Forever More

by Rachel De Lune

“I should fucking kill you,” he seethes.

  “Don’t kill him. Please, Seb.” As much as I despise Phil, I can’t let Seb do it. There would be dire consequences for us all.

  “That’s the only thing stopping me, Izzy.” He grabs Phil by the collar and hauls him to face him. “You listen to me. You will grant Izzy the divorce. You will sell the house and Izzy gets the money. End of story.”

  “No,” Phil’s words are slurred. “Who do you think you are?”

  “If you don’t, Izzy will press charges for attempted rape, and you’ll go to jail. Understand?” Phil doesn’t say anything, so Seb shakes him.

  “Okay, stop.” He groans. “Fucking bitch.” Seb punches him hard enough to make me flinch. Seeing him so visibly aggressive is so out of character, but I’m beyond relieved that he’s here.

  “My lawyer will be in touch.” Leaving him on the floor, he gently scoops me up in his arms and carries me downstairs and into his waiting car. Before I know it, we’re heading home.

  Safe. He came for me. I’m safe.

  “It’s alright, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anyone ever hurt you again.” Seb tucks me up in bed and pulls me in close. His hands run over my head, cradling me like a precious child. “Shh. It’s alright.” His hushed voice soothes my frayed nerves. My limbs are numb and my ankles ache. I want to sleep. I want to go to sleep and forget that tonight ever happened.

  “I won’t ever let you go, sweetheart. Go to sleep. You’re safe. We’re home.”

  The next few days I spend locked in my bedroom or in the shower. As much as I try, I can’t scrub the feel of Phil’s hands off of my skin. My face reminds me of just how bad it got. My cheek has an assortment of colours decorating the bruising. Each time I catch my reflection the terror grips my stomach again.

  Seb comforts me, but I don’t want to talk to him about it and I can see that he struggles to know exactly what to say.

  I email Mark over the weekend and tell him that I need to work from home for the next few days. I need some time for the bruising to go down before showing my face at work. Luckily I don’t have any client-facing presentations coming up and I can focus on work.

  On Wednesday, I’m ready to throw my computer out of the window. Being at home with my work should have been the distraction I needed from being stuck in my head. Yet I feel like I’m going around in circles. I can’t concentrate, so I’ve opted for other distractions. I’ve cleaned the apartment, put all of the laundry away and drunk half my body weight in coffee. Still no luck.

  I replay Phil’s attack over and over. I then play over everything else that led up to the moment he grabbed me. Seb and I fighting, the idea of a house, of marriage. I want it all to stop. I want to go back to a normal life. One that isn’t complicated or hurts. I want the pain to go away.

  My phone distracts me from tossing the computer.

  “Hello.”

  “Ms. Fields, it’s Mr. Osbourn, do you have a moment?”

  “Yes, is everything alright?”

  “It’s just to say that the management hearing date has come through. I have no question that the judge will grant us the decree and we can then make the application for the decree absolute.”

  “Okay… thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I’ll email you over all the details and I’ll be in touch before the hearing.”

  The line goes dead and I let out the breath I was holding. This is what I want. Getting the divorce will mean I’m rid of Phil for good.

  I text Seb but the words dance in front of my eyes. Tears roll down my cheeks as I realise that I’ll have to see Phil again. The relief I felt is swamped by the nausea now building in my stomach.

  Come home, please. Izzy

  I curl up on the sofa and wait for Seb, feeling lost despite the good news.

  “Izzy, wake up, sweetheart.” Seb’s hushed voice pulls me awake. I blink up at him and see him smiling down at me. He instantly makes me feel better.

  “Will you hold me?”

  “Of course, sweetheart.” Seb’s arms pull me into his chest. I sigh with contentment. Seb’s fingers slide through my hair, relaxing me further. He’s still wearing his shirt, the top button open, giving me a tempting target to kiss. I press my lips into his throat, working my kisses and nips up his neck. He drops his head back, allowing me room to explore. His stubble scraps my cheek as I move to take his lips.

