Close to Home

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “Oh wait. I forgot.” She ducked into the miniscule kitchen off the living room and returned with a rectangular plastic container. “I promised Paul muffins and I better deliver.”

  “I still can’t picture you baking,” he said lightly.

  “Let’s just say I’ve picked up some good habits,” Dodie said. “Shall we go?”

  They walked in silence to the car. As Jace held the door open for Dodie, she gave him a wry smile. “Still a gentleman,” she said.

  “My mama taught me well,” he answered, still holding the door as she slipped in with a graceful motion. He gently closed the door behind her, as if afraid to disturb the very tentative nature of the moment.

  Jace had found an old CD of Helen Lennox, and as they drove out of town and into the darkness of the country, her deep, soulful voice filled the silence lying between Dodie and Jace.

  And in that silence he felt a tiny spark of anticipation.

  He leaned forward to look up at the sky. Stars winked back at him and he released his breath on a sigh.

  “I missed this,” he murmured, taking another quick glance upwards. “You can’t see the stars in the city.”

  Dodie leaned forward herself. “We should be able to see Deneb by now. Orion is gone for the summer.”

  “I couldn’t find it the first time you tried to point it out to me—I doubt I could find it now.”

  She gave him a curious glance. The green glow of the dashboard lights lent an eerie quality to her features. But the way her hair hung loose around her face made her feel as if the intervening years had slipped away. Once again they were two country kids, taking a break from the city and their endless studies to look at the stars. Taking a moment to appreciate God’s creation and to marvel at the depth and breadth of it. They had some of their best talks lying on a blanket side by side in some farmer’s field, hands intertwined, looking up at a sky sprinkled with diamonds.

  “Dodie.” He spoke her name softly as he took a breath and a chance. “Do you remember when—”

  “You have to really look out for Paul’s driveway,” Dodie interrupted, turning away from him. “If you don’t know where it is it will sneak up on you. The first time I drove up here, I got so lost. I backtracked a bunch of times, but eventually I found it. Paul never let me forget it. I’m sure he’ll tease me again. He likes to do that. Throw the past in my face.” An awkward silence filled the car when Dodie finally stopped babbling. She kept her face straight ahead and clasped her hands tightly on her lap.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. Why had she been going on about directions and Paul?

  “Yeah. I’m fine. Just want to make sure you don’t get lost.”

  Paul’s place was a good fifteen minutes away yet, but as Jace caught another glimpse of her tightly pressed lips and rigid jaw, he guessed something else was going on.

  Frustration grabbed him with a tight fist. Every overture he made toward her she blatantly ignored.

  It was as if she seemed eager to remind him at every turn that the past was behind them.

  He shouldn’t have asked to come along on this drive. If he was honest, seeing Helen was simply an excuse to spend time with Dodie in a casual situation.

  He was obviously wasting his time.

  “Turn up ahead,” Dodie said, pointing.

  Jace peered into the area lit up by his lights, but all he could see was tall, dry grass.

  “Slow down. You’ll see it.”

  Jace did as he was told, and as he looked he saw a dirt trail leading off the road.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I told you it was hard to find.”

  Jace turned onto the trail, and soon they were swallowed up by the trees looming above them. The lights of his vehicle wavered as he bounced over the track.

  A few minutes later, the trees fell away, and ahead of them Jace could see rectangles of golden light shimmering from a log building in a small clearing directly ahead. A pair of dogs bounded down the driveway, darting in and out of the lights of his vehicle.

  “Don’t worry about the dogs,” Dodie said, as Jace hit the brakes. “They’re pretty vehicle-savvy.”

  Jace pulled up beside a fairly new pickup truck and cut the engine. “So, I’m guessing this is the right place.”

  “Of course,” Dodie said, slipping her purse over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”

  He let the comment slide as he got out himself and followed her up the walk. A light flicked on outside and the large wooden door of the log house opened. Paul stood in the doorway, the light inside the house casting him in silhouette. The dogs jumped around him but stayed away from Dodie and Jace.

