slightly.

  “Let’s go build the blood,” Ben said. “I’m sure your John is home and worried about you.”

  As if on cue, John looked into the room at them.

  “Waiting by the door?” Ben asked in English.

  John nodded.

  “Then, I’ll leave you then,” Ben said. “Be careful with her, son. She’s fragile.”

  “Dom said the same thing,” John said.

  Ben smiled then left the room.

  “Stew or bed,” John said.

  “Can I have both?”

  “Of course,” John said. “I’ll bring it down.”

  “Where’s my Maggie?”

  “Your Maggie?” John laughed. “She is with her Max and the boys. They will wear her out. Don’t worry about her.”

  Alex nodded. John helped her stand then led her to the bedroom. As he expected, she was fast asleep when he returned.

  F

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Six hours later

  Friday early-morning

  March 28 — 2:34 A.M. MDT

  Denver, CO

  Alex woke with a start. Once again her mind filled with disconnected images and thoughts. In the last series of images, Cee Cee Joiner’s laughing face was at the center of some awful wheel, every spoke led to misery. Sitting up, she shook her head. John’s hand touched her back.

  “Are you all right?” John asked.

  “Crazy images again.”

  “Like what?”

  “I saw Dad and Colin somewhere in Texas. Mike teasing Joiner. Eleazar laughing like the Joker from Batman. Jessie’s face when he died. ‘We’ll be friends forever,’ he said just before he died. The Carnival in Paris. Rodin’s Garden. Benji when I was stoned on Ketamine.” She sighed. “And a whole bunch of other images flashing across my brain like fireworks or light bulbs.”

  “That’s different,” he said.

  “But within the spectrum of PTSD,” Alex said.

  “Yes,” he said. “Would you mind if I checked your swelling?”

  She shook her head. John retrieved his doctor bag. He checked her blood pressure, pulse, and looked at her eyes. She was bored with the entire process by the time he was checking her left hand.

  “Your swelling’s coming down in this hand. How’s the arm?”

  “Hurts sometimes,” she said. “I like the blue cast. Sami says it’s a fashion accessory.”

  “I need to check your abdomen and hip.”

  She groaned.

  “How is your pain?” he asked.

  “My husband? He seems fine,” she said. “Could you do something for me?”

  “Hmm...”

  John’s full attention was focused on her bruised and swollen abdomen. Alex grabbed his hands. His eye’s jerked to her face.

  “Can you stop? I’m not up to being a frog for you to dissect.”

  “Would you like some stew?” John asked. “I have a little Crockpot warmer full of stew here. You know, microwaves...”

  “Change good food into toxic waste,” Alex and John said together.

  “Yes, I’ve heard your brother’s rant before,” she said.

  She sighed. His cobalt blue eyes held her brown eyes for a moment. In a single motion, he entwined their hands and moved over her to the bed. Lying next to her, he pulled her onto his shoulder. She rested her head against his chest.

  “I miss Simon,” she said.

  “I miss Simon, too,” he said.

  He raised his head to see if she was crying.

  “I’m not going to cry. Do you want to talk?”

  John dropped his head to the pillow. This was so them. In the wee dark hours, they talked about things no one should ever have to talk about.

  “Yes, I guess I need to talk. I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you’re exhausted.”

  She nodded her head and shifted to move off him. He held her in place. His hands pressed her head back to his chest. She melted against him.

  “That’s very nice,” he said. “Tell me about my friend, Robert Powell.”

  “The Boy Scout, yes. How did he get to be your friend?”

  “When I didn’t kill him the last time he did this to you.”

  “Yes, the last time,” she said with a sigh. “This was worse.”

  John grunted in acknowledgement. She was silent collecting her thoughts.

  “Everything I know?”

  “I guess so.”

  “According to my Dad... Patrick said the Admiral… you know who that is, right?”

  “He’s in charge of Special Forces. I’ve met him a few times.”

  “That’s right. He came to our New Year’s Day party once. Anyway, the Admiral buried the Boy Scout in Afghanistan. It was a really shitty project in the middle of nowhere. He was basically stuck there until about a week ago. When I met Perses in Weminuche...”

  “Did you ever find out if he’s my brother? Uncle? Irish militant relation?”

  “He isn’t. He was born in Zimbabwe when it was Rhodesia,” Alex said. “With Cian’s help, we’ve found all but one of your siblings. James. He’s listed as deceased, but
I don’t buy it. The rest live in Northern Ireland, Wales or Ireland. Of course, Rita’s in Scotland.”

