by Dara Kent
“I’m not even the tiniest bit surprised.” He blew me a mocking kiss.
“We’re just supposed to accept Lilith was in your mind, and now she’s not, boom, time to move on?” Lily asked incredulously. “I have questions.” She waved her hand in Monica’s direction. “We both have questions.”
“And I don’t have answers.” Lie, lie, lie. Lowering my gaze, I could feel Jensen’s eyes burning into the side of my face. “I can only tell you what I know. And like I’ve said, it isn’t much.”
“The spells I cast on her kept her in the dark,” Jensen offered.
Surprise pinged through my system. Why was he helping me with this? He was pressing for answers as well. Unless he’s showing me how much on my side and no one else’s he is.
I had a ton to consider, and little time to put my plans into action.
“Look.” I rubbed my temples, feigning a headache. “I’m fine, really. I keep saying it because it’s true. But I’m tired and could use some rest. So, okay then. I’m going to bed, and we can start fresh with everything tomorrow.” Forcing a yawn, I trudged back up to my room, not waiting for any responses.
Hushed voices filtered up to my ears, but I didn’t pay them any mind. It was time to put the first part of my plan into action.
26
Knowledge is power. And even though I didn’t get any added benefit physically from absorbing Lilith’s essence, I’d gained her knowledge. It was a big win as far as I was concerned.
Except for the whole burning alive flashbacks I kept getting.
Curled in a ball, I rocked back and forth, clutching at my skull. “It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real,” I muttered to myself over and over.
Echoes of screams tore through my mind as chills wracked my body.
“Fuck.” Jensen crouched in front of me, his sudden appearance not surprising in the least. He no doubt felt my emotional turmoil, then used the damn tracking spell to find me.
He tipped my chin up, and I gave him a watery smile. “Who knew angels could get PTSD?”
Realization donned, furrowing his brows. “You got her memories.”
I tapped the tip of my nose. “Bingo.”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
“I keep seeing myself … her burn alive. Over and over. As soon as I—she heals, it starts again.” Tears streamed down my face. “She was down there, in Hell, for longer than I can even fathom. Even while she was in my head, her body still burned.”
Jensen pulled me against his chest, a string of curse words spilling from his mouth. “I’ll figure out a way to build a wall in your mind. Maybe the same type of spell I used to block her off inside of your mind to start with.” He stroked his hand down my back. “Maybe if I—”
“No,” I rasped. “I’ll lose all her memories then, and I need them.”
“Because they seem like they’re doing you a lot of good now … while you rock yourself back and forth in an alleyway, behind the trash bin of your bar.”
I gestured vaguely behind me. “I took out like five demons before it took hold. It was so easy with knowing exactly what they were and therefore all their weaknesses.” I’d never felt stronger or more in control, and I didn’t even have the coveted mega-weapon yet.
“And what would have happened if your meltdown happened during the fight?” He ground his teeth together, glaring down at me. “It’s like you’re determined to self-destruct lately.” He grabbed me by the shoulders. “I won’t let you.”
Shaking him off of me, I pulled myself unsteadily to my feet. “I’m feeling much better now.” I simply needed to find something else to focus on to force away the unwanted memories.
“I’m going to help you.”
I clicked my tongue. “I swear, only you could make an offer of help sound like a threat.”
“Pretty sure I learned that from you.”
Raising my hands in the air, I let them drop a second later. “What are we even doing?”
He frowned. “What? Now? Or in general?”
“We can’t be near each other for more than five seconds without fighting lately. If we can’t even—”
Jensen stepped into me, sliding his hands into my hair roughly. “That’s not true. We do just fine when—”
“When you’re inside of me. Yeah.” I shook my head. “But what does that say about us?”
He smirked. “That we should have lots more sex?”
I smacked at his chest. “You drive me insane.” But I loved him. With every molecule in my body. Even Lilith had recognized the unique connection we shared, despite me wanting to rip it apart, being the neurotic fool I am.
My shoulders slumped as I curled into myself, wrapping my arms around my middle. “I’m tired of fighting. Not just you, but demons. I’m burnt out. I want to end it.” And I can end it. I finally had a way to make it all stop. Would Jensen help me with my plan? Or would he attempt to stop me? Because I wanted him to be there in the end, him and Lily both. After all, I was doing it all for them. To keep them safe in a world I otherwise wouldn’t.
Jensen’s baby blues met mine, sadness welling within them. “I know.”
There had been a time when I enjoyed the hunt like an adrenaline junkie in search of their next thrill. But somewhere along the line, I’d become jaded. Although inconvenient at first, Lilith choosing me was an answer I didn’t know I was searching for. She could give me the miracle I didn’t think possible.
“I don’t like it when you’re quiet,” Jensen said, drawing my full attention back to him. He drummed his fingers along the side of his thigh.
“What? Am I making you nervous?”
One side of his mouth kicked up. “A quiet Val is a plotting Val, and yeah, it makes me nervous.” His expression flattened out, losing all mirth. “Tell me what I can do to help you. I’ll do anything.”
I pulled teeth over my bottom lip. “Anything?” Could I risk trusting him with this? Or should I continue to keep him at arm’s length until I fixed my predicament? I truly didn’t know. As per usual with him, my heart and mind had different answers.