  “Come in, come in.” Paul beckoned. “Just ignore the dogs. They’ll settle down once they realize you’re not going to feed them.” He gave them a huge smile and took Jace’s jacket as they stepped inside. “So, welcome to my home.”

  Jace’s first impression was of light and warmth as he followed Dodie and Paul down the narrow hall into the house. The scent of cinnamon vied with the smell of wood burning in the squat black stove directly ahead of them.

  To the right he caught a glimpse of wooden kitchen cabinets and a large oak table with chairs pushed around it.

  Ahead and to the left lay the large living room. A leather couch and love seat faced each other. From an overstuffed recliner a tall, lithe woman raised herself and glided over to join Paul. In spite of the plaid, oversize shirt, fitted blue jeans and bare feet, she exuded grace and dignity. Her blond hair, now tinged with gray, was loosely tied back from a face devoid of makeup. A simple pair of earrings glinted from her earlobes.

  Diamonds, Jace guessed.

  “Honey, this is Dodie, the girl I was telling you all about,” Paul said, putting his hand on Dodie’s shoulder. “And this is Jace.”

  “Welcome, both of you. Good to have you here.”

  Jace tried not to feel dumbstruck. The face smiling at him was one he’d seen only on album covers and on the television screen when she deigned to do the occasional special. The voice was one he’d listened to many times. To imagine that he’d ever meet her out here in Riverbend seemed surreal.

  “Dodie, I know you drink hot chocolate,” Paul said, as he took the container of muffins Dodie had brought along. “Jace, what will you have? Coffee? Tea?”

  “Coffee sounds great. Black, please.”

  “You all go settle in the living room and I’ll be right back. Helen, you want anything?”

  “I’ll have the same as Dodie,” she said, then turned and led the way to the living room.

  “Paul tells me you’re collecting for the fundraiser,” Helen said, as she sank into a large, overstuffed recliner with her trademark grace.

  Dodie nodded, looking as starstruck as Jace felt. A crack in her flippant facade. “We both are,” she said, sitting at one end of the leather couch. Jace chose the opposite end of the couch and tried to relax.

  “So tell me about this fundraiser,” Helen said. With her hands casually perched on the armrests she looked, for all the world, like some regal monarch on vacation. “What’s the cause?”

  Jace glanced at Dodie, then realized she was expecting him to speak.

  “Riverbend hopes to establish a building dedicated to crisis counseling,” he said, struggling to act normal. “Currently the town’s crisis counseling service shares office space, which isn’t conducive to the privacy of their clients. Plus, they would like to expand and hire a few more counselors.”

  “That sounds like they would need ongoing funding rather than a one-shot fundraiser,” Helen mused.

  “The center has the funding in place from the government in partnership with the town for the ongoing operations,” Jace said, warming to the subject. “They just don’t have the proper facility. Depending on how well the fundraiser does, we would also hope to set up a foundation for donations that would help maintain the day-to-day running of the Center.” He exhaled slowly. “And we’d like to make the fundraiser an an
nual thing to supplement any funding the foundation would get from the government and private donations.”

  Helen nodded and granted Jace a warm smile. “Sounds like you’re well informed.” She turned to Dodie. “And what’s your role in this venture?”

  “I’m collecting donations for the auction.” She shot Jace a challenging look. “Actually, Jace and I are having a little contest to see who gets the most.”

  “Who’s winning?” Helen asked, with a touch of humor.

  Dodie shrugged and looked away again. “We won’t know until it’s over.”

  “Here’s our refreshments,” Paul announced, entering the room bearing a tray. He passed them around and then sat down in his rocker. “So, what did I miss?”

  “Jace was telling me about the fundraiser,” Helen said, taking a delicate sip of her hot chocolate.

  “So what did you need to talk to me about, Jace?” Paul asked. His chair creaked as he rocked back and forth.

