by M. J. Haag
“I’m complete dead weight. Dead weight dies in this world.”
I didn’t know what to say or do to give him back the hope his injuries had stolen from him. No, not his injuries. The assholes from Tenacity.
“No yelling at June,” Tor said, his voice a low growl.
Adam closed his eyes and sighed.
“I’m sorry for raising my voice, but not for speaking the truth. I’m next to useless and don’t see that changing any time in the future.”
“I think that’s the pain talking,” I said more for Tor’s benefit than Adam’s. “You were right. You need the next dose of oxy.” I moved away to get it for him. “I saw Cassie when I was out. I asked her if there was anything stronger. There’s not. Uan, the fey who was hurt stopping the hellhound hidden in the silo, is still in bad shape. She was using the heavier stuff on him. Maybe Tor and I could go out on a supply run and look for more though.”
“No,” Adam said immediately. “I don’t want you going out there.”
“And I don’t want you sitting in here, thinking your life’s done.”
“Tell her, Tor. Tell her how dangerous it is.”
I made a derisive sound. “It wasn’t dangerous a week ago. Why now?” My expression softened as I approached the couch again. “Because you won’t be there, right? I trust Tor to keep me safe. And you do too or we wouldn’t be here.”
Adam made a face without opening his eyes.
“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me.”
“And I can’t live with myself if I sit by and do nothing while you’re suffering. That’s not what you do when you love someone. Here. Take this.”
When he opened his eyes, I handed him the pill and a glass of water then sat next to him.
“We’re in this together, Adam. We’re a team. I’m not going to let you suffer when there’s something I can do to help you.”
“Let’s give it a few more days,” he said, threading his fingers through mine. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m being overly impatient.”
However, his underlying despondency lingered even after the pill kicked in. He ate dinner quietly, listening to Tor’s praise of my cooking skills without comment. He made it through half a movie before asking Tor to return him to his room.
It felt like he was withdrawing. From me. From life. From hope in general. And I didn’t like it.
When Tor returned, I tried to keep the mood light and continued my explanation of why the friendship between a hound and a fox would be so unusual. His curiosity and observations distracted me from my underlying worry. By the time the movie ended, I could talk about Adam more calmly.
“Adam’s going to need more medicine,” I said when Tor moved to put the movie away. “And I don’t think it’s going to be easy to find. I’d rather start looking before he runs out.”
Tor studied me for a moment.
“Ryan can look for it.”
I shook my head.
“Now you’re being stubborn like Adam. There’s no reason for me not to go out there.” I stood and set my hand on Tor’s bicep. “I trust you. Trust me enough to know what I’m capable of. I’m not reckless. I won’t needlessly put myself at risk. I’m familiar with the supply runs and know to listen. Plus, I know you’re strong enough to toss me onto a roof if the situation becomes questionable.”
Tor glanced down to where my hand rested. He exhaled heavily.
“Adam shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“I know. And I think he knows that, too, deep down. He’s hurting, and it’s messing with his thinking.”
“Uan doesn’t yell at Nancy, and his insides are outside.”
I grimaced.
“Uan has stronger pain medicine. Please help me help Adam. He needs the medicine to help him think past the pain, too.”
Tor grunted and gently lifted my hand from his arm. He turned it over, looking at my palm. He was so curious about everything that I didn’t mind the intense scrutiny. I let him look his fill and waited patiently for his decision.
“I will help you help Adam.”
“Thank you, Tor.” I turned my hand in his, giving his a squeeze. “Do you think Brog would be willing to keep an eye on Adam tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Adam said we should wait a few days.”
“And I said we shouldn’t let him run out of medicine. You saw what happened when he missed a dose. His thinking got darker. He wasn’t acting like himself.”
Tor considered me for a long moment.
“Not tomorrow. The day after. I need to speak to Brog and talk to Cassie and Ryan.”
“We agreed we’d wait a few days,” Adam said angrily.
“No, you acknowledged you shouldn’t be so impatient about your progress. I never said anything about waiting to get you more medicine. The pain is clouding your judgment.”
“My judgment is fine. Yours is the one that’s—.”
“Adam,” Tor said sharply. “No yelling at June.”
Adam’s face flushed, and he closed his eyes for a long moment.
“Ganging up on me is a low move,” he said more calmly.
“That’s not what we’re doing, Adam,” I said. “We both care about you and want to help.”
“I don’t want your help!”
Tor’s hand closed over my shoulder.
“June, go for a walk. Adam and I need to talk.”
“Get him to take his next pill. No more saving.”
Tor grunted then gently steered me out of the room, and closed the door in my face. But, I could still hear what was being said.
“If you cannot return June’s kindness, do not speak. She is too good and too smart for you, remember? You are a lucky man. Stop being so stupid.”
Smiling slightly, I put Adam’s oatmeal on the counter and bundled up for an early morning walk. Hopefully after the oxy kicked in, Adam would eat and apologize for upsetting Tor. Tor’s defense of me was sweet. He understood Adam was in pain, but in Tor’s mind, that was no excuse for Adam to take out his frustration on me. And Tor was right. It wasn’t a good reason. That didn’t mean I didn’t understand, though.
