Damn it, the similarities between that night and this crashed upon him.
Every kiss with Lucy was perfect, what he felt for her was pure.
But what if he gave his heart again, and she walked away. He couldn’t do that to his kids and he didn’t think he could survive another heartbreak.
Yet here he was, stroking the long soft brown hair of the woman who would be his lover again by the end of the night. If he let her.
Lucy removed her legs from his lap when he stretched out for the empty coffee cups and wine glasses.
“Are you two okay to drive?” Jo asked as he helped her carry them to the kitchen.
“I stopped drinking hours ago. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m more worried about Lucy. Can you …”
“I’ll make sure she gets home safely.”
“You are a good man,” he returned her hug and friendly kiss. “You deserve to be happy.”
“I just remember another party and how it changed my life.”
“Lucy is a lot different to her.”
“Yeah, well I’m still the same messed up guy who can’t keep a woman.”
“Honey, you don’t need to decide tonight. From the way she talks about you, Lucy is not going anywhere.”
“Time to go, my lady,” when he pulled Lucy to her feet, her body melded into his and the familiar stirrings threatened to replace his better judgement.
He ignored Joe’s knowing smile, and Jo’s concern as he helped Lucy into his ute. All her resistance evaporated with their kiss, and he knew that if he drove to his house, he wouldn’t even need to ask her if she wanted to come inside.
As he drove, he took her hand from his leg, kissing the tip of each finger. Resisting the urge to run his tongue along the full breadth.
“Where are we going?” she asked when he turned away from his street, towards her home.
“I promised to take you home,” he felt the warmth of her head against his shoulder until he pulled into her driveway. He wanted nothing more than to come inside and immerse himself in her embrace. The fear of past hurt stopped him at her front door.
Opening it for her, he didn’t enter.
“Aren’t you going to come inside, for a coffee?” they both knew she didn’t mean coffee.
“I think we’ve had enough, ‘coffee’, for tonight,” he tried to let her down gently.
“I thought … I mean,” he felt guilty as she flustered.
“Luc, it’s not like that. I want to, but …”
“Silly me, I thought you were over her!” He stood as the door slammed in his face, hearing her wobbly footsteps fade away.
He had used the excuse, “it’s not you, it’s me,” before and back then it was about him not being over his ex. This time, his only reluctance was driven by fear.
Fear that if he drowned in Lucy for even one night, she would have the power to destroy him.
Lucy flung herself on the bed, unable to stop the angry tears. What a fool she had been. Mooning after a man who didn’t want her. No, even worse. A man who had kissed her, allowed her to invite him into her home and bed, only to reject her at the door.
She didn’t care how “nice” his friends thought he was. He was an arsehole and she would never, ever, waste another thought or night on him.
As she fell asleep, still in her clothes and hugging her pillow to capture her tears, Lucy hoped her resolve would last at least until daybreak.
Seth couldn’t sleep, too wired from the night amongst friends and then leaving Lucy at her door.
He should never have kissed her, lead her on again. Not until he was sure of their feelings and definitely not when he needed to avoid recreating the first night he was with Grace all those years ago. Lucy deserved better.
The empty boxes taunted him. He brought home a batch of them from work, intending to pack up everything that reminded him of his ex. Sort out things to keep for the kids from things he would happily burn or give away.
It never seemed right to clean out the house with their children around.
He looked at his watch, one am. No time like the present to start clearing out his past.
Three hours later and not one box was filled. Instead, photo albums and trinkets from cupboards lay around him next to a pot of tea.
Each photo was a memory. Their wedding, already pregnant with Owen. His friends thought they needed to get married. He did, but not in the way they thought. It had nothing to do with providing a name for his son – Seth would have done that anyway. It was about putting a visible commitment on her hand and seeking the same from her.
The day that should have been about love was about his fear of losing her and trusting that marriage could hold them together.
Closing the cover, he put the album in the box for the kids. They deserved to see that once upon a time, mummy and daddy loved each other. But this box could be kept outside in the garage. He didn’t need to have it around him everyday.
Baby albums mostly of the kids. He couldn’t part with them any more than their first teeth, first tiny rugby jumpers in his team colours. Or their first shoes and socks. A new box for his keepsakes. Opening the cupboard in his study, it was already filled with baby clothes, bassinette bedding and all the other clothes Eddie and Retha grew out of in weeks, and he couldn’t throw or give away. He had wanted a large family, “a football team” they once joked. Now the joke was clearly on him.
Still, the cupboard contained the precious memories of being a father and giving of himself completely to these perfectly imperfect individuals.
Closing up the house, he saw his bedroom as if for the first time. The warmth of the neutrals, against the dark woodgrain furniture. A small table for him to sketch at in the middle of the night when the inspiration hit him. An album of letters from his former mentees, years later still wanting to keep in contact. Seth remained humbled at how many of them kept in touch by card and hand-written notes rather than by email or social media.