  “We wanted to see if you would be willing to sing at the fundraiser.”

  Paul nodded his head slowly, as if considering. “Why?”

  Jace glanced at Dodie, wondering if she would participate, but she was blowing into her hot chocolate, her eyes lowered.

  “You’re known in the community, enjoyed and appreciated,” Jace said, repeating what he’d been told. He cradled the ceramic coffee cup in his hands. “The organizers thought it would be a unique touch if you did what you do at the farmer’s market. Walk around and serenade the people attending.”

  Paul nodded. “Do you have other entertainment?”

  “Not really. We’ve got a speaker booked and the auction and you.”

  “Sounds a bit thin.”

  Jace shrugged. He had thought so, too, but the organizers were concerned the evening would go too long if they added anything else. “That’s where you come in.”

  Paul waved his hands. “What you should do is get Helen here to sing.”

  Jace hardly dared let his eyes meet Helen’s for fear she might think that was exactly what he was up to. “Well…she’s retired…and we don’t want to intrude…” He scrambled to find a polite way to acknowledge the request yet let Helen know they didn’t want to take advantage of her. He blamed his lapse on still trying to absorb the fact that he was sitting close to the actual Helen Lennox herself. He pulled himself together and tried again. “My purpose this evening is to speak with you.”

  Paul frowned. “Helen hasn’t retired. She’s just taking a break. And she’s a great singer. She’s released dozens of albums.”

  Helen leaned over and rested one slender hand on Paul’s arm, interrupting his defense of her. “I think what Mr. Scholte is trying to say is he doesn’t want to impose on his relationship with you.”

  She turned back to Jace. “This crisis center. Exactly what kind of counseling do they do?”

  Jace thought back to the material he had been given and studied. He was about to explain when Dodie spoke up.

  “Spousal abuse. Rape victims. Victims of other crimes,” she answered. “The kinds of situations requiring intervention and cooperation with police yet also maintaining privacy, discretion and often protection for the victim.”

  Jace stared at her. He didn’t think she knew anything about the center. And then his mind ticked back to the books he found on her table and her desk. A tiny glimpse into another part of her life.

  She was an enigma.

  Helen asked another question. Dodie answered. Paul interjected from time to time, but Jace sat back, watching Dodie, more than happy to let her speak for a change.

  She was leaning back, her hands gripping the coffee mug, an unfamiliar glint in her eye, a surprising hardness to her features. Where had that come from? What did it mean?

  The talk moved from the center to Riverbend. Helen asked Dodie about the town and the people.

  “It’s a great place to live,” Dodie replied. “I moved away for a while, but the city didn’t appeal to me. Too many people…too many bad memories.”

  Her words, spoken in an icy tone, were like a splash of cold water to Jace. He was a part of those memories.

  He could only guess that the bad memories were connected to her sudden disappearance. But what could they be, and why had she never told him?

  He tried to catch her eye, hoping he could get even a tiny glimpse into the past.

  But she avoided his gaze.

  He couldn’t sit here anymore. Helen or no, he had to get out.

  “Excuse me,” he murmured as he got up.

  He didn’t know where his jacket was and didn’t care. He stepped outside, shivering. Winter was gone, but chill remnants still lingered in the night air.

  The dogs got up, tongues lolling, happy for the diversion. Jace gave them absent pats on their heads then shoved his hands in his pockets. He trudged down the driveway, the dogs’ exuberance a stark counterpoint to his own funk.

  He got as far as his car, away from the light of the house. He leaned against the hood and stared up into the inky blackness spangled with stars. He thought of Dodie’s astronomy lessons and found the North Star. From there, he traced the Big Dipper, then found the Little Dipper. Just like Dodie had taught him.

  Stop thinking about her, he told himself. She doesn’t seem to want to think about you.

  He reached back for other memories that didn’t contain her essence, and the words of a Psalm drifted into his mind.

