Bad Romance

by Jen McLaughlin

  Derek Thornton III.

  “Leaving so soon?” he asked, raising a cocky brow at me. I wanted nothing more than to punch the little shit all over again. This time, in front of his people. “Got a hot date waiting out there?”

  “No.” I flexed my jaw. “I just prefer not to be a hypocrite, since I don’t approve of this marriage.”

  Derek laughed. My fingers twitched with the desire to knock that damn laugh right off his fucking face. “I guess Lilly doesn’t really care if you approve, does she?”

  “Guess not,” I said through my teeth. I slapped him on the shoulder, shaking him in what probably looked like a friendly manner, and smiled in case anyone was watching. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you are, and always will be, an undeserving prick. We both know it.”

  “What’s your problem with me? I’ve never had someone dislike me so—” He broke off, blinking. “Oh, my God. You’re the other guy.” Derek eyed me, curling his lip up, not bothering to fight my hold on him. “What were you two thinking? Even if we weren’t getting married, you two would never work. It’s utterly absurd.”

  I stepped closer, nostrils flaring, rage making my blood boil. “We all want what we can’t have. You know all about that, don’t you, Derek?”

  Derek paled. “She told you? I’ll kill her.”

  Something inside me snapped. I threw my arm around him like we were the best of buds and marched us out of the room. He didn’t even fight me. Just went along with me. I stalked into an empty, quiet hallway that led to a dead end and seemed to only house what appeared to be a closet. The second we rounded the corner, I slammed him into the wall, pressing both hands against his chest.

  “If you ever—ever—threaten her again, I will kill you. And I won’t hesitate,” I said. “I’ve killed men for far less, trust me.”

  He tried to shove me off, but it was ineffective. He had about as much power as a housefly. “Get off me.”

  “I’ll get off you when I’m satisfied you’ll treat Lilly the way she deserves to be treated.” I shoved into his chest, cutting his air supply off. “You ever raise a hand to her, or hurt her, you can bet your sorry ass I will be there to make you pay. Do you understand me?”

  Derek made another attempt to break free, and this time, I let him. “Go to hell.”

  “Gladly.” I smoothed his jacket and patted his cheek harder than necessary. “And if you don’t play your cards right, I’ll be dragging you there with me.”

  He stormed off, and I covered my face, taking a deep breath. I needed to get the hell out of here before I totally broke. Needed to leave before I saw Lill—

  “Jackson?” Lilly’s soft voice asked. “Are you okay?”

  Shit. Here was the last person I wanted to see. I laughed and lowered my hands, focusing on her, because of course she’d followed me back here. And of course we were finally alone. And now I knew what she’d had in the bag.

  A fucking dress.

  She’d changed into a gorgeous long, red gown, and naturally, she was stunning in it. It hit her ankles, revealing a sexy pair of heels, which meant the tip of her head was level with my chin. Normally, she barely reached my shoulder. The red played nicely with her complexion, and gave her cheeks a naturally rosy hue.

  She was painfully, breathtakingly, unattainably beautiful.

  And I was so done pretending I was fine with losing. “No. I’m not okay. Do I look like I’m fucking okay?”

  She wrung her hands, glanced over her shoulder, and stepped closer to me. As if she was uncertain of her welcome. I must’ve done a pretty good job making her think I was over her when I wasn’t. At least I knew I had a second career in acting if this whole army recruiter thing didn’t pan out. “What happened?”

  “You’re going to marry him,” I snapped, pointing into the general direction of where Derek had gone, pacing in front of the closet door. “That’s what happened.”

  Her hands twisted even more. “Jackson, I—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Every time you walk in a room, my heart speeds up. When you come close to me, and I smell your perfume, my whole body comes alive. You make me feel like I don’t have to be alone in this world. Like I deserve love, and happiness, and all that shit—and goddamn you, you’re marrying someone else.”

  She shook her head rapidly, tears shining back at me. “You do deserve all those things. You always have.”

  “Just not with you, right?”

