Playing It Out Straight

by Andrew McQuinn

I grabbed the bag and opened it. Inside was a bottle of massage oil.

  “You’ve seemed stressed lately.”

  “I have been.”

  “Take your shirt off and lie down.”

  Scotty turned the lights off. Moonlight filled my room from the open balcony doors. I felt a small amount of massage oil pour onto my back. It was cool to the touch but as he ran his hands up my back, the oil went hot, relaxing the muscles in my back and shoulders. I moaned as he pushed down on my back and massaged out the knots which had bothered me all week. Thirty minutes later he turned me over. I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back then his eyes narrowed in on my stomach.

  “What happened?” His fingers ran over my ribs and traced the fist-sized bruise. I winced slightly when he gently pressed it. “Is he picking on you again?”

  I braced myself on my elbows. “It’s nothing.”

  Scotty eyed me. “Maybe to you, but to me it’s something.”

  “The school knows about it, but until he does something in front of a faculty member nothing can be done it. Even then he’ll just go back to doing it when their backs are turned.”

  “Do your parents know about this?”

  “That I’m being bullied for being gay? No. My father would probably tell me to fight harder next time.”

  Scotty pouted. “Please be careful.”

  “I will.” We kissed. “Can we please go back to my massage?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “Yes,” Scotty said.

  He straddled me and squeezed a glob of massage into his hands and rubbed them together. Excess oil dripped down from between his fingers and landed on my stomach and chest. Scotty lightly dragged his fingertips down my chest, over my nipples, and down my stomach. The simple act turned me on instantly. He grinned and repeated the same action. I breathed deep and arched my back slightly, he chuckled. I reached up and slipped his shirt off tossing it at the foot of my bed and placed my hands behind my head and watched Scotty.

  The muscles in my shoulders relaxed, Scotty’s hand left my shoulders and traveled down both arms until he placed his hands in mine. I stared into Scotty’s eyes. His pupils were dilated in the low light. I felt him grind into me, and watched his grin widen.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “I love you more.”

  We began to make out and I felt Scotty’s weight press me into the bed. He grinded against me while we continued to kiss. His breath was the right level of minty freshness I could taste. His tongue teased mine, offering its own massage. Pale-yellow light ran under my door and I heard footsteps running up the stairs and down the hall toward my room. The two of us looked at the door and saw the shadow underneath.

  “Shit I forgot to lock the door,” I whispered.

  The handle turned.

  Scotty jumped on the floor. Sliding under the bed and out of sight, just in time.

  My father walked in without knocking. He held the phone in his hand and leaned against the door frame. Light filled my room blinding me, I looked down and saw the bottle of massage oil sitting next to me, and quickly threw my blanket over it. The sheen of oil on my chest caught my eye as parts of it reflected in the light until oil evaporated off. Nerves were fried. It was no longer cute to sneak around and have Scotty in my room, it was now terrifying.

  I looked back over to my dad; he walked toward me and sat on the foot of my bed.

  “Sorry if I woke you.” He started looking around, he eyed Scotty’s shirt. “You have a phone call.”

  He handed me the phone. I took it without even looking at him.

  “Hello? Oh, hey Emilie. Yeah sorry my phone died, and I just haven’t charged it yet. Nah it’s okay I wasn’t asleep, what’s up?”

  I watched as my father peered over the other side of my bed. I put my hand over the receiver and acknowledged him for the first time in days. “What are you doing?” I whispered.

  “Nothing,” he said.

  I continued, “Yep, it’s all done. Yeah, tomorrow. Later. Night.”

  I handed the phone back to my father. He looked at me and smiled. I knew immediately what he was thinking.

  “Who is Emilie?” he asked.

  “You know who she is. I worked with her this summer, she’s just a friend.”

  “Alright son…” he trailed off and looked at me for a moment. “I know my apologies mean nothing. What I said to you wasn’t right.”

  “What? When you said I was a disappointment, or when you said maybe I don’t love you,” I said.

