So Jenny tried to sear into her memory what she could never have: Duncan’s arms about her as they were at this moment, the palm of his hand on her waist, and how close his mouth was to hers. If she turned, her lips would meet his. In another time, she might have kissed him on a whim, unconcerned about whether such a moment would come again. But now, she had lost her true love, but her heart would not break. Poets would have people believe that hearts broke, but they did not. They beat on, and with each beat, they ached without mercy.
They reached the stable. Duncan helped Jenny down from his horse. Her breath caught as his hands gripped her waist and she slid down against him. But her feet touched the ground, and the strong hands were gone.
Duncan turned and ran to swing open the doors, and they rushed inside. “That was a terrible storm to go walking in,” he told her, as he checked his horse’s hooves for stones.
With longing, Jenny took in the sight of his broad shoulders and muscular arms. “I dinnae see it coming. It was good luck that brought you to me.”
Duncan busied himself tending to his horse. Without looking up, he said, “It wasnae luck. My mother saw you leaving the village as the storm clouds blew in. When we heard the tree fall, she and Nellie sent me after you.”
“Oh.” Although she had no right to be, Jenny was disappointed that it had not been his idea. “Well, thank them for me.”
At last, he leveled a gaze, and her heart missed a beat. They had known one another too long and too well not to see more in a glance than either might wish to reveal. Duncan could not have missed her reaction, but he turned away and spoke as if to a stranger. “I’d have done it for anyone.”
“I know,” she said, watching him still. She could not help herself. His wet leine clung to his muscles as if to taunt her with how it would feel to touch him and know every part of that body again.
With a nod toward the door, Duncan said, “Can you walk on that ankle?” His gaze lingered until he caught himself and looked outside at the rain.
“It hurts a wee bit, but I can walk.” Jenny wished she had lied, but it was not in her nature. He would have known if she had.
“Go inside. I’ll leave as soon as the storm lets up.”
“Would you like some hot tea?” Jenny asked. Her voice had its old lilt, but the light in her eyes was lost behind a soft veil of sorrow that fluttered away when his eyes would not meet hers.
Duncan glanced toward the house and shook his head. “I’m sure I was seen coming here. It would not do for me to be found in there alone with–”
Her candid gaze met his. They were lost in that gaze for a moment.
Duncan finished his thought. “–with a woman about to be married.”
They both looked at the house. What might have been on a day such as this, before they had learned that their love had no more substance than mist?
Jenny said, “I’ve wanted to explain to you.”
“No, dinnae talk of it now.” His eyes darted toward the house for only a moment with a hard expression.
“But Duncan–”
“No, Jenny,” he snapped.
Jenny flinched. Seeing this, Duncan lowered his voice. “Go inside.” He stared at the house.
She hesitated. “I don’t like to leave you out here.”
“But you’re so good at it.” He smiled with cold eyes. “I’ve grown used to being alone.” He had not meant to sound angry, but the words had slipped out.
Jenny looked down as she measured her words. “Duncan, I wish...” but the only words that would come, could not be spoken.
“Aye, so do I.”
The rain had nearly stopped. Gentle drops clung and some fell from the eaves. He gave her one last fleeting glance that landed like a blunt blow. Turning, he tightened his horse’s girth and led it outside. Jenny watched, taking in every muscle that flexed in his shoulders and back, and his large hands that were gentle and sure. She nearly called out his name. But what was there to say?
Unwilling to wait for the rain any longer, Duncan mounted his horse. He looked down at her with eyes that were not harsh, as she had expected, but hollow. She yearned to reach out to hold him and tell him the truth. She could not, so she looked down to hide it. “You have every reason to hate me.”
With forced calm, he said, “Goodbye, Jenny.”
As he rode down the road, Duncan said softly, “I wish that I could hate you, darlin’.”
Chapter 5
Saint Michael was the patron saint of the sea and the sailors. No one had spent more time at sea than Duncan, so when Michaelmas came at the end of September, Alex made it his mission to lift Duncan’s spirits by including him in every toast. Had it not been Michaelmas, Alex would have found some other excuse, for he had watched Duncan brood long enough. With the help of friends Callum and Charlie, Alex made sure that Duncan gave due honor to St. Michael.
