Playing It Out Straight

by Andrew McQuinn

  It caught me off guard. This was the first time he’d ever said it. My heart raced slightly the way it did when we first met. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to say it yet, in my heart I did love him. However, those were the three big words. But it was in my heart.

  He said, “You don’t have to say it back. I know it’s a lot to confess.”

  “You mean a lot to me, I’m just not ready yet,” I said.

  “I understand, no need to explain. I still love you.”

  He stole a kiss and ran back to the tree.

  I continued to define the muscles in his upper and lower body. As I stared at his naked physique, one thing came to mind. Sex. Scotty was patient, he never rushed me, which is something I admired about him. It surprised me, three months into dating, and he had never once pressured me into doing anything out of my comfort zone. I hadn’t realized I had stopped drawing until Scotty spoke up.

  “You okay?” he asked as I continued to stare at him.

  “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

  But I wasn’t fine. At this moment in time I was imagining Scotty behind me, in all intents and purposes, fucking me. I could almost feel him kissing my neck or his hand touching my bare ass. Only imagination could fill in the blanks of my fantasy. I was interested in playing both rolls, letting him take me, only to return the favor a few minutes later. Yet, I found it hard to tell Scotty this, I was both nervous and worried. Would sex hurt? What if I didn’t even like it. Was I ready? Where was his mind on the matter?

  More mist rained down on us, so I quickly finished before the paper got too damp and covered it. I tossed Scotty his clothes and he got dressed while I packed my things up.

  § § § §

  “Can I see it now?” he asked eagerly when we reached his car.

  “It’s not finished,” I said opening his back door, setting my sketch pad on the seat. He walked up and hugged me from behind.

  “Hon, I don’t care if you’re a great artist, either way I’ll like it.”

  I sighed again and opened my sketch pad. I heard a gasp.

  “It’s amazing,” he said.

  I looked at it critically; I had to admit it was better than I thought. I had defined the lines toward the center, drawing the focus to Scotty. Everything around him faded away as though it were in fog. I could see every imperfection in the trees, the divot in the bark caused by years of aging. It made Scotty’s eyes looks sad. High above in the tree he leaned against the leaves were perfect, all except one. It was dried, on the verge of death. It contrasted the crooked grin Scotty had on his face which helped bring out the inner child in him. Everything balanced out.

  “I love it don’t change a thing,” Scotty said, kissing my neck.

  He slapped my butt and walked away to the driver’s door and I joined him in the front. He shifted into reverse, backed up, slammed it into drive and sped toward the highway. We sat in silence for a bit. I saw him take a hand off the steering wheel, placing it palm up between us. I placed mine in his and we held on tight. I felt his thumb trace lines on my palm. It was starting to turn me on. I was thinking back to the clearing, back to the idea of going all the way with him.

  “What do you want to do for New Year’s?” he asked.

  “What would you like to do?” I asked.

  “I’m fine with having you over for the night and having dinner.”

  “Works for me,” I said.

  “Want to go for a walk?” Scotty asked.

  “Sure, where at?”

  “You’ll see. There’s this place I’ve being wanting to show you.”

  After driving for nearly an hour, and taking a few residential roads, we came to a small parking lot, big enough to fit three cars. It was empty; he pulled in and killed the engine.

  “Where are we?” I asked, getting out.

  “You’ll see.”

  He retrieved a blanket from the trunk, and we walked up to the rickety gate which guarded the entrance to a path. Wildflowers and lush green shrubbery lined both sides. Soon we became concealed by trees, and then I heard running water. I searched for the source and noticed the ground slowly incline, and the forest ahead gradually opened into a clearing. I looked to the left and saw a beautiful forest and to our right was the source of the running water. About twenty yards away, a waterfall cascaded down over a cliff probably thirty or so feet high. The water crashed into a small ravine which emptied into a stream. Mist from the falls blanketed the bottom.

  “Want a closer look?” Scotty asked after a few minutes.

  Words had escaped me. He smiled and pulled me close for a kiss.

