Healing Holt

by Shannon Nemechek

  “Aspen, baby girl, we probably should do the kind thing and put him down.

  “Daddy, can’t we try to save him?” she cried.

  He gazed down into her swollen, wet eyes, wiped a tear from her cheek and replied, “We will try, sweetie.” He sighed. “My god, you remind me so much of your mother; you have her soft heart and grit.”

  “I know, Daddy. I miss Momma.”

  Beau placed his hand on the young girl’s shoulder and, wiping a tear from his own cheek, replied, “So do I, baby girl. So do I.”

  So started Aspen’s life of rescuing every injured, abandoned, or abused animal she came across. When they returned to the house, Helen, of course, threw a fit but they ignored her. It drove Helen nuts every time Aspen brought home her daily rescues, which for Aspen meant doing it more often just to get under Helen’s skin.

  Aspen spent most days at the neighbors unless she was out rescuing. Maggie Mae Lawson helped her navigate the pressures of becoming a young lady, even bringing her along to her daughter Julia’s cotillion classes. Holt, Julia’s brother, would laugh and tease them until the day Maggie told him she signed him up as well.

  “No son of mine will get by with not knowing the proper way to greet a lady,” she scolded. “You’re going to learn how to be a perfect southern gentleman even if it kills you. Your father, God rest his soul, went to cotillion class, and so will you.”

  Julia and Holt’s daddy, Thomas Lawson, had served in the Army until the day he died. He was part of a Special Forces unit, one of five that were hunting for Saddam Hussein during Operation Desert Storm. They were on a mission inside Iraq when his unit came under fire and he took a bullet to his thigh, severing his femoral artery. He bled out before they could get him medevacked out of the area. Thomas Lawson was a highly decorated soldier, and well known in the Special Forces community so when he passed, the other soldiers from his battalion made it their mission to help raise his children.

  The day the soldiers came was like any other—the kids piddling around the house, when the doorbell rang. They peeked through the window as Maggie made her way from the kitchen to the front door.

  Julia yelled to her, “Momma, it’s Daddy’s friends! But I don’t see Daddy.”

  When Maggie heard Julia’s words, her expression turned somber and her eyes began to fill. They thought it was happiness at first, but it didn’t take any of them long to figure it out. The bell rang again, and Maggie took hold of the doorknob and pulled it open. Three soldiers stood there, dressed in their fine green Class A uniforms. Before they could say another word, Maggie fell to the floor. The older, more decorated of the three men, kneeled to help her up then walked her inside.

  The girls peered around the corner, watching and listening as one of the soldiers told Maggie her husband, Thomas, had been killed and they would do all they could to help her through this difficult time. This was the day Aspen started to spend even more time with all of them, helping Julia and Maggie through the grieving process. They all watched Holt change from the lighthearted young man they knew to the man who picked up the mantle of provider for the family. He never spoke about his father or his death, holding it in as if expressing his feelings meant showing weakness to all of them.

  Beau Knight helped the Lawsons too, taking Holt under his wing and guiding him into a man his daddy would be proud of.

  It had been a few months since the soldiers came, and Aspen decided to spend some time at her own home since things had begun to settle down for the Lawsons. She came home and walked into the kitchen, tossed her bag onto the counter, opened the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of orange juice. This was usually when the old hag would emerge from her hiding place and curse her out for something, but today there was no such luck. Clutching a chair, Aspen slid into the seat and pulled her bag over to grab a book when the sounds of muffled voices echoed through the house. Gotta be from step-monster’s room.

  Aspen knew it wasn’t Helen and her daddy because they’d always slept in separate rooms. So, being the nosy brat she was, she snuck down the hallway to Helen’s room and peeked through a crack between the door frame and the door. What Aspen saw confirmed what she knew all along: Helen was nothing but a money-grubbing bitch, and she needed to go.

