Of Neptune

by Anna Banks

  Is he saying that I’m somehow standing in the way of my mother’s happiness? Is he saying that I’m standing in the way of his happiness? Or am I reading this all wrong? I try to rein in my feelings and filter them into useful conversation. “You don’t want to wait until after we graduate college to be mated? Is that what this is about?” And if it is, how do I feel about that?

  But my brain won’t answer the questions my heart is asking.

  He sighs. “I didn’t mean to upset you. We can talk about it later. We’ve both had a long day.”

  “You know you don’t have to attend college, Galen. We already talked about this. I can take classes, and you can … We can get an apartment off campus, remember?”

  He grimaces. “No. Yes. Sort of.” He crosses his arms over the dresser and rests his chin on them. “Look, I’m not asking for a decision right now, and I’m not trying to pressure you.”

  “Pressure me into what? Galen, so far I haven’t heard you ask me to do anything. I don’t know what we’re talking about here.” And I’m getting pretty frustrated with it. He must be, too, because he buries his face in his arms.

  Finally he looks at me again, meets my eyes. “I don’t want to go to college,” he says. “All I want to do is have our mating ceremony and go back to the ocean. With you. Now. Ten minutes ago, actually. The sooner the better.”

  My jaw may never close again at this point. Shock pirouettes through my veins in precise, intense waves. Is that why he didn’t have a problem stopping before things got too serious on the side of the interstate earlier today? Was he trying to get me to break my promise to wait until after our mating ceremony so he could break his promise to stay on land with me? “You’re backing out of our plans?” I almost choke on the words.

  He jerks his head up. “No. I’m just … offering an alternative to the whole college thing.”

  “You were the one who wanted to come on this trip, Galen. To get away from the ocean. And now you want to get away from land?”

  “I needed to think.”

  “And so this is what you came up with? That college is a bad idea and that you’d rather live in the water—where I can’t breathe, if you recall?”

  “Dr. Milligan said that over time you could—”

  “No.”

  “You would live longer. You wouldn’t be as fragile as humans.”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “You’re angry.”

  Understatement of the millennium. “You think?”

  “I shouldn’t have brought it up yet. I was waiting for the right time, but I can see this wasn’t it.”

  “There is no right time to ask me to live in the ocean with you, Galen. I can’t do that.”

  “Can’t? Or won’t?” Now he sounds mad.

  I feel so waylaid by this conversation. I just told him I can’t breathe in the water. But even if I could, would I? I wish my brain and my heart could call a truce. I really need them to be on the same side right now. “That’s not fair.”

  “Really?” he says, incredulous. “But it’s fair that I give up everything I’ve ever known?”

  I feel the tears spill out of my eyes, roll down my hot cheeks, and land on my chest. When he puts it like that, it doesn’t seem fair. But it’s what we agreed on. He said he would go anywhere, as long as I was with him. “You made that decision, Galen. You said you didn’t mind.”

  “That was before.”

  “Before what? Reed?” I regret it as soon as I say it. I can tell I’ve practically pounded on a very sensitive button.

  He snorts. “If I never hear that name again, it will be too soon.” He paces toward the curtain and makes a show of peering out the window.

  “If this isn’t about Reed, then what is it about?”

  He faces me. When he does, some of the anger is gone from his face, replaced by the sadness that’s been haunting him the last few months. “Neptune is just an added complication to this whole mess. What I mean is, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.” He shakes his head. “Just forget I mentioned it. I’ll deal with it.”

  I stand. “Really? Like you’re dealing with it now?” I’m still not even sure what “it” is. This is probably the most unnerving exchange with Galen I’ve ever had. “Are you sure this isn’t about Ree—Neptune? I mean, everything is going great, we’re on a road trip that you wanted to go on, by the way, and now we’ve come across a town of Half-Breeds who are defining themselves instead of letting some arcane law do it for them—but none of this has anything to do with your sudden decision to keep me prisoner in an underwater castle?”

