“Don’t leave,” I said. “You don’t have to go.”
Kyle didn’t respond. He walked out through the door.
“At least tell me where you’re going,” I said. How was I going to find him if he did something stupid again?
“Don’t you worry about me,” he said and just like that, he was gone.
I felt like I was splitting in half. Kyle was my twin, and we’d always had a connection. I knew his pain in ways that he couldn’t begin to imagine. It was one of the reasons I looked out for him so much even though he insisted on throwing his life away, because when he was hurting, so was I, and since college, he hadn’t stopped hurting.
But he was gone now. I didn’t know where he was. The unimaginable had happened. I had just lost my twin.
I closed the door and walked back into the room, my arms wrapped around myself like I could physically keep myself from falling apart. This was just all one big mess. Jacob and I were fighting, Kyle wanted nothing to do with me, my career was hanging by a thread, and I didn’t know how to fix any of it.
I sat down and took a moment to calm down. I could never think when I was upset.
When I managed to calm down, I found my phone and dialed Jacob’s number.
“Can we meet to talk?” I asked when he answered.
“I’d like that,” he said. “The beach?”
I knew what he was referring to. We’d been on a very secluded part of the beach when we’d had sex for the first time. The chances that we would be alone there again were good, and I needed that. I needed to be away from all the judgment, the prying eyes, the paparazzi and tabloids that made our lives seem like they were free for all.
I met Jacob an hour later, on the beach. He arrived after I did, wearing a cap and sunglasses. He came to stand next to me, and the beach was as quiet as before.
“This place has a lot of memories,” Jacob said.
I nodded. It wasn’t easy to forget about the connection I’d felt with him that first time, how right it had felt to get down and dirty with him, have him inside me.
“What did you want to talk about?” Jacob asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what to do,” I said. Everything was a mess, now. Kyle had left, and I was upset. Jacob was the only person I could turn to, even if we weren’t doing very well.
“I don’t know, either,” he said.
“This is so unnecessary,” I said. “It’s hurting my career and my personal life so much.”
If only I hadn’t drunk that much, if only I’d controlled myself better. But what was it they said about hindsight? There were so many things I would have done differently if I’d known this was how it was going to turn out.
“I know it’s hard,” Jacob said. “Trust me, this isn’t my first rodeo. But it gets better. In time, they forget.”
“And my boss? He won’t just forget.”
Jacob shook his head. “Even they forget. Mine did.”
“You got suspended and then traded,” I said.
Jacob nodded. “You’re right. But I’m still playing football.”
I shook my head. I was getting irritated again. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear from Jacob at all. I didn’t know what it was that I did want to hear, but this didn’t make me feel any better.
“I can’t afford to be passed from one company to another. This was supposed to be my big break. Getting the high-profile football player was my promotion, so to speak. After I’d proven myself, you were my reward. And all that is crumbling, now.”
Jacob nodded. “I know what that’s like. The assault charge and being traded felt the same to me. It’s hard when you’re in the public eye.”
I nodded. I wanted to tell him the only reason I was in the public eye now was because of him, but I didn’t say it. See? I could control myself. It would only make things worse if I said that.
“I’m just so sick and tired of this, and it feels like it’s just starting,” I said. “It’s affecting everything.”
Including my relationship with Kyle, which hurt like a bitch.
“If it’s any consolation, it’s affecting me, too,” Jacob said. “But I keep thinking, what if I don’t mind? They can’t get to me if I don’t mind. They only have a hold on me if I let them have it.”
I glanced at Jacob, incredulous. “That’s great, Jacob, but I do mind. I can’t not mind. This is my life, and they’re tearing it apart.”
“It’s because you let them,” Jacob said. “They can’t touch you if you don’t care.”
I was angry again. That seemed to happen a lot lately. If I wasn’t upset or panicking, I was angry.
“How am I supposed to not care? I worked my ass off for this position, to do as well in my career as I was doing. And then you came along and everything changed.”
Jacob frowned at me. “It sounds a hell of a lot like you’re blaming me for this,” he said.
“We weren’t on the same level, Jacob,” I said. “It’s easy for you to bounce back because everyone wants you around. I can’t afford to be careless.”
“Is that what you think this is all about?” Jacob asked. “That I just fuck around because everything comes easy? You have no idea what my life is like, Kina. You have no idea how hard it is for everyone to hate me, for me to not fit in or be accepted. Don’t make it sound like you’re the only one suffering here.”
“Well, you just said you don’t care, didn’t you?”
Jacob shook his head. “What I said was that it was a choice to let them affect your life.”
I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew I was blowing this out of proportion and blaming Jacob for something that wasn’t just his fault. It had taken both of us to get to this point, after all. But I was angry, and I felt like my hands were tied. I hated being in this position. Everything in my life had always gone right, and this black mark on my reputation was something I couldn’t stand.
“You know what?” Jacob said after we stood together in silence. “I don’t have to be here and listen to you shove all the blame on me. I have a career and a reputation, too. I’m going to work on building that up, and when you’re ready to talk to me, one adult to another about what went wrong and how we can handle it, you call me. Until then, I think it’s best we stay apart, since we’re obviously not handling this as a team, together.”