  I swallowed back some tears. Repeating the words made everything more real.

  “Both.”

  “If you don’t mind, I’d like to be left alone.”

  I both loved and sympathized with the pained look on my father’s face.

  “We’re about to put a movie on if you would like to join,” he offered. I ignored him instead choosing to roll away. “Where’d that bruise come from?” he asked.

  The fist of a bully picking on me because I’m gay.

  “It’s nothing. I’ll be down in a bit.”

  The relationship between us had been lack-luster since his comment. We got in fights every other night and I wondered if it would just be easier to come out to him. Break the tension. Scotty made me happy, and took away the pain, or at the very least numbed it. The only thing keeping my mind off all the crazy was knowing I was about to see Scotty. Then I was remembered he lay underneath my bed while my father sat on my bed.

  “Please get out of my room,” I politely ordered.

  I looked up at my father finally. There was a subtle twinge in his eyes, and the corners of his lips tightened. For a brief unexplainable millisecond, I felt bad. I ignored the feelings and watched him walk out of my room without protest and closed the door behind himself.

  “Harsh,” I heard Scotty say under the bed.

  “Shut up.”

  I heard him laugh and slide out from under the bed. Scotty sat down next to me. “It was harsh but considering the circumstances lately the attitude is warranted.”

  “Damn gay it was,” I said.

  Scotty laughed. “Dork,” he said kissing me, then added, “I’m sorry this has been hard for you. You don’t deserve this.”

  “And to think just last month we were talking about the idea of me coming out to him.”

  “It will all work out, I know it’s hard to see it now, but in the end, everything will work out.”

  “I agree. I mean this is all building character. I try not to think about the negatives. My father’s acceptance is important to me, but it won’t rule my existence.”

  He leaned down and kissed me then walked to the foot of the bed, grabbed his shirt, and put it on. I sat up and leaned against my elbows and watched him adjust his shirt. It was like we were cheating on our spouses the way we always snuck around. Like we were really having a secret love affair. Scotty walked back over, kissed me, and walked over to the balcony door.

  “I don’t want you to go,” I whined.

  “I don’t want to go either, but it’s for the best. I’ll pick you tomorrow after school.”

  “Okay, night.”

  “Good night.”

  Then sadly, he was gone again, rather than being where he should be, next to me being my big spoon.

  § § § §

  I awoke the next morning feeling more rested then I’d felt in weeks.

  I bounded down the stairs and ran down the hall toward the kitchen. I skidded to a stop in front of the fridge and threw the door open with a wide grin across my face. The same line from Brandi Carlile’s Dreams repeated over and over in my head. The earworm was at least a pleasant one. I hummed and danced around while preparing my breakfast. I ate while I bobbed my head to the beat of an invisible drum. My father walked in a few moments later and grabbed a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter. I eyed him while I ate.

  “What has you so happy?” my father asked.

  “I have a date tonight with someone I like, I am acing all
my classes, and I think I might try out for the spring play,” I gayly said.

  “Well that answers my next question about how the semester is going. This date, what is their name?”

  Their? Not her, but their?

  “No one you’d approve of I’m sure,” I mumbled.

  “Oh, what are you doing today?”

  “I don’t know. Stephen reminded me we’re off from school, some teacher professional day,” I said, sipping my juice. “I was thinking of going to the beach and sketching for a bit, then I might hang out with Emilie after.”

  “Sounds nice. Well, your mother and I have that work function tonight, and Stephen is away for a basketball game, so you’re responsible for watching Amy. She’ll be home around seven, I hope this doesn’t ruin your plans.”

  “It doesn’t, my date is very accommodating.”

  This was the longest conversation we had since it happened. I personally didn’t have anything else to say to him, lately he wasn’t worth wasting my breath over. I looked up at him and could see it in his face. The mix of emotions morphed like a chameleon changing its colors to ward off a predator. It ranged through the spectrums of fear, worry, and wondering. No matter the emotion crossing his face, it always left an underlying tone of pain. Now you know how I feel, I wanted to say as I slid off the bar stool. I set my things in the sink and walked away. My father watched me leave, not saying a word.

