Tessa Ever After

by Brighton Walsh

  “I’m not sure. John knows how much I want to be back here, so if I’m ready for it, I can’t imagine he’d give it to anyone else. I just have to bust my ass to show him I can handle it.”

  “That’s amazing. Are you glad you did this now?”

  “Hell, yeah. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, but I can’t ever regret it, even if I have to be away from you guys.”

  “We’re doing okay.”

  He gives me a look, the one that says he thinks I’m full of shit.

  “We’re doing okay, the Jason situation notwithstanding.”

  “Does this mean you’re back to the online douche bags? Gonna call up that dentist again?”

  I roll my eyes and take another sip of wine. “He was an orthodontist, and no.” I shrug and lean back in my chair. “I’m fine with it being just me and Haley for now. I was so set on finding something I thought I wanted to get my happily ever after, and it blew up in my face. I’m not going to push anything anymore—I did it first with a guy I felt nothing for and then with a guy I knew better than to get involved with.” What I don’t say, though, is that I still yearn for that—for a connection like I had with Jason, but with a guy there for the long haul, ready to stick it out with me. I know I’m young, but my life doesn’t lend itself to quick hookups and shallow relationships.

  And my heart never lent itself to that.

  jason

  I shove pizza boxes and beer bottles out of the way, looking for my ringing phone. I don’t even know what day it is. Monday, Tuesday? Christmas or New Year’s? Without class to fill my schedule and my parents, for once, leaving me the hell alone, I’ve been able to just . . . be. I’ve been able to play Halo for five hours at a time, order in pizza and Chinese, and drink beer at noon if I want. No one to talk to, no one to answer to, no one to consider but myself.

  It’s been just fucking peachy.

  I find my phone just as the ringing cuts off, but it starts right back up again, Adam’s name lighting up the screen. Falling back to the couch, I answer, “Yeah.”

  “Jesus Christ, Jase, what the hell did you do?”

  “Gonna have to narrow it down, man,” I say, even though I know exactly why he’s calling. And it looks like my time’s up with my other best friend, because if Adam got wind of it, Cade’s not far behind.

  “I thought she wasn’t just a piece of ass for you.”

  A hundred retorts come to me, sitting on the tip of my tongue, but really what can I say? She wasn’t just a piece of ass to me, and that’s the exact reason I’m not with her right now. Because she meant—means—so much more.

  When I don’t respond, he says, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I had to find out from Cade—who’s on his way to kick your ass, by the way. If my plane got in tonight instead of tomorrow, I would, too.”

  “Yeah, well, I’ve kicked my own ass, so your services aren’t needed.”

  “Seriously, man, what the fuck?”

  I blow out a deep breath and close my eyes, dropping my head to the back of the couch. “It just didn’t work out.”

  He snorts on the other end of the line. “Yeah, not buying it. And Cade’s not gonna buy that bullshit, either.”

  “I’ll worry about that when he gets here. How’d he sound?”

  “Like he’s ready to rip your balls off and feed them to you. And I couldn’t even give you a buffer because I knew jack about it.”

  I grunt in acknowledgment, knowing I don’t deserve a buffer. Whatever Cade sends my way, I have it coming, tenfold.

  “Assuming you’re still walking tomorrow, let’s grab a beer. I’ll be there till the twenty-eighth,” he says.

  “Yeah, sounds good.” There’s a pounding at my front door loud enough to wake everyone within a three-block vicinity, and I mumble, “Fuck.”

  “Time’s up, huh? Good luck with the beast.” And then the line’s dead.

  I groan, rubbing a hand over my face and dropping my phone to the couch next to me. I am not nearly drunk enough to have this conversation with Cade.

  With a sigh of resignation, I heave myself off the couch and walk to the door, opening it to my red-faced best friend. “Cade, what a pleasant surprise,” I say dryly.

  He breezes past me, giving me a sharp look as he continues down the hallway and around the corner. When I get to the living room, I find him standing with his arms crossed, looking at the piles of takeout and garbage lying around. “What the hell is all this?”