  “Jackson…” Her lower lip trembled, but she bit down on it. “I regret so much. I wish that I didn’t lea—”

  “Hell, no.” I stalked toward her and yanked her into the closet with me, not letting her out of my arms even once it shut behind us. “No damn regrets.”

  “Jackson.”

  “No.” I shook her gently. Her soft skin that I missed touching more than I would miss oxygen or water teased my calloused fingers. My heart rate quickened, and I inhaled her perfume like a starving man. Just one last time. “You’re not allowed to regret me. You promised.”

  She choked on a sob. “I don’t regret you. I swear it. That’s not what I was saying. I’m saying—”

  “Good, because I don’t regret you, either.” I cut her off, because I didn’t want to hear what she regretted. What she wished she could change. If she wasn’t going to do it, then I didn’t give a damn about wishes and dreams. “There’s no wishing I hadn’t touched you. Kissed you. Fallen for you. I don’t even regret the pain I’m going to feel for the rest of my life because I lost you.” I lowered my face, tipping hers upward, but not kissing her. “The only thing I wish is that I could have called you mine for real.”

  She caught my hand, pressing it closer to her skin. “I am yours. I’ve always been yours. And I will always be yours.”

  “But you’re not. Not really,” I said, my heart racing. I was about to open myself up in a way I never had before, but instead of being scary, it felt freeing. New. This was what life was. Opening your heart up. Taking risks. Not closing yourself off. That wasn’t living. That was just staying alive. Lilly had taught me that. “I love you, Lilly. I had to tell you that, before I walked away. I love you with everything I am. Everything I could be. And everything I’ll never be. It’s all yours.”

  She threw herself into my arms, clinging to me and trembling. “Jackson,” she whispered, the soft words searing onto my heart like a tattoo that would never fade. “I wish…I wish…God.”

  It didn’t escape my notice that she didn’t say the words back.

  “I know. Me, too.” I hugged her back, holding her so tightly, it was a miracle I didn’t crack a rib. It still wasn’t tight enough. I memorized the way she felt against me, knowing this was the last time I would feel it. Knowing this was my last chance to hold her like this. Love her. Touch her. Breathe in her scent. “Lilly, I’m leaving. I should be hearing back about Hawaii tomorrow, but no matter what they say, I’m going. And I’m not coming back. I can’t see you with him. Can’t do it.”

  “Jackson…” Her shoulders shook, and she clung to me even tighter, sobs escaping her in big, gasping gulps. “No.”

  I closed her out, my own pain cutting me in half like a guillotine blade. “Shh.” I kissed her temple. “Don’t cry.” Her salty cheek this time. “Please don’t cry over me.”

  She lifted her face to mine, those bright emerald eyes of hers sucking me in. “I can’t stop. I can’t…I can’t…I…”

  Can’t marry him. You can’t marry him. Say it.

  But she didn’t.

  So I kissed her softly, putting all those feelings I’d been spilling out to her into actions instead of words. It was meant to be a goodbye, of sorts. But that soft kiss exploded, and morphed into something more, the second our lips touched. And the next thing I knew, she was pressed between the wall and me, my hand was up her dress, and she moaned my name.

  And I was helpless to stop it.

  Chapter 21

  Lilly

  I l
ove you, too, Jackson.

  It was there, dying to escape. To be said. To be heard. Because I did love him, with all my heart, and I always had. Probably always would. But he was telling me to jump off a cliff with him, to take a leap, and I wasn’t sure how I could do that.

  Not with all of those people counting on me.

  I love you, too. So much.

  I was trying my best to hold it all back, because saying those words would do neither of us any good. Saying it wouldn’t change the fact I was committed to my decision and that he was committed to his. At this point, we both knew there was no compromise to be found here.

  The only thing that would change our unhappy ending was if I stopped caring. If I walked away from it all, and left Derek, the company, my family, and made them all fend for themselves, then we could be happy. But at what cost?

  We were in a dim supply closet, with mops and brooms and all sorts of cleaning supplies, but neither of us seemed to notice. Or care. I ran my hands over Jackson’s arms, the urgency of his kiss hitting me, too. Spurring me on. I knew this would be the end. The last moments of our time together. Jackson was leaving, and I knew that I wouldn’t see him again for a long time.