  “Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ve always wondered.” John stroked her fuzzy head. “So, you met your professional assassin friend...”

  “Perses saved our butts in Weminuche. Before he did his usual vanishing act, he told me a couple things including that the Boy Scout was missing. I made a few calls while we were in the air back to base. No one knew anything. After my call, they were able to trace the Boy Scout to New York City then lost him. I found him in the Wahoo’s parking lot. Have you seen the video?”

  “No. What happened?”

  “He shot Mattie then attacked me. I’ve never seen him like that. He was enraged and...”

  “Lustful?”

  “Crazed. He tried to rape me in a public parking lot with at least twenty witnesses.”

  “Why didn’t those people help you?”

  “I told them to stay back. I was certain he would kill anyone who got in the way.”

  John was silent. He raised his head to catch her eyes again.

  “You almost died.”

  “Yeah.”

  Silent, they lay lost in their own thoughts.

  “I’m sorry. Listen, I know what you said at the hospital but I would understand if you…”

  “Stop it,” he said. “Don’t tell me I can find someone else or marry someone else or whatever. Don’t do it, Alex. I’m having a hard enough time without you telling me I should move on. I lost Simon too.”

  She dropped her head to his chest.

  “When we are done with this,” John said, “I want to take you some place warm. I miss those little bikinis.”

  “I’m pretty scarred up for bikini’s.”

  “Naked then. That’s fine with me.”

  Alex laughed.

  “Anything else?” she asked.

  “What will happen to the Boy Scout?”

  “I don’t know. I guess there’s a criminal investigation. Sami’s here because the Denver Police want to interview me. She thinks they will charge me.

  “You? Why?”

  “Your friend the Boy Scout is in pretty bad shape. He says I attacked him. For once, I’m grateful for those cell phone videos. Where’s Maggie?”

  “She’s asleep in a crate right next to the bed,” John said. “She wanted to sleep with you but it’s better for her to get used to her crate.”

  Alex sighed.

  “Stew?”

  “I can’t manage it. My blood will have to remain woefully thin until tomorrow,” she said. “What’s happening with your class?”

  “I’m able to test out of it, but I need to be there tomorrow… today… in four hours.”

  “We should get some rest. Would you mind holding me?”

  “All the rest of my life,” he whispered.

  FFFFF

  Two and a half hours later

  Friday Morning

  March 28 - 5:30 A.M. MDT

  Denver, CO

  John helped Alex get up before leaving to walk Maggie. Wandering through the silent basement, Alex crept up the stairs for a cup of real coffee. Turning the corner from the basement, she saw a man sitting at her kitchen table. Unable to make out who was sitting there, she pressed herself into the shadow.

  The man had military cut silver-gray hair, the olive colored skin of someone from Italy or maybe Turkey, and was wearing a long sleeved blue T-shirt and jeans with a dark blue overcoat draped over a chair. When his hand turned a page of the newspaper, the peaks of his defined biceps stretched his shirt. He was trim and in excellent condition.

  But who was he?

  Her heart pounded in unfamiliar terror. There was no way she could fight another person.

  Not today.

  Sliding a foot backward, she slipped toward the stairs. She was about to make the turn when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

  Without thought or effort, her body reacted. Covering the man’s hand with her right hand, she spun in place putting his wrist in a lock. Face to face with this man, Alex gasped and he laughed. She fell into an immediate bow.

  “Sensei,” Alex said.

  “Let’s train,” he said.

  “I don’t know what I...”

  His hand moved toward her face. Automatically, she lifted her blue casted left arm in a block. Rather than hit the fiberglass, he pulled his hand away and laughed.

  “Let’s find out what you can do,” he said. “Mat?”

  “Sensei, I’m too sore, too tight, too…”

  “Active recovery, Alexandra. You need to get your blood moving for you to heal.”

  “I’ve used the second floor. Our contractor has a black belt in Brazilian Jujitsu. We put a couple mats up there so he could teach me a few moves.”

  “Let’s see your new moves,” her Sensei said. Hearing steps on the stairs, the man said, “There’s Max.”

  Max stepped out and bowed to the man. Unwilling to disappoint her teacher, Alex bowed to him. For the next hour, Max and Alex worked through a series of choreographed moves called 'kata.’ Almost a dance, the twins fell into well practiced identical moves. The painful, repetitive movements warmed Alex’s aching, tight body. She was loose and breathing hard by the time her younger brother Colin wandered onto the second floor.