  “Lunch. And dinner. And probably breakfast. Hungry?” I ask as I fall back to the couch, grabbing the game controller from next to me as I prop my feet up on the coffee table.

  Cade stalks over and kicks my feet down, towering over me with a glare on his face. “Tessa’s been tight-lipped about whatever went down, and I’m taking it from her. I’m not going to take it from you.”

  “Don’t have much of a choice, seeing as I’m not telling you shit.” I try to ignore him and go back to playing my game, knowing I’m being an epic asshole, especially considering this is the first time I’ve seen him in six months, but I can’t even bring myself to care.

  “Jesus Christ, Jase, what the fuck’s going on? I thought I’d come over here and find you with two girls in your bed and really have to kick your ass. Instead, I find you looking like you haven’t showered in a week.”

  “Yeah, well . . .” I say with a shrug, avoiding his eyes.

  “I don’t get it. If you didn’t break it off to get with another girl, what’s the deal? I know Tessa didn’t end it, because she’s not doing much better than you are.”

  The mention of her name is like a punch to the neck, and I’m left struggling for air. “Tessa’s doing a hell of a lot better now,” I mumble.

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

  Blowing out a breath, I lean forward and brace my elbows on my knees. “Look, you were right, okay? She’s better off without me. And she’s sure as hell better without all the family bullshit that’s always going to follow me.”

  He stares at me for a minute, then shakes his head. “If you actually believe that, you’re even more of an idiot than I originally thought. Shit, man, did you even listen to yourself?”

  “I’ve done nothing but listen to myself for the last week. That’s why I’m still sitting here and not at her door. It’s for the best.”

  “Yeah? The best for who, exactly? Because from where I’m sitting, you’re both miserable.”

  “She’ll be a hell of a lot more miserable if she gets dragged into the bullshit I have to deal with every day from my family.”

  “You know what? I’m so sick of hearing about your goddamn family. You don’t want them to run your life? Don’t let them. Cut the fucking cord already and grow up.”

  “You think it’s just that easy? There’s no compromise with them—it’s all or nothing.”

  “So you’d rather have it be all with them and nothing with Tessa instead of the other way around? And what about Haley? She keeps asking about you every five fucking minutes.”

  At the mention of Haley, I snap my head to him and take every ounce of frustration he’s pouring my way.

  He nods. “Yep. Four times just since Winter and I got here.”

  “Shit.” I scrub a hand over my face. “Hey, can you . . . I mean, I got her a Christmas gift. Can you give it to her?”

  “You want her to have it? Stop being a pussy and give it to her yourself.” He steps a little closer and towers over me. “What are you going to do when Tessa puts up that fucking online profile again? When she goes out with another orthodontist or a lawyer or some other boring-as-hell guy because she thinks that’s what she needs?”

  And just like always, the thought shoots ice through my veins. It’s the same thing that’s been on repeat in my mind since I let Tessa walk away—someone filling the place I didn’t have long enough. Someone watching sappy chick movies with Tessa or playing in the snow with Haley. Going on Saturday-morning donut runs before spend
ing the day in bed watching cartoons.

  And I hate it. I hate every fucking second of it, but I don’t want them to be a pawn for whatever game my parents are playing at that particular point in time.

  “It’s not that easy, Cade.”

  “Make it that easy. Whatever happened . . . whatever made you end this thing with Tess, it’s not unfixable.” He turns and walks away, saying over his shoulder, “Pull your head out of your ass and man the fuck up.”

  THIRTY-ONE

  tessa

  “All right, bitches, let’s get this party started,” Paige says as she walks into my bedroom, where Winter sits on my bed, waiting as I try to find something to wear.

  “Can’t we just stay home?” I ask, turning around to look at her.

  “What are you, eighty?” Paige pushes me out of the way while she riffles through my clothes. “We are going to go party. We are going to live it up. We,” she says as she spins toward me, pointing her finger in my direction, “are going to get you drunk.” She turns back around and grabs a few things from my closet before shoving them at me. “Wear that. Your hair looks fabulous, as always. But I need to do something with your makeup situation, because this haggard look you’ve got going on is not working.”