I nodded to the fey I passed and wandered to the cows, content to watch them graze.
“Good morning, June.”
I glanced toward the fey approaching me and smiled in welcome.
“Good morning, Turik. What are you up to today?”
“Cow watching until Hannah and Eden start fighting.”
“Uh…why are they fighting?”
“Eden fights to learn. Hannah fights because Merdon says it’s good for her.”
“Can I watch too?”
“Yes.”
We walked together to the other end of the settlement. Other fey were already gathering around another semi-empty lot. The scarecrow dummy with all the holes in it made sense. It was obviously some kind of target. The colorful mound of melted plastic made no sense at all.
“Are those penises?” I asked.
“Yes. Pretend ones. Eden promised Ghua she would never shoot a real one. She is the only one who promised, though.”
I coughed to cover up the laugh that had exploded from me at his deeply troubled words.
“I’m sure no one plans on shooting any real ones.”
He grunted. “Hannah says that accidents have been known to happen.”
“The new girl,” a cheery voice called.
I turned to watch a fey approach. In his arms, a blonde grinned at me.
“I was going to come say hi if you didn’t show up before long. I’m Angel.” As soon as she was on her feet, she handed me a snack cake. “Welcome to feight club. Stands for fey fight club. There’s only one rule. Nah, I’m kidding. There are no rules. Last week Eden punched Hannah in the baby box.” The fey around us hissed out breaths. “It wasn’t pretty, but Eden won the match.”
“Eden fights dirty?”
“Don’t we all?”
She ate a bite of cake and rolled her eyes a
t me when her fey wrapped his arms around her from behind and started groping her belly.
“How’s your man holding up? I heard the assholes in Tenacity are starting to tip their hands.”
“Adam’s doing as well as can be expected. The swelling is down. He can see. But they messed up his leg. The pain is unbearable when he tries to put any weight on it. He’s hurting even when he doesn’t use it, too.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” Angel said sympathetically. “June, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I think it’s normal for all of us to ask ourselves if we’re lucky to have made it this far or if we’re cursed. Life is so different, but we’re still holding ourselves to the same expectations of the past. He’ll come around.”
“I hope so.”
“Are we ready to rumble?”
I turned toward the sound of the new voice. A young woman with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail jogged our way.
A fey jogged beside her, his gaze flicking to his partner.
“You want to rumble here?”
She snorted. “Wrong kind of rumble Ghua, and no, we’re not doing that here.”
“Hey, June. I’m Eden. Welcome to feight club.”
“Nice to meet you, Eden.”
“Hannah should be here soon,” Angel said. “I think they went to check on the cows.”
“Any idea if Brenna and Tasha will be here?”
Angel shook her head, looking sad. “Uan’s not doing so well. I think they’re starting to consider the caves.”
Eden frowned, growing serious. “But I thought Cassie said…”
“Exactly.”
“What’s happening?” I asked, lost.
“The caves, where the fey came from, had special crystals,” Eden explained. “The crystals changed the fey, making it impossible for them to truly die when they were down there.”
“Each time their current life ended, they were reborn in the nearest resurrection pool,” Angel added. Her fey grunted his agreement.
“Tor mentioned something about being reborn,” I said.
“Yeah, it was a shock to them when they came up here and one of their own didn’t come back.” Eden gave Ghua a sympathetic pat. “They didn’t understand what true death was.”
“So they’re taking Uan back to the caves?”
“They’re thinking about it. They didn’t at first because Cassie said she wasn’t sure Uan would make the journey. Now…” Eden shrugged, and Angel took over.
“Now his family is thinking that might be his only chance.”
The group grew quiet. I couldn’t imagine having to make that kind of choice. I’d seen how badly Uan had been hurt. Turik saying his insides were outside hadn’t been an exaggeration.
“When are they going to take him?” I asked.
“They’re still trying to figure out how to do it in the safest way possible,” Eden said. “The stretcher they used to bring Adam here gave them some ideas. They’re hoping to rig something up in the back of a truck. Something to absorb most of the bumps. Garrett’s been helping with that, and Ryan’s been going out for the pieces they need.”
“And once Uan’s in the caves, they’re going to bring him to the healing pools?” I asked.
The girls looked at their guys.
“No,” Angel’s fey said. “Once they are in the caves, they will tell Uan it is safe to die and hope he is reborn.”
Chapter Nine
The house was quiet when I let myself back in and hung up my jacket. A door opened, and I turned to see Tor emerge from the hallway. He paused when he saw me, and his ears slowly turned a dark grey at the ends.
“Hey, Tor. Everything okay?”
“Yes.”
“You sure? You look upset?”
“I am not upset. Adam was explaining females to me.”
Given the way his cheeks started to darken, I could imagine what he was explaining.
“Ah. That was nice of him?”
“He wanted to apologize for being rude.”
“Then, yes, that was nice of him. Are you hungry?”
Tor’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head as he gave a single, hesitant nod.
