Back to You

by Lauren Dane

“And why is that?” Stacey had no problem making Kelly come out and say it.

  “Because you’re right. In part. He’s suddenly in my space. Sure, I see him often enough when he’s not recording, writing or on tour. He sees the girls regularly, is what I mean. Which is good,” Kelly added.

  “Get to the real point and stop giving the man a gold star for doing what is a necessary and normal thing. It’s not a special achievement to be there for your children. Nor should you have to note it every time like a credit he gets paid for. Ugh. He’s supposed to be a good parent.”

  When Kelly thought about her own upbringing, she couldn’t help but give Vaughan credit because she’d grown up without anyone who loved her the way he loved their children.

  “What about Vaughan and Kelly? Don’t get sidetracked by your obsessive need to be nice. Not when we’re talking about sex and stuff. He’s reacting to your engagement.”

  Kelly thought so, too. “Maybe. When I told him about the engagement he was surprised.”

  “But the tool held his tongue to the point of pretty much rolling with it A-OK.”

  Kelly shook her head, disagreeing with that. “It felt more like he ran from it. Not acceptance. Avoidance.” The distinction shouldn’t be important, but it was. “It’s recent and stupid and it doesn’t say anything. Not really. But it feels like he’s trying to get close to me. Like a deliberate step into my life.”

  She told Stacey about the thing he’d done at the table the day before and the support he’d shown her at the hospital and even after. And about the argument in the tree house.

  “You got mad at him? Like to his face?” Stacey put some potato salad on her sandwich and topped it with a slice of bread. Kelly shook her head. Who was she to judge? She’d eaten mu shu pork before six in the morning.

  “Suddenly I just... I wasn’t able to keep it back. So I got mad as hell and said all sorts of stuff. I don’t regret any of it. I thought about being sorry but then, you know what? It felt good to finally let the anger out. The problem is that now it’s like a switch has been flipped or something. I can’t stop thinking about him or why he’s evading my questions.”

  Stacey pointed with her fork for extra emphasis. “He’s evading your questions because he wants you back. I actually thought he never would get off his ass to fight for you. Bold move, if he’s committed to it. Maybe he can pull it off. Neither of you are the same people you were when you divorced.”

  Kelly blinked, beyond words for long seconds. “And what should Ross think about that?”

  Stacey kept eating her sandwich.

  “So, let me get this straight. You’re not going to tell me to lock the door and keep an aspirin between my knees?” Kelly asked.

  Stacey laughed. “It wouldn’t do any good. I love you and want you to be with a man who loves you and deserves you. Ross is nice, though he’s way more connected to his ex-wife’s family than I think is normal. You let them eat here when your kid was in the hospital. That’s not weekly dinners at your ex-in-laws’ like he does. Regardless, Ross would be a proficient spouse. He’s a good provider—not that you need it, but it’s a good indicator of character—and he enjoys your girls. The ones on your chest and the ones you gave birth to. But he doesn’t adore you. He doesn’t cherish you. He wants you. Plus? You don’t love him.”

  Denial sprang to her lips automatically. “I do so love him.” Kelly sighed as she searched for something she was more certain of. “He’s everything I’ve been missing. He’s stable. He came to the hospital because he knew the Hurleys were going to show up and I’d be there alone. I said yes to his proposal. I should have said yes.” Kelly added a sharp nod of her head to underline that. Stacey kept looking at her. “What? I’m sorry, but it’s true. It was a logical choice. His girls and mine get along. We share the same general parenting philosophy. He’s a good choice.”

  Kelly winced at how empty the words sounded. Though maybe there was a slight flavor of desperation, a need to believe it. If she just said it all over and over again she’d believe it.

