Room at the Edge

by Jane Davitt

  “I don’t know,” Liam admitted. “I tried looking for some online, but it was too hard to tell which might have what I wanted in them. I thought if I could open them up, flip through them…”

  “Yeah. Hm.” Jay put his hands on his hips and studied the row of books in the 640s. He pulled out three books seemingly at random. “Why don’t you take those over to one of those tables, and I’ll pull some more?” He thrust the books into Liam’s hands and crouched down to examine the shelved titles more closely, acting as if Liam would do as he’d suggested.

  After a moment Liam did, bemused by the fact that he’d walked right into this situation. He’d imagined coming into the library and pushing Jay off balance a bit, but he’d also expected Jay would be happy to see him. Instead he’d got this practical, work-focused young man who knew his job well and was prepared to take control of their interaction. It wasn’t a side of Jay he’d never seen, but it wasn’t what he’d anticipated.

  Only one of the books seemed to suit his purposes, but by the time he’d pushed the other two aside, Jay was at his side with another four. “I think this one will work,” Jay said, setting the pile down and patting the top book. “The others, I’m not sure. But I could be wrong. I don’t know exactly what you’re thinking of doing.”

  “That’s something I’ll have to talk about with my new tenants,” Liam said, smiling. “It’s not up to just me.”

  “I guess not,” Jay said. “Any relationship needs compromise to make it work. Tenant and landlord, parent and child…” He let the rest of his sentence hang, but Liam had no trouble finishing it: Dom and sub.

  Yes.

  A recorded message sounded through small speakers set high on the ceiling, announcing the closure of the library in ten minutes and advising all patrons to check their materials out immediately.

  “What are you doing after work?” Liam asked, gathering up the books he’d decided he wanted. They were heavy in his arms, all angles, but he liked the possibilities they held. “If you’re not busy, I’d like to do something with you and Austin. We could call him, meet up somewhere, and look through these books? Maybe get something to eat?”

  He wanted more of that kind of interaction with them. Sometimes he felt excluded from their lives, and it disturbed him. As a husband he’d been used to Barbara sharing every detail of her daily activities with him, until it’d reached the point where they had nothing to say to each other. He’d been bored at times, but he’d appreciated that she’d shared things with him, even if, looking back, it’d been mostly superficial confidences.

  He didn’t want it to be that way with this new relationship, but he was floundering, too harsh sometimes, too willing to let them use him as a Dom, nothing more, at others. He wondered if they remembered how limited his experience was, though reminding them was the last thing he intended to do. They needed to have confidence in him, even if he sometimes doubted himself. It was like juggling knives—and if he ever shared that thought with Jay, knife play would show up next on Jay’s to-do list, not that Liam would agree to it. He had some limits of his own, and cutting Jay’s skin, no matter how carefully, went beyond them.

  Austin’s reaction to the idea would be all the incentive Jay needed to remove it from his list, though. The two of them balanced each other well; Austin curbed Jay’s wilder impulses, and Jay showed Austin that limits were fluid and individual.

  “Austin’s picking me up in a few minutes,” Jay said. “My car’s in the shop, and they couldn’t get the part until tomorrow. I don’t think we had any plans beyond that.”

  “Then let’s wait for Austin and decide what to do when he gets here?” They started down the stairs to the front desk, Liam uncomfortably aware that with Jay still on the clock, the situation wasn’t under his control.

  “I’ve got this,” Jay told the woman librarian, and she nodded.

  “Did you find what you needed?” she asked.

  Liam smiled at her. “I think so.”

  “Good! There are a lot of resources. That’s why we’re here.” She began taking books from a bin under the side of the desk and putting them on a wheeled cart as Jay took Liam’s new library card and checked out his books.

  The front door swung open, and Austin came in. As he passed through the electronic sensors, they went off, beeping frantically, and he rolled his eyes, then stopped dead when he saw Liam. “Liam! Hi. Sorry, Nancy, we lost one of the due date cards again. Feel free to dock Jay’s paycheck.” He handed the books to the woman. “What’s up?”

