Give It Up

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Olive couldn’t help herself, and she pulled Charles back. He was about to go off until he saw it was her. Their eyes connected. She really did care about him. Willow and Sanaa talked to the officers. Shawn was distracted by some girl who called him away.

  Charles said, “I’m not going to let him punk me. I don’t even care if he is a policemen.”

  “But he wasn’t lying about your record. You can’t get any more trouble. We’re this close to getting out of here. Don’t screw it up, especially not for me. I don’t need you getting involved.”

  “I’m already involved. They mess with you, they mess with me,” he said.

  Chills went up and down her spine. She couldn’t help it. She was feelin’ Charles in a deeper way. He wasn’t just a foster brother anymore. Something else was going on, and she couldn’t fight that strong feeling, no matter how hard she tried.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Needed (Octavia’s Ending)

  Octavia was smiling from ear to ear as she stood in front of Shawn. Moments earlier he was all frazzled, with the police in his face, but now he was standing before her, and he was relaxed. Octavia was turning pink, eating up the connection as if it was a meal.

  “You know I want to get to know you more,” Shawn said to her.

  Octavia batted her eyes. “I’d like that.”

  Things got intense when one of the girls, Olive, rushed over and stood between her and Shawn. “Back up, chick! What you doing all in my brother’s face?”

  “Your brother?” Octavia asked, trying not to appear punkish.

  Olive stepped to her real strong. “You heard me. He’s my white brother. He don’t need no lying trailer trash girl trying to bring him down.”

  “Wait a minute, Olive,” Shawn piped in. “I can talk for myself.”

  “You stay out of this,” Olive turned to Shawn and scolded. “Charles, you better get him.”

  Charles came over and said, “Man, come on.”

  Shawn was upset Olive was getting on his friend. He tried to intervene, but Charles stood in the way. Olive got even closer to Octavia, silently giving her the message to leave.

  “What do you have against me? What do you want to say to me?” Octavia demanded.

  “You ain’t never want to be with Shawn before. I remember you the other day at the fight.”

  “I was pulling him away from it.”

  “Not how I remember it. You wanted him to go with you, and the cops were coming in that same direction. Thankfully, he went with us, but now the cops are questioning him again, and you’re all around. What you want to do? Get him to hit it, and you holler rape or something?”

  “That’s enough, Olive,” Shawn cut in and said.

  Octavia was getting teary-eyed as a crowd was gathering. She didn’t want there to be issues, so she threw her hands up. Turning, she ran straight into Ms. Davis. Octavia apologized and then tried to flee.

  Ms. Davis held her shirt. “Nope, you stay. Olive, Sanaa, and Willow ... I want to see all of you guys in my office first thing tomorrow. We are going to deal with this swoop list thing once and for all. Tensions are getting a little too hot around here.”

  “Ms. Davis, with all due respect, I done already talked to you,” Willow said.

  “I don’t need no meeting with her,” Olive uttered, shocked and a bit annoyed that Octavia was even on the list.

  “Well, you gonna have one. Tomorrow morning,” Ms. Davis insisted.

  All the girls looked at each other. Although frustrated, they knew they didn’t have a choice. Octavia felt real uneasy that the other three weren’t digging her. She tried to tell herself she didn’t care, but deep down she did.

  Octavia was the first to arrive at Ms. Davis’s office. Her goal was to catch her before anyone else came in. She had much to share. Ms. Davis was so in tune to what was going on that she could look at Octavia and tell she was intimidated.

  “Relax,” Ms. Davis said.

  Octavia vented, “These girls don’t like me. It’s my senior year of high school. I’ve been a loner for a reason. You’d think I was a goth girl or something the way people stay away from me. I smile at a guy, and a girl who’s not even his blood wants to check me. It’s just not right.”

  “You and I have always kept it real, Octavia,” Ms. Davis said. “I know it’s tough for you being a minority at this school. However, just because they’re not blood, as you call it, doesn’t mean Olive doesn’t see her foster brother as someone she’s got deep ties to. Honestly, I’ve got some family I won’t claim. They stab you in the back the first chance they get. They don’t want you to be nothing or have nothing. And they’re always looking for a handout but never try to help. Your home life might not be perfect either. Nobody’s at this school is. Most of the kids from great families that got it going on around these parts, let’s face it, they’re in a private school. Most of you guys who are here are here because you have to be here.”

