Bellissimo Lotta (Beautiful Struggle): Companion Novel to Bellissimo Fortuna (The Family Trilogy Book 2)

by Lunsford, Leigh Ann

  “I wasn’t. I see she told you most of the story. Do you want to hear the rest? I’m not offering it up as an excuse, I don’t have one of those.”

  “Oh, this is going to be good.” I feel my temper getting the best of me. I know how I handled it wasn’t the best, but the news I got that day still fucked me up.

  “Bronson doesn’t know, Callie. So if I tell you, it stays here. Me, Bianca, and the agency know. That’s it.” I see her eyes widen, and she takes in the gravity of the situation.

  “Okay, but if it comes down to me having to tell him, I will.” I nod at her. I know who her choice would be.

  “You were there for the beginning. The struggle, the fight I had on my hands getting her just to fucking admit we were in a relationship.” I see her smile, so I continue. “That was okay with me, I knew what I had, and I wasn’t willing to let it go. I see her like no one else does. I wanted her to see what I fell in love with, so I was patient. I’ll admit at the start I thought it was going to be fun, but soon she knocked me on my ass. I cared more about her happiness than my friendship with Bronson. I was skirting a line, where I was going to be the only loser if it blew up, but I didn’t care. Once I brought down her walls, I didn’t stop and think. I was so at peace, so ecstatic that she was mine. I let it all cloud my judgment and lived in denial. I wasn’t willing to give up my dream and that may have made me selfish, but I had a reason for my carefully laid plans. I knew I would be in direct conflict with her father and his affiliates, so I gave her up. It killed me; I wavered in my decision so many times. Every time I started to cave, I remembered Dana. The blue tarp they placed over her in my fucking driveway, the wails from my family as they carried her off to the morgue. I had to give her back something after everything she gave me. Fucked up on drugs or not, she loved me, and I knew it everyday.” I don’t know if I can tell her the rest. It’s still so raw because I don’t deal with it. Time has passed, but it sure hasn’t eased the sting of betrayal that was heaped upon me.

  “Dakota, good people get mixed up in bad things. You don’t have to defend her to me. I know if she had a place in your heart she was an amazing woman.”

  “Not so much.” Admitting that to her slices me. The pedestal I’ve placed her on for so long is crumbling bit by bit every day. I want to honor her memory, remember the good she did, but the lies and pain are chipping at that podium, weakening the structure. “When Joseph was murdered, my main focus was holding Bianca together, giving her support and letting her work through her grief. She never did. She buried it. Focused on you being gone. Bronson self-destructing. Her school. Her mom. Every thing but the crux of it. Her pain. They had their own issues, she refused to talk about them but she struggled with his choices. He was honest with her, answered her questions, took her resentment and he understood it. Never faltered in his love for her. I had to remind her of that. If not, she wouldn’t have survived. She was still dating other people. I was done waiting. Not to sound callous, but with him gone there was nothing stopping us from being together. I wasn’t in conflict with him, wouldn’t be in a place to make a choice that would destroy her. I went to her. Laid it all out, and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I was so fucking sure I was the man for her, could offer her the world and give her the future she deserved. I knew then and still believe that nobody can love her as much as I do. She had to go to class, so I went back to the condo. Before the shit went down with your dad I called in a favor. I wanted the case file on Dana’s murder. I had it with me at the condo. I didn’t know it at the time, I had no clue what I was opening or I would have waited until she was next to me.”

  “I have a feeling this is going to get worse,” Callie whispers.

  “You have no idea.” She moves next to me and grabs my hand, gives it a squeeze. “I opened up that file and nothing has made sense since. I knew Dana was strung out on drugs; I was never in denial of that. What I didn’t know was that she was my mom. She gave birth to me, but the people who raised me were my grandparents. She was messed up in the Agosto crime family somehow and . . .” I can’t tell her the rest. She’s been through enough. She has enough of the information.