  I texted Scotty to meet me at the pier and grabbed the sketch pad and some pencils Amy got for me and tossed them in my backpack. I walked back downstairs and left without saying goodbye. Rainbow Café, my favorite coffee shop, was hopping when I stopped into get a chai tea latte. Emilie met me for lunch, and by the afternoon she dropped me off at my place so I could change for my date with Scotty. I almost left my sketch pad behind but decided last minute to bring it. I took the bus to the Santa Monica Pier and walked along the beach to our spot. Leaning against one of the support beams under the pier, I looked out over the water and breathed in the scent of saltwater, thick in the onshore breeze. I got to work drawing a cluster of sailboats off in the distance. They gave off the impression they were tangled together in a spider web. It made me think of my relationship with my father, we could appear on the surface to have a close-knit relationship, but if you really knew us, you’d see underneath the surface we were disconnected.

  It was a clear day considering this was Santa Monica and smog usually hung in the horizon. The sky was an off turquoise and blended into the ocean when it reached the horizon. The only thing to distinguish the two apart were the small rippled waves cresting on the water’s surface. As always, I got lost in my art and didn’t notice Scotty arrived until his shadow dimmed the sunlight. I looked up as he sat down and waited for my kiss.

  I went to put my sketch pad away when Scotty said, “Don’t stop on the count of me.”

  He sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around me.

  “I could use a break.”

  “Can I see it?”

  I crawled over Scotty and sat between his legs. Scotty wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder to get a closer look. The artist in me started smudging the interconnected lines of the sails until they blended and retraced the lines of the boat, making them darker. Suddenly I was back to work, drawing thinner, lighter lines next to them.

  “It’s beautiful, like you,” Scotty whispered into my ear.

  “Aww. Thank you,” I said casually.

  I fought the urge not to smile when out of the corner of my eye I saw Scotty look at me.

  “And what, I’m a haggard mess?” he joked.

  I laughed. “Let compliments come when they may,” I said, turning into him more.

  I stared at a yacht docked near the end of the pier. I wondered who owned it, and where they escaped to on their day off, if they even worked a day in their lives. I started drawing.

  “My parents should be leaving soon,” I said.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, we won’t have to worry about sneaking around tonight. They won’t be back till eleven, maybe later.”

  “Are they on a date or something?”

  “Dinner party or some work function, which means my dad will probably come home drunk.”

  “Does he drink often?”

  I didn’t feel like talking about my father and his drinking problem. Grandpa was apparently much worse, but Dad had his moments. I wanted now to be about Scotty and me. I tossed my sketch book aside, stood up, and looked down at him. Scotty looked up at me, glaring in the afternoon light. I nodded my answer to his question and smiled to change the subject. He smiled back, winked, and blew me a kiss.

  “Let’s go for a walk,” I said holding out my hand and pulled him up and into me.

  Scotty looked down at me and smiled. Without thinking, or caring, we kissed. It was a dangerous game to play. I knew my father wouldn’t be around here, but it didn’t stop a would-be photographer from taking a photo of us at the first sight of Scotty. Regardless we limited our PDA time, more his idea than mine. As I went to turn away to pick up my art supplies, Scotty directed my chin and stole another kiss. I grabbed my things and we began to walk down the beach away from my house.

  We went to The Snack Shack, a burger place with a nineteen-fifty’s vibe. Our waitress looked like a young Mia Farrow with her vibrant red hair and expressive eyes. She wore a navy-blue dress with white polka dots and white collar. Her hair was cut in Vidal Sassoon style, and made it seem like Mia herself had just stepped off the set of Rosemary’s Baby. We both ordered The Usual— a cheeseburger, fries, and cherry coke. After eating we walked down the boardwalk toward my house, holding hands, and talking.

  § § § §

  We reached the stone steps leading up to my house and took them two at a time. Max greeted us at the back door, I petted him and saw a note my dad left me.

