For the Love of Lisa

by Callie Norse

  Three

  The following Friday afternoon, Lisa received a phone call from Dr. Harris. “Lisa, can you come to my office in the morning?”

  Lisa found it difficult to say anything. She immediately became alarmed. “You want me to come there, tomorrow?”

  “Yes, Lisa, if at all possible. The ultrasound showed something a little irregular. We need to discuss it.”

  Lisa agreed to be there at 9:00 AM. The words something a little irregular, stuck in her mind. “I’m pregnant and something is wrong with the baby, perhaps a tubular pregnancy,” she thought. This would mean she would lose the baby, and it would also account for Greg not seeing a baby on the screen. He had confided that much in her that night, in the hours following the ultrasound.

  Greg was later than usual coming home from the office. With Maggie there, it was difficult to talk to him about Dr. Harris’s phone call. Greg hadn’t expected her to hear anything yet. He sensed she was bothered by something that evening and assumed the ultrasound was weighing heavily on her.

  After Maggie was in bed for the night, Lisa invited Greg into the Jacuzzi to relax. He knew this would be something other than a romantic adventure. The word relax would mean just that. Still, he dimmed the lights, lit some scented candles, and poured some non-alcoholic wine and placed it on the ledge. He then helped Lisa into the warm bubbling water. He sat close to her and put his arm around her, as music played low in the background.

  “You feeling okay, doll?”

  “Dr. Harris called late this afternoon. He wants to see me in the office in the morning. The ultrasound showed something a little irregular. Honey…”

  “Shhh,” he placed his finger on her lips. “Don’t even speculate. We will listen to what he has to say in the morning before we jump to any conclusions.” They sipped wine as they sat quietly in the warm bubbling water. Greg applied some bath gel to a washcloth and gently washed Lisa’s unresponsive body. He, too, felt no sexual desires, only concern for what was ahead. He was now finding it too difficult to think positive. They had always felt so fortunate in life. That is, until Lisa lost her mom to colon cancer. Since then, the realities of life had become more apparent. As much as Lisa loved her mom and missed her, she still remained positive for the most part. Greg feared this was about to change.

  Lisa was extremely tired. Greg turned the TV on as they got into bed, hoping she could get her mind on something else and fall asleep. He cradled her in his arms. Sleep was a long time coming.

  The alarm went off at 6:00 AM—a short night indeed. Marta picked Maggie up to take her for breakfast. This was to be a real treat for Maggie. She loved Marta and rarely was given a chance to eat breakfast in a restaurant. Before Maggie had a chance to suggest they go to McDonald’s, Marta described the delicious pancakes they served at a grown up restaurant in town. She wasn’t in the mood to dine in the play yard at McDonald’s. Somehow, the musty smell of children’s tennies didn’t appeal to her this morning. Marta glorified the pancakes this restaurant served by saying they topped their waffles with whipped cream and strawberries. She was sure if Maggie requested the same for her pancakes, they would oblige her. This excited Maggie.

  *****

  They arrived at the doctor’s office shortly before 9:00 AM. They were the only ones in the waiting room. Lisa’s name was called almost immediately. There was no weighing in, no paper gown, and no little room with an examining table. They were seated in Dr. Harris’s private office. Both, Lisa and Greg, were extremely nervous. This wasn’t the normal doctor appointment.

  Dr. Harris entered the room dressed in his street clothes. He shook Greg’s hand and gently reached out and squeezed Lisa’s hand before seating himself behind his desk. “Lisa, there is reason for concern in your ultrasound.” Lisa held her breath, waiting for the explanation.

  Greg also was alarmed. He managed to ask, “What did the ultrasound show?”

  “The ultrasound was inconclusive. I want Lisa to be admitted to the University of Iowa Hospital in Iowa City, for further testing. We are small here. The University Hospital is a much better facility equipped to handle cases as these—much better than we can. It is important you have the best doctors, Lisa. There at the University Hospital, they will have a team of doctors to see you.”

  “Are you sure this is necessary?” Lisa asked.

  “I feel it would be best to get to the bottom of this as quickly as possible, so we can deal with whatever the problem is.”

  Greg wanted to ask questions. He kept them to himself, so as not to alarm Lisa anymore than she already was.