  “What else? There’s enough in this story to keep you in therapy for a lifetime, but you’re hiding something.”

  “Her supplier was your dad. Her hit ordered by the family, more than likely your father. At first I blamed Joseph, he was the boss. But in hindsight, there’s enough blame for everyone.”

  “Oh, fuck. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She hugs me.

  “Callie, you had nothing to do with it. Just like I didn’t. Just like Bianca or Bronson didn’t. Our parents all made choices, those tumbled down and wrapped us so deep in their vices we didn’t have a chance to escape. We’ve all gotten caught in the crosshairs and fucked up a lot of important things. You and Bronson, you untangled yourselves from those webs. I’m trying.”

  “What happened when you read all that?”

  “It wasn’t pretty. Think about Bronson a few months ago, full of blame and anger. I grabbed a bottle of scotch. I read it over and over. The words ran together, the entire fucking universe blurred. I focused on one name. Agosto. For the first time in my life, I felt undiluted hate. Pure rage. At who, I still don’t know. I made it back to her dorms. Funny thing is as much as I blamed her in my mind, wanted to enact vengeance on her, I just wanted to get to her and have her heal me. I was conflicted, bound up in my own truth. She wasn’t there. Her roommate was. I don’t know how I thought that was a good idea. I knew the aftermath was going to be bad . . . that we’d all feel it deep, but I didn’t give a fuck. Or I gave too many fucks, I still don’t know. I just know I was full of blame, bitterness, and loss. I felt my whole life was a lie and didn’t process. She walked in, and I saw her break in front of me. She didn’t fight me, she didn’t spout off in Italian. She watched what I was doing, screamed in agony, and ran from the room. That scream still resonates in my head, when I close my eyes every night, I feel that, and I know I caused it. I went to her, tried to explain it to her, but it was too late.”

  “Never too late. Some wrongs take longer to make right.”

  “Could you forgive Bronson?”

  “I don’t know. I’d like to think I could, but what you did . . . that strips something from us. Something down deep inside of us.”

  Just what I was afraid of. “The most fucked up part is if I had just waited for her, she would have let me release all my hate and confusion, never judging me. She would have listened as I trashed her dad, blamed her, hated my family . . . then when it was out of my system she would have taken me in her arms and erased it all.”

  “Yes, because you are you and she is who she is. Y’all worked against all obstacles.”

  “Not making me feel better.”

  “I don’t need to make you feel better. I’m need to figure out how to help her. And you. I blame you. But I also sympathize with you because I’ve been in the situation where everything is taken from you, and you don’t know what decision to make. Sometimes we make the right one, and other times we screw things up. Have you worked through this?”

  “I try. I went and talked to my grandparents and was pissed. I will never understand why she made the choices she did when it comes to her life and her mistakes. I know she gave birth to me, I know she loved me, and I have to focus on that because those other questions, I don’t have the answers to. I never understood the questions Bianca had, I just used to tell her to love her dad, be glad she still had those she loved. I was the outsider of the group, and years later I find I wasn’t so far removed from that life as I thought.”

  “Do you know who your dad is?”

  I shake my head. “I’m not sure he knows. Probably some low-life from her high school who bailed when she got pregnant. My grandparents said she tried the first months to be a mom, but she was too young.”

  “She didn’t abandon you. Maybe her role changed, but you have to admit she was there for you, more than others have bee
n. Sometimes when there is bad, we focus on the good. When we don’t have any good in our family, we create one that works for us. It’s all in how you want to perceive things.”

  “When did you get so smart?”

  “I would like to say it’s in the DNA, but that would be the biggest crock of shit ever spoken.” I chuckle, and it feels good after the heavy shit.

  “So where do I go from here, Callie?”

