The Third Ten

by Jacqueline Druga

  “Oh, Joe, you know that.”

  “Humor me.”

  “I live in the cottage right next to the old witch, about twenty skips from the happy stream and a butterfly dance from Hideaway Forest.”

  Frank looked at Joe. “You said humor you. Although,” He whispered. “That wasn’t really funny.”

  Joe bit his lip

  “I wasn’t trying to be funny. But if you’d like I can tell the tale of when the dwarves cooked a pie made of the poisonous apple. That was funny.”

  “I bet.” Joe put his hand in his pockets. “Oh boy.”

  “What dwarf?” Frank asked. “We don’t have any dwarfs?”

  “Frank.” Joe cringed. “Dean, can I see you in the hall.”

  “Um, yeah, absolutely.” Dean said. “We’ll be right back, Missy Jane.”

  Ellen nodded.

  The three Slagel’s and Joe, along with Dean stepped into the hall.

  “What the hell’s going on?” Joe asked.

  “I don’t know Joe.”

  Hal said. “Is this for real?”

  “Looks that way.”

  “Sweet,” Robbie grinned. “I’m her handsome price.”

  “This is fucked up,” Frank said.

  “Tell me about it,” Dean shook his head.

  “Fuckin dwarfs in Beginnings poisoning people. Make my job fucking harder.” He started to walk away.

  “Frank!” Joe called out. “Where are you going?”

  “To find the dwarfs and that pie before someone eats it.”

  He kept walking.

  Joe closed his eyes. “Moron.”

  <><><><>

  Dean closed the front door as they stepped into the living room of Ellen’s home. “I can’t believe Frank posted a guard on her door.”

  “For tonight,” Joe said. “Andrea thinks it’s best she doesn’t wander around.”

  Robbie chuckled. “She might fall in the happy stream.”

  “Knock, it off.” Joe said. “It’s not funny.”

  “Dad, yeah it is.” Robbie grinned.

  Dean plopped into the chair, running his fingers through his hair with a groan.

  “Dean is she pulling our leg? Is this for real?” Joe asked.

  “I don’t know, Joe.” Hands sliding from his face, he clapped once. “I don’t know. Forest will be here soon, he’s pretty good on this.”

  “He’s checking her?”

  Dean nodded, then the doorbell rang. “Has to be him.” He stood and opened the door. “Forest. Thanks for coming.”

  “Don, I knew de impotence of this.”

  Robbie snickered.

  Joe shot him a glare.

  “Come in.”

  Forest nodded and entered, the second he did, he shrieked.

  “Christ, Dean,” Joe winced. “You didn’t tell him?”

  “Josef you . . . . you . . .”

  “I’m alive. Long story. You’ll find out tomorrow. Just don’t tell anyone yet.”

  “You huff ma wood.”

  “Appreciate it. So, what’s going on with my daughter.”

  “Well, her slup unto delu shon is very rill.”

  “Are you sure.”

  “Puss a teeve.”

  “Pap!” Alexandra’s excited voice carried into the living room. “I thought I heard you!” she ran to him.

  “Hey, Sweetie.” Joe lifted her and kissed her, placing her on his knee.

  Dean looked horrified. How to explain it to his daughter. “Alex, listen, Pap . . .”

  “Isn’t wearing his suit.” She kissed Joe’s cheek. “I’m glad. Are you gonna not wear it. Can I tell my friends you aren’t my guardian angel anymore.”

  “You knew?” Dean asked. “Man, Hal’s gonna be pissed.”

  “Hal will get over it,” Joe ran his hand over Alex’s hair. “Yeah, but you can’t tell your friends yet. OK?”

  “OK. Where’s Mommy?”

  “Mommy, well, mommy hit her head when she saw me and is spending the night at the hospital. She’s fine. Just confused.”

  Robbie added. “She’s twenty skips away from the happy stream.”

  “Robert.”

  “Oh,” Alex said excitedly. “And a butterfly dance from the Hideaway Forest?”

  Joe looked at her. “You know this?”

  “Yep. You’re Joe. The king.”

  “You’re familiar with the story?”

  “Very. You’re the only one with a name though. Everyone else has a title. You and Mommy. Does Mommy think she’s there?”

  “Yes, Sweetie, she does.”