  Nancy looked confused, glancing from Austin to Liam and then to Jay. Liam supposed he couldn’t blame her—Austin had failed to play along with the game that Jay and Liam were strangers. It wasn’t Austin’s fault, but Liam suspected there’d be questions and an explanation from Jay the next day.

  “I was checking out some books on home renovation,” Liam said.

  “Cool! You almost ready to go?” Austin asked Jay.

  Nancy patted Jay’s shoulder. “You go ahead; I left early last night, and it’s been so quiet.”

  “I just need to get my coat.” Jay waved vaguely to the left. “I’ll meet you out front, Austin.”

  Austin. Not “both of you.” Liam grimaced. He had some bridges to rebuild.

  “Is there a problem, Sir?” Austin asked as they walked out into the crisp fall air, a hint of frost making the leaves that’d drifted onto the pathway crunch underfoot.

  “No, I really did just want the books, but I think Jay feels I’ve intruded on his personal space,” Liam said ruefully. “I should’ve asked him to get the books for me, I suppose.”

  “That’s crap.” Austin came to a halt, and Liam paused too. “It’s a library. They’re for everyone. And you’re our Dom. We don’t have personal space when it comes to you.”

  “I’m not sure Jay sees it that way, and I’m not sure I do either, but I would never make either of you feel uncomfortable at work or in public and I hope you know that.” Touched but taken aback by Austin’s fervency, Liam settled the books more securely under his arm and began to walk again, seeing Jay emerge from a staff entrance a few yards away.

  “Sheesh, it’s gonna be a cold night.” Jay shrugged into his coat and zipped it, then wrapped his arms around himself as he joined them.

  “You wouldn’t be cold if you had any body fat,” Austin said, slinging an arm around Jay’s shoulder in an utterly comfortable, familiar way that gave Liam a pang of envy. It made him want to gather both of them close.

  “I was hoping we could spend the evening together. I’d like to get your input on the renovations before I meet up with the contractor. Jay, have you had dinner?”

  Jay shook his head. “I was going to have a sandwich or something when we got home.”

  “Why don’t I buy you a meal? Somewhere we can sit and look over these books?”

  “Yes, please,” Jay said, looking and sounding in that moment more like the Jay that Liam knew. “If we go to Maloney’s, I can get a Cuban—is that okay?”

  “Of course.” The sidewalk was uneven, the old bricks pushed out of place by the roots of the now tall trees that lined the road.

  “It’s not far,” Austin said, “and there’s never any space to park at Maloney’s. We could walk there if you like?”

  It was addressed to both of them, but somehow Liam got the feeling that Austin wouldn’t have added the Sir he loved to say even if he had been speaking directly to Liam. Austin was sensitive to moods and evidently considered himself off duty, so to speak.

  Still rattled from Jay’s assumption of authority in the library, Liam decided an equal footing wasn’t a bad place to be right then. It wasn’t as if they weren’t always equal in the ways that counted; he might be the one giving the orders, but he’d never thought of any sub as beneath him. It took guts to act on a deep-seated need to submit and to accept what a Dom dished out.

  “Sounds good.” Jay held out his hand to Liam. “Let me carry one of those books before you drop them.”
He grinned. “If you return them damaged, we might take back that brand-new card of yours. We’re very protective when it comes to library material.”

  “Says the man who took back a book covered in glue and moss once.” Austin shook his head. “Don’t put anything down near one of his dioramas, Liam. I swear they eat anything around them in the night and spit them out covered in gunk the next morning.”

  “It was an accident, and I paid for a replacement!”

  And just like that, they were squabbling as normal, and Liam allowed himself to relax, handing each of them a book to carry and keeping the heaviest for himself. The night air was definitely colder than it had been over the past week or so, though it didn’t seem to matter to a group of teenagers who walked by, all wearing T-shirts with no jackets in sight. There were plenty of cars parked parallel to the sidewalk, and most of the businesses were open.