  “I come here to escape when the buzz of LA gets under my skin,” Scotty said.

  “I can see why.”

  “Come on”

  Overgrowth slowly cleared and another trail appeared. Scotty walked ahead of me leading us behind the falls holding my hand and ensuring I didn’t slip. I watched him climb onto a large boulder than he helped me up. Mist drifting behind the falls was relaxing. Scotty wrapped the blanket around us. I found solace in resting my head against his chest.

  “Smell that?” he asked.

  “There are a lot of smells around, which one?”

  “Nature. More specifically rain.”

  “You like the smell of rain too?”

  “Yes, it’s relaxing.”

  I smiled, leaned up and kissed his neck. He groaned and kissed the top of my head and pulled me into him, I followed his lead until we were both lying down. He straddled me, and we started making out. I ran my fingertips up his sides and heard him groan under his breath. He grabbed my hands, pinning them down above my head.

  “Tease,” I said.

  “I learned from the best.” He winked. “Besides, must save more for later,” he said behind a smile.

  I chuckled. “Mmm later aye, and what exactly is going to happen later?” I asked trying to wiggle my hands free. He gave up and let go.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ll have to wait to find out.”

  “Great. I love surprises,” I said sarcastically. I leaned on my right elbow and took his face in my left hand, we kissed, and I slowly lowered it down to his neck. He giggled and squirmed away.

  “You aren’t finding out, no matter what you do.”

  I moved back to his lips. “Okay.”

  He laid on me resting his head on my chest. I, as usual, wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. We laid like this for over a while, my back began to kill, but I didn’t care because Scotty was asleep in my arms. I smiled and looked back at the small cave we were in. I felt so peaceful here with Scotty.

  “Scotty. Hey hon. Wake up,” I said about an hour later, he groaned. “Want me to dump you in the water?”

  His eyes shot open in an instant, I laughed.

  “Okay I’m up, I’m up.” Scotty sat and rubbed his eyes, “You have a cute laugh,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “Thanks. What were you dreaming about?”

  “Ready?” He blushed, avoiding my question. He helped me down and stole a kiss from me.

  “Yeah”

  “Let’s go.”

  Rain picked up as we ran back to the car. I leaned against the passenger door and anxiously waited for Scotty to unlock it. Scotty waltzed over and held my hands. Rain poured on us. I watched as water saturated his white shirt and it became transparent. It clung to his chest, arms, and stomach. I peered up and saw water dripping off his hair. I smiled and teased his hair. Droplets splattered everywhere. Scotty just stood there, staring into my eyes. I almost wanted to say those three big words, but before I could, Scotty leaned in and gently kissed me. I felt him press against me as he moved closer, shielding most of the rain. It continued to pour over us as our little kiss built with a fiery intensity.

  A small part of me, the part I had suppressed until recently, wanted to rip his clothes off and lose my virginity in the back of his car. Then my rational side piped in. Do you really want to lose your virginity in the backseat of a car? For
a moment, my naïve, hormone ridden, teenage brain told my hand to fidget with his belt. He let me remove it before opening the door for me. Scotty closed my door, slid across the hood, and got in. I reclined the seat back and spent the entire ride home staring up at Scotty while he focused on driving. We made a few turns and then came to a stop.

  “That was fast,” I said. pulling the seat forward and looked out at Scotty’s house.

  “Come on,” Scotty said behind a smile. “Remember, I have a surprise for you.”

  Scotty got out and ran around the car and opened my door for me. It was still a torrential downpour when he took my hand and walked me to the front door. Scotty stood behind me and put his hands over my eyes. Everything went black. Water still rained on us. I smiled, reaching up to touch his hands.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You’ll see.”

  I heard the door creak open. Scotty removed his hands and revealed his surprise.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: CLOSER TO YOU

  Scotty’s entire living room was littered with candles. I walked in and noticed a fire was burning in the fireplace. Next to it was a tall bottle with two glasses. A piece of folded up paper rested between the glasses. I was speechless. My eyes zeroed in on an arrangement of flowers on the coffee table. They were a mix of wildflowers, not a single red rose in the bouquet. Scotty knew me well.