  “I have called the University Hospital and made arrangements for you to be admitted Monday morning,” Dr. Harris explained.

  Lisa nodded. She could find no words.

  Greg shook Dr. Harris’s hand and thanked him. He then called Marta and asked if she could keep Maggie until early afternoon. He felt they needed time alone before Maggie arrived home. The drive home was extremely quiet. Many things were going through Greg’s mind. The word cancer stuck in his mind—and in his gut.

  Lisa was extremely quiet. She knew this wasn’t good news. The baby she so hoped for was now dead, in her mind. She was adjusting to this besides trying to cope with the words reason for concern, inconclusive, Iowa City Hospital, team of doctors. It was too much to handle. Where was her positive outlook?

  Greg wanted to help her. He was feeling so low himself that it was difficult to help her. Finally, he found the words. “Lisa, sweetie, this is tough. We both feel it. We will get through this together, whatever it is. Is there anything we can do this morning to help you?”

  “Honey, this may sound like a poor idea to you, but…I want to visit Mom and take some flowers to her.”

  “Sweetie, this might be the best thing for you. I know how close you and your mom were. You shared everything. Your need to be with her now is understandable.”

  On the way to the cemetery, they stopped at the florist shop. The florist made up an assorted bouquet in a heavy ceramic vase. Even though Lisa knew the flowers wouldn’t last long out in the weather, she wanted her mom to have them. When they arrived at the grave, Lisa placed the flowers at the headstone and knelt down beside the grave. Greg stepped back a few feet so she could be alone with her mom—silly, as it might seem. “Mom, I’m scared…very scared. The doctor wants me to go to the University Hospital in Iowa City. Something is seriously wrong. I feel it. Pray for me, Mom. Help me to overcome this fear and accept whatever it is. Lead the way for me, as I feel I will be with you soon. Pray for Maggie. Please help her. And Mom…Greg will need your help, too.”

  Lisa rose to her feet, with a calm Greg hadn’t expected. “Let’s go get Maggie. She loves to help remove wallpaper.”

  “You want to remove the wallpaper in that last room today?”

  “Sure, what better time?”

  “As a matter of fact, you are right. There is no time like the present. Let’s stop at the paint store and see if we can rent the steamer.” Greg said.

  Maggie was excited at the thought of helping remove wallpaper. “Goodie,” she exclaimed, “I am so totally sick of that stupid old wallpaper. Why did those people ever want such ugly flowers anyway?”

  Lisa almost chuckled hearing her say she was totally sick of the wallpaper. They picked up the steamer and headed home. Two blocks from home, a black cat ran in front of the car. “Oh, my God,” Greg thought, “We do not need this today!” He was glad Lisa had turned her head to say something to Maggie. She never saw the cat.

  “Anyone for Sub sandwiches for lunch?” Greg asked.

  “Hooray!” exclaimed Maggie.

  “Sweetie, what do you think? I could run in and get them to take home to eat.”

  “Sounds great to me.” Lisa answered.

  “This way you won’t have to fix any lunch and we can get started on the paper stripping,” Greg suggested.

  He knew before he asked, that Maggie would order the meatball sandwich, and he was reasonably sure Lisa wou
ld order the grilled chicken. He preferred the steak sandwich himself. He grabbed some of their delicious M&M chocolate chip cookies. Maggie had forgotten to request them; he knew she would be upset if he didn’t get one for her.

  Maggie had fun scooping up the old paper, as it fell on the floor. Greg had carried a large garbage can upstairs to the room and lined it with a plastic garbage bag, making it easier to fill than if they had to hold a bag open. After stripping two walls, Greg and Lisa decided that was enough for the day. It was getting late. While Greg and Maggie finished cleaning up, Lisa ordered pizza. They settled in for the night with pizza and TV in the parlor.

  Lisa was exhausted. It had certainly been a full day. Her mind was definitely not on the HBO movie Spiderman. Anyway, they had seen it at the theater when it first came out. Maggie was requesting to see Spiderman 2. Lisa was thankful they had kept busy; although it was evident her physical strength was much less than normal. Now, she realized there was more to it than the stress from the move and the upkeep of a larger house. She knew she was gravely ill, just as if she already had a diagnosis. She wasn’t sure how she knew, she just knew.

