Baby Be Mine

by Paige Toon

  At that point Dana appears at the bottom of the stairs. We both start with surprise and I’m instantly cold again.

  ‘Meg,’ she says. ‘How do you get out the fucking car seat?’

  ‘Can you not swear?’ I say irritably, looking pointedly at Barney.

  ‘Yeah, yeah, apologies, Snow White. Car seat. I can’t pick up my friend because there’s a goddamn car seat in the front.’

  ‘Unbuckle it, then,’ I say.

  ‘What, unbuckle the seat belt?’

  ‘Yes.’ I look at her like she’s dim, because, quite frankly, she clearly is. ‘Unbuckle the seat belt,’ I say slowly, ‘remove it from the back of the car seat, and lift out the car seat. Hey presto.’

  ‘No need to be so fucking patronising about it,’ she snaps, storming out.

  I didn’t even know Lena had fitted a car seat into the Porsche Carrera GT. I remember finding out that Johnny bought the Carrera new a few years ago for almost half a million bucks. If I was going to use a car other than the Panamera, I wouldn’t risk borrowing that one. Dana clearly doesn’t have the same hang-ups.

  I glance at Johnny and raise my eyebrows disapprovingly.

  ‘Okay, okay, I’ll talk to her again,’ he says wearily, getting to his feet.

  ‘That would be helpful,’ I say primly, standing up myself. I follow Johnny up the stairs and suddenly, desperately, wish he’d come with me to bath Barney. My heart sinks as he turns left and goes into his music studio. I go right and head into Barney’s en suite.

  Bloody Dana, I think to myself as I turn on the taps in the huge bathtub. I don’t know why she couldn’t just take something else. There are enough cars in the garage to choose from. I don’t like the thought of her taking the Panamera, though. She wouldn’t, in any case. Not attention-grabbing enough. I bet the silly cow loves it when the paparazzi snap her in Johnny’s cars . . .

  Realisation hits me. Jesus! The paps could have snapped Barney and me in one of Johnny’s regular cars! They could have put two and two together and then our secret would have been out. Damn, that was close. I’m glad I realised in time. The Panamera is new. Nobody has linked it to Johnny because he never drives it. It even has a fairly indiscriminate number plate. Still wide-eyed with relief, I get up and go to the top of the stairs, just in time to catch Lena leaving for the weekend.

  ‘We nearly had a close shave,’ I call down to her.

  ‘What?’ she asks with alarm.

  ‘I can’t drive any of Johnny’s other cars.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘The press might spot us and find out about Barney!’

  ‘Oh.’ She looks down and adjusts her bag on her shoulder. ‘Well, you know the Panamera is booked into the garage tomorrow . . .’

  ‘No? I didn’t know that.’

  ‘That light on the dash. I thought we should get it checked out.’

  ‘Oh, right. Yes, I guess we should.’ Bummer. I was planning on going to see Kitty.

  ‘I installed the spare car seat in the Carrera so you’d still have wheels,’ she explains, telling me what I already know.

  ‘Yeah, Dana took it out so she could pick up her friend,’ I tell her with a wry smile.

  ‘Did she?’ She frowns. ‘Couldn’t she use the 911 or one of the others instead?’

  I shrug and Lena surreptitiously rolls her eyes before nodding towards the door.

  ‘See ya,’ I say.

  ‘Have a good one,’ she replies.

  I smile and go back into Barney’s bedroom. It’s the first time I’ve seen Lena openly diss Dana since we arrived. She’s usually so professional. I’m pleased, though. It’s nice to have some solidarity on that point.

  Chapter 36

  I call Bess the next morning, when it’s Saturday evening in the UK. I couldn’t call her the night before because of the time difference, but I desperately want a friend to help me dissect my date with Joseph, and only Bess will do.

  ‘How are you?’ I ask warmly.

  ‘Oh, not so good,’ she replies.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I lost my job yesterday.’

  ‘Oh, Bess, I’m so sorry. What happened?’

  ‘Cutbacks. They’re closing the London office. Half of us lost our jobs, the other half are being relocated.’

  ‘That sucks.’

  ‘You’re telling me.’ Poor Bess, she sounds defeated.

  ‘What are you going to do now?’

  ‘I don’t know. Look for another job, I guess. But I don’t know who’s going to want to employ a fat, ugly marketing manager.’