“I think there’s some roast left. Let me see what I can whip up while you sit and tell me more about where you use to live.” I moved toward the kitchen. “I was talking to Angel and Eden, and they told me that Uan’s family is thinking of returning him to the caves. Do you think they can fully heal him that way even after he’s been up here?”
Tor sat and watched me check the cupboards.
“What do you mean?”
“The girls said that the crystals changed you. Made it so you were reborn. Do you think being away from the crystals undid that change? What if they get there and he dies?”
“No. That is not how the crystal works. If he dies while wearing a crystal in the caves, he will be reborn, whole and healthy. He only needs to live long enough to make it to the caves.”
“And what are his chances of that?”
“The hellhound hurt him badly. If we were in the caves, he would have already asked one of us to end his suffering.”
A scrape of noise from the hall brought my head up. Adam stood in the hallway, clinging to a wall. Sweat beaded his forehead and he looked white as a sheet.
“Does it work on anyone?” he asked.
“Adam.” I dropped the can to the counter and hurried to his side. “You shouldn’t be walking. You said it hurt.”
“It’s fine,” he said even as he leaned on me.
“Would it work on me, Tor?” he asked.
It took me a moment to understand what he was saying.
“Are you insane? You’re not going to the caves so Tor can kill you. You do get that’s what he’s saying, right? They’re either going to kill Uan or let him die and hope their magic works to bring him back.”
“Yes. I fully understand what I’m asking.”
I looked at Tor, who hadn’t moved.
“I don’t know, Adam. When Mya was in the caves, she grew very sick. We returned to the surface to save her, and she did get better. But when the infected bit her, she didn’t become stupid. Mya believes the crystal began to change her, making her more like us. Drav believes it was sex with him that made her immune because Eden is also immune but did not go to the caves.”
“Wait, what?” Adam asked. “The women sleeping with the fey are immune?”
“Cassie believes so since two of the women bitten did not turn stupid.”
Adam looked down at the ground for a long moment, and I couldn’t even begin to guess where his mind was going with all the new information. But I could feel him shaking.
“We should get you back in bed or you’re going to hurt too much to sleep tonight.”
Tor immediately came over to assist.
“I want to go,” Adam said when he was once again settled on his bed. “When they take Uan, I want to go too.”
“As your girlfriend, do I have any say in this decision? You’re simply going to up and leave me?” I looked at Tor. “How long will it take to get there and back?”
Tor considered my question.
“The infected are smarter now,” he said slowly. “The traps are more complex. It took many days and nights to get here from the caves. It would take almost twice that now. And twice that to return.”
“So what are we saying?” I pressed. “Two weeks? Three?”
“Perhaps,” Tor said.
I turned back to Adam.
“You didn’t want to let me out of your sight for more than three seconds but you’re willing to run off for three weeks to die and maybe be reborn without your injury? No. You’re not allowed to ask me to sit here in a constant state of worry and fear for three weeks because you have a bum leg.”
Adam studied me, his expression growing sadder by the moment.
“Don’t do this to me,” I said softly. “Don’t risk yourself on a maybe when you don’t kn
ow what time will do for your leg. I’ll get you something better for the pain. You’ll be fine.”
“You still want to go tomorrow?
“Yes.”
He glanced at Tor then back at me.
“They head out early. We’ll need to make sure you’re awake on time.”
“Okay. Yeah, fine.” I exhaled in relief that he was actually listening. I knew he was afraid his leg injury would result in a permanent limitation, but not as afraid as I was of him never coming back if he went to those caves.
“I’ll go finish dinner. Want to watch another movie tonight?” I asked.
“Nah, I have a lot of thinking to do, and you need to get to bed early. It’s not safe out there, and you need to be sharp.” He looked at Tor. “Promise me, no matter what happens, you will always put her safety first.”
“I swear,” Tor said.
“I’ll be fine, Adam. Just focus on yourself and getting better.” I leaned down to brush his lips with a kiss. He surprised me by grabbing the back of my head and kissing me with a need I hadn’t seen from him in weeks. It left me breathless and unsteady when he finally released me.
“I know you’ll be fine,” he said. “Tor will make sure of that.”
Knees still weak, I nodded and left the room. I missed Adam. It seemed far longer than a week ago since we’d been together. If I felt that way, did he? Maybe I was the distraction he needed from the pain. Sure, we couldn’t have actual sex yet, but I was more than happy to use my mouth on him.
Heart lighter, I made dinner, only half-listening to Adam pull more promises from Tor to look after me. My mind toyed with several possible ploys to remove Tor from the house for a while, but I finally settled on simply asking him to leave for a bit once we were done with dinner.
However, my plan fell apart when Adam said he was tired after he finished eating.
“Are you sure? I was thinking you and I could spend a little alone time together,” I said.
“I think alone time right now would only hurt us both in the long run,” Adam said without looking at me.
It broke my heart that he was in so much pain that he was willing to pass on what I was offering. Especially after that kiss. The desperation he’d conveyed with his mouth hadn’t been fake or fleeting. And it settled in my mind as I snuggled in Tor’s bed.
