One of Them Girls

by Cala Riley

  He’s a great friend.

  My phone buzzes in my hand again. I glance down.

  Avi: Ignoring me again? I might have to spank that ass later.

  My skin heats as tingles soar down to my core. He’s such a damn tease.

  If women are cock teases, what do you call men that tease?

  A poon-tease? Cunt-tease? Clit-tease?

  Whatever it is, Xavier has it on lock.

  For the past week, we’ve been hanging out like friends do. A couple of the guys have been there with us, but sometimes it’s just us. Those are the nights I like the most. While the guys are fun to hang out with, Xavier keeps his distance when they’re around.

  When they aren’t though, we end up making out like teenagers. Sometimes his hands roam my body, but they stay away from anything too private. It makes me wonder if he’s a virgin.

  Would that matter?

  Absolutely. Not because I wouldn’t still want him, but because I’m a mess myself. I don’t really know if men view their virginity like women, but I don’t think I could take the responsibility of taking it from someone.

  Especially someone I care about.

  While we are messing around a little, I still care about Xavier. He’s a really good guy. I can tell by the way he’s considerate toward the guys or the way he’s always doing small things for Jack, when he doesn’t realize it. Like buying extra pepper jack cheese to put in the fridge because it’s Jack’s favorite, even though he doesn’t care for it.

  Honestly, I’m blown away by Xavier. He may look like your typical rich boy, wearing hundred-dollar shirts and driving an expensive car, but inside, he’s down to Earth. He never tries to flaunt his money.

  The way he’s kind to everyone reminds me of my granddaddy. He was always kind to everyone too. Quick to give a smile or hold open a door for someone, male or female. I find the same in Xavier. If he walks with me to class, he grabs the door. If we go somewhere in his car, he makes me wait for him to open the car door. When we all went to dinner last night, he even quietly paid for an elderly couple’s meal who sat next to us. He didn’t say anything, but I saw him arrange it with the server. The wink he sent me when he caught me looking melted my panties.

  They say all the good men are hard to find. If that’s the truth, I know I should be chomping at the bit to claim him, but he has his issues and I have mine.

  I smile as my phone buzzes a third time.

  Jared: Can we meet tonight?

  My stomach drops. It’s not Xavier, but Jared. Jared, who I have pushed out of my mind.

  I feel guilty for cutting him off, but being around him makes me feel like I’m suffocating.

  I know I’m going to need to face him, eventually. He was a huge part of my life and while I’ve found a way to cope with my grief; I know he has not.

  Maybe today’s not that day. I tell myself.

  Still, as my finger hovers over the “N,” I hesitate.

  Taking a deep breath, I tell him “yes” instead. Then I let Xavier know I can’t meet tonight.

  Fuck. Why am I so fucked up?

  I don’t listen to anything for the rest of class. Not that I was listening in the first place, but at least with Xavier, I was smiling.

  Not anymore.

  As soon as the teacher lets class out, I head over to the frat house. I don’t want to go there, especially with a party going on, but the last time I had him meet me in a public place, we ended up arguing so loud that everyone was staring at us.

  That one got back to my dad. I didn’t want that call again.

  Thankfully, when I arrive at the house, the party isn’t in full swing. I give a small smile to a couple of the guys as I make my way up to Jared’s room. He said he would wait for me there.

  I go to knock on the door, but as I do, it opens a little. I hear a noise, figuring it’s Jared getting up, so I wait. When he doesn’t come to the door, I open it wider, gasping when I see him.

  Jared’s ass is facing me as he rams into some unknown person beneath him. By the sounds that are coming out of its mouth, I would say it’s a banshee.

  “What the fuck?” I yell, pissed that I canceled my standing date with Xavier for this asshole.

  He looks over his shoulder and has the audacity to grin. He actually grins.

  “Oh, hey, babe. Want to join in?” he asks.

  “Fuck you, Jared. Lose my goddamn number.”

  I slam the door, running down the stairs. I barely take a step toward the door, when a large body runs into me.

  “Whoa, slow down. What’s wrong?”

  I let out a relieved sigh when I realize it’s Jack. Then I’m angry again because I’m crying. Not because I’m sad. No, I’m crying because I’m beyond pissed.

  “I’m fine. I need to get out of here.” I go to walk around him, but he grabs my arm, walking out the front door with me.

  “Listen, I can’t drive you, but I can wait with you until your ride gets here.”

  “What? No, I walked.”

  He laughs. “You think I watched you walk in and didn’t tell my boy you were here? X will be here in a minute.”

  As if he summoned him, Xavier pulls up in front of us. He leaves the car running before jumping out and coming over to me.

  “What’s wrong? What did that asshole do?”

  I look over to Jack with a questioning look.

  He shrugs. “We all saw Jared take Mara upstairs. Not long after you walked in heading up there too. I did the math.”

  My heart clenches.

  Mara? I shouldn’t be surprised, but somehow I still am. Even though we had a falling out, I didn’t think she would do something so cruel. Before I realized it was her, I thought it was just Jared being an asshole, but now? I know she has a part in this.

  I let out a sigh. “I’m fine.”

