Girl in Luv

by Jay Crownover

  Iker

  I woke up before the sun came up.

  It was habit. Being in the army for as long as I’d been meant lazy mornings in bed were a rare occurrence. Part of me wanted nothing more than to snuggle into the luxurious bedding and sink into the sexy warmth of the soft body wrapped around mine, but a larger, louder part of me was screaming at me to move. To get up. To walk away. To minimize the damage done to this beautiful, brilliant girl as much as I could.

  If only she hadn’t asked to make plans in the future.

  If only she hadn’t responded so sweetly, so uninhibited to my every touch.

  If only she wasn’t the type of girl to promise to wait for me, to put her entire life on hold even though there was no guarantee I would make it back in one piece.

  Sighing and feeling nearly suffocated by regret and remorse, I turned so I could lightly kiss Langley’s forehead, biting back a grin as her eyebrows danced upward in her sleep. She looked like a thoroughly debauched angel, her halo lost somewhere on the floor with the rest of her clothes. It was a nice image to remember her by.

  I inched my way out of the bed, careful to shift slow and steady when I dislodged her head from my arm. I planned to tell her face-to-face I was leaving…not just the state, but the country. I’d been silently counting down the days to my next deployment since before that fateful meeting with Langley in the bar that night.

  I was only planning on sticking by her for a week, so initially, I didn’t think it mattered if she knew I was getting ready to go wheels up or not. My real life didn’t have anything to do with this somewhat dark fairytale she dragged me into... At least, not at first. Now, it felt like I’d deceived her, lied by omission. I allowed her to get attached, to get so much closer than I normally let anyone get, but I was still leaving and there was not a damn thing that could be done about it.

  I pulled on my discarded pants from the night before and dragged my hands over my face. I couldn’t help shooting another look over my shoulder at the woman sleeping behind me. My fingers itched to reach out and push her hair out of her face. I wanted to trace the outline of her full lips and kiss her one last time, but logically, I knew a clean break would be better for both of us. Or maybe it was just easier for me and I was taking the coward’s way out. I’d purposely never gotten attached before for this very reason. Walking away was so much harder than I could ever imagine.

  When Langley woke up alone, she was going to be pissed. As she had every right to be. I wouldn’t blame her if she felt like I’d taken advantage of her. I never intended to, but then again, I never intended to like her—really like her—either. I figured pissed off was better than brokenhearted. I’d rather have her hate me for dipping out and leaving her high and dry, than have her pining and silently suffering while she waited for my return. If I returned. I couldn’t do much for her now that our week was up and my time to serve had come, but I could leave her with something hot like anger, instead of something frigid and cold like loneliness and longing.

  On silent feet, I prowled around the extravagant hotel room, steadily looking for the rest of the money Langley owed me. In my life, I’d done some things I wasn’t exactly proud of, but searching for the cash while she slept soundly after a night of intimately learning every dip and curve of her body, was probably the lowest I’d ever felt. If Gael wasn’t counting on the five grand for school, I would’ve slipped out the door and been on my way, but letting Langley down was bad enough. I couldn’t disappoint my little brother as well. I wouldn’t.

  I found the money in her open suitcase, cringing as I tucked it away in my wallet. Rubbing my hands over my short hair, I looked back at the still form on the bed. A pang hit the center of my chest and I sucked in a breath against the sudden pain. Could I really disappear on her without saying a word? She’d already been screwed over so badly by the last guy she trusted. There was no way in hell I wanted her to lump me in the same category as that dick, Dick.

  I blinked and jerked my hand back when I realized I was reaching for her involuntarily. My fingers were shaking so hard I had to curl my hands into fists to get the tremor under control. Swearing softly under my breath, I froze, a million words I needed to say stuck in my throat. Silently, I lowered my head and counted backward until I had myself under control.

  As if she subconsciously felt the dark shift in the air, Langley rolled over, kicking her legs free of the comforter. The tiny frown between her golden brows was still there and her mouth pulled into an adorable mew of dissatisfaction. If she was dreaming, it wasn’t about anything good. When she woke up, her reality was going to be something even worse.

