Monkey Madness

by Anna Wilson

  He watched Elvis scrape out the frying pan and chuck the remnants on to the camp fire where they sizzled.

  I feel like those scrapy bits, thought Felix. He sighed and shuffled over to the mess where Mo was laying the table.

  He tried talking to her about the baobab tree and the other things he had seen that afternoon.

  Mo would not look at him. She only said, ‘Have you thought about giving me the camera?’ and when Felix said no, she turned away, saying, ‘No camera, no monkey.’

  Luckily Zed was on hand to make Felix feel less glum. His uncle was always good at this. He seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to what was on Felix’s mind.

  ‘Hey, dude,’ he said, coming over. ‘Some more elephants have come into the camp. They’ve eaten way too much marula, man! It’s hilarious! Why don’t you get the camera and film them to make up for missing out this afternoon?’

  Sure enough, the elephants were weaving clumsily in and out of the trees, their trunks waving about uncontrollably, their feet unsteady. They did look funny, and the sight cheered Felix up. He and Zed laughed together at the sight of the big lumbering elephants, falling over their own feet, woozy with the fermented fruit they loved so much.

  ‘Flo would love this, wouldn’t she?’ said Zed. ‘Hey, dude, why don’t you put a film together just for her of all the funny things that animals do? She’s always looking at those clips on the Internet of kittens falling over and dogs wearing hats and stuff.’

  Felix was not sure. ‘Maybe,’ he said.

  Zed nudged him. ‘Bet she’s never seen a clip of an elephant behaving like this!’

  Felix gave a small smile. ‘OK, I’ll get the camera.’

  Zed grinned. ‘Sweet, man! You’d better hurry up in case they move on.’

  Felix went round to the front of his tent. He stopped in the doorway. Something did not look right.

  It was his rucksack. The bag was open and Felix’s Big Book of Safari Facts had been dumped carelessly upside down on the bed so that the spine was cracked. Other stuff was spilling out on to his sleeping bag, too: his torch, a pack of cards, some boiled sweets and a packet of tissues.

  That’s odd, he thought. I’m sure I put the bag under the camp bed. And I know I zipped it up. I certainly didn’t leave all my stuff falling out like that.

  He went to pick up the book and smoothed its rumpled pages. That was when he realized what was really bothering him.

  ‘The camera –! OH NO!’ His hands flew to his mouth.

  The camera had gone!

  Felix’s first instinct was to run out of the tent and shout his discovery to the whole camp, but then his throat seized up with fear, as he knew Mum would go Totally Ballistic when he told her he had lost Dad’s camera.

  Then he remembered Mo, turning away from him, her nose in the air: ‘No camera, no monkey.’

  Surely she wouldn’t steal the camera? Felix felt a bit sick.

  ‘Zed will help,’ he said to himself. ‘I will have to tell Zed, and get him to swear that he will help me to look for it without anyone else knowing.’

  Zed would not freak out and shout at him, as Mum most certainly would. And he would not start to rant and rave about how Money Does Not Grow On Trees and how Felix would have to save all of his pocket money From Here Until Kingdom Come so that he could pay for a new one. And he would not rush in and accuse Mo and shout and complain to Bibi. No. Zed would keep calm and know what to do.

  Even as Felix told himself this, he was not really convinced. It actually did look as though someone had gone through his stuff to take the camera, after all; not that he had simply mislaid it.

  There was nothing for it: Felix had to tell someone, and Zed was undoubtedly the best person to tell.

  So he walked out of the tent, forcing his face into what he hoped was a natural-looking smile.

  Unfortunately Mum was right outside the tent.

  ‘What’s the matter with you? You look as though you’re in pain,’ she said. ‘You have got a tummy bug, haven’t you? You’ve been acting strangely all day. Oh no, I hope you aren’t sickening for something. What will we do . . . ?’

  ‘Er, sis,’ Zed stepped in between Mum and Felix. ‘I think he’s just, like, smiling?’

  Felix nodded. ‘I am just soooo happy!’ he said, with a slight wobble in his voice.

  Zed peered at him closely. ‘Hey, Feels! Why don’t we go for a little walk.’

  Mum shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. It might not be safe. If Felix is not feeling well – hang on a minute . . . I thought Zed said you were about to film those elephants?’