  “Time to spar,” the man said.

  As they had as children, the three siblings sparred with each other. Sparing had always been Alex’s favorite game. She loved using her agility and smarts to overcome better and bigger fighters. Today, Alex merely went through the motions. Colin and Max easily beat Alex easily until their Sensei intervened.

  Slipping off his shoes, he fought Colin first. Within two minutes, Colin was on the ground. He went after Max. Max held his ground for ten minutes then he was down.

  “Alexandra.” The man pointed to the mat.

  “Not today, Sensei. I can’t.”

  The man flew at Alex. Alex avoided his blows by dipping and stepping back until she reached the brick exterior wall. His body blocked her escape. Alex did not to meet his eyes.

  “I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes,” he said.

  Alex shook her head.

  “What’s happened to you?”

  When she refused to meet his eyes, he let her go. Max wrapped himself around her. Tapping his lip, the man walked across the room. He spun in place to find Colin’s six foot five inch frame blocking him from Alex.

  “You don’t have to protect her from me,” he said. “I’m trying to help.”

  “Then leave her alone,” Colin said.

  “Why don’t we move on to breakfast?” Max asked.

  Nodding, their teacher smiled at Max. With Alex lagging behind, they walked toward the stairs. Their teacher turned to see Alex jogging up the stairs to the third floor.

  “Can we talk?” he called up the stairwell.

  Not sure how to refuse her Sensei, she nodded. Looking up the stairs, she saw John watching her from the stairwell. John smiled but his worried eyes spoke volumes. She watched him retreat to their bedroom. Turning, she allowed the man to guide her toward some folding chairs.

  “Other than Sensei or teacher, I’m not sure what to call you,” Alex said.

  “I go by Steven Pershing,” the man said.

  “Steve?”

  “Steve works,” he smiled. “You don’t look like you’re feeling very well.”

  “How did you get in this morning?” Alex asked.

  “A couple of my men are here,” Steve said. “They let me in this morning when they changed guard.”

  “Ramirez and Blanco work for you,” Alex said.

  “Yes,” Steve said

  “You had them assigned to Bosnia?” Alex asked.

  “After you and Jesse ran into trouble? Yes,” the man said. “Trece and his White Boy tested into my area of expertise during basic training. They’ve worked for me ever since.”

  “And what is your area of expertise?”<
br />
  He smiled his ‘slow down’ smile for his impatient student.

  “I’m very confused, Alexandra. I don’t understand what’s happened to you.”

  “You mean besides the Boy Scout and losing my child and my complete failure as a leader and...”

  “Do you remember how we met?” he interrupted.

  “I feel like I’ve always known you.”

  “Can you tolerate an old man’s story? It might explain why I feel so bewildered.”

  Alex nodded.

  “And you’ll listen? To the whole thing?”

  Smiling at how well he knew her, she nodded.

  F

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “I’d arrived from a covert war in the desert for two months leave. I was leaning against the hood of my car smoking a cigarette.” He snorted a laugh. “I was trying to decide if I should try to get laid or sleep for a few days.”

  “I’ve been there.”

  “Yes, I was a Green Beret,” he smiled. “I was standing there, enjoying being in the US, when this little girl comes walking down the street. I mean, I’ve been immersed in sand and death for almost a year. The child looked like a mirage to me. She’s wearing a pink dress with little white flowers all over it, white tights, a white sweater and white Mary Jane’s. She had these impossible pig tails in her brown hair. The pig tails bounced up and down as she walked. She held a battered Teddy bear.”

  “I hated those tights.”

  “I couldn’t quite fathom what was going on when the little girl came right up to me. She said, ‘Suh, do you know where I might find the hospital?’”

  The man mimicked the Southern accent Alex had as a small child.

  “I said something like, ‘Uh, shouldn’t you be at home?’ She said, ‘Suh, my brother is in the hospital and he needs me. We’re Green Berets in training. Do you know what a Green Beret is?’ I almost choked. ‘I have some idea,’ I replied. She said, ‘A Green Beret never leaves a fellow soldier when he needs her.’”

  “Well they don’t.” Alex blushed.

  “You don’t,” he said.

  “Well, I’ve left them now. Haven’t I?”

  “Have you?”

  Alex shrugged.

  “You promised to listen,” Steve said.

  Alex bowed her head and indicated with her hands that he should go on.