  Grabbing the camera that always hung around her neck, Aspen quickly snapped a photo. Now she had what was needed to convince her daddy they didn’t need Helen. Aspen stayed for a moment, trying to see if she could get a better glimpse of the man lying in the bed with the step-hag, but no luck. Whoever he was, he sure did have a lot of tattoos, and from the looks of him he was dangerous. Aspen needed to get out of there, and she needed to go quickly before they saw her. Backing away from the door as quietly as she could, she was within moments of getting away when her foot hit the wrong floorboard, making it creak.

  “Damn it to hell,” she muttered, turning to run down the hallway.

  “What was that? I thought you said we were alone,” the man yelled.

  “I bet it’s that little brat of my husband’s. I need to get rid of that little bitch,” the step-hag replied.

  Aspen got out of there as quickly and quietly as she could before Tattoo Man could see her and hightailed it to her best friend’s house.

  Running up the stairs to the back door, Aspen banged on it but there was no answer. Just her luck—Jules wasn’t home. Turning, she went toward the garage and froze at the image of a half-naked man in the garden. When she looked closer, it wasn’t just any man. It was a bare-chested Holt, bent over a fence post nailing down a string of barbed wire. Aspen stared at him, unable to take her eyes away.

  The fence around Maggie’s garden had needed repair for quite some time, and her late husband Thomas had always promised he would get it fixed. That day never came. Holt stood for a moment, and Aspen watched as the sweat beaded down his back and into the gap of his jeans. The sweat glistened as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

  “When did he get muscles?” Aspen muttered, trying to catch her breath as she bent down with her hands on her knees, but all she could do was stare at Holt.

  Aspen couldn’t help it—her jaw went slack. Oh…my…I can’t turn away. A deep timbre vibrated down through the soles of her feet as she listened to him singing a Josh Turner tune, “Baby, lock the doors and turn the lights down low.” She must’ve sighed, because Holt turned to face her.

  “Aspen, are you going to keep ogling me, or do you think you can pull yourself away and grab me a drink?”

  Aspen stood still as if the grass had grown over her feet and tightened its grip around her toes. She tried to speak, but all that left her lips was a mangled mess of words that could only be described as pig Latin.

  Holt began to laugh, a deep, rolling, belly whoop the likes of which Aspen hadn’t heard in a long time. She had to smile as she tried to gather herself and pick her chin up off the ground. She wanted to crawl in a hole and hide, but it had been ages since anyone had heard him speak, let alone sing or laugh. At that moment, she realized he didn’t sound like the same Holt she used to know. He had grown up.

  “Okay, how does he do that and when did his voice start sounding like that?” she muttered, trying not to stare at his chest. Aspen grabbed a water bottle from the cooler on the ground near where she stood and tossed it his way. When did he get that hard-chiseled body that seems to beg me to touch it?

  “How did you know I was here?” She smiled, wiping her chin and attempting to hide that she was in complete shock, drool dribbling down her chin.

  “I always know where you are, Aspen.” He grinned, giving her a flirty wink as he wiped the sweat off his brow.

  From that point on, Aspen was never able to view Holt the same way again. He was no longer her best friend’s older brother; he was now her first love. Aspen wanted to confide her feelings to Julia, but he was her brother. Even though they shared everything, Aspen did not know if she could tell Julia about her feelings yet, but maybe someday. Until then, she would have to keep her thou
ghts to herself. Little did she know, that day would be coming sooner than she expected.

  1

  Aspen

  A Year Later

  Julia and Aspen were hanging out on the back deck and Maggie was in the garden when Holt burst through the patio door, announcing news that made them almost fall off their chairs.

  “I did it,” he announced.

  Maggie strolled up the stairs and took a seat. Holt’s face visibly turned white. “What did you do, son?”

  Holt stood a little taller, his chest puffed out just a bit. He appeared to be mentally preparing himself, and it was clear he was not ready to make this announcement to his momma yet. He took a deep breath and blurted it out.

  “Momma, I joined the Army.”

  Maggie immediately burst into tears. She had begged Holt not to follow in his father’s footsteps, but he wouldn’t hear it. That day had finally arrived.

