by M. J. Haag
“Brooke drew Solin’s muscles. She likes looking at him naked. I want a female who likes looking at me.”
I chuckled. “Hold out until you find one who does. The right female is out there.”
He sighed gustily. “Emily says the same thing.”
“Does Emily have a fey of her own?”
“No. Emily is waiting for the right one, too. She says she’s not looking yet. She wants more of my brothers to find their women first. If she stays single, it gives all of us hope.”
I wondered if it was really hope they were feeling or a mild form of torture, having a kind, single lady around that they couldn’t have.
“Is there anything else you do to meet people?” I asked.
“We help with the supply runs, but there are not any single women on those.”
“Yeah, probably not the best environment for hitting on a girl, either.”
“Or touching. The infected blood gets everywhere.”
I laughed.
“Yes, it does. You need to find a way to talk to women, Tor. You’re funny and relaxing to be around.”
I set our bowls of soup out on the counter and grabbed some crackers before joining him.
“Tell me more about these dinner dates that Emily is recruiting for. What are they about?”
“In exchange for a free meal, the female talks to us. There are rules. We can pull out her chair for her and can sniff her hair when we push in the chair, but only if she doesn’t catch us. Emily says no looking at breasts or asking to see—never mind.
“I’m letting my brothers go first and learning from their mistakes. Sain’s female asked to see his house when Hannah told her he had a supply of food. She lives with him now, but she hasn’t yet shown him her—never mind.”
I was starting to get the idea of what the never mind was for and couldn’t believe they had come right out and asked to see that.
“I think I understand. You have dinner with a female, and she’s supposed to make conversation with you while you eat. That seems simple enough. When is it your turn?”
He shrugged and played with his soup.
“Emily ran out of volunteers. Brooke is going to teach art to the females. She needs a male model. Solin said that Brooke likes sketching his cock, and the model will be able to show his cock to the women. Maybe one of them will like my cock if my name is drawn.”
I realized I had my spoon partway to my mouth as I stared at him and slowly lowered it. Never in my life had I heard “cock” used conversationally, and he’d managed to drop it three times in a row.
“You’re going to be a nude model?”
“Yes. If my name is drawn. Many of my brothers want to model, too. Solin says that Brooke’s…special place gets hot and wet when she draws him.”
“Oh, boy. You all really do information share, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, here’s some information for you. Make sure you share this with all your brothers, too. Women want to know that they are more than living sex toys. We want to be wanted for our thoughts and our humor and whatever we’re good at—like Brooke’s drawing. It’s great to be physically attracted to a girl, but you have to wait until at least the third date before you start having the level of open conversation like we’re having. So no talking about your brothers’ sex lives or anything related to your genitals or female genitalia.”
Tor nodded.
“That’s why Emily made conversation cards. The females can ask us about our favorite colors and foods, and we can turn the question to them.” He paused for a minute. “I like the word genitals.”
“So, what’s your favorite color?” I asked, steering the conversation in a safer direction.
“Blue like the sky when there are no clouds. It sometimes gets so bright it hurts to look at it, but it’s beautiful. I like watching the clouds, too. I didn’t know there was so much movement in a sky.”
“I didn’t realize how much I would miss just staring at the sky until I was shut away from it. Being in the bunker for a few months was tough. I couldn’t imagine not seeing the sky for years. Or ever. It must have been breathtaking the first time you saw it.”
“It took my breath and my vision. There was much pain.”
I smiled.
“I meant awe-inspiring.”
“Yes. It was.” He considered me for a moment. “Females think we are odd for wanting one of them so badly. Angel said it shows our desperation, and no female likes that. But females are like the sky. We never saw one until we came here. They are awe-inspiring every time we look at one of them. But they don’t act like the sky. We can’t watch them and enjoy their beauty. They don’t welcome our gaze. They shake with fear or spit at us.”
“Wow. That’s the prettiest and saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Sad? No. They are only angry.”
“That’s what makes it so sad. You only want to get to know us, and we’re shooting you down before ever giving you a chance. I never thought of how unique and interesting I would be to someone who’s never seen anything like me. Your interest in our physical differences makes so much more sense. I’m surprised you’re still interested in any female after the way some have treated you.”
“When the sky pours freezing rain on me, I don’t think it’s less beautiful. It’s only angry. And the anger will calm, and it will show me its pretty colors again.”
“That’s a really nice way of looking at it. You need to figure out how to work that analogy into your dinner conversation. If it doesn’t pull at her heartstrings, I don’t know what will. It definitely tugged at mine.”
Chapter Eight
“I liked the mermaid one better,” Tor said when the movie ended.
“Why’s that?”
“She liked him and was trying to get his attention. I wouldn’t have been so stupid. I would have given it to her. This one didn’t like how he looked or that he was different. He tried so hard, and she still refused to see how much he wanted her.” Tor turned to look at me. “Do all women like books?”
“No, but I think many do.”
“Farco’s woman likes books. I will need to ask my brothers.”
“Ask them what?”
