The Scars of Us

by Nikki Narvaez

  So stubborn.

  As we walked, I took the opportunity to try to get to know her better, hoping that would help in my quest to get her in my bed. I ignored the fact that I was interested in her, that I actually wanted to know more about her.

  “So, do you and Kamden live together?”

  “Yeah, just me and him. We’ve lived in our apartment together since college.”

  “Any other family?”

  Her skin paled as her eyes widened. “No.”

  Okay, not a good topic. Maybe we have more in common than I thought. “What do you do for work?”

  Her face relaxed, and color began to return to her cheeks. “I’m a Project Coordinator for a marketing and public relations firm in Boston.”

  “Sounds boring.”

  She looked offended, but laughed. “Thanks. Not everyone gets to work out for a living.”

  “It’s pretty awesome,” I admitted. We were nearing the exit doors, so my time with her was running out. “What do you like to do for fun?”

  I opened the door for her as she answered, “I love to go dancing.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind when I ask you out.”

  She laughed again; this had to be the most I’d ever seen her do so. I was getting somewhere, finally.

  “Anything else that might help my chances?”

  She stopped by a black, Acura TL before leaning against it, facing me.

  “You don’t want to get involved with me,” she said with a half-hearted smile.

  “Oh, yeah? Why not?” I replied as I stepped closer to her. Always fighting me.

  Her eyes watched me warily. This close to her, I could see so many different hues of blue and green that made up the unique shade of her eyes. They really were beautiful. “I just… I have a lot of issues.”

  “Don’t we all?” I asked in a rhetorical tone. I know I do.

  She chuckled softly, “Not like mine.”

  “You tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine.” What am I saying? I don’t want to her to know about my past—do I?

  “That’s never going to happen,” she replied matter-of-factly, an unspoken challenge present in her eyes.

  “Never say never.” I smirked while backing away. “Goodnight, Kaiya.”

  I didn’t need to say anything else that I might regret, like telling her my whole life story. Why does she make me feel so different? Why do I want to open up to her?

  Shaking her head, she smiled as she got into her car. As I turned around, I couldn’t help but think, Tuesday can’t come fast enough.

  My body still thrummed with adrenaline from a combination of class and touching Ryker. It amazed me how just being close to him made me feel so alive, like I hadn’t really been living until I met him. Honestly, I really hadn’t.

  Kaleb had made me afraid to live, afraid to trust anyone. But with Ryker, I felt there was a chance that I could open up to him, and that scared the living shit out of me. If I couldn’t even trust Kaleb, how could I trust Ryker?

  Shaking the thoughts from my head, I started my car to drive home. I didn’t want to think about anything negative when I was feeling so good, when I actually felt… happy. I knew completing one self-defense class wasn’t very significant for most people, but it was huge—absolutely huge—for me. One of the many steps I needed to take to reclaim my life and eliminate the power Kaleb had over me.

  My stomach growled as I walked into my apartment, so I headed straight for the kitchen to look for something quick to throw together for dinner.

  As I rifled through the refrigerator, I heard Kamden call out, “I ordered a pizza—figured you wouldn’t want to cook.”

  His voice had increased in volume as he walked from wherever he was in the apartment into the kitchen. When I closed the refrigerator door, I turned to see him standing in the doorway. “How was class? Everything go okay?” he asked with concern.

  “Yeah, everything went fine,” I shrugged. “I was a little nervous at first, but Ryker worked with me one-on-one to make sure I was comfortable,” I continued as I searched for the pizza, which I found right on the counter next to the refrigerator. So observant.

  “Ryker’s the instructor?” Kamden questioned. He sounded a bit bothered by the idea.

  “Yeah,” I said, my focus mainly on the pizza box as I stalked towards it. Opening the cabinet above it, I grabbed a plate and put two slices on it before putting it in the microwave. When I turned back around to look at Kam, I noticed his furrowed brows and tense jaw. “What?”

  “Nothing, just be careful with him,” he warned with a cautionary look in his eyes.