  He flinches. “I didn’t realize you felt you were my prisoner,” he says softly. He closes the distance between us and brushes his fingers over my cheek. “I want so much more for you than that, angelfish.”

  I put my hand on his. “Galen, I—” I’m going to say I’m sorry but I can’t force it out. I am sorry. But I’m just not sure what I’m sorry about. That we had a fight? No, because we’re going to fight sometimes, and apparently these things needed to be said. Sorry that I don’t want to live in the ocean with him? No. Because I never misled him into thinking I did. He knew from the beginning where I stood about college and staying on land.

  I guess what I’m sorry about the most is that we’re at odds—and there doesn’t seem to be a solution. And that I said something I don’t mean. I absolutely do not feel like his prisoner. I feel more like his warden, like I’m holding him back. Apparently what he wants is no longer what I want.

  The problem is, I still want him.

  “I have to go back,” he says quietly. “I hope you understand.”

  “Back?”

  “To Triton territory. I have to tell Grom about this place. It’s my duty.”

  “Are you sure Grom doesn’t already know about this?”

  “Grom wouldn’t keep this from the kingdoms. Even if Anto—under any circumstances. I know my brother. I have to tell him.” He visibly braces himself for what I’ll say next.

  I step away from him. “You can’t do that, Galen. You just can’t. You know what the law says about Half-Breeds. You would let them do that to these people? You would let them kill Toby?”

  His features are weighed down with anguish. “I don’t know how we’ve come to this point, Emma. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you think of me this way.”

  “I’m not going with you.”

  He nods, and brushes past me. “I gathered as much.” Opening the door, he turns back to me. “Stay here then, Emma. If you feel you belong here, if this is what you want, then stay. Who am I to stop you? We both know you’re going to do what you want.”

  And then he is gone.

  12

  WHEN HE can’t keep it in any longer, Galen pulls over on the side of the road. Turns off the lights. Slams the door behind him. He makes his way into the woods just far enough to be unseen by any cars passing by. And he takes his frustration out on the nearest tree.

  Over and over and over, he punches it. The bark gives way to wood, and still he punches. Only small ribbons of moonlight shine through the trees, barely exposing his misery, for which he’s grateful. “I’m such an idiot,” he yells at the massive, newly assaulted trunk.

  He turns around and sinks down the length of it, drawing his knees to his chin. She feels like my prisoner. And why wouldn’t she? I follow her around like a seal pup. I barely give her room to breathe. But I don’t want to miss a single waking moment with her.

  And what hurts worse is that all this time he thought she felt the same about him. The way she kisses him, pressing her body to him as if she can’t get close enough. The way she always absently finds some way to touch him, by resting her hand on his arm or crossing her leg over his under the dinner table. How could he have misjudged her feelings like this?

  He’d wanted to explain to her how he felt. What an excellent job I did! He starts off by announcing that he doesn’t want to go to college and that he can barely keep his hands
off her. He groans into his fists. Way to act like a stalker, idiot.

  Right when he was about to get around to explaining why he wants her to live in the ocean—that it will give them more time together—she tells him that she already feels like his prisoner. Which means that she feels they spend enough time together as it is.

  Centuries wouldn’t be enough time for him. He knows that with his whole being.

  But she doesn’t feel that way. Open your eyes, fool! She just told you that Neptune is where she belongs. And why wouldn’t she want to stay here? The residents are like her. She doesn’t have to worry about people asking about her pale skin or her white hair or her violet eyes. They know what she is, and they’ll accept her.

  No, they’ll embrace her, once they really get to know her. She is one of them.

  And it’s more than Galen could ever promise her. Even if she agreed to live in the ocean with him, they would always have to endure curious glances and whispered gossip. And if he stayed on land with her, she would always have to be cautious with other people, always have to hide what she is. And so would he.