  Both men ignore me.

  “I’m taking her home. Call me if you need a DD,” Xavier says to Jack.

  He salutes before giving me a sad smile. Xavier opens the passenger door, ushering me inside.

  Once we are on the road, I look over at him.

  “I don’t want to go to the dorm,” I whisper.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  I shrug. “How far are you willing to go?”

  “For you? The distance.” He winks, making me chuckle.

  This is why I like him so much. He seems to know exactly what I need.

  “That’s cheesy. I want to show you something, but it’s about a thirty-minute drive.” I look down at my hands in my lap.

  He reaches over, grabbing one. “Tell me where to go and we will go.”

  Why does my hand in his feel so right?

  Xavier

  We’ve been quiet the entire drive except when Cassi gives me directions. It’s not long before we pull up to an empty parking lot. It’s dark, no street lights here since the parking lot is gravel.

  It looks like they are still developing it. Building some type of outdoor park.

  “Come on,” Cassi whispers, getting out before I can question her.

  I get out and rush to her side. “I can’t be the prince if you open your own door.”

  She rolls her eyes, hooking her arm in mine. She leads me down a path until we are surrounded by trees. After several minutes of walking, we come to a lake. I look over at Cassi, smiling as the moon reflects off her skin.

  Fuck, she’s gorgeous.

  Then I notice the tears flowing again.

  I fight the urge to pull her into my embrace. I want to comfort her, but the other part, my pride, is bristling at the thought she’s upset because of another guy.

  Don’t do this to yourself again. It warns me. I know how this story always turns out. Me, broken-hearted while she’s living her best life with her dream guy.

  “This is where my brother and I used to go when we needed space. Sometimes we would come together and hang out. Swim, hike, go for a run, but other times, we would come alone. Whenever one of us was upset, the other knew
this is where we could be found.”

  I can hear the agony in her voice as she speaks. As if the words pouring from her mouth are a dagger, repeatedly slicing her skin.

  My heart wins the war, pulling her into my side. “Your brother sounds amazing.”

  She chokes on a sob before she responds, “He was.”

  I struggle to find the words to say when I realize what she’s saying.

  He was.

  She lost her brother. I want to relate to her. I want to tell her I understand the pain she feels, but I can’t. I’ve never lost anyone so permanently. Hell, the only loss I’ve ever really felt was losing Tinsley.

  Even then, I can still call her. She’s still my friend.

  She lost someone in a way that you can never come back from.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally whisper, running my hand through her hair as I hold her to me.

  I let her cry until she can’t anymore. When she’s quieted, she pulls back to look at me. “I wasn’t crying earlier because Jared was with some chick. I was crying because he was my brother’s best friend. I was clinging to him because he was one of the last pieces of him I had left. When he passed, Jared and I got close because we were both lost.”

  “You found comfort in each other. There is nothing wrong with that. Grief can take many forms, even in friendship with another,” I tell her, comparing it to the only thing I can relate to it.

  Isn’t that what I’ve been doing with Cassi this whole time? Pulling her in, but then pushing her away when I think she’s getting too close? Kissing her, but never letting her take it further because I’m afraid she will pull back.

  “We did. It was a mistake. I told Jared that after the first time. I knew as soon as we were done that I made a mistake, but still, he kept coming back. I feel like he used me in my weak moments to make himself feel better, which only upsets me even more. He was my brother’s best friend and I know my brother would have wanted him to look after me, not take advantage of me. I don’t think I even realized that was what he was doing until tonight. He used me to get through his own grief, and when I stopped being there for him, he did something cruel to hurt me. So no, I wasn’t crying because of him. I was crying for him in a way. That he is so far gone right now that he can’t even see the damage he’s done. I want to help him pull himself out of the water, but if I try, I’m afraid I’ll drown with him.”

  I press a kiss to the top of her head. “You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to be helped. If he is really in a bad place, you can’t let him drag you down with him. Tell me, Cass, what changed for you. Why do you feel he is drowning, but you’re not anymore?”

  She sighs, thinking over my words.

  “I knew coming here was going to be difficult for me. Jared and Ryan came here together last year. They joined the same frat and shared many of the same classes. I was a year behind them, so I had to wait. When Ryan died, I didn’t even want to come here anymore. I wanted to move far away, hiding from the memories. I couldn’t go through with it though. Jared convinced me I would feel closer to Ryan here, but I don’t. I think it was his way of manipulating me into staying around. Either way, I’m not mad at him for it. While I might not feel closer to Ryan here. Plus, since it’s still close to home, I can run out and see my parents when I want to. Not that I’ve been doing that much lately. So when I started school here, I decided I was going to move on from my grief. Step one was letting Jared go. I didn’t want to lose him as a friend, but I couldn’t keep falling into the pattern we had. I might have been lost in my head all summer, but just being here was like a fresh start.”

  I nod. “That’s why you came to me at the party. You were trying to stick to your guns.”

  “Yeah. I was trying to stay strong. I figured if he thought I was taken, he would leave me alone. I was wrong though. He still seeks me out. Hell, he sought me out even more that first week after we met. He stopped after I started spending so much time in your dorm. I thought he had realized that it was really and truly over. That’s why when he texted me tonight and asked me to meet him, I went. I wanted to take the time to clear the air between us. I guess he had different ideas.”