  It was a short walk to Maloney’s, a coffeehouse that also served sandwiches and salads, and a bell above the front door announced their arrival in a way that made Liam wince. Orders were taken at the counter, and then customers seemed to seat themselves. Half a dozen tables were taken, and one woman was working at a laptop with a huge mug of coffee at her elbow.

  “I’m so hungry,” Jay moaned, stepping up to the counter.

  “Hey, you two! Long time no see,” the redhead at the register said. “Let me guess, a Cuban?”

  “My stomach loves you,” Jay told her. “And a side of onion rings?”

  “I’ll get a chocolate shake if you’ll help me drink it,” Austin said to Jay, who nodded. “Too late for coffee for me. I don’t want to be up all night.”

  “And if you’ll add a cup of tea?” Liam asked, handing the girl enough cash to cover the order. She didn’t blink an eye over the fact that Liam was paying for all three of them; he had to hope it wasn’t because she thought he was Austin or Jay’s father or uncle.

  She gave Liam back his change with a smile. “I’ll bring it out as soon as it’s ready.”

  “There’s a booth in the back,” Austin said, pointing. “We should grab it before someone else does.”

  They settled into the booth, Liam on one side and the boys on the other. He would’ve been surprised if one of them had sat next to him, but it didn’t stop him wondering if they were starting to see him as some stern father figure. God, that would be a disaster.

  “I wish Patrick was here,” he said wryly. “It’d even up the numbers.”

  They glanced at each other first before looking at him, a question in their eyes.

  “We’d love to see him again sometime,” Jay said, sounding as cautious as a man navigating a stream by hopping from one slippery rock to another, “but we’ve kind of lost touch the last few months. He’s met someone else; we told you, remember?”

  “Of course I bloody remember. I’m not senile.” Oh great. Now he was snapping at them. Liam stacked the books and pushed them to one side. “Sorry. It wasn’t a genuine wish to see him, though I agree it’d be nice. I was just feeling…isolated, I suppose.”

  “I know what you mean,” Austin said. “Two of us, one of you…”

  “And when we give you a hard time, it probably feels like we’re both twins.”

  Austin opened his mouth, and Liam held up his hand, grateful the background music allowed him to speak freely if he kept his voice down. “Before you say a word, Austin, no, I’m not tired of you or looking to swap the pair of you for one nicely obedient and well-trained boy who’d bore me to death in a week.” He patted the top book. “Now why don’t we take a quick look before our food arrives, and you can see if any of the layouts look appealing.”

  “If you give me the dimensions, I can sketch out anything you have in mind,” Jay offered. “It’s what I do when I plan a diorama.”

  “He’s really good at it,” Austin put in.

  “I’m sure he is.” Liam smiled at Jay. “It’d be very helpful to have something to show to the contractors. Thank you.”

  “So we’re really doing this?” Jay asked.

  “I haven’t done more than check out some books and arranged for contractors to come by next week and give me some estimates,” Liam said. “Am I rushing you too much? I know this idea isn’t one you’re entirely happy with.”

  Jay stared at the table as if he wished there were something to fiddle with, then shook his head. “No, it’s okay. It’s good. I think we have to keep moving forward.” He glanced at Austin, whose relief was written all over his face.

  Liam wished there was a way to give both of them exactly what they needed. It was impossible. Austin needed the security of being as close to a full-time sub as their schedules would allow, and Jay didn’t, but Jay would go along with it for Austin’s sake. Well. Liam would just have to do his best to be sure Jay got the things he needed too. If that meant experimenting with more intense sessions, so be it.

  Austin slid one of the books closer and opened it. “We need a place for Jay’s dioramas.”

  “I thought I’d relocate the exercise equipment, though I hadn’t quite sorted out to where.”

  “I don’t need that much space,” Jay protested, but Liam and Austin gave him identical looks of doubt and he subsided.

  “I think, with some sort of built-in cupboard for storage, we’ll be able to consolidate your current setup into less square footage,” Liam said. “But you still need enough room for a good-sized worktable.”

