Learning to Love Again

by A. K. Rose

  “Well, sure, I like it now. It’s convenient and close to work and I don’t really have time to maintain a real house right now. But, if we’re talking dreams, well, dreams are something different altogether. I’ve always wanted to move to the country and have a simple life, a life of joy and fulfillment that doesn’t involve the hustle and bustle. I’ve always wanted to have someone to share that kind of life with. I’m kinda surprised that you want the same thing. What are the odds?”

  Cassie turned to watch Rachel’s reaction, the gravity of the situation hitting her. They were compatible—intellectually and physically. They had similar interests, and now, this. It was almost too much. It was as if the universe was telling her she was done—she’d found her match. For too long she’d been in the closet, focusing her interests on her best friend, and when she finally realized it wasn’t going to happen—it really wasn’t even the right fit—the first person that came into her life was this incredible woman who let her be herself; who wanted the same things she wanted.

  “Well, I have this theory,” Rachel started, “it just sort of seems that when you’re in a place in your life when you’re ready . . . when you’re fully open to the potential of the right match, the universe will provide.”

  “I like that theory,” Cassie agreed, reaching across the center console to hold Rachel’s hand. “It’s a day late, but do you want to know what I’m thankful for?”

  “Of course,” Rachel said, squeezing the fair-skinned hand in hers in response.

  “Gay bars and Corona signs and meddling redheads named Holly, that’s what. I’m so thankful we met.”

  “Me too,” Rachel said, “me too.”

  + + +

  Jessica Taylor found herself alone the day after Thanksgiving, having just barely survived a “Very Taylor Thanksgiving,” as she was known to call it. She’d run the Turkey Trot with Cassie and Rachel, hurried home to wash the storm off her skin, and headed to San Antonio, a short hour’s drive away.

  Her aunt always threw big Thanksgiving celebrations, and without fail, Jessica’s love life—or lack thereof—was a topic of conversation. All her cousins were married; she had no siblings. Therefore, by default, the spotlight was on the baby, who, at the ripe old age of thirty, was not yet married. She was an old maid by her family’s standards.

  As she poured her late-morning coffee that Friday—she’d slept until almost noon—her mind wandered back to Cassie and Rachel. She and her best friend had made up, their awkwardness mostly dissipated, but their relationship wasn’t the same. Jess didn’t know if it could ever be the same, and she found herself strangely jealous of her dentist. Stop it, she thought, when the green monster reared its head. She’d never been jealous of Cassie before, but then again, Cass had never had someone in her life for whom she seemed to genuinely care.

  Jessica figured she was just envious that Cassie seemed happy, that she had a love interest in her storyline during the holidays, a traditionally terrible time to be single. The year before, she’d been with Tony a few months by the time the holidays rolled around, so at least she had a man on her arm to help diffuse the questions.

  She decided to give her friend a call, to see if she’d like to do coffee or dinner later that day. They had the day off—it was a perfect day for girl time.

  “Hey,” Cassie answered, her voice distant and muffled. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

  “Hey!” Jessica said, “It was good. No, that’s a lie. It was as I expected. Lots of cousins passing lots of babies around, questions about my love life, you know, nothing earth-shattering. You?”

  “You know, not bad at all. Pretty good, all things considered. Rach got to meet the Hollanders and is amazingly still speaking to me.”

  “That’s awesome. Why do you sound like you’re in another country? I can barely hear you.”

  “Oh, we’re in the car still—almost home. You know how it is with the soft-top. It’s a little loud.” Cassie was smiling and holding Rachel’s hand, thinking of the plans she had for later that day, which involved red wine, soft music, and quality time on the couch, clothing optional.

  “Oh, okay. Anyway, I’ll keep it quick. Just wondered if you wanted to get together later? Coffee maybe?” Jessica somehow knew the answer. She could barely hear her friend, but her smile came through the phone line loud and clear. Cass was happy—she would be hanging out with Rachel for sure.

  “Oh, I . . . thanks for the offer, but we have plans later, I’m sorry. Next week, maybe? Friday? Alejandro’s?”