  “When I consider the heavens,” he murmured, “the moon and the stars which you have ordained…”

  Jace let the last words come out on a sigh. He couldn’t remember the rest.

  Forgive me, Lord, he prayed, guilt sifting past the words he tried to dredge from his past. Forgive me for not spending the time I should with You.

  But even as he prayed, he felt his attention being drawn, against his will, back to the woman in the house. The woman he couldn’t forget. The woman who had just implied that her time with him held bad memories for her.

  He slammed his hand against the hood of the car.

  Why couldn’t he let go? Why did he insist on hanging on? On trying to figure her out?

  She hadn’t let him in previously…she certainly wasn’t about to let him in now.

  He drew in a long, slow breath and kept his eyes on the stars. He just had to stick around Riverbend a little longer, he thought. Then he could go back to Edmonton. Back to his own law practice and business. Back to the long hours and the endless jockeying for position.

  Well, that was the way it was. If he wanted to make something of himself and get ahead, that’s what it would take.

  Besides, he owed it to Carson, who had helped him out in so many ways. Carson was the one who had helped pay his tuition, and Carson was the one who was there when Dodie left, offering his support and encouragement.

  “You okay out here?” Paul called out as he approached Jace.

  “Yeah. I’m okay.” Jace pushed himself away from the car and turned to face Paul, who was holding his coat.

  “I thought you might want this.”

  “Thanks.” Jace slipped the coat on and shivered a bit. “It’s cooler out than I’d realized.”

  “Thought I would join you. Let the women have some time to gab.” Paul leaned against Jace’s car, his arms folded over his chest, looking as if settling in for a chat. “Peaceful out here, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I missed this—living in the city.”

  “I couldn’t live there. Being here, away from people, away from noise and expectations, keeps me sane.” He gave Jace a quick smile.

  Jace didn’t reply, sensing none was needed. For a moment they stood side by side, silence surrounding them save for the occasional howl of a coyote shivering into the night.

  “Helen and Dodie seem to be hitting it off,” Paul said, finally. “I’m glad. Helen could use some company.”

  “How does Helen like living out here?” Jace let loose one of the easier questions that had been spinning around his mind. />
  “She likes the quiet and the privacy.” Paul sighed and looked up at the stars, as well. “She’s had a tough go the past few years. Lots of pain. I think she’s healing now.”

  His ambiguous reply only created more questions, but Jace wanted to respect Helen and Paul’s privacy. He was only a figure passing through their lives. He had no right to intrude.

  “She’s a bit like Dodie,” Paul continued, his voice thoughtful. “That’s why I thought I would come out here. Let them talk a bit in private.”

  “How is she like Dodie?”

  Paul turned to Jace. “You and Dodie used to date, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. How did you know?”

  “Well, this is Riverbend. Your secret is my secret and all that.” Paul’s eyes flashed in the darkness. “You’re not the one who hurt her, are you?”

  Was it his imagination, or did he catch the faintest hint of aggression in the soft-spoken man’s voice?

  Jace sighed. “I don’t think so…but I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

  “One day we were dating, everything was fine. I had no idea anything was wrong. Then, the next day, I try to call her and she’s gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “Gone. Not at home. Not at school. A day later, I’m panicking, thinking something horrible happened. I’m about to round up a couple of friends to go looking for her, when her mom calls me. She tells me Dodie’s in London.” Jace lifted his hands in a gesture of frustration as his words spilled out of a place long kept repressed. “I didn’t even know she knew anyone in London. And what was she doing there anyway?”

  “Did you try to go after her?”

  “I would have, except I didn’t have a lot of money, so I tried to call her. Write her. Sent messages via her sister, Janie and her parents. But she didn’t answer my calls, she didn’t write. Nothing.” He pressed his lips against the unexpected anger. He pulled in a steadying breath, reaching for calm. “So, yeah. I tried.”

  “How long did she stay away?”

  “A year and a month. Then she came back here to Riverbend. But didn’t contact me at all.”