  “Jeez. Yes, yes, Ross is a great guy. And he’ll make the right woman a great husband. You’re not that woman. He can’t handle you. He doesn’t even know it yet, but he will sooner or later. And resent you for it. Right now, though, he wants more than you can give so he’s accepting that you’re settling. Which will leave you both unhappy. I think marrying Ross would be a terrible mistake. No matter what you decide with Vaughan,” Stacey added. “The world is full of nice people who make good choices and floss. But those things, in and of themselves, aren’t enough to get married to someone over.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

  Stacey peeked in a few containers she’d brought out from the fridge, sniffed a few, putting most back but bringing the rest to the table. “It’s not like I’ve hidden my general feelings about Ross.”

  That much was true. But Stacey was really good at seeing past the emotional but not necessarily important stuff to get to the heart of the matter. She gave great advice, even if she herself didn’t always follow it.

  “Well, but whether or not he’s bland, that’s not going to color your perception as to my marrying him. You’re too single-minded and Borg-like for that. It would be irrelevant unless you had a good reason,” Kelly said.

  “Borg-like?” Stacey snickered. “That’s a good one. Also, correct. Because even if I hated him, if you loved him and I thought he’d make you happy I’d suck it up and hold my tongue. I’ve been waiting until you asked.”

  “You’re good at this friend thing. I’m just saying.”

  “Right?” Stacey winked. “Back to Ross. He’s nice. So what? Nice?” She blew raspberries. “Fuck nice. I don’t even want nice shoes much less a nice partner.” She put her sandwich down and after a judicious wiping of any potato salad remnants, Stacey grabbed Kelly’s hand for emphasis. “Does he make your heart beat faster? When he says your name, does it feel like your skin can’t hold in the intensity of what you feel? Because if not, don’t get married. Every day I see the end of one marriage after the next and while yes, it does make me jaded, it also convinces me that successful marriages are a mix of things, but they have an essential spark between the couple. Ross would be sure your car got detailed. The guy you should marry? He’d know you get up at four thirty so you can work out an hour before you start your day. He’d accept that you do it because you were raised by a sociopath but that you work quite hard to not let it go into more obsessive behavior.”

  “It’s weird that you feel no hesitation bringing up the state of my mental health,” Kelly said.

  “Whatever. I’m socially awkward and useless when it comes to being subtle anywhere but in my job. I say what I think. You need that. You ignore that I’m weird in my own ways.”

  Kelly giggled quietly. “You’re my weirdo soul mate.”

  “My point is, being known by someone else— understood—that’s worth everything. Nice is one thing. But true connection? That’s a universe away from nice. It’s necessary. Kelly, you don’t have that with Ross. And I don’t think you ever will.”

  Kelly frowned. “I am totally done being single. I want a partner. I want someone to have long talks with, late into the night. I want someone to come home to. Other than the girls, obviously, but you know what I mean. I want to be with someone. Ross isn’t exciting like Vaughan, no. But he’s a good choice.”

  “There are men from sea to shining sea. Especially when you’re tall, blonde, blue-eyed and gorgeous. You don’t have to settle and marry someone you don’t love.” Stacey indicated Kelly with another fork point.

  “None of this matters anyway. Vaughan hasn’t said anything specific. When I asked him directly about it he avoided answering. I’m off balance. He’ll go back to the ranch tomorrow or maybe even tonight and it’ll all be over.” It’d be easier to think about marriage to Ros
s once Vaughan had disappeared from her life again.

  “I don’t know, Kel. I mean, look at you. You’re flushed. He’s got you flustered.”

  “I didn’t say the situation would be over. Just his part in it. I have to think about the engagement. I’ve had second thoughts over the last few weeks.” Upstairs she heard Kensey moving around. Walking down the hall from Kelly’s bedroom to her own. They probably had about five minutes before she came down, so Kelly needed to wrap this up before they had an audience.

  Stacey shrugged. “You know my opinion of the engagement. If you want more from me, tell me. I’m just trying to keep my mouth shut and support you after this.”

  Kelly laughed some more. “You butt out? Ha!”

  “I didn’t say I was going to butt out. I said I told you how I felt but that you’re my friend and I want you to be happy so I’ll support you in that.”

  “Fair enough. Thanks again for coming home.”