  “That’s the million dollar question. I honestly don’t know. Does she love you? She does. You were her first love; you’ll always be a part of her. Can she forgive you? I’m not sure. That’s a lot to take on after everything else. It wasn’t the act . . . we all know you’ve fucked other people; it was the reasoning behind it which makes that betrayal that much worse. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, you fucked up . . . huge. I don’t know what the end result will be, but if you mean everything you said, don’t give up until there is an end. If you have doubts, be her friend, and let her go.”

  “I’m willing to keep fighting. She’s everything to me.”

  “Just know if the time comes that you need to let her go for her, then promise me you will.”

  “I can’t do that. I don’t believe we have an ending, so I can’t let her go.”

  “Damn it, Dakota.”

  I just shrug my shoulders and take her home. She won’t get that promise from me, I’ve spewed enough lies, and that’s one I’m not willing to give her.

  The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.

  ~Rumi

  Chapter 21

  Callie

  Mindfucked. That’s how I feel while sorting through Dakota and Bianca’s shit. I’m conflicted. My protective nature wishes she could walk away and never allow him to hurt her again. My sentimental side knows he can make her happy. Everything I know has a conflict attached to it. I know he loves her, but he broke her. I know how badly he screwed up but it was done from a place of oblivion. I know it was a colossal mistake, but we’ve all made them. His intentions are pure.

  I don’t feel like I can tell her to take a chance. I love Dakota, but he has to earn it or he has to be done. I can’t be the one to fix them. I won’t turn my back on either of them, but I hurt for both of them.

  First loves can be the end all be all or a stepping stone for the next time . . . lessons are all valued, all learning experiences; some are learned the hard way, like Bianca and Dakota. Or sometimes you learn from other people’s experiences. I watched a loveless marriage and abuse every day. I swore I wouldn’t do that to myself, and I knew when I gave myself to Bronson I would give him every single fragment, there would be nothing left for me to take back. I had to take a leap of faith, blind trust, and that’s what love is. A lot of hope but a lot of devotion. He’s shown me so much more than I’ve ever given him, not without turbulence and learning how to walk the paths we’ve been put on, but it’s worked for us.

  I don’t know if it can for them. I think with the right tools it could, but until she’s ready to take the chains off, the ones holding her back, they can’t get there. I have my own agenda . . . making her happy with herself, on her own. Once she accepts herself, she can find her future. With or without him. We’ll work on the present, leave the past, and tackle the unknown later.

  I’m packing up boxes at the beach house; Bronson wasn’t playing in regards to us being together. We leave for Miami in a few days, and we’ve barely been back together a week, but in some ways we were never apart.

  Blind faith.

  “Callie, what the hell are you packing? We still have the apartment and most of the stuff in Miami. All you need is yourself, our son, and some clothes.”

  “Most of the stuff?”

  “Some pictures and a few chairs were damaged.” He looks at everything but my face, avoiding this conversation. I have an idea what happened, but torturing him is entertaining.

  “Was there a leak or something?”

  “No, but whatever you want to replace we can.” He bends down to kiss my forehead, and I move back.

  “Bronson Agosto, you better start talking.”

  “There were a few mornings I lost my temper, may have done some shit while I was drinking. I’ll replace it all.”

  “I don’t care about the stuff. I care that you felt like that. What is up with guys doing stupid shit when alcohol is involved?”

  “What does that mean? That was my only crime, I swear.”

  “Nothing.” I gave Dakota my word, and I won’t say anything. “I want to offer the house to Bianca since we’re moving. Give her some room and if your mom decides to move she won’t feel as guilty.”

  He laughs. “Whatever you want. I don’t think Bianca will be here long, Dakota will rope her before long, and she’ll be in Miami. If my mom keeps giving us a hard time she’ll have no choice but to follow. All her kids will be there.”

  I turn quickly so he can’t see my face. He has a perfect little fairytale built in his head, and he doesn’t realize how much has changed. It’s been in front of him for a year, but he was focused other places. “How’d you know I was the one for you?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, seriously.”