His running shoes at the door, ready to pull on in the dark as he invariably stumbled out the door still half asleep. A couple of hand weights in the corner next to his work out mat.
His bedroom reflected his life today with no memories of anyone else. Other than Lucy.
Standing outside, wrapped in the sheets now adorning his bed when he kissed her for the first time in years.
Snuggled together on a friend’s lounge, kissing as if it was the first time before the rest of their lives together.
He’d been a fool to leave her at the front door. He could have slept on her couch, anything other than leaving her to think he didn’t care.
Putting away all the memories of the marriage without pain or regret only made him realize how far he come. Not only being over his ex, but the memories from the wedding made him realize he had lived for years in fear she would one day wake up and realize he was only ever her consolation prize.
Well, she did. She woke up and moved out.
His life didn’t end. In fact, it had gotten better.
Last night was spent with friends, most of whom she never wanted to see. Forced to be a single father, he got to “do it all” for the kids which also meant he knew them better than he ever would have. Their friends, what they liked in their lunchbox, what toys were hidden under their bed and all the thousands of things that get shared between parents that were now his and his alone.
Seth’s final thoughts before falling asleep were dreaming of Lucy walking in his front door to share in his life.
Waking with renewed energy, Seth rearranged the house, packing up or tossing out anything that didn’t belong with his new family. He always hated the lounge, and with two phone calls, it was loaded onto a van to be delivered to a new owner.
One of his former clients owned a boutique furniture store and offered him a great price on a new suite. Great, big comfy chairs with room enough for a family to stretch out and watch tv together. He also picked up a large, square wooden coffee table with drawers deep enoug
h for their favorite board games.
“I can get it delivered out to you by the end of the week.” Seth shook his head.
“I’ve already gotten rid of all the furniture and the kids come back tomorrow night. I need all this in place so they start to love it, not miss the old.”
“But …”
It only cost a little more for room to be found on the truck and his new furniture delivered.
By late afternoon, his house looked new. He desperately wanted to show it off to someone who would appreciate it and reassure him the kids would also love it.
“Hey, Lucy, it’s Seth, give me a call.”
“Lucy, it’s Seth again. I’m sorry about last night, give me a call.”
“Luc, I really want to make it up to you … I don’t know how to tell you I’m sorry if you won’t pick up the phone.”
He resorted to a text, “Please call me.”
Her reply was even shorter, “No.”
“Joe, can I talk to your lovely bride?”
“Whatsup?” he could hear the kids bathing in the echo of the bathroom. Damnit, his own were only gone for a couple of days. “Have you rung to say the two of you are in love and running off together?”
“Not exactly. I left her at the front door and …”
“Oh, Seth. I thought the two of you had moved past that.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking of another party and I didn’t want Lucy and I to start that way. I want it to be because we both see a future, not because she has been drinking and thinks that I’m what she wants.”
“Damnit Seth!” Jo scolded, “She’s not like that. But if you’re not sure, I’m glad you walked away. I don’t want her hurt, not by you and not again.” The phone went dead in his hand. Jo was the most fiercely loyal friend, and he needed her help. He dialed again.
“Don’t hang up.”
“Why not.”
“Because I need to throw a double date at my house tonight. And I need you to convince her to come.”
“I’ll see if my mum can come over and babysit. No promises.”
“Bring the kids if you want to, just as long as you bring Lucy.”
Within an hour, he had picked up groceries and started making dinner. Marinating some thick T-bone steaks and chicken pieces, he tossed together a green salad and popped potatoes into boiling water for a potato and pomegranate salad. In case the small fry came along, he tossed chunks of chicken in herbed cheese and breadcrumbs for his “world famous” home made chicken nuggets.
Two bottles of wine rested in the refrigerator. One for dinner, and one he now hoped to share with Lucy if she stayed.
“OMG! Seth, it looks completely different,” he greeted Jo’s hugs and noticed Lucy safely sandwiched between Joe and the kids.
“Uncle Seth, cool setup,” Some days, Kyle was too big for a hug, but today the twelve-year-old gave him the biggest one before looking for the game console. “Good, you didn’t throw it out.”
“Joe, help me put the baby down,” Jo lead her husband through to the kids’ bedrooms. “Mind if I use Retha’s room for her?”
“Go ahead.” Seth stood, facing Lucy who reminded him of a frightened rabbit. It wouldn’t take much for her to leave. “I’m glad you came.”
“Jo didn’t give me a choice. She rang and said they were picking me up in ten minutes. I didn’t have time to run away even if I know where we were going.”
“Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Did you want to run away?”
“I don’t know what to think. Last night, well, we felt so right together right up until you decided you couldn’t get over your ex, again.”
“That’s not what happened at all. I can explain, but you need to give me the chance.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
Unlike most BBQs, Jo wouldn’t leave the boys alone to cook outside. Instead, cooking was a group activity with everyone also taking turns at playing basketball and football in the back yard.
“You okay?” Joe asked, passing the tongs over as the girls took on Kyle at basketball.
