Always Means Forever

by Deborah Fletcher Mello

Bridget’s smile quickly returned as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Now, you’re sure about that nineteen-hour erection, right?”

  The doctor chuckled. “Sorry. Won’t happen, and if it does, we’ll have a whole other problem to contend with.”

  Darwin shook his head from side to side. “So what now?”

  The doctor jotted more notes onto his pad. “My nurse will come back with a sample for you. It’s only seven pills. And there’ll be some papers for you to sign saying we gave you a sample at no cost. Unfortunately, your insurance company probably won’t cover the cost of the pills if you decide to continue with them and they’re expensive. Very expensive.”

  “Hopefully, I won’t be on them for too long, will I?”

  “Hopefully not, but I can’t say for certain. We still need to identify the cause and I still think you should go see Dr. Sinclair. So, call and make an appointment to talk with him.”

  Darwin rolled his eyes for a second time. The doctor shook his head and turned to Bridget. He gave her a quick wink.

  “It was nice to meet you, Bridget. Feel free to call me if you have any other questions and try to talk some sense into his hard head.”

  Bridget smiled. “I will, Dr. Page, and thank you.”

  “Please, call me Owen. Darwin and I have been friends since high school. We go back a long way.” He gripped her hand between his own. “The fact that he brought you here tells me you have a very special place in his life. So, I look forward to getting to know you.”

  “Thank you, Owen,” Bridget responded.

  She watched as the two men exchanged a quick palm slap and one-armed hug. Then the doctor exited the room as quickly as he’d come in. Darwin turned to stare at her and she reached out to wrap her arms around his neck as she kissed his cheek.

  “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

  Darwin nodded. “Yeah. I feel a little silly, but it’ll pass. It’s not often that I have to have a conversation about Darwin Jr. with my doctor and my woman in the same room.”

  Bridget laughed. “Darwin Jr.?”

  “I used to call him Chuck but the name just doesn’t fit right now.”

  “Thank goodness. I don’t like Chuck.”

  Mischief gleamed in Darwin’s eyes. “Oh, you would have liked Chuck. You would have liked Chuck a lot.”

  “I think I’m going to like Darwin Jr. just fine,” she said with a giggle as Darwin pressed his lips to hers to give her a quick kiss.

  He laughed with her. “Let’s just hope we can get the old boy to work. If that happens, I’ll let you name him,” he said with a wry smile.

  “Oooh,” Bridget cooed. “Now, a girl could have some fun with that!”

  The day had been long for both Darwin and Bridget, so as they leaned over the edge of the Anacortes Ferry, holding each other up, both were grateful for the lull of the water below and the few minutes of quiet they could share. The sun was still posturing in a blue sky although an influx of darkening clouds seemed to want to prove the weather predictions right with the threat of pending rain.

  Bridget leaned back against the man’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her torso. She felt good in his arms, Darwin thought, and he wasn’t overly anxious to let her go. He took a deep breath, inhaling the delicate scent of her perfume as it danced in the air with the salted spray of the ocean.

  She had asked him if what they were feeling was love. Darwin couldn’t help but ponder the question more closely. He hadn’t yet said those three words to Bridget but he knew something real was happening between them. If he were honest with himself he would have to admit that he’d been fighting his feelings for Bridget since forever. There had been no denying the attraction he’d felt but he had surely done battle with the sentiment that had consumed him as they’d gotten to know each other. The casual flirting had only served to mask what he’d really been feeling and even when he had walked away from the not-so-subtle maneuverings of their friends and family, his heart had been held hostage by the swell of emotions he had for her.

  He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he nuzzled his face into her hair. The silken strands were scented with a coconut moisturizer, the fresh aroma billowing up into his nostrils. Tightening his grip, he pulled her closer to his heart, wondering why it had taken him this long to figure out where he belonged.

  Bridget suddenly turned around to face him, spinning in his arms as she wrapped her own around his waist. Staring down into her face, Darwin sensed something weighing on her spirit, her expression too serious for so calming a moment.