  Dean asked. “Alex, you know the characters? Who am I?”

  “The handsome prince?”

  “Nope.” Robbie lifted his hand. “That’s me.”

  “Oh.” She stuck her finger in her mouth. “The knight in Shining Armor?”

  “Hal.” Robbie said.

  “I know the warrior has to be Uncle Frank.”

  “So I’m no one?” Dean questioned. “What about the wizard. Is there a wizard in the story.”

  “Oh, yes, Daddy, there is.”

  “Uh um sorry to upset you Don, boot dat is me.”

  “Great!” Dean tossed out his hands. “Ellen’s living in a fairy tale and I’m not a part of it.”

  “Forest?” Joe looked at him. “Why is Ellen living in this fairy tale world?”

  “Ba cause Josef, she us hoppy deer and us consumed.”

  “Consumed?”

  “Off toon write tears got consumed with deer wok.”

  “Her work.”

  Alexandra nodded. “Yep. Mommy wrote the story. It has all sorts of Beginnings people in it as characters.”

  “Not me.” Dean said.

  “Dean, enough. Get over it.” Joe snapped.

  “No, she left me out?”

  “Maybe she plans on making you the hero.” Alex said. “She’s not done writing, all she does is think about it.”

  Dean nodded. “If she is engrossed in thinking about it all the time, then that’s why she slipped into the story.”

  “Thinking about this,” Robbie interjected. “Her fairy tale is her safe and happy life, right? She saw Dad, and now slipped into the safe place. So, Forest, do you think if we complete the story for her in a make believe life, she’ll snap out of it.”

  Closed mouth, Joe nodded. “Robert, I’m impressed.”

  “Thanks.” He shrugged.

  Forest gave an agreement nod. “Uh do. Steph foon Kung had de sum thing.”

  Dean rubbed his chin. “We just have to finish the story. Alex, what’s left?”

  Alexandra giggled. “Silly, the happily ever after. It’s who Missy Jane picks to be in Happily ever after with.”

  Robbie looked at her. “So she hasn’t made up her mind.”

  “Nope.”

  Robbie stood up. “I’m gonna go see El.”

  “Wait.” Dean followed. “Me, too.”

  As soon as they hit the door, it opened and Frank walked in. “Where are you guys going?”

  “See El.” Robbie said.

  “Tell her I couldn’t find the poison fucking pie.”

  “Will do Frank.”

  Frank shut the door. “Couldn’t find the fucking dwarfs either. You’d think they’d be easy to find. Why is Alex sitting on your lap?”

  Alex hugged Joe. “He’s not wearing his suit.”

  “Oh. Anyhow, good luck tomorrow Dad, they are doing a dance to I am Woman now.”

  “Christ.”

  “So what’s going on with El?”

  Forest answered. “It appears dat El loon has slept into her on word.”

  Frank stared. “Again?”

  Joe irritated, interpreted. “She hit her head Frank.”

  “Yeah.”

  “She has a form of amnesia.”

  “Partial?”

  “Delusional.” Joe said. “Seems while you were out chasing the dwarfs and poisonous pie, Forest has confirmed she is in a make believe, functional world.”


  “You didn’t need Forest to confirm that. I could have done that. She’s been there for a while.”

  “No she hasn’t.”

  “Yes, she has. Dad. She lives in a walled community, frozen fucking scientists, SUT soldiers, Killer Babies, and an invincible hero that runs fifty five fucking miles an hour. Where in the real world do you find that?”

  “Ok, true. But now . . . she lives a butterfly dance away from Hideaway Forest.”

  “I don’t know where that is, but if all El has to worry about is watching out for midgets baking killer fucking pies while she skips twenty times to get to a fucking stream. Let her fucking go. It’ll be funny.”

  “Funny?”

  “Yeah, we all need to find our happy place.” He stood up. “Watch Alex, I’m going to mine. Which happens to be the Killer Baby field. See, I like my small predators, too.” Frank kissed Alexandra then walked out.

  Forest laughed. “Dat Frunk is funny.”

  “Yeah, he’s a pip.”

  “But, you know what pap-pap? Doesn’t matter, cause Uncle Frank no matter where Mommy lives, is always the hero.”