With a resounding thud, Duncan set down his cup. “Lads, I’ll have some of that cake over there.”
When Duncan’s balance failed him for a moment, Alex eyed him, amused. “Are you sure you can walk?”
“And why can’t I?”
Alex grinned. “No reason, really. But just for the sake of conversation, lad, how many drams have you had?”
Duncan shrugged. “Two or three.”
The lads did not even try to hide their amusement.
Duncan tripped. “Maybe four.” He waved off Charlie’s offer of help, an offer that came with a laugh. Duncan recovered and stepped carefully onward, with Charlie and Alex behind at the ready to prop him upright. In truth, they were only a bit more sure-footed than he.
They lingered beside a table of cakes, where Charlie steadied Duncan. Callum leaned over to Alex. “Do you think you might have overdone it a wee bit?”
Alex shrugged. “Overdone what? Helping him to forget?”
“Forget what? How to walk? Aye, you’ve done that.”
“The trouble with you, Callum, is that your sweet wife has tamed you.” Alex shook his head with mock regret. “I can barely recall the man you once were.”
“Och, let me help you then.” Callum reached out to box Alex’s ears.
Alex dodged out of his way with a laugh. “See? You’ve gone soft! The old Callum wouldnae have missed.”
“I was just showing you pity.” Callum smirked as he turned away.
Alex laughed even harder. “Mari, come here and behold what’s become of this man of yours.”
Mari smiled. “Oh, I ken what’s become of him, and I like it just fine. He’s a braw man, and I love him.”
Callum scooped Mari into his arms and spun her about before burying his face in her neck. As he growled and planted a kiss there, Mari attempted to loose herself from his sturdy arms. “Callum, people are looking!” And yet, as she said it, she failed to hide a slight smile.
“Good God, Callum, you beast.” Alex said, feigning disgust. “Mari, will you not come to your senses and leave this oaf?”
Callum released her enough to circle his arm about her waist and gaze fondly at her.
She met his eyes with equal measure of warmth. “My senses are just fine where they are.” Mari played with the open neckline of Callum’s leine, their gazes locked.
Alex cleared his throat. “You two know I’m still here, do ye not?”
They laughed and turned toward him as Charlie appeared with Duncan lagging behind. Charlie grabbed Alex’s shoulder to pull him away toward some new attraction. Knowing Charlie, Alex had no doubt that it involved women. They passed some horses and riders about to race. Alex started to watch, but Charlie pulled him along. “We’ve more important things to do. We’re going to find Duncan a woman.” Charlie clapped his hand on Duncan’s shoulder. “What color hair would you like?”
They drew close to the music and dancing and stopped. Duncan said, “Light.”
“Light isnae a color,” Charlie said as he flashed a dimpled grin at a pretty girl standing with two of her friends.
Duncan caught sig
ht of Jenny as Tavish swept her into a new dance. “Light like the barley before harvest, when the wind whispers through it in waves.”
“Well that’s specific,” said Alex, with a knowing expression. In the soft glow of sunset, the dancers moved about in their pattern. There Jenny was, dancing and smiling, and Tavish danced with her.
Charlie’s glance swept from Alex to Duncan. His face brightened. In an instant, he was gone, but returned minutes later with two grinning girls. “I’m afraid, Alex, you’ll have to fend for yourself.”
Alex leveled a look and said, “I’m quite sure I can manage without you.”
Charlie laughed as he nudged Duncan toward one girl and swept the other into his arms for a lively Highland Schottische. Duncan’s partner seemed eager enough to hold him close to secure his unsteady balance on the turns. In spite of the whisky, Duncan’s body responded by instinct and memory to the steps and turns of the dance and the touch of a woman. The music stopped. Just as suddenly, Duncan told his partner that he had to go.
“Where? I’ll come with you.” She took hold of his hand and caught up to his pace.
With eyes fixed forward, Duncan said, “I have to go.” He stopped and gently pried her hand from his.