  The next morning they all went to church. Lisa prayed for guidance. Greg prayed Lisa would be okay—even though he had a gut feeling she wouldn’t be. Maggie told God how happy she was and how much she loved Mommy, Daddy, Marta, Aunt Lori, Uncle Steve, and all the little animals.

  After church, Greg continued stripping wallpaper. He stripped, and Maggie gathered up arm-loads putting it into the garbage can. Lisa quietly packed a few things she felt she would need at the hospital. She called Lori and asked her to watch Maggie—this time maybe for a few days, as Greg would be staying in Iowa City. Maggie would love a vacation at Aunt Lori’s. Lisa packed a suitcase for Maggie. Ordinarily, Lisa would have had Maggie help pack. Today she wasn’t up to all Maggie’s chatter and questions. They would tell her later.

  *****

  The drive to the University Hospital in Iowa City seemed much longer than two hours.

  Neither Lisa nor Greg had much to say. They were both extremely worried. Maggie had been told only that they were taking a little trip. She didn’t like to travel and gladly stayed behind with Aunt Lori.

  The hospital was very large compared to Galena Stauss—so many buildings. After all, this was a large university. Admittance went smoothly, as most of the admittance information had been taken care of in advance. Lisa was shown her room, and within an hour she was settled in—as much as a new patient awaiting a diagnosis could be. A short time later, five doctors entered her room asking questions while examining her. Yes, her abdomen was still tender, even more so than it had been when examined by Dr. Harris. They explained they would be doing a series of tests in the next few days—tests, which should bring about a diagnosis. The first tests would include an MRI, blood tests, and chest X-rays. The MRI was scheduled for early afternoon. Possibly, after these tests results were in they would follow up with other tests, depending on what these first tests showed. Lisa and Greg were given little explanation as to what they expected to see in an MRI, except that a clearer picture of what was causing the tenderness in her abdomen was needed.

  The results of the MRI were in by late afternoon. An ERCP was scheduled for the next morning. A flexible tube would be put down Lisa’s throat, through her stomach, and into her small intestine. Then, dye would be injected into the duct of her pancreas, so the area could be seen more clearly on an X-ray. A fine needle would be inserted into her pancreas to take out cells to biopsy. By now, Lisa and Greg were extremely worried—too many tests—too few explanations. A pancreas biopsy was nothing to take lightly.

  Greg had planned to find a motel room until the nurses told him he was welcome to sleep on a cot in Lisa’s room. Since he didn’t wish to leave her at a time like this, he agreed to the cot. Neither got much sleep. Lisa was taken to a procedure room at eight the next morning and the test was performed. When the results were in, the doctor group came in her room to explain what they had found.

  “We have found cancer cells in your pancreas, Lisa. This is what is causing your abdomen to be so tender,” explained a Dr. Stevens. “We are sorry to have to tell you this. We will need further tests to determine the extent of the cancer and what treatment will be necessary. The sooner we determine this, the quicker we can start treatment. We are scheduling a PTC for tomorrow morning. During this test, a thin needle will be put into your liver through your right side. Dye will be injected into the bile ducts in the liver, so blockages can be seen on X-rays.”

  Lisa and Greg appeared to be in shock. Now there was too much information, too fast. The doctors left the room. Greg sat on the bed beside Lisa and soon was lying beside her, with his arms around her. Neither spoke. What was there to say?

  Morning came after a restless night. The nurses said nothing about Greg being in Lisa’s bed.

  The dye was injected into the bile ducts and the were taken. The doctors delivered the results late that afternoon. Yes, there were blockages in the liver. Surgery was recommended to relieve the blockages and to determine if there was cancer in the liver and other surrounding organs.

  Dr. Stevens was quite straightforward with his words. “This surgery is very necessary, as we know the pancreas has malignancies, and possibly the liver, stomach or spleen. There is no way left, other than surgery, to determine just how far this cancer has spread.” The doctors left the room after explaining a decision should be made soon.

  Lisa wanted to leave the hospital. Greg agreed they needed time away from the hospital. They checked into a nearby hotel for the night. They lay in each other’s arms, continuing to say very little.

