by Dara Kent
“Is she going to be okay?” Lily’s voice.
“I’ve done everything I can. The rest is up to her now.” Jensen’s voice.
“I don’t understand what happened.” Monica’s voice.
Jensen’s voice closer. “Please, Val. If you can hear me, fight. I’ve given you the power to fight. Please. Just fight.”
Ah, so that was how I’d prevailed over Lilith. Jensen found a spell to absorb demon powers, and he adjusted the dark magic to suit the situation. Too bad he didn’t know Lilith wasn’t a demon, and things hadn’t worked out the way he’d planned. If she had been a demon, once I absorbed her in my mind, that would have been the end of it. She would be gone. But because she was something else, something older and more powerful, her powers, her memories, and her ghost would live on within me. We were forever bonded as far as I could tell.
My arms and legs tingled, and I wiggled my fingers and toes.
“She moved!” Lily exclaimed. “Did you see it?”
A featherlight touch flitted across my forehead, and I fought to open my eyes. “Val, baby, please. You can do this. It’s what you do—fight. No one is stronger than you.”
And now I’m even stronger.
“She’s going to fight her way out,” Jensen whispered.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Monica demanded. “What you did was reckless … dangerous to all of us, not just her.”
Warm hands moved through my hair gently. “I don’t owe you any explanations.”
“You did with this! She could have endangered everything!”
“And what would you have done? Killed her?” Jensen snarled. “Because I would have ripped your heart out with my bare hands for even trying.”
“I would have done what I had to do. It’s the burden I’ve been charged with.”
“Would you say the same if it was Tomas instead of her?”
“I don’t know.” Monica’s voice dipped low.
“Weeell,” Lily drawled, “at least we know why she was acting so bizarre lately.” My sister, always the one trying to iron out conflict and find the silver lining. “She had a friggin’ demon inside of her. I guess that’s why she was even more of a bitch than usual.”
Thanks, Lily. Sister of the year right there.
As if she had a sixth sense about my annoyance, she said, “And if she has a problem with me calling her a ginormous bitch, then she needs to wake up and tell me so.”
I internally chuckled. She’s ridiculous.
Warmth fanned across my cheek, lips pressing against the shell of my ear. “Val, I know you can do this. There’s no one in this world or any other I believe in more than you.”
Oh, Jensen, my idiot of a warlock. I love you so fucking much. I wish I didn’t let my insecurities and issues get in the way of our relationship. I held us back, when all you ever wanted to do was love and support me. I truly don’t deserve you. But maybe one day I will. If I live long enough to see this to the end.
My eyelids fluttered open, bright light washing my surroundings into a blur.
“She’s waking!” Lily exclaimed.
Ms. Captain Obvious strikes again.
“Val, thank fuck! Val, can you see me?”
Shadows moved across my field of vision, as colors and shapes began to normalize. My gaze met Jensen’s panicked orbs of blue, relief washing through them. “I’m okay,” I croaked.
“Is it her though?” Monica demanded. “Is it actually her?”
“Who the fuck else would it be?” I shoved up to lean against my headboard, only then realizing everyone was congregated in my small bedroom.
Lily grinned. “Yep, that’s her.” She leapt at me, wrapping her arms around me in a too-tight bear hug. “Don’t ever scare me like that again. I can’t do this without you.”
Jensen lifted her off of me, regarding me warily before he pulled me into his arms. He didn’t say anything, just held me as his heart beat a staccato rhythm under my ear.
“We need to know what happened, what she remembers. Everything.” Monica paced at the foot of my bed, nervous energy rolling off of her in palpable waves. “We need to make sure—”
“I’m fine.” I lifted my gaze to hers, brown on brown clashing. “I saw her in there. Lilith is who she said she was.”
Monica’s eyes widened. “Lilith. That can’t be possible. I’ve heard rumors of her existence, but—”
“It’s true,” I cut her off again. “It wasn’t a demon inside of me at all, but a fallen angel. The first if what she told me can be believed.”
And I believed it all now. I had millennia’s worth of memories to sift through, their presence changing me in unexplainable ways, and yet, I was still essentially me.
Jensen’s fingers dug into my flesh, his arms trembling. Did the news cause him worry? He’d cast a spell with limited information—information he now knew was wrong. “Val?”
I heard so much there in his use of my nickname. So many questions lingered between each letter. Most that I couldn’t and wouldn’t answer. At least not yet. “I love you.” I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling his spicy scent. I’d wasted too much time with him, causing my fears to become potential self-fulfilling prophecies. I’d been dumb and immature, carelessly throwing away things that most creatures would kill to possess, even a creature such as Lilith.
Unlike demons, Lilith had the ability and the desire to love and be loved. It was her presence within me that had propelled me back into Jensen’s arms sooner than I’d been willing. That fact didn’t diminish my love for Jensen in the least. To Lilith, I was a silly child who needed a push, one she was happy to give. In her own strange, twisted way, despite her willingness to let Tomas and Devon die, she’d come to care for me. She’d wanted Jensen for me, rationalizing the notion away but calling him useful to her overall purpose. Which was also true.