  Maybe not ever.

  I knew I would write to him, after all, let him know I still thought of him, but he wouldn’t write me back. As far as Jackson was concerned, this was the end of us….

  Unless I did something.

  Tears stung the backs of my eyelids, but I forced them to wait. My fingers fumbled with the button of his pants, and I unzipped them. His hard erection strained against the confines of his pants. When they hit the floor around his ankles, he groaned. I wrapped my hand around him, squeezing, and he thrust into my hand, deepening the kiss.

  He slammed me up against the wall and ran his hand up my thigh, not stopping until my dress was around my waist. “Jesus, Lilly.”

  I nodded frantically, squeezing his erection harder. “I know.”

  “I need one last time. One last taste of heaven.” He kissed me again, hard and fast, pumping his hips into my hand. “I’m an addict, and I need one more hit before I go, love. Just. One. More.”

  “Yes, God, yes.” I lifted my leg and he slid his hand under my knee, holding me in place as he thrust his hips against me. “More.”

  Growling, he yanked my fingers, breaking my hold on him, and spun me so I faced the wall. I gasped and rested my weight on my hands, up against the wall. From behind me, he nipped at my shoulder and cupped my core, rubbing his palm against my aching clit and thrusting two fingers inside me.

  “Oh, my—” I bit down on my tongue to stop the scream that almost escaped, dragging my nails across the wall as they sought purchase. “Jackson.”

  “You’re so wet for me. So ready.” He bit down on the back of my neck and flicked his tongue over the sting. “I’ve never wished for a different life like I am in this moment.”

  Tossing my dress over my hips, he tipped them up, shoved my panties to the side, and positioned himself at my core. Bending over me, he placed a hand over my mouth, kissed my shoulder, and thrust inside me with one hard movement.

  I screamed, which was thankfully muffled, and came so hard I saw stars. He let out a long and sexy groan and moved inside me, his hips going faster and deeper with each stroke, while his fingers continued to move over my clit. He took me higher right away, dragging me over the crest with him all over again. I knew I wasn’t being quiet, despite his hand and my best efforts, and someone might be able to hear us, but the thing was…

  I didn’t care. Not anymore.

  How could I, when he loved me? Jackson Worthington loved me, and I loved him, too. I had everything I ever wanted in my grasp—things I didn’t even know I wanted until Jackson—and I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t give up on us.

  We were meant to be.

  “I love you,” he said in my ear.

  I cried out, the sound unintelligible, and lifted my hips higher so he could go even deeper. When he did, I screamed his name and came again, the whole world just kind of fading away to nothing and no one else but Jackson. He thrust once, twice, a third time, and he came, too, grunting and collapsing on top of me the best he could considering our position.

  Our uneven, heavy breathing synced, and he held me close, lowering his hand from my mouth and pressing it to my chest, so we were glued together even more. His other hand remained over my core. “Lilly.”

  It was time to tell him. To open myself up like he had done to me, to take that leap and try to get my own happy ending. To give up on what had been laid out in front of me my whole life, and create my own destiny. “Jackson, I lo—”

  The door flew open, and we both froze.

  I mean, we had literally been caught pants-down, and there was no going back from that. No making excuses or explaining it away. I might have been more panicked if I hadn’t already decided I wanted to call off the wedding, but now…it was a means to an end. Still, the strap of my dress had fallen to my elbow and was pulled down at the breast. The bottom half of the gown was around my waist…and Jackson was still buried deep inside me with his pants around his ankles.

  And his hand on my…

  Oh. God. It was almost comical.

  Choking on a hysterical laugh, I lifted my head to see who’d caught us. If there was a way to contain this, so we could tell my father and Derek properly, that would be ideal. “I know how this looks, but this is a big—” I cut off midsentence because it was, of course, the biggest gossip this side of Arlington. “Lucy…please. Wait.”

  “Excuse me for interrupting,” she said quickly, her tone mock-apologetic. Her gaze, however, took in every inch of our sordid position. “This is clearly a family matter.”