  The door opened and Frank popped his head in. “I am.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Joe was slightly impressed. Of course it was a children’s story, and was printed up with big lettering, but it was a book none-the-less that Ellen wrote. He woke up extra early to read it, and stayed in bed until he finished.

  “Joe.” Andrea stepped in. “Breakfast. Frank’s been calling your phone. He’ says you’re on duty.”

  “I know.” Joe removed his glasses. “He just wants me to handle the women’s protest.”

  “They didn’t work at all, yesterday.”

  “You’re shitting me. Christ.”

  “Joe.”

  Joe removed his reading glasses and flung the covers from him.

  “Did you enjoy the Adventures of Missy Jane?”

  “It’s cute. Gives me some back drop into what she’s thinking, or rather where she’s living.”

  “How are we going to handle that?”

  “One day at a time.”

  “At least I’m not the wicked stepmother.”

  Joe chuckled. “That’s a good thing. Well . . .” He stretched as he got out of bed. “It’s good to be home. Now, I’ll have that breakfast, get dressed, and start my day.”

  “Joe, how are you gonna break it to people.”

  “With tact.”

  Andrea smiled. “That’s good. I pressed your crisp white shirt.”

  “Thanks, Andrea.”

  “Now hurry for breakfast.” She backed up and stopped at the door. “Maybe we’ll be lucky and Ellen will wake up herself.”

  “Maybe we will.” Joe lifted his white shirt and with a mumble said, “What’s the odds of that.”

  <><><><>

  The smell of coffee mixed with a sweet flowery scent, brought Ellen from her sleep. She sat up with a gleeful stretch and smile on her face.

  Her head didn’t hurt.

  She opened her eyes with a wispy ‘oh’ to all the rose pedals scattered about her bed. “Oh”

  Robbie slid with a suave move to her bedside, holding a bouquet of roses. “For you.” He flashed a smile.

  “Oh, Robbie. Did you do all this?”

  “Yep.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

  Ellen sighed out, touching where he kissed.

  “Cool.” Robbie bit his lip. “Anyhow, just wanted to make sure you were feeling well.”

  “I am thank you. I can’t wait to get home to my own bed.”

  “I can take you there.”

  “You are so sweet.”

  Bashful, he lowered his head some. “I know. Thank you.”

  “Aw!” Dean’s loud whine rang out into the room. His hand, holding his own bouquet of roses, lowered. “Hector gave you flowers, too?”

  “Yep.”

  Ellen, eyes slightly fearful, shifted to Robbie. “Robbie. Who is this man who brings me flowers?”

  “Swell. Great. You don’t know who I am?” Dean asked. “Maybe . . . . Maybe I’m Prince Charming.”

  “Silly.” She giggled. “Elliott is Prince Charming.”

  Robbie whined. “I thought I was Prince Charming.”

  “Handsome prince, big difference.”

  “Ok.”

  “This sucks, El.” Dean waked to the bed. “Am I nowhere in your life.”

  “No. Would you like to be?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “In which capacity?”

  “Your husband.”

  She grinned. “A marriage proposal. Is that why you brought flowers to propose?”

  “Sweet Jesus!” Andrea stepped into the room. “Look at this mess. What is going on?”

  Ellen pointed. “This man was about to propose marriage.”

  “Dean Michael Hayes. Did you make this mess? Destroy my roses?” Andrea scolded.

  Dean scoffed. “No, Robbie did.”

  Andrea smiled. “Ah, sweetie, that is so like you. How sweet.”

  Dean’s mouth dropped opened. “How come it was ok for him to do it and not me.”

  “He’s the handsome prince.”

  Dean groaned.

  “Anyhow," Andrea sang. “I just wanted to see how you were feeling and let you know we’ll make sure you get home soon, today.”

  “Thank you, Golden Stepmother.”

  Andrea smiled. “You are just so sweet.” She turned. “And Robbie, dear, please make sure the petals get picked up.”

  “I’ll have Dean do it.”

  “Thank you.”

  As Andrea walked by him, Dean let out a ‘What’? he tossed out his hands. “I give up.”

  “Oh, no.” Ellen said. “Does that mean you aren’t going to propose to me.”

  “Sure, I’ll propose, so I can be turned down?”