  All this time he’d been thinking Antonis was cruel to send his Half-Breed granddaughter here and get her hopes up that her kind wouldn’t always be an abomination to the Syrena. The Poseidon king had to know she would want to somehow make peace between Half-Breeds and the two ocean kingdoms.

  But that’s not what Antonis intended at all. He didn’t care about peace between them, or he would have done something about it long ago, when he first discovered this sleepy little town. Instead he told no one. Ever. Until he met Emma, his Half-Breed granddaughter. Then he gladly sent her here because he cares about her happiness. No matter who she is or what she is or where she is. He was giving her another option, another choice. And he trusts her with this secret. Or did the Half-Breed exception made by the Archives spring Antonis into action? Are his plans truly to pursue peace with Neptune after all?

  He also knew I would try to keep her from this place. That’s why he didn’t tell her what exactly she was looking for. She would have told me, and I would have refused to bring her.

  Oh, and he would have refused. Vehemently. He knows deep down he would have. Back at the inn, he basically accused Emma of being selfish, of letting him make all the sacrifices. He’s certain he would have tried to stop her from coming here. From breaking the law. From angering the Archives. From finding companionship with others like her.

  All so he could steal her away to the ocean with him. Which is what she never wanted.

  It doesn’t change the fact that he can’t keep this place a secret from Grom. Too much damage has already been done by keeping secrets. The kingdoms were almost torn apart by secrets. He and Emma were almost torn apart by them.

  It kills him that Emma thinks he’s capable of hurting an innocent minnow like Toby. That he means to bring Grom here to destroy them. That she thinks he would help bring harm to this town. She should know that he—more than anyone—is particularly sympathetic toward Half-Breeds. And, really, so is Grom, what with a Half-Breed stepdaughter.

  But he doesn’t have to go all the way back to Triton territory to tell Grom. It’s something that can be accomplished with a simple phone call. He doesn’t have to—and doesn’t want to—leave Emma here by herself.

  He was testing to see if she’d come with him. And he got his answer.

  Still, he’ll make the phone call. Galen knows Nalia will be coming ashore every few days to check in with Emma. It may take a few days to make contact with Nalia and Grom, and that’s fine. And maybe that’s what Emma needs—a few days to explore what could be. Whatever she decides, I’ll be there for her. I have to go back and ask for another chance to explain.

  Just as he starts back toward the SUV, headlights from the road send an intrusive beam of light into the woods, forcing him to close his eyes against the brightness. When he opens them, he realizes the beam is not going away. It’s heading straight toward him. He stands, his instincts telling him to run. The truck stops within a few inches of him. It takes all he has not to step away. Two large men—or Syrena in human form, that is—hop out and stride to the front of the truck.

  “Woods ain’t no place for a boy like you,” the bigger one says. He spits on the ground in front of Galen. The bottom of his mouth protrudes as if he’s got a chunk of food tucked there.

  “There are actual laws against my being in the woods?” Galen says, hands in pockets.

  The short one laughs. “Tyrden was right. He is obsessed with laws.”

  “Which is why you’re coming with us. Galen, is it? Now there’s no sense in backing away, boy. You’re surrounded. If you make a run for it, it’ll just hurt more.”

  Nonetheless, Galen runs.

  13

  SLICES OF sunlight leak through the blinds of the room. I’m sure it would be breathtaking to behold if my eyes weren’t almost swollen shut from crying all night. The fight Galen and I had is serious. And it’s not just because it’s the first real argument we’ve had as a couple and now we’ve officially erased the new feeling, the euphoria from the relationship, blah blah blah.

  It’s not just a surface scratch that can be buffed out by an apology and some roses or whatever. It’s a huge dent in what each of us envisioned our relationship to be. It could be proof that we may not be right for each other. It seems like the death of our dreams together somehow. And I mourned all night over it.

  I want to go to him. Knock on his door and tell him that I’m sorry, that I don’t feel like his prisoner, that I love him and I want to fix this. But I can’t.

