Memorized

by Alyne Roberts

  I take my seating card from a glass table and we follow a group of people into the ballroom. The ceiling is high and bare light bulbs hang down from industrial wires. The beams are exposed and the wood looks rustic and weathered. Tables are decorated with floral centerpieces and fancy dinnerware. Long tables are setup in the back of the room for the silent auction and a small stage is set up in the front of the room with a podium.

  "Wow," Paige whispers next to me. I feel her palms get clammy in mine, so I give a gentle squeeze.

  I immediately spot Willow in the crowd. My footsteps falter when I take her in. Her hair is down with soft waves down her back, which is exposed from her dress. I swallow and continue to our table. Willow's green dress falls around her feet with a plunging neckline. Diamonds hang in her ears and around her neck and wrists. She looks like a trophy standing next to Noah.

  Willow is holding a champagne flute with a blank look on her face. There's a faint smile that looks painted on her face while Noah's hand is on her lower back as he talks to other men. She doesn't add to conversation as her attention drifts around the room. When our eyes connect, I see her eyes sparkle back to life.

  "Landon," I hear. I look away from Willow to see we are standing face to face with Dr. Mason. "Good to see you, son."

  "You too," I say with a warm smile. "Congratulations."

  He shakes my hand. "I'm just glad to get some much needed funds for the hospital."

  I nod in agreement. Even if Noah has ulterior motives, the money is needed and will be put to good use.

  "This is Paige," I introduce. "Paige, this is Dr. Mason."

  Paige says something polite in return but I'm not paying attention. Willow is speaking in Noah's ear and he nods in return. The doctor excuses himself and I say my goodbye with little interaction. My attention is focused across the room as I watch Willow pull from Noah's hold and start her way over to us. Her eyes never leave mine as she crosses the room.

  "Willow. You look hot," Paige says when she's close enough. Willow doesn't slow before she walks straight into Paige's open arms. They hug tightly for a few seconds and I hear them whispering in each other's ears. When they separate, Willow looks up at me.

  "Landon," she whispers.

  "Willow. You look gorgeous," I tell her. I want to take her away from here and keep her all to myself. I don't want to watch another man touch her all night.

  "Thank you. You look great," she returns with a shy smile. "I'm so glad you two came."

  "Looks like a lot of fun," Paige offers.

  "It's not," Willow says with an eye roll. "I'm bored out of my mind and crawling out of my skin. At least I have you guys now."

  The music stops and the chatter in the room quiets. Our attention is pulled to the stage where Noah and Dr. Mason stand. Willow gives us an apologetic smile and rushes off to the front table. I lead Paige over to our seats as Noah's voice fills the room. I choose to block him out and recall everywhere else I would rather be at the moment.

  Our food arrives and we eat with easy conversation. Paige has always been an easy-going person. She doesn't judge or pry into private matters. She's simply there for whatever you need her to be, whether it's for a friend, a cup of coffee, or a date for the night. We chat quietly until the speeches are over. Neither one of us really cares what they are saying. Paige looks as tortured as I feel having to sit through this.

  We check out the items in the silent auction to kill the time. I'm absently wondering what the required amount of time is that we need to stay before we can bail on this thing. I hate the idea of leaving Willow behind, but she arrived with Noah. That was her choice so she will have to leave with him as well.

  One of the items for bid is a store credit for a high-end boutique in the city. I remembered it being on the list of appointments Willow made to try on wedding dresses. My memory pulls up the entire schedule Aaron put together and one name in particular stands out to me. The venue she booked is the very place we are standing right now.

  I glance over to where I know Willow is standing with Noah. She's rigid and tense, and I see a slight tremble to her body. Her hand reaches behind her where she grabs Noah's wrist. She says something into his ear while pulling his hand off. He nods and gives her a quick kiss on the lips, blind to her distress. When he turns back to his conversation, she practically runs away.