  I voiced my thoughts aloud, perplexed by his warning, “Why?”

  “I notice how he looks at you, Ky. He’s a total womanizer, and I don’t want you to be another notch on his bedpost.” He crossed his arms as his voice took on that over-protective, brotherly tone I knew so well.

  Wow, I so don’t want to have this conversation. Thankfully, the microwave beeped, giving me the perfect opportunity to escape. As I removed the plate, I said, “Don’t worry, Kam. I’ll be fine—I’m not interested in Ryker.” Keep racking up those lies.

  “I’m serious, Kaiya,” he sternly remarked, authority obvious in his words.

  Placing the plate on the counter, I turned around to look at him—arms still folded tensely over his chest, eyes narrowed, mouth set in a tight, thin line. He’s really upset over this.

  “Kam, do you really think I’d be getting myself involved with someone, especially now? I’m barely holding myself together.”

  The angry expression on his face eased, his features softening as he walked toward me. “You’re doing great, sorella. I didn’t mean to get upset at you. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I know, but you have nothing to worry about. I’m not planning to get involved with Ryker, okay?” For some reason, those words caused my chest to tighten uncomfortably. Do I want to be with Ryker? I couldn’t deny the attraction to him, or the fact that I wanted to jump him every time I saw him, but did I want to be with him?

  My stomach grumbled, interrupting my thoughts.

  Kamden laughed. “You better eat—that thing sounds hungry.”

  I smacked him on the back as he turned to walk away. Picking up a slice of gooey, cheesy goodness, I opened my mouth to take a bite as Kam turned back around. “I’m really proud of you, Ky.”

  I stopped mid-bite as another genuine smile spread across my face. I must be setting a record today. “Thank you, Kam.”

  Wordlessly, he exited with a matching grin on his face.

  After finishing my pizza, I went to my room and decided to call Nori and update her on everything that had happened since the club. She’d called and texted me a few times after that day, but I’d had yet to get back to her.

  “Hey, girl. What’s up?” Nori greeted when she answered.

  “Hey. I wanted to apologize for bailing the other night.”

  “Don’t worry about it. What happened?”

  “Things moved too fast, too soon. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I fell onto my back on my bed with a sigh.

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’s a hot guy, I mean really hot guy, and you got caught up in the moment.”

  “I can’t get involved with him, Nori. You know that.”

  “Why not? You can’t let your past rule you forever, Ky.”

  I sat up, shaking my head in disbelief. I couldn’t believe what she was saying, but she had a point. “I know, but a guy like Ryker wouldn’t be interested in me—I have too much baggage.”

  “I’m not saying for you to get in a relationship with the guy. You have heard of having a good time, right? Nothing wrong with a little fun for once in your life. He doesn’t need to know about your issues for you to have sex with him.”

  “I love how you think.” I laughed.

  “That’s why I’m your bestie. Seriously though, you deserve to have some fun.”

  I blew out another breath as I lay
back down. “Yeah, I guess.” Wanting to change the subject, I brought up my class. “Hey, I started taking a self-defense class.”

  “That’s awesome! I’m so proud of you, Ky.”

  “Guess who the instructor is?” I asked, biting my lower lip as I stifled a smile.

  “No way! Ryker?” she shrieked, sounding like a teenage girl.

  “Yep. I couldn’t believe it. He gave me his number after class was over.”

  “Shut up! I think fate is trying to tell you something,” she squealed giddily.

  “Yeah, it’s trying to torture me,” I replied in exasperation. Having Ryker as my instructor didn’t help in my efforts to try and stay away from him, even though I was seriously reconsidering that now.

  Nori giggled, “I’ll take that kind of torture any day. That man is delicious.”

  “He really is,” I sighed dreamily. “It’s been so hard to resist him.”

  “I can imagine. I don’t think I’d be able to.”

  “Kamden says Ryker’s a man-whore. He wants me to be careful around him,” I said, deepening my voice to imitate his as I spoke.