He turned around and walked away. I wanted to call after him, but I knew he was right. I was trying to blame everyone else when I had done something wrong. I was wishing it would go away.
He had said we weren’t working like a team. A team of two. A couple.
Did he really want to be with me? I couldn’t help but wonder. But then my own answer brought me back to the depressing reality. Well, if so, it’s probably too late now.
I watched Jacob walk away from me, the second man in my life leaving me today. And it hurt like a bitch.
Chapter 27 – Jacob
When I walked away, I was angry. I was going to leave all this shit behind and move on. I wasn’t the one who had asked for a PR manager, for a woman who would change everything for me so that I considered dating again. If Kina was this set against having a relationship, there was no reason for me to stick around.
Her car was parked much further down than mine was. Everything was secluded, with no one around.
I got into my car and realized that I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to walk away. I didn’t want to leave her behind like whatever had happened between us was nothing.
I wanted Kina. She didn’t want to date, and I didn’t understand it, but I wanted her. And she was so hot when she was angry, a fire burning inside of her that seemed dormant at other times.
So, instead of getting into my own car and driving away, I tried Kina’s car door. It was unlocked. I got into the backseat and sank down, so I wouldn’t be visible to anyone that might pass by.
It didn’t take long before she walked back to her car. She opened the door and got in. She put the key into the ignition
but didn’t turn it. Instead, she leaned back and sighed.
“Kina,” I said, and she jumped, spinning around in her seat.
“Jacob,” she said with a gasp when she realized it was me. “What the hell are you doing? You scared me to death.”
I leaned forward, putting my face close to hers. “I want to fuck you.”
I was so turned on. Her anger had fueled me.
“What do you think this is?” she asked. “You can’t just demand to fuck me after we had a fight.”
She swallowed hard before parting her lips slightly. Her pupils were dilating, and I could tell I wasn’t the only one who was turned on. Besides, her anger was just making me hotter and hotter.
“Come back here, baby. Let’s forget about everything.”
She shook her head, but it didn’t look like she was saying no to me. It looked like she was fighting with herself.
I leaned forward far enough that the seat dug into my chest, and I kissed her. She made a surprised little yelp, but she kissed me back. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, tasting her, exploring her. Her hands wrapped around my neck, and I knew she was in the same place I was. She wasn’t going to push me away.
“Dammit, Jacob,” she said when she broke the kiss. She got out of the car, slamming the door like she still had a temper and opened the back door, getting in next to me. I didn’t let her say anything, even if she wanted to. I pulled her close to me and kissed her hard.
My hand went to her breast, and I squeezed it, massaging her through her clothes. She whimpered into my mouth. Her hand moved into my lap, rubbing my erection through my jeans. It made me want to push my dick into her, to take her again and again.
When I started unbuttoning her blouse, Kina broke the kiss and looked around.
“No one’s here to see us, sweetheart,” I said.
“We can’t afford more gossip.”
I nodded. “I know. But we’ll be fine, here. Let me help you forget about all of that.”
She looked at me, her eyes large, before she kissed me again. I proceeded to undo her shirt and put my hands on her lacy bra. She looked fantastic in her underwear. Kina shifted her weight and broke the kiss to get rid of her pants. In the car, there wasn’t enough space for me to do the honors.
When she was naked except for her bra and the open blouse, I reached between her legs. I pushed my fingers into her slit, and she moaned. She was so wet. I groaned, pushing my fingers into her, pumping them in and out of her body so she gasped.
Her hand went to my pants again. This time, she undid the button and pulled down the zipper. She fiddled with my jocks, pulling them aside so my dick sprang free. I was hard, popping up like a jack-in-the-box. Kina moved her hand up and down my shaft, her fingers loosely jacking me off.
We didn’t have a hell of a lot of time, or space, for foreplay, but it wasn’t necessary. She was so wet, she was almost dripping, and I was so hard, it ached. I hurried up when putting on the condom.
Kina must have thought the same thing about us not having a lot of time, because she clambered onto my lap, her legs straddling my hips. She lowered herself onto my cock and gasped as I pushed into her. She moved around, adjusting to having me inside of her. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine, kissing me. I loved it when she did this. Sex with her was never about just getting off. Sure, we fucked, and it was intense, but she always seemed emotionally on par with me and that was so much better.
Sometimes, I felt so much more connected to Kina than I ever had with Marisa, and that had been a long-term relationship. That just went to show that I had been with the wrong person before.
This was what it was like to be with the right person, to be connected to someone real.
I stopped thinking when Kina started rocking her hips back and forth, pushing me deeper into her and pulling back up again. The sex was fantastic. She was great in any position, whether I was taking her or she was doing the work.
But I loved having her on top.
Kina rode me, bucking her hips, going harder and harder. The car was small, and her knees were up against the back of the seats. If it bothered her, she didn’t show it. Her hands were around my neck, her breasts close to my chest, and I put my hands on them, grabbing them, squeezing them. She moaned when I lightly pinched her nipples, and she upped her pace.