“If their women like books.”
“Are you thinking of building a library to lure women in?”
“Will that work?”
I couldn’t stop my laugh.
“It might.”
“Do you like books?”
“I used to. Reading for college kind of killed some of the joy I used to find while reading. Probably because it wasn’t what I wanted to read.”
“What do you like to read?”
“I used to read whatever caught my eye. Usually romances. I think most women are romantics at heart. I haven’t read anything in a really long while though.”
He grunted, and I could tell he was heavily considering the book angle.
“I’m going to go check on Adam and see if he’s up yet. Hopefully, he’ll be hungry.”
Leaving Tor on the couch, I went to Adam’s room. We’d been careful to keep the TV turned low so we wouldn’t disturb him. However, he was awake and staring at the ceiling when I walked in.
“Hey, hun. How are you feeling? Did you just wake up?” I gently kissed his cheek.
“I don’t know how you can do that,” he said.
“Do what?”
“Kiss me. I’m rank.”
“You’re not rank.” He was a little, but I didn’t care. “But sitting in some water might feel good on the leg. Do you want to try taking a bath?”
“A bath sounds good. But not you. Tor’s already seen my balls more times than I can count. What’s one more time?” A hint of bitterness lingered in his tone and his expression.
“Does anything hurt?”
“It all fucking hurts, June,” he said sharply.
Adam didn’t talk to me like that. Ever. The shock of it must have shown in my expression because he immediately exh
aled and reached for my hand.
“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No, she did not. June loves you, Adam. Stop being stupid,” Tor said from the other room.
The corner of Adam’s mouth tilted briefly.
“Yes, I’m in pain. No, there’s nothing else we can do about it. I’d rather save what’s left of the oxy so I can sleep at night.”
“Okay. Maybe the bath will help.”
He nodded, but I could see the strain around his mouth and the doubt in his eyes.
“I will help Adam,” Tor said, setting a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“I think I’m going to go for a walk and give you two some quiet time.”
“Thank you,” Adam said. He gave my hand a light squeeze and let me go.
I wasn’t running from the pain Adam would likely endure while cleaning up. I was leaving to find better medicine.
As soon as I had my coat and boots on, I was out the door and waving down the first fey I spotted.
“Hi. I’m new here and staying with Tor.”
He stopped moving and looked around as if checking to make sure I was talking to him. I didn’t let that stop me.
“I don’t know my way around here yet and was wondering if you could tell me where Cassie lives.”
“Yes. I will take you.”
I held out my hand.
“I’m June.”
He took my hand in his own, slightly caressing his way up my palm before gently clasping and shaking my hand.
“What’s your name?” I prodded.
“Turik.”
“I appreciate your help, Turik.”
“May I carry you?” he asked as he reluctantly released my hand.
“Is it that far?”
“No.”
My smile widened, and I hoped he didn’t think I was mocking him.
“I think I’ll walk if that’s all right with you.”
Turik grunted and fell into step beside me. He barely paid attention to where we walked, focusing mostly on me instead. After my talk with Tor, I wasn’t offended or uncomfortable.
“The sky is a really pretty blue today,” I commented, looking up. “Which do you like better? Watching the clouds or watching the stars?”
“The stars. They remind me of the caves.”
“Do you miss the caves?”
“Sometimes. Mostly I miss my brothers.”
“What do you mean? Are some of your kind still trapped?”
“The weakest of us stayed behind to guard our home.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry. Does that mean you’re planning on going back?”
He slowly shook his head. “None of us will want to return no matter what happened to Molev.”
“Molev? Who’s he?”
“Our leader. He left us a long time ago.”
“Why?”
“We do not know. Cassie lives in that house,” he said pointing down a side street. “But she is with Nancy and Uan.”
The name sounded vaguely familiar.
“Uan? Is that someone I know?”
“He was the one who stopped the hellhound from killing Hannah and Tasha when my brothers were collecting the cattle from your barn.”
“Oh. How is he?”
“Not well.”
Guilt wormed its way in even though I knew none of what had happened to the fey was my fault.
“Who is Nancy? Is that his wife?”
“Yes. And Tasha and Brenna are his daughters and Zach is his son. Uan has much to fight for.”
As we neared a brown ranch, the front door opened and Cassie emerged with Kerr right behind her. They were speaking too softly for me to hear, but their expressions said enough. They were worried.
My steps slowed. Anyone with eyes could see that now wasn’t the best time to—
Cassie looked up and saw me. Surprise lit her face then more worry.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yes and no,” I said reluctantly. “How’s Uan? I rode in the truck with him and was so caught up in Adam I never thought to ask.”
“He’s not healing like he should. But that’s nothing you need to worry about. He’s a strong man with a lot of people determined to pull him back to good health.”
“I wish those infected would have never found our barn,” I said, thinking of all the pain they’d caused.
“If wishes were fishes we would all be well-fed,” Cassie said with a smirk. “It’s funny how that saying has so much meaning in this world. Why don’t you tell me why you’re walking around town?”