  “Will you take me to bed? We haven’t… since, and I don’t want to give him any more power over me.”

  Seb lifts his head back up and searches my eyes. Lust sparks and I feel that wanton ache in my stomach. He kisses me. Hungry lips attack mine, biting and sucking as he takes his fill. Without missing a beat, he curls his arm under my knees and lifts me clean off the chair. Seb walks us, still locked together, up to the bedroom before we fall onto the bed. His body presses me down into the mattress and I moan into his mouth.

  “Let me hold you. I want to touch you and let you feel me. Slowly. We’ll take it at your pace.” His words are meant to be soothing, but they remind me of my attack.

  “Yes. Please, Seb. I need this.”

  “I’m here. I’ll give you what you need.” He starts to undress me, meticulously slowly. His patience builds the anticipation of what’s to come. The slightest touch against my skin heats my blood. I focus on Seb, holding the memories at bay. He stands and takes his fill of my naked body, spread out for him to behold. This is what I need, to get lost in him.

  “You’re beautiful and you’re mine. Never forget that.”

  “I won’t.” It’s the truth. His clothes hit the floor before he smothers my body with his, skin on skin. I wrap myself around him, my arms stretching over his back, pulling him down closer to me. He’s nestled between my thighs, his cock tantalisingly close to where I want it. He rolls his hips and presses his hard shaft against my labia and clit, spiking my arousal and my heart rate. He pushes up, exposing my breasts, but only so he can tongue my ripe nipples. He’s not giving me a chance to focus on any one thing. He’s bombarding my body with pleasure.

  After my breasts, his hand pushes my arm above my head. He does the same with the other arm before clutching them together at my wrists. I pull against his hold but it’s firm. I move beneath him but gain no purchase. Panic flashes through me, drowning out everything around me. I’m back on my bed. I can’t move. Phil’s hands bite into my skin…

  “Relax, Izzy. It’s me. I’m not holding you down.” I hear Seb, but everything I was feeling is dowsed in cold water.

  “I’m sorry.” I relax under him, but the desire isn’t there. “I want to, I do…”

  “Shh, it’s alright.” He puts his arms around me and I snuggle into his chest.

  “I think I need to get away for a few days. I can’t concentrate on work, I keep going over the attack in my head and all the stuff leading up to it. Mr. Osbourn called today and told me that the hearing date has come through as well. It’s all so… It’s too much. I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

  “Okay. Let’s get away.”

  “No, I mean I want to get away on my own.” I feel his body tense, but I need to do this for myself.

  “Where will you go?”

  “I’ll speak to Jess. I’ll still text you, I don’t want you to worry, but I need… space. Just for a few days. Get my head clear.”

  “If that’s what you need.”

  “Thanks for letting me stay.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re always welcome. I’m just sorry you feel that you need to get away.”

  “Just for a little while. I can’t think clearly at home or around Seb. Plus I’m not going into work until this has cleared up.” Jess winces, taking another look at the bruising that looks like a rainbow now with yellow, green and purple patches.

  “I can’t believe Phil went this far.”

  “I don’t want to think about it. Sorry, but that’s part of the problem. It just keeps playing over and over in my head.”

 
“Okay, well, whatever you need, I’m here. We can talk, go out, watch movies. You’ll have the place to yourself tomorrow as I’ll be at work, but I’ll come right home.”

  “Thank you, Jess. How about a film? Or you can finally tell me what’s going on between you and Gregg?”

  “There isn’t anything to tell. I’ve told you.”

  “But you’ve been seeing each other for weeks now. That’s a good thing?”

  “Not so much lately. You know how I am. I like my own space. Now, action film? You can’t beat Daniel Craig as Bond.” She steers the conversation onto lighter topics as we sit and get comfy for the night.

  After a restless night I finally make it downstairs to make a cup of coffee. Jess has left me a note on the fridge telling me she’ll be home for dinner. I check my phone and I’ve got a message from Seb.