We could get caught like this, I was aware. I noticed her looking around us every now and then, but she didn’t stop and that was enough for me to know we were still safe. If we got caught now, we’d be in trouble, but there was something about living on the edge like this, toying with danger, that made the sex so much better.
Or maybe it was just Kina on top of me, the way she was riding me with her tits in my face and her expression orgasmic that made it feel like the best sex we’d had so far.
But then, every time with her felt like the best time ever.
Kina gasped and moaned as she rode me. I pushed my hand down between us and found her clit. There wasn’t much space for me to move, but I didn’t have to. I put my finger on her clit, and she moved up and down against my cock, creating friction on her own clit through her movement.
She gasped and moaned, her cries becoming louder as she worked herself toward an orgasm. I could feel it coming, the way her walls started contracting around my cock, the way her cries became very sexual. Her mouth was open, her lips rounded, and I knew what her mouth felt like, tasted like. I wanted those lips around my cock sometime. But not now. Right now, I was getting fucked by the hottest woman alive, and she was very close to an orgasm.
I’d barely thought it when she tipped over the edge. She cried out and her body clamped down on mine. Her body curled forward, her breasts against my chest and her face in against my shoulder. I put my hands on her thighs and pulled her toward me so that I pushed deep into her. I could feel her muscles contract and release repeatedly as she came in waves, shuddering through her orgasm.
When she came down from her high, she breathed hard and looked at me through hooded eyes. Her hair hung in her face, a sexy mess, even though I hadn’t had her on her back beneath me. She looked sexed up and hot.
“That was fantastic,” I breathed. She smiled at me. She was so tight around my dick now, her body sensitive after her orgasm. She moved her hips slowly, grinding against me.
It was my turn to take control. I put my hands on her hips, gripping her tightly with my arms around her thighs and I started bucking my hips, hammering into her from beneath. She cried out, collapsing onto me and breathing hard as I fucked, slamming into her.
She was so small and so light, holding her like this and having my way with her, even though she was on top, was a breeze. These were the days that I was glad I had such a strict training regime.
Kina’s cries became louder and louder, her breath forced out of her chest by my ramming into her and her sounds, the feel of her body around my cock, pushed me closer and closer to the edge. My balls tightened, and I felt my dick grow inside her. She was still clamped down around me, and that was exactly what I needed to push me over the edge.
When I came, I cried out and she gasped. I shoved myself into her as deep as I could, and she moaned as I jerked and spasmed, emptying myself out. My orgasm kickstarted her second orgasm, and she screamed once, loudly, before she fell back into her regular gasps and moans.
“Oh, God, Jacob,” she groaned, her face riddled with sexual pleasure.
I dipped my head and kissed her breasts, taking a nipple into my mouth. I sucked on her, making her moan and whimper.
I finished pumping into her, and slowly, her contractions died down, too. I lifted my head again, and she lay against me, her body tired against mine. I wrapped my arms around her and held her against me as her breathing slowed. She shivered, and I rubbed her back in slow circles.
Finally, she pushed up and looked at me.
“I should get dressed,” she said.
I nodded, and she got off me. When I slipped out, I gasped, more sen
sitive than I’ve been before. I shifted to the side, giving her more space to get back into her clothes. She struggled into her pants and buttoned up her shirt. I tucked myself back into my pants and just like that, aside from her disheveled hair and the smell of sex in the car, it was as if nothing had happened.
We were also back to the strain that had been between us before, when we’d been fighting. I watched her. She didn’t make eye contact.
“We have to get out of here before someone sees us together,” she said. As if someone seeing us now would be so much worse than what we’d just been doing. She got out of the car and got back behind the steering wheel. She sat there, waiting for me to get out of the car. I wanted to say something, but I had no idea what to say, so I didn’t say anything at all.
I got out of the car.
Kina switched on the car, put it into gear and pulled out of the parking space. She drove off without looking back at me once.
I watched her car until it disappeared around the corner before I walked to my own car. I could still feel her, a ghost of her on my cock, throbbing, pulsing with the memory of what we’d just done.
Chapter 28 – Kina
I shouldn’t have slept with Jacob again. After everything that had gone wrong, sleeping with him was probably the stupidest thing to do. I should have walked away from him, or rather, kicked him out of my car, and carried on with my life.
But I couldn’t. He was there looking so damned hot, so worked up by my anger and that turned me on, too.
It was a mistake, of course. Everything about Jacob was a mistake. The best mistake I’ve made in a long time. What did that mean? Was it more of a mistake, then, or less of one?
Something about him was so attractive, though. He drew me in a way that I’d never been drawn by a man before. I couldn’t stay away from him, couldn’t stop myself from sleeping with him. That was a problem. I had to draw a line somewhere.
We were in a lot of trouble. My job and his were on the line, and he was still my client. Fucking in my car where anyone could spot us would just make matters worse.
Hold Onto Me_A Secret Baby Romance Page 118