  Kyle,

  We’ll be back later. I don’t want you having anyone over. Stephen is out for the night and Amy will be back around six now, you’re to baby-sit her. There’s a pizza in the freezer for dinner. See you later tonight around midnight.

  Dad.

  I looked at the clock it was a quarter after five. Max brushed against my leg, whining.

  “Are ya hungry boy?” I asked.

  Max panted and danced around me while I proceeded to feed him then got started on our dinner. While the oven preheated, I led Scotty up to my bedroom. We fooled around for a bit. Before getting carried away we ventured back downstairs. I placed the pizza in the oven and joined Scotty in the living room where he was looking at the DVDs. He put on Finding Nemo and sat close to me on the couch wrapping his arm around me. This was it, the way life should be. We continued to make out cause why not we were alone. Fifteen minutes later, the front door opened.

  “Andrea?” I heard my mom’s friend holler.

  I sat up and walked down the hall.

  “Hey Ms. Campbell.”

  “Kyle!” Amy cheered.

  “Hi Amy.” I picked her up, putting her on my shoulders. “Did you have a good time?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Sorry we’re late, the party ran long.”

  “Not to worry,” I replied.

  “She’ll be asleep soon. She had two pieces of birthday cake.”

  “Two pieces, whoa. Someone was hungry,” I said tickling Amy’s stomach, she giggled. “Thanks for having her and tell Jasmine I said happy birthday.”

  Amy squirmed around so I set her down.

  “Will do, looks like you’re going to have your hands full.”

  “You could say that again.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I closed the door and Amy ran down the hall. She skidded to a stop when she saw Scotty.

  “Scotty!” she yelled. “I haven’t seen you in a while.” She jumped on the couch.

  “Hi Amy,” Scotty said.

  “How have you been?”

  “Amy, leave him alone.” Amy stuck her tongu
e out at me and looked back at Scotty who chuckled.

  “It’s okay she isn’t doing anything wrong.”

  Amy stuck her tongue out at me again and grinned.

  “I’m going to get the pizza,” I said.

  “I’ll help,” Scotty replied.

  “Here Amy, let me start Finding Nemo over, I’ll bring out the pizza soon.”

  “Okay,” Amy said, sitting on the floor.

  I headed for the kitchen and Scotty followed. I was quick at work slicing the pizza and preparing our drinks while Scotty watched. I looked at him and felt my insides simultaneously warm up and cool down. Months later and he still made me nervous and excited at the same time. I grabbed his hand and pulled him close to me.

  “You sure?” Scotty questioned.

  “It’s Amy. She’s probably lost in the movie.”

  We looked over; her eyes were glued to the TV. I pulled him closer and gave him a quick kiss. We smiled at each other and then moved in for another kiss. Unbeknownst to us, Amy walked in.

  “Hey Kyle, can I… are you two kissing? I didn’t know two boys could kiss.” We didn’t know how to answer, and then she said something to Scotty I wasn’t expecting. “I thought you weren’t allowed to come here?”

  “You’re rather observant today, was it those two pieces of cake missy?” Scotty asked.

  Amy giggled at us and hopped up on the stool next to the island waiting for a response.

  “Well?” she persisted.

  Scotty and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. Amy sat patiently waiting. I stepped around Scotty, walked over, and looked at my little sister.

  “Yes, we were.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, it’s because I’m gay, Amy.”

  “Oh, and you and Scotty are together?”

  “Yes.”

  “How long?”

  “Since September.”

  Amy looked from me, to Scotty, and back to me then shrugged.

  “Okay, I gotta say it doesn’t surprise me. I had a feeling.”

  “Is that so?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I mean the only person you brought home was Scotty. I may only be nine.”

  “Eight and ten months,” I teased.

  “Whatever, I may only be eight and ten months, but I’m not dumb.” Scotty’s hand touched my arm and it caused me to jump. Amy smiled and looked at us. “As long as your happy, I’m happy.”