  “I can remember when we were kids, and I watched over you like I did Bianca, but it wasn’t the same. I hated when Bianca got hurt or was upset. But when you scraped a knee or cried, I had this feeling in my stomach, like a knot. It drove me crazy, and as stupid as it sounds I wanted to kick the tree’s ass for scraping your knee, or I wanted to be mean to the kid who upset you. It didn’t change, only got stronger. Your happiness became the highlight of my day. I knew I wanted a simple life, one that didn’t include the violence and greed we were surrounded by. You shared those values with me. I wanted you to have everything, experience life, and I wanted to be the one to give you that. Each cut your dad gave you, I wanted to stitch up. I wanted to absorb your pain as my own so you’d never know that. I just love you.”

  I replay his words, comparing them to what I heard from Bianca . . . the difference isn’t there. Dakota loves Binks like Bronson loves me, and one thing that is guaranteed . . . if she succumbs to him, she’ll be adored. He made his mistakes, but he’s learned from them. “I love you. It’s just that simple.”

  “Yeah, baby. Now when are we getting married?”

  “Seriously?” I mock his tone from earlier.

  “I still have your ring, I’m not sure I want that one back on your finger.”

  “You won’t give me another ring. That’s mine.”

  “Weren’t fond of it when you gave it back.”

  “That’s not the ring’s fault. I’m serious Bronson, when we are ready for that, I want my ring back.”

  “When we’re ready? Why aren’t we ready?”

  “Let’s get to Miami and settle in. Get used to having Angelo as a family, and we’ll talk.”

  “No, Callie. I want more kids, I want to do it the traditional route this time, and I’m not seeing the need to wait.”

  “You’re not railroading me into this. I know it’s going to happen, but let’s take our time. Make sure the past is buried like we think it is.”

  “Callie.” He’s losing his patience with me.

  “Besides, I have a bet with your sister. Don’t you want to see her wrong for once? If I win she has to move to Miami.”

  “You two are going to be the death of me.”

  “No, when we have a little girl, she’ll be the death of you.” I wink. “Speaking of your sister, do you mind if I head over and see her?”

  “No, go. I’ll take Angelo to the beach after his nap.”

  I walk to him, and before I can go up on my toes to kiss him, he grabs my waist and lifts me up to the counter. Moving between my legs, he wraps his arms around me, snaking them up my back until his hands curl over my shoulders, and he gives me his mouth. Slow, sensual, his tongue gliding agai
nst mine making me lose myself in him all over again. He nips my bottom lip as he ends the kiss and places his lips on my neck, then my ear, “Tonight in bed I’ll remind you all over again the ways I love you.” When I feel his kiss at my temple I allow myself to close my eyes and breathe deeply.

  “Deal. I hope you have a list, it could be a lengthy job.”

  “My list is never-ending, Callie. Never. Fucking. Ending.” He helps me off the counter and swats my ass as I head towards the door.

  I walk in the house and head to the backyard where I’m sure she’s soaking up the sun. I’m curious to see how her date went; we haven’t had any alone time.

  “Hey, Binks.”

  “Warden let you out?”

  “Yes. Good behavior so I have some extra time in the yard today.”

  “You totally bent over in the shower for those extra privileges didn’t you?”

  I roll my eyes. “Do you really want to know?”

  “Nope, I’m good. Almost vomited getting that last sentence out.” Serves her smart-ass right.

  “So?” The suspense is killing me.

  “What?” The slight tip of her lips tells me she is fucking with me.

  “Binks, don’t try me. Spill it, or I’ll tell you how Bronson likes to use his tongue.”

  “Fuck, okay. The date was good. Heath is good.”

  “Just good?”

  “Better than good, but I’m not sure how I feel about that. Graduation he sent me this,” she hands me the necklace she is wearing and I feel my breath catch, “then Dakota was there, and it was familiar.”

  “Familiar isn’t always good.” Why the fuck did I just take a position against Dakota? I want them together . . . but her expression when she mentions Heath is new. It’s a good look on her.