  “What’s wrong?” Darwin asked as he leaned to whisper in her ear.

  Bridget met his gaze and held it. She took a deep breath before speaking. “I think there’s something important we need to talk about before we go any further with this relationship,” she said, her tone beyond serious.

  Darwin nodded his head. “We can talk about anything. You know that.”

  She waved her own head. “It’s about something your doctor said today, and, well…” Bridget paused as Darwin looked at her curiously. “I think you should know that I don’t want children. I love kids, but I’ve known for a long time that I don’t want to be pregnant and I don’t want to adopt. I don’t want to be a mother.”

  Darwin’s expression changed from curious to shocked, the magnitude of her statement spinning through his mind. “Okay,” he said finally as he released his grip and moved toward an empty bench. Bridget followed behind him, taking a seat at his side.

  “You need to know that, Darwin,” Bridget said softly. “Have you thought about having children of your own?” she asked.

  Darwin nodded. “When Mac and Jeneva had Alexa I thought about it a lot. I think every man wonders at some point what kind of father he might be.”

  Bridget gave him a quick smile. “I’m sure you will make an amazing father,” she said, her voice dropping to a loud whisper.

  Darwin’s mouth bent upward just a fraction as he forced himself to smile back.

  Bridget continued speaking. “I might be making some assumptions about us and where we’re going with each other but you needed to know how I feel and you need to know before this gets any more serious.”

  “You might change your mind, Bridget. Things could change,” Darwin said, a thread of hope in his voice.

  Bridget shook her head. Conviction painted her expression. “No. I won’t. My heart’s not in it, Darwin. I would never want to bring a child into this world knowing my heart wasn’t into it.”

  Darwin blew a loud sigh. “For some strange reason I always figured every woman wanted to be a mom.”

  “Only some of us, Darwin. Not all of us.”

  Darwin blew another gust of air. Bridget dropped a light palm to his leg, kneading the flesh gently. Darwin forced another smile.

  “Well, aren’t we a pair,” he said with an anxious chuckle. “But hey, if we can’t solve my problem, then it really won’t matter much, will it?”

  Bridget wiped a tear from her eye. “Don’t make light of this, Darwin. You will solve your problem and when that happens you need to be in a relationship with a woman who wants the same things you do. And, even if you don’t, there are still options available to you. You can still be a parent.”

  “But I want that with you, Bridget.”

  “But, Darwin, I don’t want that at all, not with anyone.”

  Darwin rose from his seat, moving back to the vessel’s rail. He stared out toward the distance, his gaze resting on the rush of clouds gaining control of the sky. There was no denying the disappointment across his face. He had never imagined that so large an issue would ever be a problem between them but he had to acknowledge this threatened the future he’d been dreaming for himself.

  Although parenthood had never been in the forefront of his mind, he always figured he would one day have a child or two of his own. He’d been by his brother’s side when the world had welcomed little Alexa into the fold. He had felt his brother’s joy as if it were his o
wn, witnessing the brilliance of a miracle as Mecan first held his baby girl in his arms and realized just how magnanimous his capacity for love could actually be. Every time he saw them together, Darwin envied what Mac had, wishing for such in the back of his mind.

  But there had been no missing Bridget’s staunch convictions. She wholeheartedly meant what she said. There would be no compromise. His children would never be her children and parenthood would not be something they’d ever navigate together. If nothing else, Darwin understood that bringing a child into the world that she didn’t want with everything in her would be a point of contention that could tear them apart anyway.

  Bridget’s hand pressed against his lower spine and Darwin closed his eyes at the sensation of her touch.

  “I understand,” Bridget said cheerfully. “It really is okay. We’ve had a great time together and no one can take that from us. We will always be friends, Darwin, even if we can’t be anything more to each other,” she said, trying to ease his visible discomfort.

  Darwin searched her face, trying to read the lines of her expression. “Do you really believe that? Is that honestly how you feel?”