  I heave a sigh and toss Winter a pleading glance. She holds up her hands and shakes her head. “Don’t look at me. She’s your best friend. This is why I’ve stayed away from friends most of my life.”

  “Well, you’re stuck with us now,” Paige says as she plops down on the bed while I change into the clothes she pulled out for me. Low-rise jeans and a fitted, open-back long-sleeved shirt. Demure from the front, sexy hellcat from the back. Not exactly the look I’m going for. An oversize sweatshirt and ratty leggings would be a more accurate reflection of my mood.

  In truth, though, I could use this night out with them, especially since Cade and Winter leave to go back home tomorrow. The last couple weeks, even with all the excitement of Christmas having come and gone, have been rough. I thought with everything going on that I’d get a reprieve from the constant barrage of Jason-related thoughts. So far, the only time I get a moment’s peace is when Haley is there distracting me, and even that’s a slippery slope, because she hasn’t stopped asking about him.

  “Nope,” Paige says, cutting me off from my thoughts. “You’re doing it again. No thinking about He Who Shall Not Be Named. That’s not allowed tonight. Now hurry up, we have shots to do.”

  Paige pushes me in the direction of the bathroom once I’m changed and goes to work on my makeup while I sit dutifully and let her, hoping all the while she’s right. That I’ll get some much-needed oblivion courtesy of an alcohol-induced haze.

  • • •

  “PAIGE REALLY LOVES this stuff, huh?” Winter asks from the high table we managed to score, looking toward where Paige is dancing among a sea of guys.

  “Yeah,” I say with a sigh. My cosmo isn’t working as fast as I’d like it to, and I’m entirely too coherent for my liking. This whole Get Tessa Drunk plan isn’t working for shit.

  “Cade didn’t really tell me much about the whole Jason thing . . .”

  “That’s because he doesn’t know what happened.” I take a long pull of my drink. “And I doubt Jason said anything when Cade went over there the other day.” When I found out Cade actually went to Jason’s to talk to him, I was livid. I reamed Cade up one side and down the other for interfering. The thing that got to me the most was thinking whatever Jason and I had would get in the way of his and Cade’s friendship, and despite how heartbroken I am, I don’t want their relationship damaged because of it.

  “He didn’t,” she confirms. “Cade’s just worried about you. And he’ll never tell you that.”

  “I’m surprised you’re telling me that.”

  She looks at me over the rim of her water glass—designated driver, thank God. “Yeah, me, too. But when it’s important to Cade, it’s important to me.” She shifts in her seat and leans toward me a little more, making it easier to hear her over the thumping bass in the club. “He was livid at first, when he found out you guys were hooking up.”

  I cringe at that term, knowing now that’s all it was to Jason when it was never, ever that for me.

  She notices my reaction and waves a hand. “When you guys got together . . . whatever. He was pissed, because he didn’t want you to get hurt. And, come on, even I knew about how Jason was with girls.”

  I nod, because I know how he was with girls, too. Everyone does. And I should’ve listened to that voice in my head that urged me against doing anything with him. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t be sitting in a club I don’t want to be in, nursing my broken heart over a nearly empty martini glass.

  “Anyway, after a while, he came around.” My head snaps up, eyes locking on hers as she nods. “Yeah. It was hard as hell to get him to stop being so fucking overprotective and really consider Jason as someone for you and Haley. And when he did? When he finally put aside his big-brother bullshit and thought about who would be the right fit for you and her? Well, he settled down.”

  “I don’t get it . . . He’s been like a caged lion the last few days, ready to rip Jason’s head off. If he’s so cool with us being together, he wouldn’t be set on that.”

  “He wants to pull Jason’s head out of his ass, not rip it off. Look, we don’t know what happened, but something went down, and from what Cade told me, it’s not any other girls.”