  Because Galen never came back last night. Sylvia confirmed it for me. She’d knocked on his door early this morning, and when he didn’t answer, she went in, finding that his bed had not been slept in. The room appeared untouched altogether.

  Which is something I wish I could say about my heart.

  He actually left me here. He stole away to Grom and now he won’t answer my calls. Maybe he’s already reached the water and doesn’t have access to his cell. Maybe he hasn’t, and he’s ignoring me.

  When the room phone rings on the nightstand, I jump, pulling the blankets tightly to my chin. Galen. He’s not ignoring me after all. I snatch the phone from the receiver. “Where are you?” I blurt. I hope he can’t tell that I’ve been crying. My voice sounds pretty rough, all things considered.

  “Um. I’m at my house,” Reed answers. I slump back under the covers, bringing the phone with me.

  “Oh. Hey. I thought you were Galen.”

  Silence. Then, “You’ve misplaced Galen?”

  I can’t help but smile. “You could say that.”

  “Do you know when he’ll be back?”

  “I don’t know that he will be back.”

  “For real? Did you have a fight or something?”

  I sigh into the phone. “I really don’t want to talk about it, honestly.” For one, I might start crying again. Also, rehashing the fight would involve divulging that Galen left to tattle on the entire town. But shouldn’t I say something? Shouldn’t I warn them that they may be in danger?

  “Sure, sure. No worries,” Reed says quickly. “Listen, I was going to take the both of you around town and introduce you to some folks. The offer still stands. You know, even if Galen isn’t back yet.”

  And there is the dilemma. Galen leaves town less than twenty-four hours ago, and I decide to haul off and go gallivanting with another guy? Not just any guy, a guy that Galen may or may not be jealous of.

  But the thing is … Galen abandoned me. I can stay here and bathe in my own misery all day like a pathetic weakling. Or I could get up, get showered, and explore the town, just as I had intended to do before Galen left. Not only would the latter be good for me, but it would also be good for Galen. It wouldn’t hurt anything if he changes his mind and comes back, only to find that I’ve abandoned him, that I’ve gone on an adventure without him. Well, not abandoned, just … found independence in a tight spot. Or
something.

  The point is, it wouldn’t hurt anything at all to stand my ground. Except maybe his pride. Or his feelings. But he’s not the one who cried all night.

  “Absolutely,” I tell Reed. “Give me time to shower and dress, and I’ll meet you in the lobby in an hour.”

  It’s true. You can hear someone smile on the phone. “Awesome. See you in an hour.”

  * * *

  So Reed pulls up in this dumpy blue antique truck. A rash of rust covers the whole thing, which reminds me of someone with a bad case of acne and the pain of a tetanus shot all at once. One headlight is foggy. The front fender has a dent, the kind of dent a bowling ball would make if chucked from a canon. The dash sports a web of cracked, light blue vinyl, either maimed from the sun or from consistent abuse over decades.

  That said, I’ve never been more thrilled to hop into the front seat of a truck in my whole life. This truck means distraction, adventure, curiosity satisfied. Independence.

  This truck is my new BFF.

  “I know it’s not svelt like you’re used to,” Reed says apologetically. “But either Galen is the richest Syrena I know, or he’s an extremely effective car thief.”

  I laugh. I’m feeling generous today. “He sells things he finds in the oceans. Lost treasures from old shipwrecks and things like that.”

  Reed’s eyes widen. “Son of a biscuit eater. That’s brilliant.”

  I almost tell him that Rachel thought of it first, but then I’d have to explain who she is—and what happened to her. And that feels more like a betrayal of Galen than anything else.

  And that’s when I remember something that Galen said last night. You won’t be as fragile as humans.

  “Oh, no,” I groan, burying my face in my hands. I’ve been so selfish. I should have seen this coming. I should have known that his change in attitude is all because of Rachel. He wants me to live in the ocean so that I’m safe, so that I’ll live longer. So that he doesn’t lose me, like he lost Rachel. I’m such a moron.