  “Why would you do that? You know how I feel about this, Holt,” Maggie cried, wiping the tears from her eyes.

  “Momma, I know you didn’t want this, but this is something I have to do,” Holt replied, standing his ground.

  “Please, Holt, I’m begging you not to do this. I don’t think I could survive if something ever happened to you.” Maggie stood up and walked toward Holt, who was still attempting to stand up to his mother.

  “Momma, I already signed the papers. I am eighteen now, graduation is in a month, and I have to do what I feel is right,” he replied, wrapping his arms around his mother. “This is right for me, Momma, and I hope you can forgive me one day. I still love you, but I have to do this.”

  It wasn’t long before he was gone. The day Holt shipped off to basic training Aspen’s heart sank, and she felt like it was being ripped from her chest. Aspen watched as he walked down the hallway and through airport security, slowly disappearing from view and from what felt like her life.

  When she received the invite to go to Holt’s graduation, she was half scared and half excited. Will he appear the same? Be the same guy that left, or will he be tougher and more reserved like his father was? Do I look the same? Will he be pleased to see me? I mean, I did get invited by Julia and not Holt himself. All these questions keep echoing inside my head.

  Julia said, “It’s a surprise, Aspen. He is gonna be so surprised, I promise you.”

  Since his graduation was only a few days away, she needed to find something more appropriate to wear besides cowboy boots, a t-shirt, and jeans. Aspen wanted to wear something that was going to knock his socks off.

  When his basic training graduation day finally arrived, she wore a red dress and heels. Aspen knew it would make her stand out, and maybe she’d catch Holt’s eye. She watched him walk across the stage and the smile on his face lit up the room. She found out that day he had changed forever.

  Two Years Later

  Six months after Holt graduated Special Forces training, Maggie, Julia, and Aspen, stood watching as he boarded a plane with the rest of his unit. Their next stop: Afghanistan. Trying to hold back tears as her heart broke, Aspen wanted so badly to go to him and tell him how she felt, but her head kept interrupting her heart. Aspen stood there as if her feet were cemented to the ground. Maggie cried as she watched her only son leave, and Julia grabbed Aspen’s arm and pulled her closer. All she could do was hide her own tears as she stared and blindly waved in hopes Holt could see them.

  As the last man loaded onto the plane, Aspen caught a glimpse of Holt as he waved from a small window in the middle of the plane. Aspen smiled. His smile is one of a kind and his happiness is clear. In a way it makes me feel more at ease. I may not see him for a while, but at least he is happy, and I know I will see him again. He is too ornery to die.

  2

  Holt

  * * *

  4 months Later

  Tarnak Wa Jaldak District, Zabol Province, Southern Afghanistan

  It had been a couple of days since the convoy had been attacked. The entire base was still on high alert, and most were still trying to come to terms with the losses. Several had been taken during the attack—two members of Holt’s squad and a few support personnel. Command had been sending out small squads to search for more survivors, but to no avail.

  Lieutenant Colonel Jasper, the battalion commander, had been cherry-picking men out of the companies to form an elite squad; all those chosen had been specially trained in covert operations. In contrast to the regular search and rescue squads, the special missions squads would go out on longer missions with less sleep. Teams of four soldiers went in forty-eight-hour rotations. These squads were smaller than normal, but the lack of personnel meant this change was necessary. Until they could get more manpower, there was nothing more they could do. All anyone knew was the longer it took and the more time that went by, the more desperate the situation would become for anyone still lost. Time could be the difference between a rescue or recovery mission. Holt and his military working dog partner, Gunner, became part of this newly formed squad.

  Although he was the newbie, Holt had been accepted as one of the team and he felt great being a part of something bigger than himself. His new squad had returned earlier in the day from a search mission and he was ready for some sleep. On most nights when he did get free time, he thought about his father, and if he had felt the same way about the guys in his unit. That usually lead to thoughts about how he wished his dad was around to see him follow in his footsteps.