  “Maybe like this?” Austin pushed the book toward the middle of the table so they could both see the photograph he indicated “It says it’s for scrapbooking, but it’s the right idea. I guess some of the drawers would have to be taller—”

  “And some of them would have to open out.” Jay frowned and flipped through the next few pages. “What if the work surface folded up? Like one of those old-fashioned beds that went up against the wall during the day? I don’t know what that’s called.”

  “But when you’re building something big, you can’t break it down.” Liam drummed his fingers against the table, shuffling ideas in his head as if this were a work-related problem, not a personal one, striving to get some objectivity. “How about a shed in the garden? A big one, I mean? Easy enough to run power out to it, which would mean you can heat or cool it depending on the season.”

  “I’d never see him,” Austin said bluntly. “He goes up into the loft space for hours, but at least I can hear him moving. If he was out in the yard…”

  “You can’t build me a room!” Jay leaned over the table, color rising in his face. “You’re just… It’s too much. All of it.”

  For all his protests, there was a flash of yearning in his eyes. For Austin, used to a big family and a crowded house, moving in with Liam wouldn’t seem that big a deal in some ways, but for Jay, whose parents had shuffled him between them until he’d grown old enough to step out of range, even making a home with Austin must’ve seemed new and scary.

  And now I’m—we’re—asking him to abandon it and take an even bigger step into the unknown.

  Liam had been blaming himself for Jay’s recent hostility, but he was beginning to wonder if it stemmed from unacknowledged fear rather than true resentment.

  You’re their Dom, he told himself. Take the reins. Stop overthinking something that should come naturally.

  “A workshop would be a useful addition to the place if it turns out you need it,” he said. “Stop being such a drama queen. Austin, I think you’ll find I won’t permit Jay to withdraw from us for hours at a time, any more than I’ll put up with you tidying obsessively. I’m counting on you both to put some life into the place, not turn it into a show home.”

  “You can’t push us around like this.”

  If Jay had intended it to sound defiant, he failed miserably.

  Liam reached inside his shirt collar and tugged at the chain around his neck until the key hanging from it was visible. Jay’s eyes widened. “Is that—”

  “It’s exactly what it looks like. Proof that I don�
��t push you around without your full approval and consent. I see our food’s on the way, so I suggest, as my grandmother would’ve said, that you save your breath to cool your porridge.”

  “Huh?”

  “He means shut up and eat.” Austin dug his elbow into Jay’s ribs, a friendly nudge. “And I’m starving, so that gets my vote too. Thank you.” This last was directed to the hostess, who set down the tray with their food and started doling it out without requiring a reminder of who had ordered what.

  “You’re welcome. If you need anything else, just let me know.” She took the tray with her when she left, tucking it under her arm. As soon as her back was turned, Austin stole an onion ring from Jay.

  “Food thief,” Jay said with affection.

  “I’m a horrible boyfriend,” Austin told Liam. “I should be giving him my food, not taking his.”

  “I’m not that skinny,” Jay protested. “And it’s not my fault that my metabolism is out-of-control fast. If I could turn it down or up or whichever it is, I would.” He took an enormous bite of his sandwich.

  “There doesn’t seem to be much wrong with your appetite,” Liam said drily. He enjoyed watching the gusto with which they ate. It matched the enthusiasm they had for sex, and he wondered if the two were connected. They were both sensual pleasures, after all.

  He took a sip of his tea—not strong enough, but it’d do—and settled back, flicking through one of the books as they ate, content to let the conversation drop.

  When their plates were empty, he waited for a cue from them about what they wanted to do next. Outside a scene, he still found it difficult to relate to them, though it’d been getting easier before this current roadblock.

  “How’s your mother, Austin?” he asked. “You said she’d been trying to shake off a cold?”

  Austin wiped his hands on a paper napkin. “She’s still coughing like someone who smokes a pack a day—and she’s never touched a cigarette in her life—but she says she’s feeling human again. She’s mostly worried about my brothers catching it. They’re complete babies when they get sick.”