  “Okay, don’t worry about it. I just thought I’d ask. Yes, for sure. Friday at Alexandro’s. Tell Rachel I said hi. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Jessica hung up the phone and dropped it on her dining room table. She was losing her friend to love. She wondered if she’d treated Cassie this way in the past when she’d been dating someone, but didn’t have to wonder long. She realized the answer quickly. Of course she had. She’d always prioritized the man of the hour instead of her friend, and now knew exactly how that felt. It didn’t feel great, but she knew she had it coming.

  Resigned to reality, she decided the second-best course of action for the day was to catch up on some work she had lingering. It wasn’t really what she wanted to do, but with no other plans, it would at least keep her occupied. Jessica was done grieving for the loss of Tony earlier in the year and started to really accept that her relationship with Cassie was changing. Life is never stagnant, this will pass, she remembered as she headed to the office, hopeful it would be empty when she got there. She didn’t feel like socializing anymore and just wanted to lose herself in a mountain of research.

  FIFTEEN

  “You know what?” Rachel asked as she dropped a small suitcase in her mud room, its thud audible as it met the tile floor on impact. She didn’t wait for the obligatory ‘what’ in response; she just kept talking as she entered the family room, Cassie one step behind her. “We just spent two solid days together, under stressful conditions, with family and traditions and road tripping, and instead of wanting alone time, I want nothing more than to continue spending time with you.”

  “Me too,” Cassie replied casually, sliding onto the overstuffed couch and propping her sock-covered feet on the coffee table as she motioned with a bending forefinger. “Come here, would you?”

  Rachel obliged, kicking off her shoes and sauntering across the spacious room in bare feet, light streaming in through large picture windows that faced her backyard, the sun still quite bright with early afternoon light. A large oak tree presided over the yard with stately confidence. “Yes, counselor?”

  “That just never gets old . . .” Cassie said, reaching for a strong wrist—a wrist built from years of skilled handiwork and completed dental procedures—pulling gently, the brunette in her grasp landing squarely on her lap with a laugh. “When you talk to me like that, I can only think of one thing.”

  “Tort reform?” Rachel asked, unable to keep a straight face as soft lips zeroed in on the nape of her neck, effectively ending her joke and confirming what the ‘one thing’ actually was.

  Cassie didn’t explain her car ride-induced dream in its entirety earlier, only part of it. But, she couldn’t stop thinking about the full storyline, the juicy part that included them landing in Rachel’s bed breathless and entangled together. She could make it happen; she would make it happen.

  She began slowly kissing Rachel’s neck from behind, arms wrapped around a slim waist with ease. They had no other plans; it was the day after a holiday, and they certainly weren’t off to go Black Friday shopping. So, she was patient, she listened and felt for subtle changes in her lover’s breathing pattern. She paid attention to how Rachel moved to try to coax her attention to sensitive spots along her neckline, how she moaned in appreciation of just the right touch in just the right place. Rachel’s neck was sensitive, Cassie learned that early. She could drag a fingernail along the curve of her shoulder blade up to her earlobe and elicit the most delightful moan in resp
onse.

  “I think . . .” Cassie finally replied, “I could care less about tort reform. But, I would love to take this conversation someplace more practical, where we could really work through it. Know what I mean?”

  “I do,” Rachel shot back as she stood, using her arms to push out of the lap in which she’d been sitting. She didn’t have to be asked this question twice. She headed toward her bedroom but was surprised to turn around and see Cassie still on the couch, watching her. “Are you coming?”

  “I am, most definitely. I was just enjoying the view for a moment and pinching myself. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

  “You’re about to get much luckier . . .”

  Cassie wasted no further time—she had an open invitation into Rachel’s four-poster bed. She still didn’t know how she got so lucky, but there was plenty of time in the future to figure that out. She scurried to catch up and reintroduced her arms around her lover’s waist, the two walking slowly together, slightly awkward but completely in tune. Rachel felt perfect in her arms; it was the most natural feeling in the world. She caught herself starting a common thought pattern, why did I resist this?

