Learning to Love Again

by A. K. Rose

  “Eh, not necessarily. And it doesn’t mean you’re gay, by the way. Plenty of people are just attracted to people. You could be bi, you know? You could just be really open to suggestion, you could be projecting something because of Cassie. You could’ve had so many disappointing relationships with men that you’re ready to try something new. Who the hell knows?”

  Just then, before she could answer, Jessica felt a tap on her shoulder, the faintest spark shooting through her blouse to her skin. She turned to address the person on the other end of the finger that had just touched her, and her face didn’t mask her surprise. It was the bass player, a lithe brunette in tight leather pants with rock star swagger.

  “Hi,” came the introduction. It was simple, to the point. So, why was Jess having trouble coming up with a reply?

  “Uh, hi?” she finally managed, looking into the eyes of the mysterious musician, a shade of dark emerald that couldn’t be real—she must’ve been wearing colored contacts.

  “I’m Lana,” she said, extending her right hand without breaking eye contact.

  Jess took the bait, shaking the woman’s hand, letting it linger much longer than necessary, holding onto an electric charge from skin contact she’d never experienced before. “Jessica,” she said, motioning to her right, “and this is my friend, Steve.”

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you both. I was wondering, if you were staying for the set? We’re going to try out some new songs tonight so I’m just making the rounds to gauge interest . . .”

  So that was it. She didn’t come to see Jessica specifically, but talk about the band’s set list. Still, Jess thought that was odd. Since when did bands consult the audience before a show? It didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

  “Um, I don’t know, we hadn’t talked about it,” Jessica said, unsure. She didn’t want to stop talking to the mystery woman, but didn’t know if Steve would want to stay out late enough to take in the show.

  “Sure, we’re staying,” Steve interjected with a smile.

  “Well, great,” Lana said, “so we were thinking . . .” Jessica had no idea what Lana said next. Something about a Grateful Dead cover and then a ballad that she’d just written. “So, what do you think? Any preferences?”

  The volume in the bar had been steadily increasing since they arrived, and it was reaching a level that almost required shouting to converse at this point. Jess leaned in slightly, and in a completely out of character move, spoke directly into Lana’s ear, out of Steve’s range.

  “As for the music, whatever you think’s best,” she said, but didn’t stop there. “But, well . . . I’d like to see you after the show, would you like to have dinner sometime?” She didn’t know what got into her, but the new Jessica was clearly experiencing a moment of personal growth.

  “I’d like that,” Lana said, pulling a card from her back pocket. It had the band’s name, and her name and email address. “Email me and we’ll set something up.”

  “Okay, sure, that would be great,” Jess replied, slightly stunned.

  As Lana walked away, Steve watched Jess watch her walk away. He’d just witnessed his friend ask out her first woman. It was a monumental moment, but he couldn’t resist giving her a hard time about it. “Yeah, you’ve never done that before. Right . . .”

  Jess punched him lightly on his shoulder. She hadn’t done that before, but why did she feel so elated at that moment? She didn’t know, but it felt right. How she’d love to talk to Cassie about this. Maybe she could, someday. Not now. For now, she needed to give her friend some space and figure out how to apologize for her actions.

  As she and Steve waited for the band to start their set, Jessica thought about the day. It had been unusual, to say the least. She had no idea where this was leading, this path she hadn’t intended to follow, but now felt strangely calm. Strangely at peace. She’d work it out with Cassie. She’d see if there was anything with this bass player. She’d start the new year with a new lease on life. Her mom always said everything happens for a reason. Maybe everything had happened with Cassie to help her find out some truths about herself. Who knew? Only time would tell.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Christmas in Texas can feel like summer, you just never know what you might get. This year, Mother Nature decided it was indeed winter, and laid down a blanket of ice overnight. Rachel Gifford woke up to see icicles dangling from the gutters on her roof and sighed. They wouldn’t be going anywhere that day. It just wasn’t smart or safe, not that Cassie could go anywhere anyway. She still had the cast, just for a few more days. They were going to have a low-key day watching movies on the couch, after she tended to some important business, that was.

  Rachel rose early and made her way to the kitchen, bare feet chilled by the tile floors. She’d always wanted to get radiant floor heating in the kitchen, maybe the new year would finally be the time to do that. Maybe, if things worked out the way she hoped, they’d sell this house and buy a new one together that already had all the bells and whistles she wanted. Maybe they’d make a home together. She’d like that.

  As she made breakfast, she was careful to keep the volume down. Cassie was still sleeping, and she didn’t want to wake her before it was time. She had butterflies in her stomach, and carefully went over what she planned to say in her head. Rachel was certain; she loved Cassie. She couldn’t imagine a life without her. Didn’t want to. She just hoped the feeling was mutual. She’d know shortly.

  She flipped pancakes and scrambled eggs, and put on a pot of coffee. They liked their coffee strong and black—something they’d agreed on from the beginning—and she’d need the jolt this morning. Deep breaths, she repeated to herself, a reminder to breathe through it. She could do this.

  She loaded a tray with the fruits of her labor and took the first step to the rest of her life. At least, she hoped it would be.

  “Sweetie,” Rachel nudged, gently shaking Cassie’s shoulder. “It’s time to wake up, I made breakfast.”

  “Hmmm?” Cassie was slightly disoriented. She was still having a hard time getting enough sleep after the accident, but it was getting better, little by little. She could get her cast off in three days, and she was counting them down. She couldn’t wait to have her leg back.

  “I made breakfast, Merry Christmas!”

  Rachel placed the tray in the middle of the bed and hopped back in, propping herself up on a pile of pillows. Her plan was in action. The butter dish was prepared, there was no backing out now.

  “This is so sweet, thank you,” Cassie smiled, stretching her arms above her head.