  ‘Bess!’ I exclaim. ‘You’re not fat or ugly! I don’t want to hear you talking about yourself like that.’

  ‘I’ve just had a rubbish couple of days,’ she replies flatly.

  ‘What can I do to cheer you up?’ I ask, although I have absolutely no desire to tell her about the shiny new premiere I went to and the sexy man I met.

  ‘Fly me out to LA?’ she jokes.

  My heart jumps. ‘I could,’ I say.

  ‘I was joking,’ she replies.

  ‘But I could!’ I sit up on my bed, my head tingling with excitement. ‘Bess, why don’t you come over? You could come this weekend!’ I cry. ‘You could literally get on a flight tomorrow and come and stay with me!’ I’m getting totally carried away by this idea.

  She doesn’t speak, then she says, ‘I can’t afford it.’

  ‘I’ll pay for you, you ninny!’ I scoff. ‘Well, Johnny will. You know he gave me a credit card with no limit?’

  ‘Get out of here,’ she says with disbelief.

  ‘I’m serious! I haven’t used it yet. But he won’t care! He’ll be pleased I’ve got someone to take my mind off the sexy kung-fu actor I met the other night.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ she says and I know her face has broken into the biggest grin.

  ‘I’ll tell you all about it. Tomorrow. In person.’

  She cracks up laughing and I know I’ve sold it to her. We both start to scream with hysterics, and when we’ve calmed down I take the phone with me to the office and together we check out her flight options.

  I’m still buzzing with excitement two days later when Davey takes Barney and me to collect Bess from the airport. In the end we had to settle for Monday, because it was already Saturday evening for Bess when we talked and she thought she could do with Sunday to pack – and get a bikini wax, she told me with a giggle.

  Johnny spent all of Saturday and Sunday morning with Dana, so I had to wait until the afternoon to reveal my plans. As predicted, he was cool with the idea. He’s never met Bess, to her dismay. She’s been dying to meet him for three years – no, longer than that. She’s been dying to meet him ever since he became famous. When I worked for Johnny the thought of her meeting him used to slightly terrify me. I was shamefully embarrassed by the idea, but now I don’t care. Now he’s just Johnny. Bring it on.

  Bess and I are still chattering away animatedly when Davey pulls up at the gates. He’s hardly been able to get a word in, which is odd for him, but he’s smiled the entire time. He’s never seen me so completely and utterly beside myself.

  ‘Oh, wow,’ Bess exclaims as the house appears in front of us.

  I watch her with delight, remembering how I felt when I first came here. It’s so nice to witness someone else’s thrill. I can’t wait until she sees the outside view.

  ‘Wow!’ she says five minutes later, from the terrace. She’s jiggling Barney in her arms and her eyes are wide with amazement as we look down at the LA skyline. ‘No wonder you found it hard to leave last time.’

  ‘The view wasn’t what was keeping me here.’

  ‘No, I know.’ She puts her hand on my arm and meets my eyes. ‘How’s it all going with him?’

  ‘Alright,’ I reply, looking away.

  ‘Meg . . .’

  ‘No, it’s okay.’ I look back at her. ‘I don’t like Dana,’ I admit.

  ‘Hardly surprising,’ she scoffs, smiling down at Barney. �
��Silly moo.’

  ‘You can’t be rude to her,’ I warn.

  ‘As if! Don’t worry about me. I’ll be nice as pie.’

  ‘Don’t be too nice,’ I say with a laugh.

  ‘Where is Johnny?’ she asks as Barney wriggles in her arms and points to the ground. She puts him down and he wanders over to the sandpit that Lena organised last week.

  ‘He’s asleep,’ I tell Bess, and her eyes light up, almost as if she weren’t expecting him to be here. ‘This is far too early for him,’ I add. ‘Are you excited about meeting him?’ I grin, knowingly.

  ‘Nah,’ she replies indifferently, before jumping up and down on the spot, her face stretched into the biggest, craziest, most ridiculous smile I’ve ever seen. I burst into laughter and her expression reverts back to deadpan. ‘Not in the least bit bothered,’ she adds casually as I laugh harder.