  “Why are you saying this to me, Ms. Davis? What’s the big deal?”

  “I’m saying, as bad as you might think your life is, imagine having no parents. Cut Olive slack. Her life is tough.”

  “Well, she needs to get off my back.”

  “Maybe what she needs is a friend.”

  “She’s got that in those other swoop girls.”

  “Honey, you’re one of them.”

  As Olive, Sanaa, and Willow entered Ms. Davis’s office together, Octavia sat back and pondered Ms. Davis’s words, realizing she had a point. Maybe this session was going to be crucial to help give her perspective and to help get her to a better place. However, when Olive looked her way and rolled her eyes, Octavia wasn’t sure.

  “Oh, you’re in here already,” Olive said, sneering at Octavia.

  “Okay, we’re not going to have any of that,” Ms. Davis said. “Olive, sit down, girl.”

  “Yeah, quit acting all tough,” Willow said to her. “Don’t make me get Tiger.”

  Octavia inwardly smiled. She was thinking all three girls were against her, but when she saw Sanaa nudge Olive to make her chill out, and after hearing Willow’s comment, she realized she didn’t have a problem with all three girls, just one—which was still bad, but it could have been worse.

  “Where is Pia?” Ms. Davis asked. “I saw her in the hallway yesterday after I talked to you four and invited her as well.”

  “I got a test next period,” Olive said. “Can we just start this? I don’t see this whole bonding thing working out anyway. We connect with whom we connect with.”

  “Oh, don’t even trip,” Willow told her. “You ain’t seem to mind us having your back. Maybe if you get to know Octavia, you can cut her some slack.”

  Sanaa nodded. Ms. Davis nodded as well. In walked Pia. Of all the girls, Octavia admired this Hispanic beauty the most. After all, she was a cheerleader with a pretty great reputation—until now.

  Ms. Davis began. “Okay, all you guys are here. I want all of our time, though quick, to be meaningful. Let’s get to it. Kids at this school have been cruel, and in talking to you individually, I know some part of the swoop list has hurt you.”

  “A large part,” Pia uttered.

  “You can say that again,” Sanaa echoed.

  “Turned my world upside down,” Olive confessed.

  “Contrary to what the crazy list states, we ain’t the worst ones in this school. Just sayin’,” Willow shared.

  They all looked at Octavia for her to shed light on how she felt, but she didn’t feel the same as them. She knew, deep down, the other girls had been done wrong. Deserving or not, someone set out to hurt them. But in truth, Octavia alone had hurt herself.

  Trying to be real, she explained, “If I could take back what I did, I would.”

  “Whatever, being on this list is not your fault,” Willow said.

  “Yeah, we all got haters, even if we don’t know who they are,” Olive said. “You don’t need to blame yourself.”

  Octavia looked at Olive with thankful ey
es. The group Ms. Davis had formed was gelling. They were all trying to encourage Octavia. She knew she had to say something to give back.

  “We can’t let this list crush us,” Octavia said.

  “That’s wassup,” Willow bellowed as the others smiled.

  Ms. Davis appeared pleased. “I am going to work with the principal and your teachers to come up with a time when we will continue to get together. Octavia’s right. This list is not going to crush you. You can help each other get stronger and be better. This group is what you all needed.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Conquered (Pia’s Ending)

  For most, the month had blown by. It was the last Friday in January, and many at the school were excited because there was a big home basket-ball game to be played later that evening. To get folks in the spirit, it was twin day. The idea was to dress up like each other. The swoop list girls had a plan to school their classmates.

  Pia didn’t have any particular problem with the other girls on the swoop list. Pia was distant, though, as she was dealing with what she’d done. There was no way she could be excited about a growing friendship when she felt like she was a murderer.