  “Of course he’s going to say that. He’s your older brother.”

  “Yeah, I know.” I hesitated, doubting myself. “But what if he really is?”

  “Who cares? That’s what condoms are for,” Nori responded as though it was obvious.

  I snorted. “Nori!”

  “What? You’re not looking for commitment, and I doubt he is either. It doesn’t matter if he’s a man-whore. Sex is sex, and he looks like he’d be damn good at it.”

  “You’re such a bad influence,” I joked as I rolled over onto my stomach.

  “Hey, you only have one life. I guarantee you’ll regret it if you don’t sleep with him at least once.”

  Would I? “Yeah, I probably would. He’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen.” I paused, gnawing on my bottom lip in contemplation. “I don’t know if I can do this, though. I haven’t been with a guy, other than Bryce, since everything with Kaleb.”

  “I know. And, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I just want you to be happy; I don’t think I’ve seen you as happy as when I’ve caught the two of you together, and when I’ve heard you talk about him.”

  “Really?” I asked, holding back a smile.

  “Really. It’s good to see you smile so much, and hear the happiness in your voice. Ryker may be just what you need to finally move on. And if not, at least you would get some really great sex out of it.”

  “Maybe. I’m not promising anything, but I’ll keep an open mind. I better get ready for bed; I have an early day at work tomorrow—our weekly Monday morning meeting,” I groaned unhappily.

  “Ugh. Okay, text me tomorrow?”

  “Okay, bye.”

  “Bye.”

  After hanging up with Nori, I got ready for bed. Kamden had removed what was left of the mirror sometime today, so I was relieved not to have to deal with that mess.

  My phone chimed while I brushed my teeth. When I finished, I went to my bed to pick it up. When I swiped my passcode in, I saw that Ryker had sent me a text:

  Ryker: sweet dreams

  A smile spread over my face as I texted him back:

  Me: you too :)

  As I lay in bed, thoughts about my conversation with Nori kept me awake. Should I really get involved with Ryker? Does he really want me? Would I be okay with just a one night stand? Could I handle it?

  The only thing that I was able to determine was that if I decided to go through with it, I would take things slow concerning Ryker. Neither one of us wanted a relationship, and I definitely wasn’t ready to have sex with him, no matter how much I wanted to. So if it was going to happen, it was going to happen on my terms.

  When I finally fell asleep, it was to images of Ryker’s heavenly body over mine.

  Let’s just say that I really hoped that dreams came true. I needed a cold shower after the imagery from last night. I slept all the way until my alarm went off, which was unheard of for me. Usually I’d wake up from a nightmare.

  Even though I had worked from home on Thursday, and went back to the office on Friday, I was behind on my work, swamped with documents and spreadsheets. Mondays were typically the busiest day of the week, especially since we had our weekly meeting to discuss happenings throughout the whole company.

  Once I got home, I couldn’t wait to go work out and relieve some of the tension from the day. I dropped my keys and purse by the door before trotting to Kamden’s bedroom. Tapping on his open door, I peeked in. “Hey, you want to go to the gym?”

  His eyes rose to mine from his laptop. The screen illuminated his handsome face. Thank God he doesn’t look like me.

  “Yeah, I was waiting for you. I need to talk to you about something first, though,” he stated while closing his laptop.

  Great, what now? “Okay,” I said as I walked in and sat on his bed. He swiveled his rolling chair to face me before saying, “I set up an appointment to speak with the head of the hospital.”

  My mouth suddenly became dry from his words. I swallowed deeply before asking, “For when?”

  “Six weeks from today— April 28. Do you still want to come with me?”

  My first instinct was to say no, but I thought about my goal, about the baby steps I had made so far. “Yes. I want to do everything we can to keep him in there. I don’t want him to be released.”

  Pride shined in his blue-gray eyes as he smiled at me. He turned and rifled through some documents on his desk. “Great. I think we still have the paperwork from the attack somewhere.”