  “It iced over last night. Good thing you can’t go anywhere,” Rachel said with a smile, but showing no signs of where she wanted to take the conversation. “Cass?”

  “Hmm?” Cassie had started to work on a stack of pancakes, using her fork to cut a small bite from the edge.

  “Hey, would you hand me the butter?”

  “Sure,” Cassie said, unfazed. She picked up the dish, lid and all, and handed it across the bed.

  That wasn’t quite how the plan went. Rachel would have to adapt.

  “So, I bought this new butter, and I wondered if you like it?”

  What is it about the butter? Cassie wondered. Butter was butter, right? “Yeah, I guess I haven’t thought about it. Is there something special about it?”

  “Well, yeah, about this particular stick, there is. Cassie,” Rachel started, lifting the lid of the dish to reveal there was no butter there, only two wedding bands. “I know this may seem cliché, but you are the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. From the moment we met, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, you know that? You’re a mess—but you’re my mess. I can’t imagine my life without you. You make my days brighter and my nights more memorable, and I, well . . . I know we’ve been talking about it, but I don’t want to talk anymore. I want to be together, forever. What I’m asking is, will you marry me?”

  Cassie was stunned. Sure, they’d been talking
about it, but she had no idea Rachel was planning this. No clue she’d been shopping for rings. She hadn’t talked to her yet about what had happened with Jess. This didn’t seem like the time, but it had to be. She couldn’t start a life together with that secret on her conscience.

  “Of course I will, yes,” Cassie replied with a big smile, and then even though she knew it would ruin the moment, she had to continue, “Rach? There’s one thing I have to tell you, though.”

  “Oh no.”

  There was no way this could be good.

  “No, no don’t worry, it’s nothing, really. It’s just that last week, Jess showed up here. She had this weird dream that we were together somehow, she and I, and she came over to talk about it.” Cassie paused, considering. She started it, she had to finish it now. “Anyway, she kissed me, but I stopped her. I didn’t want it, it meant nothing to me. I was trying to figure out how to tell you because I don’t want to keep secrets, but I just couldn’t quite figure out how to best approach it.”

  “You stopped her?” Rachel asked, unsure how to even respond to the news. This was not information she expected to receive after popping the question. It wasn’t even in the realm of something she could’ve predicted.

  “Yes, absolutely. She’s confused, that’s all. I think the accident freaked her out, and she saw that I needed you more than I needed her, and she got jealous. But trust me, there is nothing there. From my side, nothing at all. I love you. I can’t imagine my world without you in it, and I want us to build a life together. I want to be there when we’re eighty and spend our days in rocking chairs on a big front porch in the country. I want to be there for each other when we’re sick, to go on adventures together and fall asleep together. I want you, only you. But I had to tell you about this, because I don’t want to start out with any secrets.” Cassie had no idea that they’d have this conversation today, but it had to be done. She only hoped Rachel would believe her; it was the truth, after all.

  “I’m glad you told me, I am.” Rachel exhaled loudly. She’d been apprehensive about Jessica from the beginning. She almost prevented them from being together at all because she’d made such an impression on Cassie. But, she believed what she’d been told. Cassie’s eyes told the truth, and so did her hands. They were perfectly still—no random fidgeting. “And I believe you. So, you want to get married, then?” Rachel was holding one of the wedding bands between her thumb and forefinger, a symbol of her love still on offer. She’d let it go, she trusted Cassie. There was no use in getting caught up in something that was in the past, something that was so minor in the scheme of life.

  “I do, very much so.”

  “Well good, because I do too. I don’t know if this will fit, but here, try it on,” Rachel said as she slid the ring on Cassie’s left hand.

  The ring fit perfectly, as it turned out.

  Against the odds, they’d found each other. Against the odds, they’d built a relationship that worked. And against the odds, they were going to face the world together, two souls that complemented each other and fed off each other; two people so in sync it was hard to tell when one started and the other ended.

  A dentist and a lawyer walked into a bar and met each other under the neon light of a Corona sign. It sounded like a silly joke, the punchline just waiting to be told, but it was far from it. It was an example that fate has a way of intervening at the right time, in the right moments. The dentist and the lawyer were living proof, and the future was theirs for the taking.

  THANK YOU

  Thank you for reading! Indie authors are lucky to have the outlet we do, and I’m eternally grateful for your support. If you liked this novel (or even if you didn’t), I’d appreciate a quick review on Amazon so I know what you want to read from me in the future.

  If you have an interest in a sequel to this story, please let me know at: https://akrosewrites.wordpress.com or akrosewrites@outlook.com.

  -A.K

  GRATITUDE

  They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, as it turns out, writing a book is a lot like raising a child.

  I’m very lucky to have a handful of truly excellent friends that have been there for me along the way as this idea turned into the story you just read. They keep me honest, and they keep the characters honest too. I can’t imagine doing what I do without their love, help, and support. A million thank you notes to these wonderful women:

  Heidi, the best lifetime friend a girl could ask for, who always tells me like it is, catches me in inconsistencies and clichés, and remembers everything that’s happened since we were teenagers. It’s a lot of power and she wields it carefully and in the most thoughtful way possible.

  Bonnie, beta reader number one and best de facto life coach ever.

  Paula, the scientific mind that doesn’t let me get away with cop-outs or breaks in continuity and pushes back when things just don’t make sense or characters behave out of character.

  Heather, a one-woman tour de force who has encouraged me furiously, given selflessly, and listened endlessly for no other reason than she’s awesome.

  Lisa, who has stood by me through the crazy rollercoaster of my life, and to this day makes sure I buy my jeans in the proper size.

  Tamara, the first person to really believe in my writing almost a decade ago and has stuck with me long enough for me to figure out I am actually a writer.

  Jo, who taught me to follow my heart; it’s never been so easy or so rewarding.