  Once in the lobby, the air feels less thick. I glance around quickly and find the women's room down a small hall. My heels click on the marble floors as I rush inside, leaning back against the door to take a deep breath. There are only two stalls inside; most of the room is taken up by a sofa and large vanity. After I kick my heels off, I head into one of the stalls.

  I lock the door behind me and bounce my leg. When inside the ballroom, I was zoning out most of the time. The business talk was boring to me to death. I couldn't care less about property values or the price of hardwoods. Shouldn't we be talking about short-term memory loss or any memory disorder? That is the reason for tonight's gathering after all.

  When the flashback of touring that ballroom came back, it surprised me. Noah and I booked that ballroom for our wedding reception months ago. If that didn't bring up the fact that we were engaged, I don't know what would. He had an opportunity to tell me about our engagement but continues to say nothing for some reason. It was anger and confusion that got me so worked up that I needed to excuse myself.

  I hear the bathroom door open and close. The stall walls go from floor to ceiling so no one would even know I'm here. Silently, I wait for them to finish their business. I'm not ready to go back out there yet.

  When the room stays silent, I crack open the door. The bathroom is empty. I hurry over and lock the main door to assure I will be left alone for a little longer. The lock clicks and a hand covers my mouth. My heart jumps in my chest as I’m pulled against a hard body. The air in my lungs catches and dizziness washes over me.

  "Don't scream." The whispered words play over and over in my head like it's the most important thing in the world.

  "It's me." I hear Landon's deep voice in my ear and he releases his hold on me.

  I elbow him in the ribs, but he doesn't seem affected by it. I push him off and lean over the sink, trying to calm my racing heart.

  "You almost gave me a heart attack. What are you doing?" I ask him.

  He's stalking toward me. His black jacket is open and the white shirt under it shows his off defined chest. His hair is dark and styled. From the moment I saw him tonight, I knew I would have a hard time keeping my attention off him. For the most part, I haven't.

  "I came for you," he tells me as he guides me back into the stall. "Did you remember this is where you would be celebrating your wedding? Did he tell you that or did you figure it out on your own?"

  "I remembered," I whisper.

  My back is against the wall and Landon is pressed into me much like he was the day in the alley. A heat grows inside my body and I lick my lips. The way his dark eyes devour me scares and excites me at the same time. Adrenaline courses through my veins and every nerve-ending is alive. I look up at his lips, wishing I hadn’t told him to stop that day.

  "You're here with Paige," I whisper and close my eyes. If I keep looking at him, I won't be able to stop myself from giving in to everything my body is begging for.

  "I brought her here for you. I came for you."

  I open my eyes to see the honesty in his words. I gasp when I feel his hand on my hip. The touch is bold and sure. He squeezes before sliding it up my rib cage, causing a shiver to run down my spine. His other hand cups my chin, forcing me to look at him. I can't look away now. I can't escape his firm body on mine.

  "Noah's outside," I whimper. I'm in physical pain from restraining myself. Everything I've wanted for weeks is within my grasp.

  "You don't remember him," Landon says against my lips. "You remember me. You know me. You and I both remember the way you gasped when I touched you, the way you lick your lips when you're thinking about kissing
me. I remember the way you feel against me. You remember the way I make you want what you think you shouldn't."

  My head is in a haze and everything fades away. The stress of the last few months, the questions I ask every day, the constant fear. It's all gone and all that's left is Landon and I in this small space. All this time I was searching for what I lost and I haven't stopped to open my eyes and see what has filled the emptiness.

  Landon's lips crush into mine. The air leaves my body and I breathe him in. I taste the champagne on his tongue when it flicks mine tentatively. Surrounded by his scent and heat, having his hands on me and finally having a taste of him snaps my resolve. I clutch his jacket and pull his chest closer. When I open my mouth to give him access, a low rumble sounds from him.