  “Oh my. Turn down a marriage proposal?” Ellen’s finger touched her lip. “I’ve never been proposed to, one never turns down a marriage proposal.”

  Dean’s smile went crooked, perhaps even ornery as he stepped to the bed.

  “Dean you dog, don’t you dare.” Robbie hurried forward. “El, will you . . .”

  “What the fuck?” Frank blasted in the room. “Who made the mess?”

  “Robbie.” Dean said. “And if you don’t mind, I’m about to propose to Missy Jane here.”

  “Yeah, right.” Frank walked to the bed.

  Ellen peeped a shriek.

  “What?” Frank asked, looking behind him.

  “Your presence always frightens me a bit.” Ellen said. “Why are you not out slaying dragons?”

  Frank’s head went back. “Fuckin dragons now? Fuck. OK, I’ve been busy chasing them dwarfs.”

  “They are in my home.”

  “Alright, I’ll finding them later and put the dragon on my list of things to kill.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You ok?” He asked.

  “Fine. Thank you.”

  “OK, I’ll let you get back to these two,” Frank said. “Just wanted to let them know my Dad is making his public appearance.”

  Ellen placed her hand on her heart. “I love when Joe speaks to his subjects.”

  “This time it’s gonna be good,” Frank said. “I’ll be back.”

  “After you slay the dragon?”

  “I have to find it first.”

  “Good luck.”

  Frank nodded with a wink.

  “Frank,” Robbie stood up. “I wanna go, but tell Dean not to propose to Ellen. He’s breaking the rules of the fairy tale game”

  “Dean don’t propose.”

  “Frank, she asked me to.”

  “Like I care. Don’t do it.”

  “Frank?” Ellen called out. “Why do you not want this man to propose to me? You are the warrior, is there something wrong with him.”

  “Um, yeah, he’s fuckin sick and twisted and kills people with . . . . Magic.”

  Ellen gasped.


  “You’re an ass, Frank.” Dean said.

  Frank grinned and walked out.

  Dean extended his flowers to Ellen, she cocked back. “Don’t worry. I’m not proposing.”

  She hesitantly took the flowers.

  “Asshole.” Shaking his head, Dean walked out.

  <><><><>

  The second Frank stepped out with Robbie from the clinic onto the steps, he shook his head. “What the fuck does Kumbaya mean, anyhow?”

  “I think it means come here.”

  “Do they know this?” Frank asked with disgust. “They’re singing, come here I am woman.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “Right.” Irritated, Frank walked through the women. “Hey!” he’d yell out when they screamed in his ear, hit him with signs. He jumped on the Joe wall. “I’m the fucking president. What the fuck?”

  “We’re on strike!” Misha yelled out. “We told you that.”

  “Yeah, well this community needs to be working.”

  “We will not stop our protest until the injustice is undone.”

  “There’s no injustice!” Frank yelled. “You’re all whacked.”

  “That!” Misha swung her sign. “Is the attitude we hate.”

  “So you are gonna listen to me?”

  The entire crowd shouted ‘No’

  “Fine! Maybe you’ll listen to him!”

  From behind the Joe wall, Joe walked he stepped up onto the wall.

  The shouts, dropped to mumbles, and finally silence and dead stares.

  “Everyone pulls their weight!” Joe yelled. “I don’t give a rat’s ass what your reasoning is; get your asses back to work. Now!”

  Horrified screams entailed as the signs dropped and the women fled.

  Impressed, Frank, hands on hips, nodded. “Nice job.”

  “Authority exercised,” Robbie said.

  Joe patted his own chest and exhaled. “It’s good to be back.”

  <><><>

  “Just sit.” Hal instructed Elliott in Frank’s office as he closed the door.

  “Just explain to me why I had to rush out of Bowman, not answer my phone, when in fact you have it and we snuck in the back gate like thieves.”

  “Snuck in the back gate like thieves. Hmm.” Hal rubbed his chin. “That’s a horrible analogy.”

  “Whatever.”

  “What . . . whatever? Did you just say whatever to your superior officer?”

  “Yes, Captain, I did. And my apologies as well. But, you are acting strangely. You sweep me from my home. I told you I wanted to finish my work so I could spend time with Ellen since she’s ill. Thank you very much for telling me last night.”