  I snort, not believing it for a minute. It’s been weeks since our blowout. Jason’s probably made the rounds five times by now. The thought sends a stab of pain to my stomach, the alcohol I’ve ingested threatening to revolt. So I do what any sane person in my position would—I chug the rest of the liquid in my glass and order another when the waitress passes by.

  “Look, Tessa, I don’t know if you know everything that happened with me and Cade . . .”

  Shaking my head, I say, “Nope. He never told me anything.”

  “Yeah, well, I was Jason in that scenario. I had my head up my ass. I loved Cade, but I didn’t think it was enough.” She stares into her glass before she asks quietly, “Do you love Jason?”

  Do I love him? More than my next breath. I love his quiet but steady presence at night after Haley’s in bed and the house is silent and still. I love when he grumbles about drinking wine with me because it’s a girlie drink but does it anyway because I ask him to. I love when he lets me sleep in and takes my little girl on a donut run, then plays with her for hours in the snow. When he plays dress-up and has tea parties and grumbles only a little when she wants to try out her bright pink nail polish on his toes. I love how he made me feel alive, made me feel like so much more than just a mom, how he made me feel like myself.

  I swipe at the tears in my eyes before I look back up at Winter, echoing what she said. “Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

  She pauses for a minute, then shakes her head. “It’s everything, Tessa. Just give him a chance . . .”

  I snort and gratefully accept the refilled drink the waitress sets in front of me, taking a long swallow. Give him a chance to what? Because from where I’m sitting, alone at a club and getting drunk just to forget him, there’s no one around to give a chance to.

  THIRTY-TWO

  jason

  Cade’s words have haunted me for the last several days, spinning over and over in my mind until they’re all I can hear. You’d rather have it be all with them and nothing with Tessa instead of the other way around?

  Why didn’t I ever think of it like that before? This whole time I was ready to give up something that made me happy, someone who made me happy, to spend my life being nothing more than a puppet for two people who don’t give a shit about me. It took too long for me to get here, but I finally am. I don’t know what the future is going to bring, what kind of life I’ll lead, but I don’t care. As long as I have Tessa and Haley with me, I don’t care, because they’re all that matters. They’re exactly the kind of family my grandpa always told
me was out there . . . the kind he always told me meant everything. The kind he warned me not to turn my back on. He wasn’t ever talking about my parents . . . He was telling me I could find it for myself, if I only looked.

  I found it . . . found them . . . and I almost let it slip right through my fingers.

  I pull my car into the circular drive, stopping in front of the valet my parents hired. The party is already well under way, no other cars coming in behind me, so I pocket my keys and tell the guy I’ll be right back. What I have in mind isn’t going to take very long.

  I make my way into my parents’ house, taking satisfaction in the looks thrown my way when my parents’ snooty colleagues and acquaintances notice my less-than-black-tie attire. I probably should’ve waited for a more opportune time. Should’ve come by when there weren’t three hundred witnesses, but I never was one for doing what’s expected of me, what’s appropriate.

  I twist my way through the throngs of people, looking for my parents. Finally, I find them by the fireplace, drinks in hand, fake smiles plastered on their faces, and thank fuck this isn’t going to be my life anymore.

  My mom is the first to notice me when I’m a few feet away, a gasp leaving her lips as her eyes grow wide. She grips my father by his forearm, and he turns to take me in, his eyes hardening.

  “Jason,” he says, his voice as hard as stone. “We’ve let everyone know you weren’t feeling well. No need to put in face time. Everyone understands.” The men and women standing around my parents shoot glances my way, obviously taking in my appearance—jeans and a hoodie don’t exactly scream couture.

  “Not sick, Dad, though I’m sure that was an easier excuse than the truth.”

  “Jason,” my mom says warningly, her eyes darting around to her friends. “Maybe we can talk about this somewhere private?”

  “Actually, I think here is just fine.”

  My father leans closer to me, his voice pitched low, but I know everyone around us still hears. “Take a minute to think about how you’re acting. This isn’t how someone of your status in the company should behave.”