His lips brushed against my ear, fanning his hot breath along my cheek. Goosebumps erupted across my flesh. “Anything,” he rumbled low.
Yep, chemistry is definitely not a problem with us. His voice, his scent, the way I burned when he was close … I could never stay away from him permanently. I couldn’t deny that fact any longer.
Leaning back, I drew my thumb along his lower lip. “Even fight Heaven and Hell and everything in between?”
He grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand away from his mouth. “I’ll take on Lucifer himself if it means getting to be with you.”
“You just might have to,” I grunted.
Anger worked its way into the lines of his face, causing him to appear harsher, older. “Let me use my powers to help you. I’m strong—stronger than you realize.”
Bits and pieces of information flitted across my consciousness, some in black and white images, some in vivid color, and others merely emotions. Shock accompanied each one, my heart quadrupling in time, my body stiffening.
I fisted Jensen’s hair at the nape of his neck, and he stilled, eyes darting back and forth between mine. “Ah, but Lilith knew. Which means so do I.”
He sucked in a ragged breath. “And what do you think of me now?”
Jensen Blackwell wasn’t merely a human known as a warlock, who had powerful magical gifts. No, it was more complicated than that. Within his family line ran the blood of Azazel, a fallen angel almost as powerful as Lucifer himself. Jensen was far more gifted than I ever guessed. His magic dark and twisted, tied in with the very system I fought.
And even with all her knowledge, Lilith still thought Jensen a good love match for me. I wasn’t sure if that was a statement about me, or her.
“Was it really a coincidence that you moved in a few doors down from us?”
“I think you already know the answer to that.”
I did. But I
wanted to hear him say it. “You were going to what? Kill us and take our twice marked energy?”
He nodded once, his jaw muscles twitching.
“And the way you pretended to discover what I was that first day. When you saw my marks?”
“I thought it would make it easier.”
“To kill me and take my essence as a descendent of Lucifer?”
“It’s what we’ve always done. It’s part of the curse—the Blackwell Legacy. It’s how we remain free of servitude in Hell, free from being slaves to Azazel. Each Blackwell has to give him two twice marked—their energy. Two twice-marked hunters from each Blackwell by our thirtieth birthday, and in exchange, he lets us keep our power, our lives, and our souls. Otherwise, he would punish us. But you know all of this now.”
“Not all of it. Only what Lilith knew. Which wasn’t the why, simply what it means to be a Blackwell warlock.”
“I couldn’t do it because I fell in love.”
“Sucks to be you.” I didn’t know what I felt about any of it. Jensen was going to kill me and Lily both, to steal whatever energy that made us special as twice marked. But then what? I’d seduced Jensen into changing his mind? Even I didn’t think I was that good between the sheets. “It wasn’t love at first sight. I don’t believe such a thing exists. We were insta-lust, sure.” I clicked my tongue. “You trying to tell me I fucked you into submission? How about giving me something I can believe.”
Lurching forward, Jensen pressed his face into my neck, wrapping his arms around me. There was a vulnerability to him I’d never witnessed before. “I never lied to you. What I told you when we first met was true. I knew I was a goner within the first five minutes of meeting you.”
“Why didn’t you kill me then? Right away? Before you had the chance to get attached?”
“I couldn’t,” he croaked out. “I wanted you. I’ve never wanted anyone or anything as much as you.”
“The distance between you and your family is because of me?” It came out as a question, but I knew the answer to that, too.
“They had to cut me off to put some distance between me and them. They were worried about Azazel’s wrath.”
“And why hasn’t he come for you yet?”
“He would have, and soon. You know my birthday is a month away. I could feel his attention turn toward me, burning within me for months now. I grew desperate, begging for more time, doubtful that I would get it—that he would even listen. All the while we were together, I searched for a way out, willing to do almost anything.” He swallowed hard. “But then the opportunity presented itself … and I finally saw my way out. A way to save both of us.” He clutched me tighter. “You already know what I did. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Everything was a lie. Jensen hadn’t shown up in my life exactly when I needed him, he’d come to kill me. I let the thing I feared most in the front door and I’d been fucking it ever since. He was my potential demise in all ways, and yet I couldn’t blame him. Not really. He was fighting a battle for his soul just the way I was. The way all twice marked were. We were more alike than I realized, both pawns in a game we didn’t sign on to play.
A dry laugh escaped my throat. “And I thought you didn’t understand what it was like to fight for your soul.”
“Val, baby, please. You have to understand.”
I hate when he tries that baby bullshit. “I don’t have to understand anything,” I snarled. I leaned heavier into him, softening my voice. “But I do.”
Strangely, finding out the truth, getting a look behind the curtain of Jensen’s life in a way I never had before, made me trust him more. He could have killed me a thousand times over, and instead, he kept me safe, even when I didn’t want him to. Sure, he lied, but how was he supposed to explain his past? I probably would have shoved one of my blades straight through his heart and never looked back.
“Where do we go from here?”