  He smiled when he thought about the nickname the guys had given him: Shaggy. It was the name his dad had when he was in the Special Forces. Just carrying on the tradition. He made his way back to his room, stopping by the mess tent to grab a cup of coffee before taking full advantage of some much-needed rack time.

  When he eventually got back to his room, he was alone. It was actually a relief; he really didn’t want to deal with anyone except Gunner. After a forty-eight-hour patrol, they were both running on fumes.

  “Let’s go Gunner, time for bed.” Gunner ran for the door at a full sprint, stopping just short of the door frame. He glanced up for approval, then ran to his mat at the foot of Holt’s cot and curled up. Smiling at Gunner’s antics, Holt stepped through the door of their makeshift shelter of plywood and sandbags.

  Grabbing for the cord, he plugged in the light and turned to sit on his cot, almost missing his long-awaited mail. Seizing those few envelopes, he began to flip through, hoping a letter from home, a letter from Aspen, was among the envelopes. It had been so long since he had received anything that it didn’t matter who it was from. All he cared about was that he had envelopes on his bunk, and those were gold. Hell, it could be a notice for jury duty, and he wouldn’t care. It was mail, and mail meant home. Just a simple card could keep him going for days.

  Even in his excitement over receiving mail, Holt sat without peeking at the return addresses and held the few envelopes in his hand, lifting them to his nose and inhaling deeply, taking in the smells of home. His eyes shot open when he detected the one letter sure to make his heart race.

  “Aspen,” he screeched, checking around the room to verify no one heard him shriek and started teasing him for sounding like a woman. Taking out the envelope from between the other two, he didn’t need to look. The scent of her perfume was evident. Gunner cocked his head, staring with an expression of, “Why did you wake me?” Holt snickered to himself, imagining Gunner asking him, “Why did you scream like a girl?”

  “Get on up,” Holt encouraged Gunner, tapping the edge of the cot. The dog quickly jumped up and curled up next to him. Holt stroked the back of Gunner’s neck and down his spine, and the dog rolled over on his back so he could also get belly rubs.

  “Ya know what Gunner, that girl… She writes the best letters. God, I miss the sound of her little twangy voice. She always recognized how to make me feel better, almost as good as you do, boy.” He scratched behind Gunner’s ears, who gave Holt a sigh of contentment in return. “Oh, and the way she can put a comic spin on the comings and
goings of home, it really makes it seem like I am right there. That girl can tell a story with the best of them. Maybe one day you can meet her.”

  Clutching the envelope as if savoring his favorite beer, Holt inhaled the waft of scent escaping the envelope as he slowly opened it. I can see her as she was the last time I saw her. Auburn hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, light freckles dusting her nose, red dress hugging her curves in the right places, and legs… Wow! I didn’t realize her legs were so shapely. Of course, that was the first time I’d seen her in heels. She is the epitome of the girl next door. She waved to me as I boarded the plane to this butthole of a country. She held Momma’s and Julia’s hands as Momma lay her head down on her shoulder. Aspen was the strongest person he knew and, unfortunately for him, she was literally the girl next door and his sister’s best friend. He tried for years to hide his feelings for her, until Julia confronted him right before he left. That was when he finally admitted to himself and to Julia his true feelings for Aspen.

  “Well boy, let’s see what is going on in Aspen’s world now.”

  Dear Holt,

  * * *

  Well, you're already aware Daddy was finally able to file for divorce from the “Evil step-monster.” Yeah, not only does he have the photos I took, but he also caught her doing some creative financing with the farm accounts.

  She also tried to get a loan against the property and forged Daddy’s name on the papers. But Silas down at the bank, you remember him, right? Oh, of course you do! He called Daddy directly and asked if he was having financial troubles. Daddy scratched his head and told him no, not that he was aware of. He had started to do his own financing and kept most of his income in another account that only he had access to, but put me on it in case of emergencies. He had gone through and figured out what it took for the household bills (with my help, of course) and put the household on a budget.