  Bridget sucked in air, fighting not to cry. “I don’t…I just want…” she stammered, suddenly at a loss for words. “I don’t want to make this difficult for you,” she said softly. “I just want things to be all right.”

  Darwin shook his head. “Well, things aren’t all right.” He turned back to face her, cupping her chin in the palm of his hand as he lifted her gaze to his. “I love you. I love you, Bridget, and I’m not ready to just let you go.”

  He stared into the dark depths of her gaze, her eyes misting with tears. Darwin choked back his own tears. “I love you, but suddenly I don’t know where we go from here.”

  Chapter 14

  Bridget and Darwin paused outside the front door of the Tolliver family’s San Juan Island home. Darwin wrapped his arms around her, pulling Bridget into a tight hug. He brushed his lips over her forehead, the damp kiss burning hot against her skin. Taking a step back, he sucked in two deep breaths of oxygen then pushed the doorbell. When little Alexa pulled the door open both of them forced a wide smile across their faces, beaming down at the little girl.

  “Hi, Uncle Darwin!” Alexa chimed, throwing her miniature body into his outstretched arms.

  “Hey, pumpkin pie! How’s my girl?”

  “I was watching Scooby-Doo on the television,” Alexa responded, kicking her legs to get back to the floor. She wrapped herself around Bridget’s legs. “Hi, Auntie Bridget.”

  Bridget leaned down to kiss the top of the child’s head, her thick, dark brown hair plaited in three neat braids atop her skull. She lifted her right foot up, her chubby leg extended straight out in front of her.

  “See my new sneakers?” she said, twisting her foot from side to side. “These are for playing in, and I got a pair to wear with my nice pants, and I got Mary Janes to go with my dresses. They’re red like Dorothy’s in the wizard movie,” she said quickly, finally pausing to take a breath.

  “Wow!” Bridget exclaimed. “Red Mary Janes! I don’t have red Mary Janes!”

  Alexa giggled. “They don’t have none in your size,” she gushed, rolling her wide eyes skyward.

  “Oh, is that the reason,” Bridget responded as the child slipped her small hand into Bridget’s, pulling her toward the back of the house.

  Darwin watched as the two of them went past him, his smile still pulling his facial muscles upward. Mecan called out his name from the top of the stairwell.

  “What’s up, little brother?” he quipped, taking the steps two at a time to join him.

  The two men slapped palms then gave each other a quick hug.

  “It’s all good, big brother. All good,” the man said, his voice a low drone.

  Mecan nodded, studying his brother closely. “Why am I not convinced?” Mecan said, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Darwin shrugged, turning his eyes to avoid his brother’s gaze. “Where’s my sister-in-law?” Darwin asked, starting down the hallway Bridget and Alexa had just disappeared down. Mecan followed close on his heels and Darwin could feel his brother’s stare burning straight into his back.

  Easing into the kitchen, they found the women peering into the oven. Alexa was dancing excitedly between them.

  “What’s going on in here?” Darwin bellowed. “All the pretty girls left me!”

  Alexa laughed heartily. “Mommy made chocolate cake!”

  Darwin moved to Jeneva’s side to kiss her cheek. “Mmm, chocolate cake!”

  Jeneva laughed. “Hi, Darwin,” she said as she returned the kiss.

  “Is that the infamous Death By Chocolate chocolate cake?” the man questioned.

  “It sure is.”

  Darwin shook his head.

  Behind them Mecan joined in the laughter. “See what they keep doing to me,” he said, patting the very small beginnings of a round belly. “That woman just wants to keep me in the gym. The things a man has to put up with in this house.”

  Alexa tossed him an annoyed look, moving to lean against her mother’s leg. “Are you being mean, Daddy? That didn’t sound too nice. Did it, Mommy?”

  “No, girlie, it wasn’t nice at all.”

  Mecan tossed both his hands into the air. “These two are always ganging up on me!” he said, pretending to pout, his bottom lip pushed outward toward his chin.

  The little girl giggled again. “You’re so silly!”

  The adults all laughed with her.