  Bess and I have been friends since secondary school. Even though she went to university in Bristol and I went to Nottingham, we never lost touch or drifted apart. The only dodgy time in our history of friendship was when I first came to work for Johnny. I found myself unable to confide in her – partly because of my confidentiality clause and partly because I felt like her new flatmate, Serena, had replaced me, but mostly because I was going through the strangest, most exhilarating, out-of-this-world time of my life and it was impossible to convey these emotions to someone who wasn’t already along for the ride. But we got through it. I decided I’d rather get sued for breach of contract than lose my best friend, so I opened up my heart and told her everything.

  She doesn’t even see Serena anymore. One of those flash-in-the-pan friendships in the end. Can’t say I mind much.

  Bess grins at me. ‘So what are we doing for the next two weeks?’

  ‘Whatever you like. Sunbathing—’

  ‘Is it hot enough?’ she interrupts.

  ‘It was twenty-two degrees yesterday.’

  ‘No shit? Wow.’

  ‘Shopping—’

  ‘Can’t afford it.’

  ‘I don’t know, then . . . seeing the sights, we could go for a drive to check out the Hollywood sign, maybe go to a showcase or a premiere or something.’ I really do need to get onto a babysitting agency. ‘Today our new cook starts,’ I add.

  ‘Ooh, I’ve definitely arrived at the right time, then.’

  ‘Absolutely. He’s pretty cute, too.’

  ‘He? Cute? Fab.’

  ‘I’d also love you to meet Kitty.’

  ‘Yeah, that would be great,’ she says.

  ‘And I guess we’ll just hang out a bit and soak up the atmosphere. God, it’s so great to have a friend here to share all this with.’

  ‘Thank Christ I got fired, eh?’ She nudges me.

  ‘You didn’t get fired; you got made redundant,’ I point out.

  ‘Who gives a shit right now? I mean, really . . .’

  We both giggle. ‘Want to see inside?’

  ‘Hell, yeah.’

  ‘Come on, Barney . . .’ I lift him out of the sandpit and dust him off.

  Eddie arrives just as we’re finishing the tour and I have to remind myself not to step on Lena’s toes. Because I played a part in hiring him, it feels strange to not be the one to show him around and settle him in, but it’s Lena’s job to do that, not mine. So Bess and I introduce ourselves and go back outside to the terrace.

  ‘What time does Johnny wake up?’ Bess asks.

  ‘Unusual for him to emerge before eleven,’ I reveal.

  She checks her watch. It’s nine fifteen now.

  ‘Shall we take Barney for a walk around the grounds?’ I ask.

  ‘Sure. And I want you to tell me all about this sexy actor you met last week.’

  By the time we decide to go inside for a coffee, the smell of freshly baked something or other is wafting through the house. I lead the way expectantly into the kitchen.

  ‘Mmm, something smells good,’ I say as Eddie spins around to smile at us. He’s twenty-four, is about five foot ten or eleven and has short blond hair, blue eyes and a cheeky smile. I liked him immensely at the interview, and from the smell of whatever it is baking in the oven, I like him even more now.

  ‘You’re just in time,’ he says, grabbing an oven mitt and retrieving a tray full of muffins.

  ‘Wow,’ Bess says, her mouth falling open.

  ‘White chocolate and raspberry, dark chocolate and orange, banana and bran . . . Anything take your fancy?’ Eddie offers.

  ‘One of each, please,’ Bess jokes.

  ‘Sure,’ Eddie replies earnestly. ‘Who wants a coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?’

  ‘A coffee would be great,’ I say, sinking down onto a chair at the table and sighing with delight. At last we’re going to eat well again!

  ‘I’ll go and ask Lena what she wants,’ Eddie says. ‘Do you think, er, Johnny will come down soon?’

  It strikes me that he’s nervous. He would be; he never met Johnny at the interview stage.

  ‘Probably not for a while,’ I tell him with a smile. ‘So you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your labour.’

  The five of us – Bess, Lena, Eddie, Barney and me – are sitting around the table having a good old chat when the front-door buzzer sounds. Lena goes to answer it. I come out of the kitchen to see Dana breaking away from Lena to go up the stairs. She ignores me.

  ‘Dana’s here,’ I turn around to tell Bess and Eddie as Lena rejoins us.

  ‘What does that mean?’ Bess asks.

  ‘You won’t be meeting Johnny anytime soon.’