  While she didn’t think being on the swoop list was anything to be proud of, she realized those were the only girls who understood some of what she was going through. She still had her best friend Claire on the cheerleading team, but even she was starting to look at her all crossed-eyed and funny. So when Willow had the idea for the five of them to dress alike on twin day, telling them all they needed to do was give her ten dollars, and she would take care of the rest, Pia agreed. However, Pia’s eyes went buck wild when she saw the bright red sweatshirt that displayed the bold words on the front “I’m a proud swoop list girl,” and on the back were their names.

  “You expect me to wear this?” Pia said to Willow.

  “What’s the problem, Miss Cheerleader? I’m on the dance team. I know we have uniforms we’re supposed to wear for tonight, but ain’t nobody thinking about them. I’m sure your girls have been dogging you out just like mine have. So, let’s just keep it real. If they realize we ain’t taking ourselves too seriously, all of the ugliness will stop. I know you ain’t chicken, right?”

  “Might as well be,” Sanaa said, frowning at the shirt but taking it from Willow.

  Olive grinned and said, “Yeah, come on. We got gangs in this school. We’ve been on the hot seat for two weeks now. Let’s cool them off.”

  “Or show them how hot we really can be,” Octavia said, wanting the attention wearing the sweatshirt would bring.

  “Look at you!” Olive said, nudging Octavia. “Might be hope for you after all.”

  Pia, Sanaa, and Willow were pleased to see those two bonding finally. Pia tried on the shirt, and it totally made her feel weird. She wasn’t one for big scenes.

  “Alright, y’all sure about this?” Pia asked.

  “We can do this,” Willow assured her.

  “Let’s go!” Octavia cheered.

  The five of them strutted out into the hallway like never before. They got a ton of whistles. As down as Pia had been, she actually was thankful to smile a bit. They walked past a bunch of girls coughing, “Ho.”

  Willow yelled out, “It takes one to know one! You want a sweatshirt?”

  A crowd of boys got behind them like they were rock stars or something. Their bond was real, and this stunt symbolized that they weren’t crushed. Pia was happy she participated.

  “Who dat? Who dat? Who dat think they bad? Who dat? Who dat? We’re gonna kick them in their ... ” Clap, clap, clap echoed from the Jackson High cheerleaders later that night.

  The gym was packed. Everyone seemed excited to be in the building, except Pia. Her mom told her she’d understand if Pia quit the team, and there was certainly a bunch of pressure from her fellow cheerleaders to drop off too. However, Pia knew her mom had done some tricks to come up with the money for the booster fee, and she didn’t want those dollars, no matter how triflingly they were acquired, to go to waste. More importantly, Pia had pride. She wasn’t as feisty as Willow and Olive, but she wasn’t as laid-back as Sanaa and Octavia either. Nobody was going to force her off.

  “Cheer hard for us tonight, alright?” came from Stephen Garcia, the star basketball player tying a shoe near her.

  Pia remembered that his voice sounded familiar. Maybe it wasn’t an exact match of one of the three guys who had raped her, but something was close to it. If he thought she was up for another round, he had another thing coming. Not only did she carry Mace in her purse now, she also carried a pocketknife.

  “Come on, Pia!” Claire shouted, seeing her moving slow.

  “Yeah, come on!” Chancy, the cheerleader, yelled out at her.

  Pia didn’t feel like cheering, and she didn’t know how to verbalize that she felt her world was spinning out of control. As she just stood there while they were doing opening cheers, Chancy came and got in her face. Willow, who wasn’t dancing, quickly got up from the bleachers and cameto Pia’s defense. The two were going at it.

  “She should have been kicked off like you!” Chancy screamed out.

  “Heifer, you don’t know nothing. I wasn’t kicked off of dance team. But if you want to see a kick, turn your tail around, and I’ll give you a beat down you’ll never forget,” Willow told her.

  “Are you okay?” Willow asked, snapping in Pia’s face to wake her from her daze.

  “I just need some water,” Pia uttered.

  Pia hadn’t been eating or sleeping. Not taking care of herself was getting the best of her. Striving for something to fight for, she went to Willow and said, “I appreciate you.”