  Swearing softly again, I moved off the bed toward the built-in desk in the room. I found the small pad of Broadmoor stationery and the logoed pen. I was pretty good with words. Growing up in a rough, ugly neighborhood meant I learned to talk fast and use my words as weapons at a very early age. However, I was not a guy who had ever sat down and tried to pour his heart out onto a piece of paper. I couldn’t remember a single time in my twenty-four years where I’d ever written a letter to another human being, let alone one who mattered to me. Even my text messages and emails tended to be short and to the point. I needed to do this for Langley. She deserved more than waking up alone to an empty bed. She needed to hear the whole story and understand why I couldn’t offer her more, even though I was tempted to.

  Using the faint glow of my cell phone screen, I jotted down several pages, pouring out my soul onto the paper in front of me. The words were one hundred percent honest, the unvarnished truth about why I was leaving, how I felt about going, and most importantly, why I’d kept the truth from her during the last week. I hoped she understood. I was fully prepared for her to hate me forever, letter or no letter. I jerked in the leather wingback chair I was sitting in when a single drop of moisture suddenly landed on the last page of my confession, smearing the ink and making my signature blur.

  I scrubbed the heel of my palm over my cheek, stunned to find it wet. I wasn’t exactly emotionally repressed or anything like that. I liked to think I was a modern enough guy, in touch with my feelings and aware of their impact. But, my life had never been a walk in the park. I was surrounded by extreme violence, and sadly, the loss of life on a regular basis…and that had been true for me even before I enlisted. It took a lot to move me to actual tears, but here I was, face damp, eyes blurry, because of a girl I’d only known for a week. Shaking my head at myself and at the situation, I pushed away from the desk, casting one last look in Langley’s direction.

  I would never admit it, but deep down, I knew I was hoping she would wake up before I ran away. I wanted to see those bright blue eyes one last time. I wanted her to chew me out and vent all the rage at me I was sure she was going to feel. I really wanted to kiss her, to fall back in bed with her, to keep her as my own. Too bad none of that was in the cards.

  I left the letter and the tux behind. I wasn’t going to need the monkey suit anytime soon. It was bad enough taking the money made me feel a little bit like a gigolo. I nearly tripped sneaking out the door because I swore I heard Langley call my name. I waited a split-second in silence, then practically ran down the hallway to the elevator. I felt like the world’s biggest coward, but I’d convinced myself this was the right thing to do and there was no going back, now that I was out the door. Slinking out of the expensive hotel at dawn was officially one of the lowest points in my life. It twisted my guts and made my head pound in frustration.

  It felt like it took a thousand years for the uniformed valet to bring my truck around. I kept waiting for Langley to appear out of thin air, or her father to show up, ready to kick my ass. It was what I would want to do if I knew some lowlife invaded my daughter’s prestigious world, shook up her entire family, got her hopes up, then left her to deal with the fallout all on her own. Luckily, the only member of the wedding party I ran across was an obviously still-drunk bridesmaid whose morning walk of shame kept her head down and eyes averted.


  I pounded on the steering wheel with the side of my fist as soon as I climbed in the truck. A heavy weight of wrongness settled on my shoulders, and I wanted to throw my head back and scream. I almost turned around and went back to the hotel twice. Luckily, my brother called when my willpower was at its lowest. I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building and rested my head against the passenger window as Gael’s voice came through the Bluetooth connected speakers.

  “Are you okay, Ike?” His voice still sounded so young, so innocent. I would give my last breath to keep him that way. “I got a weird feeling and couldn’t go back to sleep until I called you.”

  We’d always been weirdly connected in that way. My Spidey senses tingled when something was off with him as well. He was always extra anxious and on alert right before I deployed.