“Adam’s hurting. A lot. For the first time in three years, he snapped at me. He didn’t even do that the night we ran or when he realized his family wouldn’t be joining us.”
“I’ve been using all the heavier hitting medication on Uan,” she said. “There’s not much of it, and honestly, he needs it more than Adam. I think it’s the only thing that’s helping him hold on.”
“I understand. Is there anything I can do to help him or Nancy?”
“I wish there were.”
I nodded and said goodbye before following my helpful escort back to Tor’s. However, the distant cattle calls distracted me, and Turik happily led me to where the animals were now being kept. The majority of the cows roamed a large open lot, grazing on the dried grass poking through the snow. A few wandered between nearby houses.
Turik and I weren’t the only ones checking out the livestock. More fey lingered in the area as well. The large, grey men walked among the cattle, running their hands over their hides and talking to them in low tones. When a cow went too far from the rest, a fey would gently redirect its attention to the mound of hay in the middle of the area.
The pigs and horses intermingled with the herd. Watching them, I felt a sense of relief and contentment. How often had I felt sorry for the trapped animals and wished we could let them out to graze? I was glad they were being well-cared for and finally able to go outside. And even more deeply, I was glad they were no longer our responsibility. We’d had far too many close calls with the infected due to them.
Back at the house, I quietly hung up my jacket and checked Adam’s room. It was empty, and the door to the bathroom was tightly closed. Hopefully, that meant the bath was helping. Rather than disturb Adam and Tor, I dug out an electric pressure cooker and set the partially thawed roast in it. Cooking in the bunker had taught me to lean on seasonings to change up the dishes. Thankfully, Tor had plenty of those. I seasoned the roast, set the pressure cooker, then went upstairs.
Since Tor and I hadn’t officially resolved the sleeping arrangement, I collected a pillow and some blankets from the master bedroom and created a blanket bed in the spare room. Just in case. Tor was sweet to give up his bed for me, but I didn’t want him forgoing sleep because of it. I only wished there was another mattress so one of us wouldn’t end up on the floor or couch.
A door opened on the first floor. I hurried downstairs and saw Tor carry Adam to the bedroom. Adam’s hair was still damp and his skin rosy as Tor helped him into bed. Except for Adam’s expression, he looked worlds better.
“Feel like a new person?” I asked.
“A completely different person. One that lost his independence.” Adam looked at Tor. “I really do appreciate the help.”
“Friends help each other,” Tor said simply.
“They do,” Adam agreed, closing his eyes. “It’s been a long day. I think I’ll take my next pill now and try to sleep.”
“Are you sure? I’m making a roast for dinner. It should be done in another hour.”
“I think you spend too much time in bed,” Tor said, backing me up. “Let me carry you to the couch. You will feel better.”
“Says the guy with two working legs,” Adam said with a hint of bitterness. “Fine. Carry me there.”
Tor flashed me a look before leaving the room with Adam. I was glad Tor had said something. A change in scenery was good. But I also worried that we were aggravating whatev
er was hurt on Adam by moving him around so much. Yet, wasn’t his mental health as important as his physical? I’d thought the move to Tolerance would help with that. Granted, it hadn’t even been a full day and the journey probably hurt him more than he’d let on. But still, this move had been his idea, and he didn’t seem any happier about it.
“I saw the cows when I was out,” I said, following them. “They’re grazing in an empty lot and seem really happy.”
Tor settled Adam on the couch and dragged over a chair to prop the leg that seemed to hurt the most.
“That’s good,” Adam said. “I’m glad we didn’t need to leave them behind.”
“They have babies inside of them,” Tor said.
“Yep,” Adam said. “I think a few of them might be ready to give birth in the next month. With the rest following a few weeks from then. My uncle liked to breed for the summer fairs. It was a good place to sell the cattle. He didn’t like the milking aspect, just the breeding. He’d always find the strongest bulls. Made better offspring.”
Adam’s breathing was getting shorter.
“How are your ribs?” I asked.
“Ribs are fine. It’s the leg.”
I grabbed a couch pillow and gently slid it under his knee.
“Better?”
“I’d be better if the two of you stopped staring and hovering.” He said it without anger, but that wasn’t enough to take the sting out of his words.
“We’re trying to help. We don’t like seeing you in pain.”
“Then close your eyes. This is my life now. Pain and dependency.”
“You know that’s not true,” I said. “It’s only been a week. You can open your eyes. You can eat without wincing. The bruising is starting to fade. Give yourself some more time to heal.”
“While you’re hoping time is the answer, I’m dealing with reality. Something’s seriously wrong with my leg. I can’t put any weight on it without shooting pain that makes me want to vomit.” Anger and bitterness started to give his words volume. “There’s no surgeon or physical therapist here. With time, I might be able to walk with a limp. I’ll never be able to run. I sure as hell won’t be able to go out for supplies. I don’t even have a vagina to be useful.”
He yelled the last bit, and I cringed, glancing at Tor. The fey did not look happy with Adam.