Somehow, before I managed to absorb Lilith, we were already on a collision course, hurdling for one another, one of us destined to be destroyed. Surprisingly, I’d been the one to survive, thanks to her matchmaking ways. If Jensen had remained distant from my life, like he had been for the several months prior to the incident, he wouldn’t have been there to help …
Crap. He did save my life, didn’t he? But when did he realize something was off with me? That first night when he tracked me to the alleyway outside Zeffer, or afterward when we’d been intimate? Was that why he kept popping up everywhere I was? And holy hell, he’d been completely okay with having sex with me when he thought a demon was riding shotgun inside of me. Talk about risky. But then again, he was arrogant enough to think there would be nothing to worry about because of his magic.
Shifting, I put some space between us, cupping the side of Jensen’s face. His jaw muscles jumped, his lips pressing into a hard line as he stared at me. “Talk to me, Val.”
“What did you do?”
One side of his mouth curled up, showcasing the one rarely occurring dimple in his cheek. “What I do best. Help you when you didn’t ask for it.”
Is the asshat actually trying to make a joke right now? It made me want to punch and kiss him simultaneously. “How did you do it without me noticing?”
The left side of his mouth curled up to match the other. “I’m that good.”
I guffawed. “Is it possible for your ego to get any bigger?”
“Guess we’ll find out when we’re alone later.”
Our interaction felt so … normal. As if it was just another day fighting demons, and not the day I went up against a fallen angel inside my brain and came out on top. With Jensen’s help. He fortified my mind and wound it tight with a spell to help me take on what he thought would be a demon. Was that the reason Lilith thought I would fail? Because of what she was—or rather wasn’t?
Or maybe she knew. After being imprisoned and tortured for an unfathomable time to a human, could she have grown weary of her existence, seeking something else? Not quite death, but close enough as far as I was concerned.
But then again, it was possible that I now had a soft spot for the creature because I truly understood her. Without having actually lived her life, I retained all her memories, and garnered empathy for her because of my newfound knowledge.
“Are we not going to talk about this?” Monica demanded. “We need to—”
“I need a few minutes alone with her.” Jensen’s grip on me tightened even further, as if he was afraid I would disappear right out of his arms. “And then we can talk.”
Lily grabbed Monica’s arm, dragging her out of my room. “Come on, I’ll get you some yummies while we wait.”
I heaved a sigh of relief, letting Jensen continue to hold me, enjoying a moment of peace while I still could.
25
Jensen’s chest heaved, ragged breaths rasping out of his lungs. I endured the thick silence, considering what I could say to him. I had to walk a blade-thin line between the truth and what I could afford to let him know. In the past, I might have considered ditching him in the effort to keep him out of trouble, but he’d proven with his little stunt, yet again, that he wouldn’t stop meddling in my life.
Gritting my teeth, anger boiled over. I slapped my open fist against his back. “Why would you do that without telling me?”
I could feel his lips curl up against the top of my head. “You would have fought me.”
“Of course I would have. As much as I hate to admit it, Monica’s right. You risked all of us by keeping what you knew a secret and acting on your own.”
“I wouldn’t have let you hurt Lily.”
“And how would you have stopped me? You weren’t even here half the time.”
He pulled away from me, his eyebrows raising up to practically his hairline. “You think I let you or her go unprotected? She’s like a sister to me now, too.” He chuckled. “One I never wanted. But one all the same. Although, isn’t that true of all siblings?”
“So you cast more magic without us knowing? Compounding the issue?” I glowered, loving and hating him for everything he’d done. He saved me. There was no way I could deny it anymore, at least to myself. But he’d also left me in the dark.
“I’m more powerful than you know.” He brushed his supple lips against my forehead, eliciting a pleasant flutter in my stomach. “Which is why I know you’re not telling me something.”
I grimaced. “What makes you think that?”
“Please, it’s me. I know you, Val. I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. Give me some credit already.”
I flicked my gaze away. “I’m still processing. What happened was … a lot. And before that, everything with you, and Tomas, and Devon … all of it. I was fighting through—” I waved my hand in front of my head. “I don’t even know. Things seem clearer now, but …” But what? Everything is different? I’m different? How could I tell him that without giving anything else away?
Jensen tipped my chin back in his direction with his finger. “Even now I can tell that you’re trying to figure out how to lie to me.” His lips pulled back in a snarl. “When are you going to understand that I’ll always be on your side? Huh, Val? You can trust me. No matter what.”
I nibbled my bottom lip, my heart and mind warring, as per usual when it came to Jensen Blackwell. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why will you always be on my side? What did I do to deserve that kind of loyalty? I know I don’t treat you as good as I should. You deserve better than what I can give you. I’ve known that since day one.”
He cupped the sides of my face, his large hands nearly engulfing my head. “You don’t see yourself clearly. You’re loyal and fierce, and yeah, a huge asshole. And you’re violent.” He grinned. “Have I told you lately that your penchant for violence is a total turn on?”
“Ooooh, now I get it. You’re insane.”
He skated his lips over mine, leaving me wanting more. “Does anybody ever know why they love someone? They can list out reasons until they’re blue in the face, but that’s the brain talking. Love comes from the heart, and when it wants something, it simply does. End of story.” He kissed me again, lingering longer. “And my heart wanted you from that first day when you—”
“Oh, so your heart is in your dick then? Got it.”