  Felix felt his chest go icy cold. ‘N-no,’ he said, shaking his head emphatically. ‘I went to get some, er, sweets to share with Mo. But I couldn’t find any. Must have finished them. I would like to go for a walk with Zed, actually. He’ll look after me, don’t worry. You carry on reading your book, Mum. You’re always saying you never have enough Me Time,’ he added for good measure.

  Mum narrowed her eyes in suspicion at this unusual show of concern for her wellbeing. Then she shrugged and said, ‘OK,’ and did as Felix suggested.

  Once she was out of range, Zed put a long lanky arm around his nephew and leaned down to whisper, ‘Phew, thought she’d never leave!’

  Felix puffed out his cheeks and breathed, ‘Yes.’

  ‘So, come on. What’s up, little dude?’

  Felix looked up at his uncle. The corners of his mouth wobbled. ‘I’ve lost it!’ he said, in a panicky whisper. ‘Dad’s camera – it’s gone!’

  ‘Oh, man!’ Zed gasped. ‘Are you sure? How? When?’

  Felix shook his head. ‘I don’t know. I thought it was in my bag under my bed. But just now I looked and everything was spilt on to the sleeping bag, and the camera wasn’t there!’

  Zed stroked his beard thoughtfully. The beads in it clicked gently. Then he scratched his head and began pacing to and fro. ‘I’ll start by asking Bibi who’s been in the camp today,’ he said.

  ‘Oh no, don’t do that,’ Felix pleaded. ‘I don’t want anyone else to know . . .’ He hesitated and wondered if he should mention the conversation with Mo. But then he would have to tell about the monkey too, and he did not think that was a good idea, even with Zed. What if his uncle said something to Mum?

  ‘Please!’ he pleaded. ‘Can you help me look?’

  Zed looked at Felix sadly. ‘Dude, it doesn’t sound like you just lost it, does it? Come to think of it, your mum still hasn’t found her sunglasses or hat. And this morning I couldn’t find any pants.’

  Felix started. ‘What?’ he said.

  Zed blushed. ‘Yeah, well, I’m not totally tidy all the time, so I didn’t think much of it. But, y’know, it’s weird these things going missing . . . and a camera? Well, that’s serious.’

  Felix sighed and swallowed hard. His eyes were starting to sting. He shook his head furiously.

  Zed put a large hand on his shoulder and said, ‘Listen, let’s have a look around first. Then let me talk to Bibi. Trust me, OK?’

  Felix reluctantly agreed.

  They began by taking a good look under the tent flaps and in the long grass.

  ‘Maybe you just dropped it in the dark earlier in the day?’ Zed said. But Felix could tell his uncle was only trying to make him feel less anxious.

  They checked on Mum quickly as they passed her, but she was still engrossed in her book.

  ‘If she asks us what we’re doing,’ Zed whispered, ‘just say you are looking for bugs. She won’t want to come and join us, that’s for sure!’

  Felix gave a half-hearted laugh. ‘No, but she’ll panic and tell us not to, in case the bugs are poisonous,’ he muttered.

  Suddenly Zed straightened up and waved something he had found at Felix. He called in a stage whisper, ‘Look!’

  Felix ran lightly towards him, shooting nervous glances in Mum’s direction. ‘What is it?’ he whispered back.

  ‘Lens cap, man!’ said Zed. ‘Looks
like someone dropped it. Let’s go over to the kitchen area next, see if we can pick up any more clues.’

  ‘B-but . . . Bibi and the others will be there,’ Felix said.

  Zed tapped a long finger against the side of his nose. ‘It’s cool. I’ll distract him while you take a look.’

  They searched behind the jeep. Felix caught sight of a black shape. He bent down and fished it out.

  ‘The case!’ he hissed.

  Zed looked horrified. ‘Oh, man . . .’

  Felix frowned. ‘What?’

  Zed glanced at Bibi, who looked back and said, ‘Dinner will be ready very soon!’

  ‘Sweet!’ called Zed, with a nervous grin. Then he gestured to Felix to move away so that they could speak without fear of being heard. ‘You don’t think . . .’ he hesitated. ‘I mean, this is really embarrassing, man – you don’t seriously think one of these guys would take your camera?’

  Felix bit his lip. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘It couldn’t be Bibi. He has been with us all the time. And Elvis has been busy cooking, so I don’t think it’s him.’