“Better than I’ve been for a while, I can’t tell you how good it feels to let go.”
“You seem different, even since last night.”
“Well, I spent last night packing up a heap of stuff, and today rearranging the house.”
“New furniture.”
“Don’t forget the new wine glasses and coffee cups!” he laughed at Joe’s confusion.
“Did I hear wine?” Jo joined them with Lucy right behind.
“You might need to unpack them from their boxes. I haven’t had a chance to rinse them.” He threw a look to Lucy, “Unless you’d rather drink wine out of a coffee cup.”
Lucy rewarded him with a shy smile before Jo clutched her face in mock horror and dragged Lucy inside to get “real glasses”.
He watched the meat cook in silence with Lucy still kept Joe between them.
“These are done,” proclaimed Joe and platters of chicken and meat joined the bread and salads on the outdoor setting. “You’ve got a great spot here.”
“Yeah, grown ups can eat and kids can play.”
“These look great and I love the new coffee cups. Especially the ones for the kids. How did you get one with Retha’s name on it?”
“There are some special pens, it won’t last long but she can draw pictures on it and make it her own. When they wash off after a couple of weeks, she can do it again.”
“You are such a great dad.”
“It helps when I have great kids.”
Despite all his efforts, Lucy held back in conversation, always keeping someone else nearby whenever he tried to talk to her.
“Look, it’s late and I need to get these rascals home to bed,” Jo yawned. “I’m too old for two late nights in a row.”
Seth panicked as Lucy went to leave, “Please stay.”
“But …”
“Stay a while. If you want to leave, I’ll either give you a ride home or put you in a cab.”
“But …”
“Lucy, please stay.”
Ignoring all the warning bells in her head, Lucy didn’t leave with her friends, instead putting on the jug to make a pot of tea while she waited for Seth to see off his guests.
“English Breakfast or green?” he asked, joining her. She felt him so close and comfortable yet not touching. Giving her the space to make up her mind.
“English Breakfast and milk,” she found a milk jug next to the bag of new coffee cups. “You have been busy.”
She followed Seth back into the lounge room, carrying the leftover fruit platter while he carried the pot of tea, milk, sugar and teacups.
As Seth took one of the large chairs, she went to sit on her own, in the chair furthest from him.
“I guess, I deserve that,” she smiled as he understood. “I want to explain about last night, but it will be easier if I don’t have to shout at you from across the room.”
Self control and resolve weakened her as she tentatively joined him. She might as well have ripped off her clothes and told him to keep his excuses if he took her here and now. All night she avoided being near him, touching him, even talking directly to him. Instead, her eyes traced the movement of his lips, wanting to taste them again. Her fingers longed to release him, no foreplay necessary. To place him within her and feel him tremble at her touch.
Wanton, unwelcome thoughts. Now sitting next to him, she didn’t care why or for how long he wanted her. The only thing that mattered was tonight she wanted to feel loved by him.
“You don’t have to explain.”
“But I do,” unsure of himself, his hand rested on her knee, softly massaging in small circles. “You know how long Grace and I were together, were not together and then got back together.”
“I don’t need to relive it.”
“What you never knew is that it was after a party here, heaps of our old friends – some of whom were at Joe’s last night – a
nd drinking that we ended up in bed. Neither of us meant to and she was still in a relationship at the time.”
“Nice,” Lucy couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. “I really want to hear about the first time you and your ex slept together. Next you’ll be wanting me to watch the video.”
“Lucy, that’s the point. I didn’t want you and I to be like that. I want us to be different, special. A night where we know exactly what we want and who with.”
“What changed?” she threw at him, pushing his hand away but not standing. “Last night I offered myself to you like meat on a platter. All you had to do was come inside, take me and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Instead, you didn’t want me then so why should I believe that you want me now?”
“Because of this,” she didn’t have time to react as he leaned over, cupping her face in his hands and drawing her to him. The intensity and passion, different from the way he had ever kissed her before.
With no restraint, she opened herself to him, removing her own shirt and jeans until she lay on the new lounge in her panties and bra.
“Would you like to do the honors?” his cheeky smile as he removed his shirt, showing off his well conditioned body and motioned to his jeans.
“Not yet,” she lay back, welcoming him on top of her, caressing his chest and drawing her nails down his back. Holding him, grinding his hips against hers as his kisses covered every part of her neck and his hands found her moist and wanting.
Hearts racing and breathless, she couldn’t wait any longer. Fumbling as she tried to find the top of his zipper, releasing the button and pulling the jeans and then briefs over his hips. Both hands working together to release him in all his glory.
Somehow, he removed the rest of his clothes completely, without losing one beat in his kisses.
“Please, now,” she cried as he found his way past the side of her panties to where his fingers had already made a path.
Feeling him enter her, so slowly, Lucy threw all caution to the wind. Rising up with every thrust. Gripping his hips never to leave her. Knowing that whether she said the words or not, she loved him, had always and would forever love this man.
Never Second Best Page 7