“You’re never going to make this kind of thing easy for me, are you?”
I smirked. “Well, I am an asshole.” Reaching for him, I fisted the front of his shirt, yanking him to me. I swept my tongue into his mouth, his meeting mine eagerly.
Groaning, Jensen pulled away. “As much as it pains me,” he palmed the front of his jeans, shifting his erection, “and let me tell you, it does … we need to discuss what happened with Lilith before we do anything else. Plus, Monica and Lily are waiting for us downstairs.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “When has that ever stopped us before?” I suddenly didn’t want to talk about anything. I didn’t want to deal with anything—to think about plans or what needed to be done. I wanted to lose myself in the passion Jensen could give me, at least for a little while.
“Damnit, Val. You had a goddamn fallen angel in your head, and you want to pretend it didn’t happen?”
“I haven’t gotten this far in my life without healthy doses of denial.”
“Talk to me. Talk to me right the fuck now.”
Delving my hands into his silky locks, I tugged. “We can talk later. Right now,” I kissed along his jawline, his scruff abrasive, “I want to pretend.”
His fists trailed down my back as if he couldn’t help but touch me even as he resisted. “Pretend what exactly?”
“That everything is normal. You’re just a guy, and I’m just a girl, and we have all the time in the world to simply be together. No complications. No worries.”
“Fuck. I want that. I do. But—” He groaned when I rubbed the heel of my palm over the front of his jeans.
“But what?” I smiled against his skin, his muscles thrumming with tension. He was about to break, and then I’d have him right where I wanted him.
“I’m a fool for you.” He nipped at my earlobe. “A complete and utter fool. And some days I hate it.”
“And others?”
“Others I fuckin’ love it.” He rolled me beneath him, smashing his lips to mine.
Lust exploded, taking all coherent thoughts out in the blast. I needed skin on skin, flesh pounding into flesh, all of me touching all of Jensen while he offered me temporary oblivion.
“Fuck, yes,” I whimpered. Or maybe that was him.
“More.”
“Faster.”
“Now.”
Pleasure and pain intermingled, taking me higher and higher, my senses alight. Abruptly, I dropped, falling headfirst into euphoria, drowning in it.
Chests heaving, we held each other tight, a sense of foreboding clinging to me.
“I don’t know how you do it,” I mumbled against his neck. “But you somehow make even quickies a revelation.”
“Seduce me, and then heap praise on me for my sexual prowess … what are you after now?” His tone was light, but the question was serious.
“Can’t I give you praise for no reason?”
Propping himself up on his elbows, he stared down at me, his dark hair falling across his forehead. “Maybe. But now is not one of those times.”
Batting my eyelashes at him, I smiled. “So cynical.”
“As I should be. Especially with you.”
“I thought you said you’d stand by me no matter what?”
“Val,” he grumbled, “I will stand by you because I love you. It doesn’t mean I don’t know who you are. I know when you’re trying to manipulate me.”
“And you still let me.”
“I’m a guy.”
I tapped my chin. “That’s right. Men aren’t as strong as women. I forget sometimes.”
He glowered. “If I’m weak, so are you.”
I patted his shoulder. “Tell yourself whatever makes you feel better.”
One dark eyebrow rose. “Really? And I suppose it wasn’t you in my condo a few days ago who couldn’t resist me long enough to even make it to the couch?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Right. And I believe that for one second.”
“Whatever. Don’t use reality to fight my world of fiction.”
He laughed. “Fuck. I love you and all of your bullshit. Fuck if I know why.”
“Because I keep you on your toes, and predictable is boring?”
He extradited himself from me, leaving me strangely bereft. I watched as he made quick work of pulling on his clothes. “You got what you wanted. We can talk later.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “But we will be talking later. About everything.”
“Sure.” Biting my lower lip, I fished around the bed for my discarded clothes.
When we were both presentable, he swung the door open, heading downstairs. I followed reluctantly, not in the mood for another meeting of our Scooby Gang.
Lily’s lips twitched when she saw me. “You really are feeling better.”
Monica wasn’t as amused. “We don’t have time for the two of you to go at it every five minutes when the balance of Heaven, Hell, and Earth is in danger.”
My cheeks warmed, annoyance sparking. “We don’t go at it every five minutes. Maybe you’re just jea—” I bit back my retort, knowing it was taking it a bit too far. Tomas had just died, and even if I hadn’t been thinking of him when I’d gone to say it, the comment definitely would come out wrong. “We don’t go at it every five minutes,” I repeated, clearing my throat.
Sadness rolled across Monica’s features, her lips pressing into a thin line. “We need to know everything that happened with Lilith and how we could have been compromised, and we need to go after the weapon.”
“I told you pretty much everything there is to tell.” Lie. But what else was I supposed to say? I couldn’t trust Monica with my plan. Nor did I want to explain how I was there when both Tomas and Devon were killed. “I didn’t know she was in there, poking around in my psyche, thanks to Jensen.” I spared him a glare. “I haven’t forgotten about the tracking spell, by the way.”