  Both their faces fall, but they do well to cover up their disappointment. ‘In that case,’ Eddie says with a small smile, ‘I’d better get on with lunch.’

  Bess looks knackered so I suggest she has a bath and chills out for a bit because there’s no point in hanging around waiting for Johnny.

  ‘Come and get me if anything interesting happens,’ she says meaningfully.

  ‘I promise,’ I tell her.

  I put Barney down for his nap and go into the office to research babysitting agencies. I speak to a couple and arrange to meet this afternoon with the one I like the sound of most. I feel much more relaxed with the idea of leaving Barney so I can have the odd night out with Bess during the two weeks that she’s here.

  Lena puts a stack of press releases in front of me.

  ‘Events for the next couple of weeks,’ she says with a smile. ‘Take your pick.’

  ‘Aah, brilliant,’ I say, riffling through them. A fortieth-birthday party for some Hollywood scriptwriter – nope, feels a bit weird going to a birthday celebration for someone I don’t know. A premiere for an indie flick – not likely to be that star-packed. A showcase for an upcoming female pop star at the Mondrian’s Skybar. Okay, so the music is undoubtedly likely to be more my cup of tea than Bess’s, but the venue is fun – I’ve been there a few times for various things. I come to another invite – one that’s black and sparkly and shaped like a bat. I read the silvery, spider-web-style writing. A Halloween party being held by Sylvester Middleman, one of America’s top music producers. A quick search on Google reveals that he and his wife have four children aged between one and seven, so this should be good. I put it to one side, along with the showcase invite, and carry on looking.

  When Bess comes searching for me an hour and a half later, I’ve RSVP-ed to five events for the next couple of weeks, including a film premiere for a romcom, a gig with backstage passes and an after-show party for a band Bess absolutely loves. She’s beside herself.

  But that’s nothing compared to the look on her face when Johnny comes into the office a few minutes later.

  ‘Alright?’ he says to Bess, bending down and kissing her on the cheek. ‘Don’t get up.’

  She stays where she is, but her face turns bright red and I can see her hands are shaking.

  ‘How was your flight?’ he asks. He’s wearing a tight black T-shirt and black pants with his trademark metal-studded belt. He looks like he could ha
ve stepped off the front cover of a magazine.

  ‘Fine, fine, it was fine,’ she replies nervously.

  ‘Eddie’s here,’ Lena tells him.

  ‘Aah, cool. In the kitchen?’ He points in that direction.

  ‘As you’d expect,’ Lena replies with a wry smile. ‘Come on.’

  ‘He’s so good-looking in real life!’ Bess whispers through clenched teeth as soon as they’ve gone.

  ‘He’s not bad,’ I reply indifferently.

  ‘You’ve shagged him!’ she screeches quietly.

  ‘Shh!’ I say with alarm, but then I can’t help but giggle at the look on her face. ‘Let’s go, too,’ I decide suddenly, so Bess and I head out of the office and into the kitchen. Johnny is leaning against a countertop with his arms folded, while Eddie stands in front of him. He seems on edge as he runs through the menu options for the next week.

  ‘All sounds great,’ Johnny replies. He’s not really big into food. Booze, on the other hand . . .

  ‘Johnny, you’ve got to try one of these,’ Lena says enthusiastically, taking a muffin from the tray and putting it on a plate for him.

  ‘Have you got one for Dana, too?’ he asks.

  ‘Of course,’ Eddie replies. ‘Actually, would you both like lunch? I’m just finishing up some pizza bases to put in the outside oven.’ It’s a wood-fired oven on the terrace.

  ‘Sounds good,’ Johnny says, putting the muffin back on the countertop. ‘Let’s all go. Is Barney asleep?’ he asks me.

  ‘Yes, but he needs to wake up soon.’

  ‘Shall I get him?’

  ‘You can, if you like,’ I reply.

  ‘Cool.’ He turns around and exits the room, leaving a buzz in the air. I forgot that Johnny has the ability to do this. A room always lights up in his presence. It’s just as obvious when there are four people as when there are four hundred.

  Eddie picks up a couple of trays of pizza bases. ‘To the terrace?’ he asks.

  Lena, Bess and I lift up the remaining trays and follow him. I go to the outdoor bar and start to sort out drinks. Bess joins me.

  ‘You’ve shagged him,’ she quietly exclaims again through clenched teeth.