  “Not a thing. Tell me what you need. I can stay here with Kensey while you go pick Maddie up. I can bring her with me to the hospital, take her to my place for a while. I can run interference with the Hurleys. Whatever.”

  “Thank you. I called the hospital already to check in. She’s awake and doing well. They said I could come over there after eight. The doctor told us last night that if everything kept on the way it was that we could bring Maddie home sometime late morning today.”

  “When’s Shurley arriving?”

  Kelly couldn’t stop her snicker. Shurley was what they called Sharon Hurley so no one knew they were talking about Vaughan’s mother.

  “Vaughan should be here within the next fifteen minutes. I imagine his parents will be arriving either with him, or sometime soon after. I hope after. I don’t have enough coffee in me yet for before. The rest of the brood I expect will show up at some point once we get Maddie home and settled.”

  “How was it yesterday? Aside from the argument you had with Vaughan?”

  “It was all right. Everyone was friendly, especially everyone who wasn’t a certain mother-in-law. Ezra has a new girlfriend. She’s pretty cool. Makes jewelry so I’m all over looking at what she does. Maybe for the shop.”

  Kelly co-owned two clothing boutiques. One in Portland and the sister store in Manhattan. She and her business partner had decided to start carrying more accessories like jewelry and bags recently. As they liked to feature women artists and designers and also support locals, she’d been thrilled to meet Tuesday and get along with her so well from the start.

  “It could have been dreadful and it was only uncomfortable. So, yay, I guess. But there won’t be as big a houseful today so that means I may have more one-on-one time with Shurley. Maddie’s in raptures that her dad and grandparents will be here. I’m trying to hold on to that. If you could just be here to run interference if I need that, I’d appreciate it.”

  “Got it.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  KENSEY, SINGING AT the top of her lungs “Me and Bobby McGee”—the kid had taste—came downstairs and when she caught sight of Stacey, she stopped singing to shriek Stacey’s name as she launched herself at their visitor.

  Stacey, laughing, hugged Kensey tight, kissing each cheek before putting her back down. “Good to see you, peaches.”

  “Did you hear that Maddie’s appendix got bursted? She got surgery and Daddy promised her a new bike. But then she made him promise to get me one, too. Which I thought was pretty nice of her to share.”

  Stacey’s gaze met Kelly’s for a brief moment. Amusement lit her eyes.

  By the time Kelly slid a plate of eggs and toast to Kensey, Vaughan had arrived, also bringing coffee, along with a box of doughnuts.

  He came up short at the sight of Stacey at the island, seated next to Kensey.

  “Morning, Kelly.” He turned to Stacey and lifted a hand in greeting. “Stacey.”

  At first it had been weird, becoming such close friends with the attorney who handled her divorce. But it had been years since then and it wasn’t so odd anymore.

  Vaughan bent to hug Kensey, who grinned at her dad. “Auntie Stacey came over to have potato salad sandwiches for breakfast. She’s been in Manhattan at our other house. I told her she could have my room but she likes Mom’s room best.”

  “Her bed is bigger. My feet hang off the end of your bed.” Stacey stood, clearing away some dishes as she did. “I do wear your clothes when I’m there, though, baby.” She winked.

  Kensey put her hands over her mouth and laughed.

  “Have you eaten? The fridge is full of stuff left over from yesterday but I can scramble you a few eggs if you’d rather,” Kelly asked him.

  His wariness eased away as his smile deepened, took root and made her slightly dizzy. “I’m going to have a doughnut with some coffee and see where I go from there. My parents went home last night but they called me twenty minutes ago and said they were leaving the ranch.”

  “They’re welcome here after we handle Maddie’s discharge.” Hopefully for a short period of time. Maddie would need rest and quiet, not a house full of her relatives.

  “Much appreciated. I figure everyone can come by here, see that Maddie is safely tucked in and happy and then they’ll all go. I asked my brothers to stay home today. They’d like to visit her this week sometime, but I’ll coordinate that with you first.”