  When they hit the bedroom, Rachel turned abruptly to face the blonde with the faint freckles and smallest gap between her teeth, and wondered why she ever wanted to fix that gap—it was incredibly sexy, she now thought—the desire in her eyes impossible to miss. She slid skilled hands under a cashmere sweater, the warmth of the skin underneath sending an instant jolt through her fingertips. Something about Cassie still lit her on fire, and she didn’t see it slowing down anytime soon. She had rarely experienced the pure chemistry she felt when they were together, the need of this woman’s touch as mandatory as air, water, and food. Quite simply, she realized, Cassie Hollander had become mandatory.

  “You are so beautiful to me,” Rachel whispered into an ear slightly shrouded with hair, her breath sending an immediate tingle through Cassie’s spine as the clasp on her bra was released with little effort. Those hands were at it again.

  Cassie wore a guilty grin in response, laughing a bit to herself.

  “What’s funny?” Rachel asked, recoiling, pulling her hands free. “That wasn’t a joke, you know!”

  “No, no, I didn’t think it was. You just reminded me of something . . . I call you the ‘hot dentist’ in my head. I didn’t intend to tell you that, but well, it’s what I think . . .”

  “Well, that’s not all that poetic considering your penchant for speeches, but I suppose there are worse things,” Rachel conceded with a smile, returning her attention to the task at hand, her lips meeting Cassie’s in a deep connection, her tongue exploring the gap she’d just been thinking of, fingers working their way back underneath that pesky sweater. They were touching from head to toe, bare feet and socked feet slightly overlapped, no more than a few millimeters separating them anywhere.

  Before long they landed on a fluffy duvet cover in a state of partial undress, its softness creating a cocoon of comfort, the outside world completely disappearing with every exhale, with every knowing touch. Cassie’s sweater had long since hit the floor, her bare chest too much for Rachel to resist, hands naturally finding their way to the underside of modest, perky breasts, the touch of her palms causing an instant sigh of approval. She was straddling Cassie now, bent knees spanning hips, toes flexed to provide a platform of support.

  Rachel’s bedside manner was gentle, caring. She didn’t rush, didn’t hurry; she was selfless in the process of making Cassie feel like the most important person in the world, because to her, she was. Cassie closed her eyes as short fingernails drew circles around excited nipples until fingers gripped more tightly and pinched playfully; as teeth lightly scraped and teased; as the heat of Rachel’s tongue on her body sent waves of desire into her core, all while her own hands rested lightly on pronounced hipbones. Rachel was a runner through-and-through. Her midsection was defined, her athletic build a complete turn-on from the beginning. A balance of hardness and softness in all the right ways.

  Cassie wanted to open her eyes, to observe the woman who had captivated her completely, but couldn’t, not yet. She was in another world in her mind, completely free of thoughts and enjoying the attention, enjoying the feel of tender lips on her own, of teeth gently nipping at her chin occasionally, of warm exhales lingering on her cheek.

  At some point, Rachel tugged at her jeans, requesting access, knowing full well Cassie was turned on and more than willing. She managed to shrug off tight denim with a slightly awkward motion—she was turned on, but she was who she was, and she wasn’t all that smooth. She found herself completely vulnerable, hair tickling her abdomen, light kisses landing on her thighs in slow-motion.

  “You’re driving me absolutely crazy with this, you know that?” Cassie asked rhetorically. Of course Rachel knew—it was the entire point.

  Without a word, Cassie’s admission was acknowledged, a finger floating along her groin with a feather-light touch, the sensitive area where her thigh met her midsection lighting up with pleasure on impact, her body shuddering slightly in response. With equally faint pressure, Rachel moved on, teasing the same single digit along the length of Cassie’s most intimate area, lingering just long enough on her sensitive nerve endings, the hint of what was to come provoking a groan of approval. She had Cassie’s full attention and continued to tease her with her fingers before switching to a flattened tongue, before increasing the pressure of her affection. She could be a tease, but wouldn’t draw this out too much longer.