  Around midnight, Lisa whispered to Greg, “I need to get some fresh air. Let’s go for a drive.”

  “Sweetie, if that is what you want, that is what we will do.”

  They drove for quite some time. They found a small park and sat watching the stars. Each was remembering how they often did this in their high school years. They returned to the hotel more relaxed, and finally fell asleep in each other’s arms. They still hadn’t discussed what the doctors had told them—they each knew the surgery was necessary.

  By late morning, they returned to the hospital. Dr. Stevens was paged. They were led to a conference room, where Dr. Stevens appeared a few minutes later. Lisa told him her decision was to have the surgery as soon as possible. He had already scheduled the surgery, feeling the importance to move swiftly. Lisa was admitted to have the surgery the following day. Once she had settled in, Greg took her to the hospital chapel, where they knelt and prayed. Lisa prayed for strength to accept whatever would be found. Greg silently wept as he prayed, for he was terribly afraid of what they would learn the next day.

  The night passed slowly, as neither slept much. Lisa was taken into surgery at 7:00 AM and was in recovery by 9:00 AM. Dr. Stevens appeared in the surgical waiting room where Greg was blankly staring at Newsweek magazine. “Mr. Carrington… ” Greg looked up. Dr. Stevens was so somber that Greg knew immediately the news was bad. “We were able to repair the blockages in your wife’s liver. This should make her more comfortable with less tenderness in her abdomen. The cancer is not only in her pancreas; it is also in her liver, as we suspected. We did a frozen section biopsy on her stomach and spleen. I am sorry to tell you, there are cancer cells in both her stomach and spleen…”

  Greg asked no questions. Dr. Stevens’ words seemed to trail off, until they faded totally. Greg heard nothing of his last words. Dr. Stevens turned and left the room. Greg was in shock. A nurse appeared and led him to Lisa’s room, where she sat with him until he became more responsive. She left the room telling him Lisa would be in recovery for another hour or so and then would be brought back up to her room.

  Greg felt as if he had been struck by lightning. What would he say to Lisa? How could he tell her the gruesome outcome of the surgery? He needed answers himself. He thought back to how the doctor’s words had faded out. He wondered what he hadn’t hear
d. Regardless, he knew Lisa didn’t have a chance. His precious, precious, sweetheart—Lisa was his life. How could he go on if she was taken from him?

  Lisa was wheeled in on a gurney, looking quite pale—drowsy, but awake.

  Greg kissed her on the forehead, “How ya doin’, sweetie?” She only nodded and closed her eyes. Greg sat by her side. Even now, her beauty was showing through. She was the most beautiful person he had ever known—inside and out. Her inner beauty was even more remarkable. She was a wonderful loving mom to Maggie and the most passionate loving wife a man could ever ask for. “How could God do this to her? How could he do this to me… and Maggie?” he wondered. “Life sucks!”

  Lisa was too groggy to understand anything Greg could say to her at this point. He was thankful for this, as the words to tell her what they had found seemed to be nonexistent at this time. How would he ever find the words?

  She slept for some time, coming to occasionally long enough to know Greg was at her side. Then she would fall back asleep. When she finally awoke, Greg was still searching for the words to tell her.

  Their eyes connected and Lisa whispered, “Honey, you don’t need to say anything. I know it’s bad. I have felt this since the day Dr. Harris referred me here to this hospital. Your eyes now tell me I was right.” She drifted off to sleep.

  Greg was relieved he was spared telling her. He only wished there was some way he could help her.

  He took the elevator down to the first floor to the chapel, where he sat silently—still in shock. In a few short minutes his life had changed. The gal he had made his life, and the one he loved so dearly, would soon leave him. This couldn’t be. Lisa was meant to be with him forever. Forever…how long is forever? He dwelled on this for sometime. The answer came to him. Everyone’s forever is of a different length, a different time. Lisa’s forever was to be soon. He began to pray. He prayed Lisa wouldn’t have to suffer a horrible cancer death. He prayed she could be spared the pain, as her mom had been, with her colon cancer. Hers was a rapid death. Hospice had gone to the house and set up a hospital bed in her living room. She died that night.