  I cleared my throat. “You should be in bed, not worrying about me.” I tried to keep my voice light, but failed miserably. “I’m really sorry I didn’t make it home this time. But I’m glad you get to go to your dream school. I miss you and I’m not sure when I’ll see you next. I guess I’m just bummed how things worked out.”

  Dealing with my first semi-broken heart was worth it as long as Gael was taken care of, and his future was secure.

  There was only a day left before I officially deployed. I’d always planned to spend the last free week I had stateside with my family, but then the money thing had come up and I’d been left scrambling for a solution. The opportunity with Langley had been a lifesaver. I wanted to drive my truck down to Texas, so Gael could keep it and use it to move himself to school in the fall and hold onto until I got home, but now a friend was taking on the task for me, because my time was up.

  “I miss you too. You sound funny. Are you sure you’re all right?” His concern was practically palpable through the phone.

  I grunted and rubbed my eyes. “Honestly, I’ve been better.”

  My brother made a soft sound. “Worried about the deployment?” If I wasn’t mistaken, he was and wouldn’t say it. He always worried about me when I was overseas, which was how I knew I didn’t want to put anyone else important through that agonizing uncertainty.

  “No. I’m worried about the people I’m leaving behind.” I heaved a deep sigh and hit the steering wheel again. “I can’t believe I’m not going to be there to see you move into the dorms. I missed so much of you growing up. You turned into an adult overnight on me.”

  My voice cracked a little and I felt the sting of moisture at the back of my eyes. Jesus. What had catching feelings for Langley Vaughn done to me? I was a sentimental mess.

  Gael made a strangled sound which made my already tender heart twist painfully. “I don’t want you to worry about me and Grandma. I want you to focus on yourself, so you come back safe and sound.”

  “Roger that. Go back to bed and let Grandma know I’ll check in whenever I get the chance.” I needed to get off the phone with him before I really broke down.

  “Will do.” I was about to disconnect the call when Gael called my name softly. “You still have to tell me how you suddenly came up with the money to pay for school. I know it has to do with why you didn’t come home. That’s a story I’ve been waiting to hear, ya know.”

  Smart kid. He always seemed to know there was more going on than what I was telling him.

  “That story doesn’t have a happy ending other than I got the money we needed, kiddo.” My voice shook and there wasn’t any way to hide it.

  “If you’re the one holding the pen, you’re the one in charge of how the story ends. Don’t forget that, Ike. Fly safe.”

  Damn. The kid always had to prove just how much brighter than me he was. I was going to be pondering his deep, insightful words the entire five-hour flight to the coast tomorrow. Grumbling about genius siblings and unfortunate dream girls, I made my way inside so I could finish packing my personal belongings I was going to take with me.

  I was leaving without managing to say goodbye face-to-face to anyone who mattered the most to me. All I could do was I hope I made it home and got an opportunity to fix the litany of mistakes and misunderstandings I was leaving behind.

  When there was more time, maybe I could make Langley…understand. She pretended her heart was bulletproof, but I had seen proof over the last week just how soft and vulnerable it really was.

  Hopefully, by then, enough time would’ve passed that I would be able to figure out my complicated, convoluted feelings as well.

  Because right now, I was clueless, and for the first time in a long time, feeling something that was lurking really close to the edge of regret.

  Langley

  The world came into focus one blink at a time as the sleep cleared from my eyes. Through the bedroom window, I could tell the sun had risen, and thanked past me for choosing the suite that didn’t face east.

  Rolling slowly toward Iker, I stretched with closed eyes, my muscles protesting the movement.

  My hand swept across the king-sized bed and only found a wide expanse of cool linen where I’d expected to find a couple hundred pounds of warm Iker.

  My eyes confirmed what my touch assumed—he must already be awake. Not that I expected anything different. Dad told me he’d woken up at five a.m. for years after he’d gotten out of the military.

  I sat up slowly, holding the sheet over my breasts and wincing from the tender areas awakening on my body before a smile slowly spread on my face. Last night had been incredible. The stuff of fairytales and epic romances.