“That’s a good question.” One I wasn’t sure I had the answer for. Jensen was trustworthy when it came to me, and even Lily, but he’d seized the opportunity to solve his Azazel dilemma by offering up Tomas and Devon on a silver platter. He betrayed my friends, and I was blindsided by all of it.
“The demons would have killed them regardless of my involvement. It was a way out and I had to take it.”
What would I do if I was in his shoes? Probably a lot worse. “I don’t know what it says about me as a friend, and as a person, but I understand.” There went my chances of getting into Heaven no matter how many demons I slayed, unless … unless my plan worked, and then none of it would matter anymore.
He blinked repeatedly, as if unable to comprehend my words. “I thought if you ever found out you would—”
Wrenching away from him, I staggered to my feet. “But it doesn’t mean I can just forget about it. I need time.”
Unfurling himself to his full height, his fierce gaze met mine. “Let me help you with Lilith’s memories.”
“Back to this, huh? Take off the tracking spell and we can talk about it.” I quirked an eyebrow. “Or are you afraid you’ll never see me again if you do?”
His lips flattened out, and his left eye twitched. “No. Nothing has changed on my end. The tracking spell stays.”
“If you want me to trust you, if you want me to eventually forgive you for the horrific thing you did, if you want to have a relationship with me, you’ll take off the goddamn tracking spell.”
His nostrils flared, his mouth opening and closing several times. “All right. Against my better judgment, I’ll remove it.” He twisted and moved his fingers in an intricate pattern, and a warm sensation shot along the back of my head.
I prodded along my hair at the base of my neck. “In my hair. Really?”
He shrugged. “In the off chance you ran into someone who could see my magic, I wanted it in a place even they wouldn’t be able to spot it.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t put it on my ass.”
He smirked, his dimples popping out. “Thought about it.”
“Hmm,” I grunted.
And there we stood, the two of us staring at each other in the back alley behind Wilde Stallions, about a million miles of emotional miles between us.
“I guess … I guess I could use your help.” The words were like acid on my tongue. But the truth was, I didn’t have time to wait around for circumstances to be the way I preferred as opposed to the way they were. Jensen and I would work things out in the long run, or we wouldn’t. Tonight was not the time to decide.
“I’ve already told you I’ll do anything for you.”
“Good.” Before the Blackwell revelation, I doubted whether or not Jensen would want to involve himself in my plan, or if he would attempt to stop me. I never thought of him as being strait-laced and virtuous like Monica, but I viewed him as more cautious than me. And maybe he was, careful that is, compared to me. Which was an unbelievably low bar, I was beginning to learn. But now—
Maybe he really is willing to do anything for me.
“I’m going to need you to open up a portal.”
He groaned. “Please don’t puke on me this time.”
“I’ll try not to, but it’s the least you deserve.”
He pressed his lips together, his teeth audibly grinding in a clear effort to contain a retort.
“You need to get us into Monica’s house. Unseen. Preferably into the room they’ve got their guest hanging out in.”
He tilted his head, curiosity and concern warring. “All right. I can do that.”
“Then do it.”
Ozone singed my nose, adrenaline surging. Here we go.
27
Hovering over the prisoner, I gripped my blades tightly, my knuckles white. Jensen leaned against the door, arms crossed as if he was relaxed, but his strained neck muscles belied his nerves. He hadn’t spoken a word to me since we arrived, his steely silence grating on me. I could tell he wanted an explanation, but even someone like Jensen knew when it was time
to back off, and now was one of those times. He was probably content to simply know where I was and what I was doing, to a certain extent.
The kid appeared peaceful in his sleep. I supposed all humans did, even the murderous, demon-driven ones. Killing him would be easier in his current state of slumber, but it felt wrong somehow, even if the outcome would be the same in the end.
Leaning forward, I brought my weight down on the kid’s chest, a startled gasp escaping him as his eyes flew open. “I won’t tell you anything,” he rasped, sleep still clinging to his vocal cords.
“Your family.” I was grasping at straws, wanting him to say or do something nasty so I could feel justified. “Did you enjoy it … killing them?”
His eyes burned brighter, a feverish glint to them. “I cut them into tiny little pieces, one after each other. Their screams were music to my ears.” He grinned, his lips stretching wide. “They couldn’t understand why I would do such a thing.”
“Why did you do such a thing?” I pressed. Him talking of enjoying their screams wasn’t quite enough, I wanted more.
“Because it was fun. It was fun to torture them. To watch the light go out of their eyes.” He giggled. “I wish I could do it over and over and over again. And I would if I could.”
Yep, that should do it. Drawing my blade across his throat, I finished the job I started at the mansion. I understood why Lilith wanted the kid silenced. And now I agreed. It had absolutely nothing to do with the dead bodies piled up in Belle Meade, and everything to do with him being a witness to both me and Jensen being involved in Tomas and Devon’s deaths. Eventually, it would all come out, but I needed to put a cap on it until I was ready—until my plan was set in motion.
Glancing down at the pool of blood seeping into the pillow and sheets, I idly wondered how Monica would react. The Heaven marked were squeamish sometimes. And perhaps, at some point in my life, I had been, too. Not that I could conjure a single example in my mind at the moment.
Jensen moved away from the door, his gaze flinty. “We need to get out of here.”