  Jackson stiffened behind me and tossed my dress down over my bare rear end. He pulled out of me and stepped back, giving Lucy quite the view. A view she took full advantage of. He tugged his boxers up. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

  Lucy tittered. There was no other word for it. “Indeed, I do believe it is.”

  “Please don’t tell anyone,” Jackson said quickly. I could have told him not to waste his time. She wouldn’t even wait until she was fully into the ballroom to tell everyone what she saw. “It was a momentary lapse in judgment.”

  Lucy backed off, still transfixed on Jackson’s crotch as he pulled his pants into place. She licked her lips and pressed a hand to her stomach. “I won’t tell anyone…if…we…you…”

  Growling, I stepped toward her, hands curled into fists, putting myself between her and Jackson. I knew exactly what she wanted, and she wouldn’t be getting it. “Get out of here before I scratch your eyes out.”

  Gasping, Lucy picked up her skirts and ran.

  Jackson spun on me, anger clearly written all over his face. “What the hell? I could’ve—”

  “No. You couldn’t have.” I smoothed my dress over my stomach and fixed my strap. “She’s the biggest gossip in Arlington. By the time we walk out there, everyone will know. It’s over.”

  He covered his face and paced. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

  I watched him panic, dread settling in my stomach, too. “We can explain. We can go out there, tell Daddy what happened, and—”

  “Explain what?” he snapped. He didn’t look relieved, like I felt. He didn’t seem happy that our secret was out, or that we didn’t have to keep hiding. He dropped his hands, and his gaze met mine, and the shame and guilt I saw in his sent a knife of pain piercing through my chest. “I did it again. I ruined everything. I ruined you.”

  Suddenly, his behavior made sense. He didn’t know I wanted to be with him. That I chose him. That I didn’t care if the whole world knew. I had to tell him. “No. Jackson, I—”

  The door flew open, and Derek stood there, trembling with rage. “How dare you?”

  I flinched. “I…”

  “We can—” Jackson started to say, but he cut himself off. When Jackson saw Derek, breathing hard, it was as if a switch
went off in his head. The Jackson I knew and loved went away with the blink of an eye, and a cocky stranger took his place. “Derek. It’s about time you came. We just came, too…literally.”

  I gasped. “Jackson. What are you doing?”

  “You low-life son of a bitch.” Derek took one look at me, another at Jackson, and sprang into action. “You know what’s at stake!” He swung for Jackson.

  Even though I knew he could, Jackson didn’t duck to miss the blow. Derek’s knuckles connected with Jackson’s nose, and he stumbled back, not even flinching. Blood spurted out of his nose, but Jackson didn’t swipe it away. He just grinned. “Is that all you’ve got, Derek?”

  Derek growled and swung at Jackson again, connecting with his stomach this time. “I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch.”

  Jackson doubled over, wheezing for a second before straightening. Once he steadied himself, he cocked his brow and laughed. “That was a little better,” he wheezed. “Try again, harder this time. You can do it. Go on. Kill me.”

  Derek stumbled back, eyeing Jackson as if he were a monster. “You’re insane.”

  “Yeah, and I just fucked your fiancée. What are you going to do about it?”

  Derek went red in the face.

  “Jackson, stop it!” I cried, jumping between the two men. I didn’t know what was going on inside Jackson’s head, but he obviously sought out punishment for what we’d done. “Stop it right now.”

  Derek shoved me out of the way, and I crashed into the closet wall, taking a broom down with me. Derek froze. “Lilly, I’m so—”

  Something inside Jackson snapped. He launched himself at Derek, slamming him into the wall, easily holding him in place with a forearm across his throat. “What did I tell you about hurting her? Huh? What did I say?”

  Derek fought Jackson’s grip, but it was useless. “You two act like you’re the only ones suffering here. Like it’s only about you. What about me, huh? What about what I want?”

  “I don’t give a shit what you want.” Jackson pressed his forearm even harder into Derek’s throat, and Derek’s eyes went all wide. “I only care about what she wants, and she wants to save Hastings. And, goddamn you, you’re going to let her.”