  “What? What?” I questioned twice out of disbelief. “How did you set this up?”

  “With a little help from my sister.”

  He walked past me and took my hand leading me into the kitchen. Scotty pulled out a stool for me; I sat down, still at a loss for words. I could now smell lemons. He really knew me well, I never told him lemon was my favorite scent. That any time I was stressed it relaxed me instantly. I watched Scotty walk to the refrigerator and pull something out, it was covered in aluminium foil and figured it would remain a mystery until dinner. He put it in the oven, walked around the island and stood behind me. I felt his hands rest on my shoulders and groaned with satisfaction as he massaged them.

  “What’s the occasion?”

  “You mean aside from your birthday?”

  “I—” I paused. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Then I did my job. Do you want to get out of these wet clothes and relax by the fire?”

  We stripped down in the kitchen so as not to get the carpet in his bedroom wet. Scotty tossed our clothes in the dryer and met me in his room. I sat on the foot of his bed, still naked, and oddly feeling more vulnerable than I ever had around him. I watched the silhouette of my boyfriend approach until he stood between my legs. Lightning illuminated the dark room, and my eyes feasted on every inch of his nude body. He stepped closer until his skin touched mine and I felt water drip off his hair and onto my legs. More lightning revealed a devilish grin as Scotty shook his hair and let the water rain down on me. I giggled and tried to block it with my hands. He used the fact that my guard was down to climb on top of me.

  Scotty’s hands ran all over my body, and in the darkness everything felt extra sensitive. His touch skyrocketed me past cloud nine, and the crash back to earth was gentle. Another flash of lightning set the mood, he leaned in and kissed my chest and worked his way to my hips before moving up to my lips. We stared at each other. It was both embarrassing and erotic. Embarrassing cause I wasn’t sure how to tell Scotty I wanted to go all the way with him tonight, and erotic because I wanted him so bad. I wasted no time exploring his body, touching every inch I could reach and relishing in the changes of his breath. We continued to kiss while I debated asking my next question. Our lips parted.

  “Are you okay with the pace we are moving?”

  “Yes,” Scotty quickly replied.

  “I just don’t want you to grow tired of me.”

  Scotty whispered into my ear, “I am in no hurry, love. You’re worth the wait.”

  Then he proceeded to grind against my crotch as he sat up. My hands explored his torso in the dark. It was as though I were blind if it wasn’t for the lightning. Scotty grinned and leaned down to offer one more kiss before crawling off me. I watched his ass cheeks jiggle a little in the dim electric blue light as he trotted off toward his closet. He emerged a few seconds later wearing pajamas and tossed a pair at me. I got dressed and met him in the living room.

  “Can I ask what’s for dinner?”

  “You can, doesn’t mean I’ll tell you. Besides it’s nothing special. Remember, I can’t cook. In fact, I had to have my sister cook.”

  I laughed. “I don’t care. It’s the thought that counts. So, what is it?”

  “Chicken, red potatoes, and mixed veggies, and for dessert lemon pudding cake.”

  “Sounds good. What does the note say?” I gestured toward the champagne glasses.

  “Later, just relax.”

  I huffed and laid back down against his chest. We listened to the crackling fire. I looked up at him as he leaned down and kissed me. On the coffee table under the flowers was a small box, it didn’t look like a present, but I tried to guess what could be hiding inside. It was large enough to fit a ring or possibly a key. Then again maybe it was nothing at all.

  On the mantel over the fireplace was a picture of him and I, taken at the fair on our “first date” just before I ralphed and killed the mood. Next to it was a picture of a guy who I didn’t recognize.

  “Who’s that?”

  “My older brother. He died in a car accident two years back, the result of a drunk driver.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He didn’t say anything else. I felt remorseful for bringing it up and even guiltier for not seeing the photo until now. Above the framed pictures hung my drawing of him surfing. He had it framed and nailed to the wall.

  “You really like that drawing, don’t you?”

  “I love all your work.”