  I'm pressed harder to the wall and one leg hitches around his as his hips pushes into me. I want to be closer if it's possible. The hand that held my face is tangling in my hair. Landon yanks softly and I moan into the kiss. My skin is on fire everywhere his fingers touch. If I could forget every kiss I’d ever had and only keep one with me, this would be the one.

  Landon pulls away, tilts my head back, and kisses down my neck. "I will always remember how you taste, sweetheart."

  I'm panting and my heart is pounding. I don't care where I am or what I am doing. I don't care about the past or the future. I care about now. I'm focused on the way Landon is grinding between my legs. The burning between my legs has me ignoring every else. Every sensation is better than the last.

  A knock sounds at the door and Landon's mouth freezes on my collarbone. I let out a harsh exhale as he eases away. I pull on his jacket to keep him close, but his hands cover mine.

  "We can't stay in here," he whispers in my ear. The knock comes again to prove his point.

  "Willow?" the intruder calls from the other side.

  "It's Paige," I say with relief.

  Landon tugs on my dress to straighten it and opens the stall door. When I step out and look at myself in the mirror, I'm shocked at my own appearance. My lips are red and swollen, my face is flushed, and my hair is ruffled. One look at me and anyone would know what I’ve been doing.

  "Willow, you should come back out," Paige says beside me. It's only then that I notice Landon left and unlocked the door.

  "Shit," I curse. The cloud of lust is clearing in his absence and I'm now realizing what I have done.

  My boyfriend is out there, waiting for me. Noah might even have been searching for me while I was making out with another man. I groan and cover my face in my hands. I've never been this girl before.

  "Shh, it's okay," Paige soothes beside me. "He didn't even notice you were gone."

  "You sure?" She nods. "You probably think I'm a horrible person."

  Paige grabs my shoulders and forcibly turns me to face her. Her face is determined and she waits until she has all my attention before speaking.

  "I think you are in the wrong place at the wrong time," she says. "Come on, before someone notices."

  I nod and force my usual public smile. It's the fake expression I've kept on all night while parading around with Noah. We link our arms and exit the bathroom. The music is louder in the ballroom now that the speeches are over.

  "Willow, darling. There you are."

  I stop, but Paige pulls me along. I glance up at Noah as we approach.

  "Ladies room," Paige explains for me.

  "I see," Noah says with a chuckle and charming smile. "I met your friend. Landon, right?"

  My wide-eyes move next to Noah where I finally notice Landon standing next to him. His suit is still crisp, showing no signs of what just happened between us in the bathroom minutes before. He gives me a polite smile, but I see the tightness in his face. He's clenching his jaw and I see the muscles moving under the skin.

  "I'm glad you two met," I lie through my teeth. The calm, pleasant tone comes out easy. "Landon will follow in Dr. Mason's footsteps one day."

  "I sure hope so," Noah says and slaps a hand on Landon's shoulder. "It's a good thing to see someone so dedicated to their work. That's hard to find these days."

  I smile, but when I look at Noah, his focus is on me. "Very true," I agree.

  "You two should join us for dinner next weekend," Noah says to our group. "What do you say? My treat?"

  "That would be great," Paige agrees in fake enthusiasm. Her hand is tightening on my arm as the situation becomes tenser. I haven't even been to his apartment yet.

  "Landon?" Noah turns to look at him. "I want to thank you both for helping my Willow with all she's been through. I know you have done so much."

  Landon looks to me then back at Noah. "I would love to, Noah. That would be great."

  "Great," Noah says with a clap of his hands. "We will see you then. Willow, let’s go back in. There are some people I want you to meet."

  I nod numbly and start to follow.

  "We were just leaving," Landon announces. "Nice to meet you, Noah."

  Paige releases her death grip and I wonder if she left a mark. She takes Landon's extended hand after kissing me on the cheek. I look at Landon as he walks backward away from me. I want to scream for him to stay. Noah's hand on my back reminds me that I can't. Once they disappear through the door, Noah guides me back to the ballroom.

  "Your hair is messed up," Noah whispers in my ear.