  Mecan gestured in his brother’s direction. “Darwin, let me pull you away for a minute,” he said, his eyes locking with his twin’s. “If you ladies would excuse us, please. We’ll be right back.”

  “Can I still watch Scooby-Doo, Daddy?”

  Mecan nodded. “Come on. Daddy will turn it back on for you,” he said as he extended his hand toward his daughter.

  As she took it, she reached out with her other hand toward Darwin. “Come on, Uncle Darwin,” she chimed. “Daddy wants you to boy talk with him.”

  Darwin cut an eye toward his brother as he followed reluctantly. Bridget watched as they disappeared out of the room. A pang of hurt pierced her heart as she watched Alexa twisting both men around her pinkie finger. The look of distress that crossed her face did not go unnoticed.

  “Bridget, is everything okay?” Jeneva asked, concern in her expression. “You look like you’re about to be sick.”

  As Bridget turned toward her friend, tears welled up in her eyes. Jeneva held up her index finger, stalling the woman’s response as she moved to the door to check that the others were out of earshot. Moving back to her friend’s side, she gestured toward the kitchen table and both women sat down. Bridget swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, brushing a trail of moisture over her cheeks. “What’s wrong?” Jeneva asked again, her hand dropping against the woman’s knee.

  Bridget shook her head, her voice caught deep in her chest.

  “Something is wrong,” Jeneva persisted. “Let me help.”

  “Darwin wants children,” Bridget finally whispered.

  Jeneva leaned back in her seat and heaved a deep sigh. “And you told him you didn’t?”

  Bridget nodded. “I had to, Jay. There’s no way I could have kept something like that from him.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He told me he loved me but he wasn’t sure where we can go from here.”

  Jeneva smiled. “But he said he loves you! So all’s not lost.”

  Bridget swiped at her eyes again. “I can’t believe this. I finally connect with the man of my dreams and it’s over before we can get the relationship started.”

  “But it’s not over.”

  “It can’t work, Jay. He wants children as much as I don’t want children. One way or the other one of us will end up being resentful. Better we cut and run before either of us gets hurt.”

  “But you’re already hurting.”

  Bridget’s eyes fille
d with tears again. “I wanted this so badly, Jay! I love Darwin. I love him very much.”

  “Enough to reconsider having children?”

  The two women sat staring at each other as Bridget pondered the question. Her head waved from side to side as she answered.

  “I don’t want kids, Jay, and I have to be honest about that.”

  Jeneva had known the answer before Bridget had spoken. They’d had this conversation before and with both her pregnancies and Roshawn’s three, Bridget had been adamant about not wanting to be a mother. Jeneva had been honest when she’d told Bridget that she couldn’t understand the sentiment, motherhood being as natural to her as breathing, but she had respected her friend’s decision. It was not for her to judge whether or not Bridget was right or wrong, but to just support her when she needed her most.

  Jeneva wrapped her arms around Bridget’s shoulders and hugged her. She desperately wanted to assure the woman that it would all work out and she and Darwin would have the fairy-tale ending of happily ever after, but Jeneva herself wasn’t sure she believed it.

  Behind the privacy of Mecan’s office door the two brothers were navigating a conversation similar to the one being held in the kitchen. Darwin was settled against a leather recliner, his shoulders rounded with weight as he leaned his head in his hands, his elbows pressed into his thighs. Mecan sat in the seat opposite him.

  “So, you two were just having a casual conversation about kids and she told you this?”

  Darwin shook his head. “Bridget had gone with me to Owen’s office to pick up my Viagra sample and Owen made a comment about protected sex and having kids. I guess Bridget figured we needed to discuss it since it’s an issue for her.”

  “So she doesn’t want children at all.”

  “No.”

  “And you do?”

  “I just always assumed I’d have a family and children of my own. And I figured if I ever got married the woman in my life would want that with me.”

  “This thing with you and Bridget is still pretty new. Maybe…”

  Darwin tossed him a cold stare. “There is no maybe. I love her. I know that. I can’t imagine my life without her.” His gaze dropped back to the floor.