  “Hey, Iker, are you hungry? We could order room service,” I called out, watching the bedroom door with giddy expectation. “Or we could forget breakfast all together.”

  I was more than down with that thought. I could even call the front desk and extend our stay so we could spend all day in bed together, which sounded utterly delicious. Then again, I wasn’t sure a full day would even start to quell my obsession with him. I could probably spend the rest of my life in bed with him and possibly only scratch that surface.

  And now we had that time, that possibility of the future.

  “Iker?” Huh. The bedroom door was pretty thick, so if he was on the other side of the door, he probably couldn’t hear me.

  I swung my legs out of bed, cursing the heels I’d worn yesterday as my tired feet hit the floor, abandoned the bed sheet, and opened the door just enough to peek my head out. “Iker?”

  There was no movement in the rest of the suite, and no answer. Chills swept over my naked body and I closed the door.

  “He wouldn’t…” I said aloud and then laughed. Of course he hadn’t left. His tux was still draped over the chair. He had to have gone for a walk or coffee, or something to fill the time until I woke up. It was incredibly sweet of him to let me sleep.

  I dressed quickly, pulling on a pair of shorts and a flowy tank from my suitcase. Thank God Camille hadn’t insisted on one of those morning-after breakfasts. Not that I wouldn’t get a kick out of seeing everyone hungover, but I’d had quite enough of...well, everyone.

  Enough of doing what was expected of me instead of what was best for me.

  Enough of the snarky comments from Virginia and Camille’s need to one-up me at every turn.

  Enough of feeling like I’d been squished into a box that couldn’t contain me.

  Enough of taking everyone’s feelings into consideration before I even had a chance to explore my own.

  And it was definitely time to explore. My mind raced as I brushed my hair and pulled it into a quick, messy bun. I could get an apartment near campus this week before the rest of the student body even thought about coming back. That would get me out of Dad’s house, Virginia’s line of fire, and the comfort of the sorority.

  I would be independent for the first time in my life...except for the whole using-my-trust fund-to-pay-for-it thing, but that was money from my mom and she’d want me to be happy.

  But I could also do something about that too. Not just finding out where Iker’s little brother went to sch
ool and anonymously donating his tuition straight to his account, but other kids who hadn’t grown up with my same advantages.

  Hell, the interest on the account alone made enough to help someone else out who needed it.

  I walked back into the bedroom feeling lighter than I had in years. And it was all because of Iker. His perspective and his strength, and his—

  “Ow!” I yelped as something sharp bit the bottom of my foot. Leaning down, I found one of Iker’s cufflinks that had scattered last night. I laughed, rubbing the sore spot on my foot, then gathered up the cufflink and its errant partner before walking out into the sitting room.

  The platinum warmed in my hand and I grinned as I ran my thumb over the onyx inlay. They reminded me of Iker, which was why I’d bought them. The cool, hard exterior protected the warm, unfathomable center, which at the time had reminded me of his eyes, but now, his heart.

  I came up short as I reached the dining room table. Our two keys lay side by side on the dark walnut. Hmmm. Good thing I’d woken up, or he would have been locked out.

  But he wasn’t absentminded enough to leave without a key. He was a contingency kind of guy.

  Which meant he’d knowingly left without it.

  My pulse leapt. He wouldn’t.

  I raced for my clutch and grabbed my phone. No text messages. No missed calls.

  But he wouldn’t have left without…

  The cufflinks and my phone clattered when I dropped them on the table, but the noise barely registered over the roaring in my ears as I stumbled into the bedroom.

  My suitcase—I hadn’t noticed earlier, but I hadn’t been looking either. Where was it? I looked once. Twice.

  My stomach hit the floor, and then so did every piece of clothing I’d brought.

  It wasn’t here.

  The envelope with the rest of money I owed Iker was gone.

  Because Iker was gone.

  I backed away from the suitcase slowly, and when the back of my knees hit the bed, I sat. My breaths were even and measured because I forced them to be. When my heart tried to stop beating, I sucked in air and forced my lungs to expand.