  I walk the familiar halls to Dr. Mason's office for my appointment. Every step reminds me of her. I see Willow when I look into her former room. I recall the whispers I heard about her from the staff. I can still see the shock in her face when we collided in the hall. What before was an annoying condition is becoming torturous when all I choose to do is memorize her.

  It's been three days since I've seen Willow. I watched her walk away with her boyfriend while trying not to rip his arms off. The condescending tone he used with her, the possessive way he touched her—it all drove me mad. For a brief moment, I had her all to myself. I'm not sure I can ever get past how that felt. If I hadn’t been so concerned with how Willow would react, I would have hauled her out of the ballroom.

  "Landon, have a seat," the doctor greets me. When I do, he folds his hands in front of him and looks at me expectantly. "How are you doing?"

  "Good," I answer automatically. "Thesis project is going well. I think Willow is improving."

  "So I hear. I saw her yesterday," he tells me. "Though we aren't here to talk about her."

  "Right," I agree. "Not much has changed with me."

  "I disagree," Mason says as he leans back in chair. "I think a lot has changed. I've known you almost half of your life, Landon. Please don't take me for an idiot."

  I stare at him blankly. I used to be able to tell him anything. Now, he's too close, so connected with everything and everyone, that I feel like I need to keep some details to myself.

  "You used to keep everyone out. It's a coping mechanism that I have been trying to break you of. You let her close. Part of me is glad to see it, the other part is worried."

  "We are just friends," I try to explain.

  "I hope so, but I am neither blind nor dumb. I was at the benefit. You are supposed to remain professional in your studies. There is a lot at risk for both of you. Your career and schooling. Her recovery and happiness."

  I nod as his warning starts to sink in. As much as Dr. Mason cares for me, he would pull me out of the study if he thought it was unethical. He would do it to protect me and Willow. It's too late to start over with another project. What we could learn about amnesia with Willow's experience could help others in the future.

  "She has a boyfriend," he reminds me, like I could have forgotten. "He is the only constant in her life. Let him do his job of loving her and caring for her. You do your job to help her psychologically."

  "I don't think she loves him," I argue. She wouldn't have kissed me like she did if her heart was with someone else.

  "Interfering in her relationship or personal life will likely cause more harm than good, Landon."

&nbs
p; Would it? Would her life fall apart if I came through and wrecked all she has? Am I willing to pick up the shattered pieces afterward? Willow has one person in her life and losing that would hurt her.

  "You're right," I say as I lean forward with my elbows on my knees. "I've gotten invested in her and got distracted. You have no reason to worry. I hear what you are saying."

  We spend the remainder of the hour talking about simple things. Inside, my thoughts are spiraling out of control. There's no doubt that I crossed a line with Willow. It's only now that I see the position I've put her in. I jeopardized our professional relationship and friendship by giving into my own selfish wants. Willow is not in a place right now to make impulsive decisions.

  I leave the office and head down the street, finding myself standing outside of Willow's building. I look up at the massive structure. I can't give her a place like this. I have nothing to offer her like he can. I walk around the building and down an alley behind the construction site next door. Around back, I find an unlocked door and take the stairs up forty flights.

  I knock on her door and wait for it to open. I hear some scuffling inside and finally the door swings open. Willow's eyes go wide when she see me leaning on the wall across the hall. Her hair is a mess, she's without makeup, and her face looks pale.

  "Landon," she hisses. "You can't be here. Security will tell him."

  I step forward and push into her apartment. Her hands are on my chest, making a weak attempt to keep me out. "I snuck by. No one knows I'm here. Are you okay?"

  I put my finger under her chin to tilt her face up. Emerald eyes glisten up at me. "Yeah. I am okay."

  Those three words tell me she's lying. When a person lies, they will often use your words when answering and probably won't use contractions when speaking. All the signs are clear she's hiding something from me. Her body is tense and her smile is forced.

  "I don't believe you."