  “I don’t know—I haven’t looked at them since we filed them. They should be in the filing cabinet unless you took them out.”

  “I’ll look for them. Go ahead and get ready for the gym,” Kamden said as he continued to search through the mess of papers on his cluttered desk.

  I hopped up off his bed before going to my room to change. Fifteen minutes later, we were out the door on the way to the gym. Nervous, excited energy bounced through my veins as I anticipated seeing Ryker. Play it cool, you’re supposed to take things slow, remember?

  The drive to the gym seemed to drag on as my nerves continued to build up, making me feel like a kid on a sugar high. I practically skipped into the building, but my mood deflated when I realized Ryker wasn’t there.

  I didn’t want to seem like a stalker by asking for him at the front desk, so I just assumed it was his day off—Monday probably wasn’t a peak workout day. Oh well, I’ll see him tomorrow at class.

  Brushing off the disappointment, I headed to my usual elliptical. Kamden went straight to the weight room, but he joined me in the cardio room to finish up his workout before we left.

  When we got home, I decided to call Nori again, needing to talk to her about what Kamden and I discussed before we went to the gym. After dialing her number, I cradled the phone between my shoulder and ear as I took out some of the leftover takeout from the other night. I could hear the surprise in her tone—I typically didn’t call her two days in a row. “Everything okay, Kaiya?” she answered.

  I chuckled, “Yes. But I have something to tell you.”

  “You did it, didn’t you? That was fast, you whore,” she teased, giggling.

  My eyes popped in shock as I pulled two plates from the cabinet. “No, I didn’t, Nori! I can’t believe you think I’m that easy.”

  “I don’t, but he’s hot, and he seems very determined to have you from what you told me.”

  I sighed, a little disappointed. “I didn’t even see him today.” Pausing, I cleared my throat. “But that’s not why I called. Remember I told you about Kaleb possibly being released?”

  “Yes,” she said, her playful tone from a second ago gone.

  Setting the plates down, I went to sit at the breakfast bar. I released a deep breath before explaining, “Well, Kamden and I are going to the hospital to try to stop it. I wanted to see if you would come with me. You know, for
support.”

  Without hesitation, she answered, “Of course, Ky. When?”

  “April 28, six weeks from today.”

  “I’ll ask for the day off when I get to the office first thing in the morning.”

  “Thank you, Nori. You don’t know how much it means to me that you’ll go.” I let out a sigh of relief. I’d need as much support as I could get to get through all this.

  “Aw, it’s no problem, girl. I’d do anything to keep that bastard committed.”

  “Yeah, you and me both. I’ll call you with more details later—I just got home from the gym, and I need finish dinner and shower.”

  “All right, talk to you later. I’m really proud of you, Ky.”

  “Thanks,” I smiled. “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I exhaled another deep breath, easing more of the tightness in my chest. You can do this. You’re stronger than you used to be.

  I made a plate for Kamden and heated it in the microwave, but I didn’t feel like eating anymore. Talking about the meeting and Kaleb caused unease to settle in the pit of my stomach, so I decided to skip dinner and take a shower.

  As I walked to the bathroom, I repeated my phrases to myself, afraid that fear would try to take root inside of me because of the upcoming meeting about Kaleb. It would be the closest I’ve ever been to him since the incident, and that thought terrified the weak, fragile part of me.

  The warmth of the water helped erase the tension in my muscles. Working out had cleared my head, but after talking about the meeting with Nori, thoughts of Kaleb started to creep to the forefront of my mind again.

  Shoving the thoughts back, I continued to chant my mantra and focus on the water trailing over my skin. Closing my eyes, I tipped my head back and let it pour over me as I let go of everything else.

  Once I finished, I felt so much better. The weight of the situation had been alleviated, even if it would only be for a short time. I knew that as the date approached, it would be increasingly difficult to cope with everything.

  Exhausted, I quickly dressed in my pajamas before falling into bed. Sleep found me quickly, pulling me under its veil seconds after my head hit the pillow.