  Kelly eyed him carefully. That was pretty thoughtful of him, and of them. “Of course. She loves to see her uncles, you know that. She can’t stop talking about Mary and Damien’s baby and how they’ll have a new cousin to play with.”

  Kensey cleared her dishes and danced past her parents. About 70 percent of the time, their youngest child didn’t bother to walk or skip or run to get around; she pranced and leaped; she shimmied and pirouetted. Kensey had been a dancer even before she could walk. “Auntie Stacey, will you fix my hair?”

  Stacey nodded. “Yes, that would be awesome.” Hand in hand, the two headed back upstairs, leaving Vaughan and Kelly alone.

  * * *

  “HOW DO YOU want to do this?” Vaughan asked her. “I’d like it if it could be just you and me at the hospital. Okay?”

  “No Sharon and Michael?”

  He shook his head. “No Ross, either.”

  She gave him a look, suspicion at the edges. “Why?”

  “I want to be a little selfish, okay? I want to be the one who carries her in from the car. The one to bring her to her bed so you can tuck her in.” He paused. “Please?” Vaughan knew Ross spent more time with his daughters than he did. But he’d decided the night before to end that. To not only win his family back, but to deserve them, too.

  Kelly blew out a breath. “All right. It’s a fair request. As long as it’s just you and I.”

  Licking his lips, Vaughan searched for the right words. “I’m sorry about a lot of things. I wasn’t specific yesterday and I can’t really be right now. But I’m working on it. I made so many mistakes. I promise you my mother will behave. But she’ll do it from here. They already promised they wouldn’t stay a long time. They appreciate your being so welcoming to them.”

  The rift between his mother and the mother of his children had come from him. It had grown to epic proportions and then settled into painfully precise civility.

  He hated knowing Kelly had to be wary of an attack from his mother. Sharon Hurley wanted to protect her family so she’d reacted defensively from the start.

  She’d never given Kelly a chance, and their split had only made things worse.

  Kelly shook her head. “I don’t want to go into that right now. I have enough to manage at the moment.”

  “Fair enough.” Vaughan finished the second doughnut and dusted the sugar from his hands. “One more thing. I know it’s going to take a week to two weeks for Maddie to recover totally. I’d lik
e to be around as she recuperates. I want to be with them both more. I’ve missed a lot. I don’t want to... I’m here and this is what dads should be for. I’ll stay in my place in Portland and commute here. Help with school and stuff. I know you work at your store while the girls are in school so I can be here while you do that. I want, very much, to be a better, more involved father. I want them both to count on me to make things better.”

  He wanted her to have that, too.

  Vaughan took in the way the sun hit her back, the gold in her hair gleaming in the light. She wore it up in a ponytail. Not wearing much makeup, she was casual in jeans and a bright blue shirt and sandals. And yet she made it elegant. Something about her always made him think about expensive champagne. She seemed to sizzle on his tongue and then wisp away.

  He knew she smelled of the same perfume she’d worn since he met her. Chanel No. 5.

  Their daughters had her tall, blonde looks. Blue eyes, though closer to the green of Vaughan’s than their mother’s deep ocean blue. They had the same grace Kelly carried herself with.

  Kelly spoke again, catching his attention. “Maddie would really love that. Both girls would love having you around more. But your condo is nearly as far away—given traffic—as your place at the ranch is.” She twisted her ring a moment. “If you really want to do this, I have a guest room with a bathroom attached. You can stay there for the next few weeks.”

  “Really?” Being here would put him close to them. He wouldn’t go to bed every night in another place, hoping for a phone call to update him. He’d be there for them. All three of them. He could help and get to know Kelly all over again and hopefully prove that he’d changed while he was at it.

  “Yeah, of course.” She nodded.

  “That would be great. Thank you so much. Really. This means a lot.”

  He hugged her and stepped back after he sniffed her hair.

  “I can cook fairly well so I can help with breakfast, too.”

  “Baby steps, Vaughan. Let’s just go bit by bit.”