  Pia then hugged Willow real tight and started crying. The cheerleading coach came over and told Pia to take a break and scolded the girls for fussing. Pia fled to the hall. All the swoop girls followed her out and surrounded her.

  “You know, we need a girls’ night,” Sanaa said.

  Willow said, “I’m on restriction. Can we have it at my place? I can probably make that fly.”

  Olive and Octavia smiled. Sanaa told them she was down. Everyone was in, except Pia.

  “Okay, fine,” Pia uttered when they wouldn’t stop staring.

  When she said yes, the other four cheered louder than the cheerleaders on the court. Pia looked at them, and though she’d said yes, she felt bad because she really didn’t want to—worse than that, she felt like truly didn’t want to live.

  Pia stood shaking as she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She wanted to wipe away the shame. She was at the slumber party with the other swoop list girls, but she wasn’t enjoying herself like they were. She opened up her purse, and pulled out bottles of Pamprin and Advil. She was ready to consume all the contents.

  With her hands full of pills, she was startled when Willow pounded on the door. “Hey! I got to go.”

  “One second,” Pia said with a desperate cry.

  “What’s wrong?” Willow asked, hearing the sadness.

  “Go away.”

  “No, this is my house.”

  As soon as she started to move the pills to her mouth, the four girls burst into the door. They quickly assessed the trouble. Luckily, Pia hadn’t swallowed any pills yet. Willow flung the pills from Pia’s hand.

  “What are you doing?” Willow yelled.

  Pia dropped, but Sanaa caught her and said, “We’re going to get through this. I’ve felt horrible this month too, but we have each other now. Don’t give up on life.”

  Pia screamed, “I don’t want to be here anymore! You don’t understand!”

  Olive said, “I understand, try living with no parents. If I can keep going, you can too!”

  Pia squealed in desperation, “But at least whoever it was had you. I was pregnant, and I didn’t keep my baby, okay? I deserve to be in hell.”

  The other four girls looked at each other. They knew what they had to do. Not knowing all the circumstances, they weren’t going to let their fellow girl sta
y in her pit of gloom. They loved on her, hugged on her, and encouraged her.

  After about two hours, all five of them were in Willow’s room, and Pia shared, “I can’t thank you all enough. I wanted it to be the end, but after hearing y’all out, I realized this can be a new beginning. Not that I won’t carry around this pain, but I’m not going to let those three monsters who raped me beat me mentally.”

  “None of this was your fault,” Sanaa said. “You aren’t like me. One thing I learned about from the swoop list was that I was doing everything for this one guy. I didn’t respect myself. When I needed him to stand by me, his tail was nowhere around. Probably put me on the list. But he’s not getting any anymore. Pia, I don’t deserve to be on the list, and you don’t deserve to be on the list either.”

  Willow chimed in. “Yeah, you don’t deserve it. I was real promiscuous, but I know I don’t deserve this either. Thought what was done in the dark would stay that way. One of those chumps told. I’m on lockdown for now. I want the next guy I’m with to be someone who I actually like. I know I deserve that. They’re not having their way with me no more.” Willow thought about how she’d taken the fall for her brother’s car accident. She knew she had a good heart.

  “Well, I’m never going to doing dumb stuff because my boyfriend asked me to again,” Olive asserted. “I need to be with someone who respects me and doesn’t just use me. So we’re in unison, Sanaa. I took too many risks, and I’m not doing it anymore. What about you, Octavia?”

  Octavia hesitated, then admitted, “I learned that being pure isn’t a bad thing. I’m done thinking that it is. I know I’m being cryptic, but I’ve got to give up being jealous of girls I think have all the fun.”

  Pia shared, “I wasn’t asking to be raped. What happened to me wasn’t my fault. None of us deserved to be on that list.”

  The girls were having a real talk. They made a pact to give up their trifling ways, keep each other accountable, and find out why a dead girl would be sending a letter. Pia wasn’t healed, but she was inspired. Sanaa felt that Pia should talk to Ms. Davis about joining a support group for rape victims and going to counselor to help her deal with the fear she still felt every day. Pia hadn’t wanted to do it before, but after tonight, she realized that it was helpful to talk about what had happened to her.