  ‘Anyway, Feels, we haven’t actually found the camera yet,’ Zed hastily pointed out. ‘Finding the lens cap and the case doesn’t prove anything.’

  Felix nodded glumly. They went quietly back to the hammock area to continue their search. As Felix approached Mo’s hammock, he had a creeping sensation that he was about to discover something that he would not like. What if Mo had decided to take the camera? No, she would not be that mean . . .

  And that is when he saw it – in her hammock! Nestled against a bunched-up mosquito net.

  Felix was rooted to the spot, staring at it.

  ‘Oh no . . .’ Zed breathed.

  Felix swallowed. He was about to ask what they should do, when a voice said, ‘And tell me, Feeeliix, what do you think you are doing with my hammock?’

  Felix and Mo stared at each other for a beat. Then they both started shouting at once.

  ‘Well what are YOU doing with MY camera?’

  ‘I have not TOUCHED your camera!’

  ‘SO WHAT IS IT DOING IN YOUR HAMMOCK?’

  ‘I DON’T KNOW – YOU MUST HAVE PUT IT THERE!’

  ‘Hey! Hey! GUYS!’ Zed pleaded, stepping in between Felix and Mo.

  Bibi came rushing over. ‘What is all this?’ he demanded.

  Zed raised his eyebrows. ‘Bit of a disagreement, man. I’m sure we can sort it peacefully, eh, guys?’ He had a hand gently on each child, separating them.

  Mo tried to shrug him off and let out a low growling sound. Felix was trembling.

  Zed looked at them in turn. ‘You gotta chill. I have an idea. Why don’t we take a look at the film on the camera and see what’s been going on? You won’t mind, will you, Mo?’

  ‘Of course I do not mind, you stupid—’

  ‘HARMONY!’ Bibi reprimanded. ‘What is this about a camera?’ he asked Zed.

  ‘Felix had mislaid his dad’s camera. We happened to find it here, but—’

  Mo butted in loudly, ‘LOOK AT THE FILM! I keep telling you, I did not take it. Felix was probably filming ME!’

  ‘I WAS NOT!’

  You are filming everything, all the time, being a snooping little—’

  Zed hastily grabbed the camera from the hammock and turned it on. As the screen flicked into life, everyone stopped talking to crowd around it.

  Felix peered closely at the scene unfolding before him, while Zed breathed in sharply and whispered, ‘Oh, man . . .’

  The footage was of Zed. At first it was quite boring. He was just ambling around outside the tent. Felix thought the film must have been made just before they had left for their game drive that afternoon, as Mum could be seen, just inside the frame, packing the small bag with sun cream and snacks. Felix wondered how Mo could have got hold of the camera at this point. What had he been doing, he wondered?

  Suddenly Mo let forth a snort of laughter as Zed began laboriously picking his nose. He clearly did not know that anyone was watching him, let alone filming him, because he had a good old rummage in one nostril before extracting his finger to inspect what he had discovered. He then glanced around quickly and popped the results into his mouth.

  ‘Yeeeeuuuckk!’ said Mo. ‘That is very disgusting.’

  Bibi jabbed her in the ribs, but Felix was sniggering now as well.

  ‘Hey, man,’ said Zed looking hurt, ‘I didn’t know I was on film, did I – Wow! Oh no, my sis is not going to like this . . .’

  The camera had panned around to zoom in on Mum now. She could just be seen in the interior of the tent, struggling out of her shorts, clearly with a view to changing into some longer trousers for the game drive. She obviously did not know anyone could see her. She had got one foot caught in the fabric of the shorts while she was taking them off. Then she lost her balance and toppled backwards, falling flat on her bottom.

  Mo let rip with one of her loudest hyena-laughs. Felix chewed on his cheeks to try to stop himself from laughing too. Even if Mo had taken the camera, he felt he might be able to forgive her for making such a funny film.

  Then the screen went fuzzy for a second.

  ‘Phew, that’s it then,’ Zed began. ‘Could have been worse, I guess . . .’

  Then, just as he said this, there was a funny grunting sound and some heavy breathing and the film started up again.

  ‘Oh no! Me and my big mouth!’ Zed wailed, burying his head in his hands.

  ‘Is that you in the bathroom, Mr Zed?’ Mo gasped.