  As Cassie’s hips rocked in response to the motion of her ongoing attention, she determined it was time to get serious. Without warning, Rachel slowly introduced two fingers into a ready center, the warmth surrounding her taking her breath away. “I can tell you’re enjoying this,” she whispered before adding a third digit, to the audible delight of her lover. Purposefully, and without abandon, she resumed licking in time with her fingers, Cassie’s hands firmly holding her head now, her appreciation becoming louder on each rhythmic thrust until finally she released herself completely. The hot dentist had her captivated in more ways than one.

  “Thank you . . . for making my road trip dream come true,” Cassie acknowledged with a hoarse voice when she regained her composure, knowing full well Rachel had no idea what she was talking about.

  “Huh?” Rachel asked, sitting up and looking at the blissed-out blonde gazing at her.

  “Well, I didn’t tell you the second part of my dream from earlier . . . you just made that part come true . . .” Cassie leaned over to kiss a welcoming forehead before whispering, “Hey, it’s my turn. Roll over and I’ll rub your back.”

  Rachel obliged without objection, tossing her bra to the side at the last second. Cassie could be just as attentive in these situations, and she was hell-bent on showing it. She reached over into the bedside table to find some lotion, squeezed a small amount onto her hands, rubbing them together quickly to warm it. She used a firm touch to massage a strong back, trapezius and rhomboid muscles relaxing under the steady pressure. Slowly kneading Rachel’s skin, she continued with confidence as occasional “mmms” let her know she was doing a good job. Working her way lower and lower still, Cassie finally reached the waistband of a pair of satin panties and slid them low enough to continue massaging, this time lightening her touch, shifting roles from the masseuse to the lover.

  Rachel was toned and tight, but still had curves to show for herself, and Cassie enjoyed them immensely, her hands sending sensory information straight past her brain to her heart. Even in the heat of the moment, in the somewhat brainless state she was currently in, she realized she’d learned to love again, in a healthy way. She’d thrown away preconceived notions and expectations and what she’d been told was right and landed on what she knew was right. She loved this woman; she would do anything for her, and she was confident the feeling was mutual.

  “I love you,” Cassie whispered, rolling onto her side, drawing a single finger along Rachel’s sp
ine.

  “I love you too . . .” Rachel said with a slight turn of her body, staring straight into deep brown eyes masked with mystery. “Sometimes I don’t know what’s going on inside that head of yours, though. You promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind about us? I mean it . . . I’m head-over-heels for you, Cass. Don’t break my heart, okay?” She may have been attractive and successful, but Rachel Gifford had her insecurities just like anyone else.

  “I promise,” Cassie replied, closing the gap between them and wrapping her arms around Rachel’s shoulder in a big hug. She meant it. Cassie had it bad for the dentist. There was no turning back now.

  It wasn’t long before she was back in the moment, remembering the car-ride dream she was intent on finishing. Cassie freed her top arm and worked one hand to a shapely outer thigh before pushing gently to send Rachel flat on her back. “My hands are coated in lotion . . . I guess that means I need to be a little more creative . . .”

  As Rachel lay there, head on a goose down pillow, Cassie placed light kisses on her breastbone and began moving lower, lingering on the soft skin of full breasts, taking her time to taste and tease tight nipples before continuing. Cassie could kiss this skin forever, she thought. So smooth, so soft.

  As she passed the scar from Rachel’s C-section, she lingered, tracing its length with her tongue, sending a silent message of acceptance, of understanding. She loved Rachel exactly how she was, scars and all. When Cassie reached Rachel’s thighs, she worked a hand between them gently to free some space to continue, using her teeth to nip at pronounced hipbones. She worked her body between those long legs, keeping her hands out of the seduction. She promised to find a more creative solution, and she would.

  With a conviction not unlike she’d use in court, Cassie made her move, purposely exhaling warm air before letting her tongue brush the most sensitive area on her lover’s body. She heard a moan of approval, and continued with just the tip of her tongue, keeping her touch light until hips rocked into her, until she knew she could apply more pressure. Without warning, she moved lower still, entering a ready center, fatigue setting in but unwilling to relent, athletic legs strewn over her shoulders. Cassie loved those legs.