  I missed you last night. I hope you’re feeling better. If you need to go out, please make sure Jess is with you. Or phone me and I’ll take you where you need to go. S

  I missed you, too. I didn’t sleep well. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I’m with someone. Thank you for giving me space. Love Izzy

  Whatever you need, sweetheart. S

  I check my emails and make sure there isn’t anything pressing that needs to be dealt with. I fire off a quick message to Mark and tell him that I’ll be working from home and that I’ve had a few personal issues involving my divorce.

  I sip my coffee and look around Jess’s kitchen. My head feels like it’s going to explode. My life has gone from predictably boring—a routine that gets me through the day—to a chaos of changes. Being allowed to be myself, my submissive self, with Seb, finally understanding what that actually feels like, but having the other elements that come with Seb. His need to take care of me, his constant contact and want to control other aspects of my life outside of the bedroom, a new house and even marriage. I was being honest when I told him I felt overwhelmed.

  Getting through the divorce is my priority now. Having Phil out of my life forever is the one thing I want more than anything. What he did to me, taking something that I thought of as special between me and Seb—my submission—and using it against me, hurts me more than the physical pain he put me through.

  Phil ignored me in our marriage, cheated on me, used me for his own personal gain. Now he’s physically assaulted me. I hate him for it, I hate him for all of it. I pull up my personal emails and find the most recent one from Mr. Osbourn. Four days’ time and I’ll get to move forward with the divorce and put him behind me.

  After my mini pep talk, I focus on work and actually get it done. The one thing that I allow my mind to wander to is finally getting my divorce. By focusing on that, I am able to forget everything else that has been swamping me and find the headspace I need.

  “Izzy, I’m home.”

  “I’m in the kitchen.” I’ve made the kitchen into my mini work den today. When I peeked in the mirror, even the bruising looked better.

  “Good day?” Jess asks.

  “Yes, actually. Much better. You?”

  “Same old. But tomorrow will be better. I’m taking you to the spa for the afternoon. My treat. You can forget all this shit and relax. It will do you a world of good.”

  “Really? Are you sure you don’t have work?”

  “My work is fine. I’m hoping that you can sort yours.” She looks at me hopefully.

  “I told Mark that I had some divorce stuff happening, so I think it should be alright. Thank you, Jess.”

  “My pleasure. Now, what are we having for dinner?”

  “Pasta?” I offer, thinking it would be lovely to have a big bowl of carbs and sit in front of the TV again.

  “Sounds good. You cook, I’ll do the dishes.”

  “Deal.”

  Off to the spa with Jess. Feeling much better today. Love Izzy

  That sounds like a great idea. Have fun. I’m glad you’re feeling better. S

  I miss you. Love Izzy

  I miss you, sweetheart. S

  As much as the space is doing my head the world of good, I’ve missed Seb. I’ve not been sleeping well, and now that I see the end of Phil in my life, I know that Seb and I have some things to work on.

  Jess and I are sitting wrapped in soft fluffy bath robes by the edge of the pool. She’s booked us both a massage in a while, but right now I’m happy to just sit and do nothing.

  “Thank you for this, Jess. It’s exactly what I need.”

  “You’ve been through a lot in the last few days. Having some time to yourself is the least you deserve.”

  “I know. Just being on my own has helped. I’ve been able to get my head in shape, understand what I need to focus on. Divorcing Phil is the top of the list. Then I can work on the rest of it.”

  “And what exactly is the rest of it?” Jess asks.

  “Talking with Seb. Telling him I’m not comfortable with some of the elements of our relationship. I want to take my time with Seb. I feel like Seb’s rushing me. He’s doing it to try and give me reassurance, at least that’s what I think, but it’s the exact opposite.”

  “Have you told him that?”

  “No. But I will.”

  “Good for you. Remember he loves you.”

  “I know.” I hold on to that little bit of information and pray it’s enough to get me through the next couple of days.

  After leaving the spa, I pack up my bits from Jess and make my way home.

  The space, even for a couple of days, has done me the world of good. I can think clearly. I’ve got some fight back in me and I’m determined not to show Phil that I’m scared of him.