  Felix went bright red: they were watching footage of his uncle in the shower! The person taking the film had somehow been able to get above the cubicle and was aiming the camera down to get a bird’s eye view of poor Zed. Luckily his long snaky hair did a lot to hide him, so all Felix could see was a wet and bedraggled mop of long hair.

  ‘You look like a giant yellow baboon caught out in the rain!’ Mo sniggered.

  ‘Turn it off!’ Zed wailed, peering through his fingers at the image.

  ‘Yes, I agree. I think we have seen enough,’ said Bibi.

  But before anyone could press the ‘off’ button, the picture changed to show Felix – on the loo! This was also an aerial view.

  Felix whirled round to face Mo. ‘How could you be so mean?’ he shouted, snatching the camera from Zed.

  Mo had been giggling hard but when Felix turned on her, she stopped and looked horrified. ‘But – you do not still think it was me?’ she gasped. She looked to her father and Zed for support, but both adults said nothing. Bibi looked stony-faced, whereas Zed just looked embarrassed. He shifted his gaze away from the little girl and shook his head sadly.

  ‘Harmony, I think you and I had better have a talk,’ said Bibi, taking his daughter by the arm and leading her away.

  He began talking at speed in Setswana in an even angrier tone than he had used after the spider incident.

  ‘Dude, I am so sorry,’ Zed whispered. ‘Bibi told me that Harmony had never come on a trip with tourists before, and that he was only letting her if she behaved. He thought it would give her a chance to grow up and prove she could be more mature. I guess that was a fail. And I thought you guys would end up really good mates . . .’

  Felix was not listening, however. He had heard another sound coming from the camera. The film was still running. The noises were very strange: they were sort of like laughter, but not like laughter from any person Felix knew. He peered at the screen which was still fuzzy.

  ‘Oooo-waaah-ha-ha-ha-haaaa! Oooo-Oooo! Waaaa-hahahaha!’

  Zed heard the noises too. He stopped talking and leaned in to take a look at the fuzzy screen. ‘Man, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that noise sounds exactly like—’

  ‘Wait! Look at that!’ cried Felix. He grabbed Zed’s arm and pointed at the screen.

  It was Mo. Mo was on film.

  ‘How did she . . . ? She must have set it to auto . . .’ Zed muttered.

  Mo had been caught on camera sneaking some
snacks from the kitchen area. She was stuffing them into her mouth, checking over her shoulder now and then to make sure no one was watching.

  ‘Freaky,’ breathed Zed. ‘She couldn’t have filmed herself, cos she wouldn’t want anyone to know she’d been filching stuff . . . which means, she couldn’t have been filming us either so . . .’

  ‘. . . someone must have been filming her!’ Felix exclaimed. ‘We must show Bibi. Quick!’ Felix made to run over to his friends, but Zed put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

  ‘Feels, I think we should watch everything before we rush in. Maybe she just left the camera running by mistake while she went to get a snack. Maybe we’ll see her pick it up in a minute and – holy cow!’

  Felix saw Zed’s face freeze with shock and followed his uncle’s gaze to the screen. The film was still running, but now it was not Mo’s face on the screen. It was . . .

  ‘Monkeys?’ said Felix in disbelief. ‘MONKEYS! Oh my goodness! Bibi, Mo, come and look at this!’

  The camera was now evidently being passed from monkey to monkey.

  ‘Boy, are they having fun!’ Zed whispered.

  ‘They’ve got our clothes!’ Felix gasped. He waved frantically at Bibi to stop him from talking to Mo. ‘Look!’ he shouted. ‘They’re wearing Mum’s hat and sunglasses and – oh dear,’ he added more quietly as something occurred him. ‘Someone must have left the tent open!’

  ‘Oh, man!’ Zed cried. Then he checked himself and, blushing furiously, said, ‘Er, yeah, yeah. I guess . . . someone must have.’

  Felix frowned at his uncle, but before he could ask him why he was looking embarrassed, Mum, Bibi and Mo came running.

  ‘What is that racket? Is that Dad’s . . . What’s going on . . . ?’ Mum faltered, as she too saw what Zed, Felix, Bibi and Mo were looking at on the screen.

  ‘I think that monkey is wearing your bikini, Mma,’ said Mo.