  “I’m sorry. I wish I could make it better for you.”

  She squeezes me tighter. “You being here makes it better. You have made it better. I said starting school is what changed, and it did, but honestly, it wasn’t just that. Jack has been a great friend, making me laugh when I didn’t think I could. Then there’s you. You make me feel alive again. Like the pain is still there, but that it isn’t always the dominating feeling inside. That helps.”

  I swallow hard. Hearing her say that I am part of the reason she’s surviving makes my chest swell with pride. I’ve been holding back from her, but from the way she’s talking, I have no reason to.

  I’m so lost in my thoughts that I almost miss what she says next.

  “I can barely stand to even come here anymore. It hurts too much. It’s tainted,” she whispers.

  Cassi

  “Why? What happened?” His voice pulls me out of my downward spiral.

  “Back in May, there was an accident. He didn’t make it.” Changing the subject, I say, “This was our spot. We used to come here all the time. Ryan was my best friend. I could tell him anything. Whenever things got too heavy, this was our spot. We could come here to be alone, but the other would eventually show up. We weren’t twins, but we somehow just knew what the other needed. Sometimes we would sit here in silence. Other times he would let me yell and scream at him. Then there were the times he’d let me cry. This place holds so many memories for me, but it’s tainted now. Not the same. As much as I love it here, I also kind of hate it.”

  I never should have slept with Jared. I knew it; he knew it. But sometimes you take comfort in things that you shouldn’t know matter how wrong. Now we’re left with nothing. We ruined our friendship a little more every time our clothes came off. Trying to find relief from the grief that never came.

  “You can still have your memories, Cass. They will always be in here.” He steps closer, pressing his hand over my heart.

  I smile weakly. “When we were ten, we carved our names into a tree over there. Let’s see if you can still see it.”

  We walk toward the tree. I run my finger over the engraving.

  Ryan + Cassi= BFF.

  I can still remember the day we carved it. I was thirteen, and he was fourteen. We rode our bikes here to swim.

  “Cass, if I could, I would never leave this place.”

  I glance at Ryan while he floats on his back next to me.

  “Why is that?”

  “It’s peaceful here. It feels like the sun always shines. It always makes my day better when we come here.”

  “Even when I yell at you?”

  He flips in the water, treading next to me. “Especially when you yell at me.”

  “That sounds dumb, RyRy. You can’t find me yelling peaceful.”

  He smiles. “Maybe not the actual yelling, but when you let all your feelings out, at the end, there is this peaceful look you get on your face. Like you’re relieved to get rid of such strong emotions.”

  “I think we need to have your head checked.”

  “You don’t understand it, but you will someday.”

  After a few moments of silence, he says, “Come on, Cass. I have an idea.”

  I remember feeling irritated that he was making me get out, but I followed him anyway.

  “It’s cold out here. Let’s get back in,” I urged him.

  “No way. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

  He runs to his bike, me trailing behind. He grabs the pocketknife that he got for Christmas and urges me to follow.

  “I’m not going to do a blood ritual with you again. It was stupid and did nothing.”

  “Stop being a spoilsport. Come on.”

  I walk behind him, watching as he knocks on several trees. Then he stops, pointing at one.

  “This one’s perfect, right?�
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  I look up at the tree. It looks like every other tree. His smile has me keeping that to myself.

  “Yeah, RyRy. It’s perfect.”

  He takes his knife and starts carving into the tree.

  “What are you doing?” I asked him.

  “Leaving our mark that way this will be our peaceful place forever.”

  I watch as he carves both of our names and stops. “What do you think?”

  I scrunch up my nose at him. “I think people are going to think we’re a couple.”

  He looks back at it. “Good point. What to do to make it better though.”

  As he’s musing to himself, I grab his knife.

  “Hey, be careful.”

  “Stop being such a big brother.”

  I lean in, adding an equal sign and the letters BFF.

  “There. Now they will think we are best friends.”

  He slings his arm around my shoulders. “That’s because we are.”

  Tears continue to flow down my face as I remember that day.

  “Ryan said this would mark this as our place forever, but forever is subjective, isn’t it? You can say that class is taking forever, and it means one thing while also saying you want to live forever, which is another. This is our mark here, but when does forever end? Will this tree still be here after they clear this land in the next couple of months? Will this one tree be the lucky ones that make it, or will it just be another lost memory for a couple of kids that don’t matter to the universe?” I say as I run my hand over our names carved into the tree trunk.

  “I can’t answer that. I can’t predict the future, but I can tell you this. When Ryan said this would mark your place forever, he wasn’t talking about anything tangible like a tree. He was talking about the memory you were cementing in your mind and heart. He was talking about the feeling you had when he carved your names into that tree. Those feelings will outlast even the most destructive mind diseases. That’s what will be left when forever finally comes.”

  “You sound so sure.” I sigh, turning back toward him.

  “Because I am. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loved you. He wouldn’t want you holding onto all this grief, letting it overwhelm you.”