  We snuggled and spent the next half hour talking until Scotty reluctantly got up to get our dinner. He returned with a plate in each hand and placed them down next to the champagne glasses. It looked amazing but smelled slightly burnt. Scotty reached for the bottle and poured fizzy amber colored liquid into both glasses.

  “Champagne?” I stupidly asked.

  “Please, I’m not trying to get you drunk. Plus, we’re both underage. It’s sparkling cider. Let’s make a toast.”

  “To a great night,” I said.

  “To a great night and a happy birthday.”

  Our glasses chimed together, we kissed. I took a sip and glanced at the folded piece of paper which now laid flat.

  “Can I see that now?” I asked, nodding toward the paper.

  “Oh yes, sorry. I’m not much of a poet but I wrote this for you.”

  He handed me the piece of stiff parchment. There was no title. Written in gold ink was my poem. I ran my fingers over the letters and a few words jumped out at me. I grinned and handed it back. He had to read it out loud.

  “You read it to me,” I said.

  Scotty blushed and smiled. “Alright no judgements.” Scotty cleared his throat.

  “Every time I look into your eyes

  I see the oceans and sky

  Full of life and eager for a new adventure

  Looking to the stars, or the rhythm of nature

  Ebb and flow

  Pulling me wherever they go

  Hook, line, and sinkah

  It’s a no brainah

  Why this is what I see

  Happily, lost at sea

  Just water and beautiful skies

  Every time I look into your eyes.”

  I looked at Scotty. He gulped and his eyes showed vulnerability and his half smile spoke of embarrassment.

  “Scotty,” I whispered.

  “It’s stupid isn’t it, I tried to poke fun with the Maine accent, but—” I silenced him with a kiss.

  “Not at all, this is beautiful.”

  We kissed.

  Those three words buzzed the tip of my tongue, like a secret I couldn’t keep. Our
forehead rested against each other. It was time.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I love you,” I said.

  Scotty smiled wider and kissed me again. “I love you too,” he said.

  Now that I said it, I wanted to tell him again. It was thrilling. Rather than wear out the sentiment, I turned my attention back to the dinner, taking my first bite.

  “It tastes… really good,” I lied, forcing myself to chew and swallow.

  “No, it’s not. It’s too dry with a burnt aftertaste, even the potatoes seem overdone. I think I set the oven to high. Sorry, I told you I can’t cook and apparently can’t reheat food properly either.”

  “How you’ve made it this far on your own I just don’t know,” I teased. “It’s okay we can just call for a pizza.”

  “How romantic,” he said, clearing the plates.

  I reached for his hands. “Hey, a dish doesn’t define romance. I’d settle for my culinary inept boyfriend any day. Want me to order a pizza?”

  “Nah, I got one in the freezer in case this happened. I think I can manage a pizza. It comes with instructions.”

  “So do recipes,” I ribbed. “How about this? I make the pizza, you clean up. If I mess up you can blame me,” I said.

  “Deal.”

  I put the pizza in and ventured back to the living room, setting a mental alarm reminding myself to check on it in fifteen minutes. I joined Scotty on the couch. putting my feet up on his lap. Looking into his eyes. Was I ready to go all the way? This would be a huge step in our relationship. Scotty continued to look at me, massaging my calves, while I pondered this. He leaned ever so slightly toward me and moved his hand up closer to my knees.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  How it’ll feel to have you inside of me… I kept looking into his eyes while I thought of my answer. His hands moved above my knees. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him into me. I watched him crawl up my body and lean down to kiss me.

  “How you put this all together for me,” I said after a kiss.

  “I had some help from my sister.”

  “Still.”

  He nudged closer, spreading my legs apart more. I looked down at him and watched him run his hands up my thighs and teased me by slowly pulling my pants down slightly. The longer I was in his presence the more I wanted him inside of me. Lights flickered for a moment and I grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him toward me. His eyes lit up. His breathing was just as quick as mine. I couldn’t think clearly anymore, I wanted him so bad it hurt in the most pleasurable way.