  I’m home. I’m just coming up in the lift. See you in a minute. Love Izzy

  As I was expecting, Seb is waiting for me at the door when I get to it. He smiles at me, but I can see the tiredness around his eyes. He engulfs me in a huge hug and I let my body slump into his. He presses soft kisses into my hair and I hear him breathe deeply, like he’s relaxed now that I’m back in his company.

  I ease from his hold and we move into the living area. He sits down and pulls me down on top of him. I wrap my arms around his neck and just enjoy being this close to him again.

  Although it’s only been a few days, it feels like everything has changed. I left feeling overwhelmed and confused. Now, I know what I want—Phil out of my life—and I know it will happen.

  “The case hearing is on Monday. Then it will be just a matter of time before I’m rid of Phil,” I whisper as I’m wrapped in Seb’s arms.

  “Good.”

  “Will you make love to me? Just… I missed you.” I kiss his jaw, the rough bristles tickling my lips.

  “Yes, baby.”

  6 weeks later

  The decree nisi has been granted by the court and Mr. Osbourn is putting the application for the decree absolute together. It’s been nearly seven weeks since Phil attacked me. Seeing him in court was the hardest thing I’ve done, but the judge ruled that there was evidence to grant the decree. Phil didn’t have a say.

  After court, I knew that I could start putting what Phil did behind me and focus on the problems I was having with Seb. We talked. Properly. I told him that I wanted to take a break from the D/s side of our relationship. Part of what was so overwhelming to me was the difference between my past relationship and the amount of changes to my new life. I wanted some time to adjust, for us to find what was right for us.

  I knew that I still wanted to submit to Seb. That part of me had finally been given the chance to grow, thanks to Seb, and I didn’t want to give it up. However, I needed to know that Seb and I could work as a couple as well as a Dominant and submissive. I knew that part of our relationship worked. It was the rest of it that I needed time to trust in.

  I was scared that calling a halt to the D/s would send Seb running, but I should have had more faith. I was also scared that if I let Seb dominate me and tie me up, I’d remember Phil’s attack, although the vanilla sex has been great.

  My saving grace
is work. The hours I need to pour into my new position are now a welcome distraction. Mark gave me my promotion. I’m now the senior account manager at White Cube. Seb took me out to celebrate. We had one of our first ever dates. It was perfect. Great food, good wine, and, I’m hoping, fantastic sex.

  As soon as we’re back in the apartment Seb drags me to the sofa and sits down, manoeuvres me so that I’m straddling his hips, the soft denim pressed tightly to my thighs. He holds my hands and places them on his shoulders and then moves his hands to rest by his side. He doesn’t kiss me, pull me closer or creep his hands up my thighs. He waits.

  “I want you to be in control tonight. Anything you want, you have to tell me. I won’t touch you without your instruction first.” I hear his sexy smile through his words and it sets my sex throbbing in anticipation.

  I wiggle on his lap to test if he’ll stop me. A slight moan and a momentary closure of his eyes is all he gives away. My hands slide up into his hair and give a gentle tug, enjoying the rush of power that it brings. With my fingers clutched in his hair, I drop my lips to his and kiss him. He matches my pace, only taking what I give him. My tongue strokes against his, dipping in and out as our lips dance against each other. Still, he doesn’t speed up or overpower. I kiss him harder, pressing my whole body against his. I want him to react, to growl and flip me over, and to feel his power over me.

  My frustration mounts, as does the ache of my clit. “Touch me, Seb.”

  “Where? Tell me. You need to tell me exactly what you want.” I moan into his mouth as I try to understand exactly what I want.

  “Squeeze my bum. Feel my breasts. I’m already hot for you.” My body aches for his touch, and something about saying exactly what I want makes it sexier. His hand strokes the underside of my breast before he rubs my nipple with his palm. His other arm slips around my thigh to squeeze my bum, pulling me closer into his hard erection. My clothes are still a barrier and I want to feel skin on skin. I want him naked. I want to explore the lines of his muscles and worship his chest.