“Oh! Well, I’ll wait for you here.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but he had more pressing business. With a shrug, he walked off toward some shrubbery to relieve himself.
When he returned, she was in the same spot with the same eager smile. He smiled and wandered away, but his new companion caught up and slipped her arm into his as she pressed her plump curves against him.
Lifting round eyes to his, she said, “I’ve something to show you.” Sliding her hands down his arms, she clasped his hand.
In a few steps, they were within the dark cover of trees and thick bracken. Wasting no time, she slipped her hands over the edge of his belt and gently pulled him against her and guided his hands about her waist.
Reaching up on her tiptoes, she started to kiss him, but he gripped her waist and held her at bay. “No, lass. You dinnae want me.”
“Och, but I do.”
Duncan shook his head and watched leafy shadows move over her features. “I’ve got nothing for you.”
“That isnae true, Duncan.” With a coy downward glance down past his belt, she said, “You’ve got something I’d like very much. And I like you. I always have.” Her eyes rose to meet his, full of feelings he could not return. If she gave him her body, she would want his heart in return. She deserved as much, but he could not give it.
He paused to find words that would not have too sharp a sting. If they were there, the whisky obscured them. “I’m sorry.”
“What is it? Am I not bonnie enough?” She glanced away, but Duncan touched her chin and lifted it gently. “You are very bonnie, and I am a fool. But I’ve been wounded, and there’s no help for it.”
“Wounded?” Her eyes went straight to his groin. “There was nothing wounded there moments ago. What you need is someone who appreciates you.” She began to appreciate him with her hands, and his body responded even as he backed away from her.
She reached out, but he held her gently at arm’s length. “We must go back now.”
“No, Duncan.”
Her round sad eyes cajoled him, but a warm smile was all he would offer. “Come, bonnie lass, will you dance with me?”
She reluctantly took the hand that he offered, and followed him back toward the others.
“Duncan?”
“Aye, lass?”
“You’ve nae said my name once.”
His eyes shut for an instant before he dared meet the frown that awaited him.
She pushed his arm away. “You dinnae remember me, do you?”
He thought hard, but it would not come to mind. “Of course I do.”
“Good, then tell me my name.”
“I’m sorry. ‘Tis the whisky.”
“The whisky?” Her look condemned him.
Cold silence hovered between them until they arrived at the edge of a small crowd that circled the dancing.
She said, “Rose.” When he tried to act as though it were familiar, she shook her head. “It’s been Rose since we were wee bairns.”
He glanced toward the people dancing and laughing, but she drew his attention back. “You once found me picking berries, and you walked home with me. A wild rose bloomed from the hedgerow, and you plucked it and gave it to me. I know you were having fun, but I kept it.” She glanced back at his blank face. He did not remember. “Men like you laugh and say nice things. You’re the most dangerous kind, for you dinnae know what you do to a girl.”
Duncan was baffled. Charlie, yes, but he was not like that. He would not have played with hers or anyone else’s affections as she was accusing. It was not in his nature. He cupped her face in his hands and said, “You’re right, Rose. You deserve better than me.” He kissed her forehead. It was meant to be kind, but she gave him a petulant look and then walked away.
As he tried to make sense of what had just happened, Duncan turned and caught Jenny’s eye. Their gazes locked for a moment as Tavish led her into the center to dance. Duncan watched, unable to do anything else. As if sensing his thoughts and his lingering gaze, Jenny turned toward him with a pleading expression that both tugged at his heart and confused him. He turned away so she would not catch him watching again. It was then that he saw Rose heading straight toward him. He glanced back at Jenny and ducked into the shadows before Rose could catch up.
Soon after, Duncan’s mother found him. No one could bring out the strained tone in her voice like his father.
“What is it?” Her distress saddened him, and yet part of him did not want to know what his father had done this time.
“He’s over there with the horses.”
Duncan nodded. “I saw him earlier.”
“He’s been betting. I asked him where he got money to gamble, when we barely had enough for the rent.”
Blood drained from Duncan’s face. “And his answer?”
She met his gaze with regret. “He’s lost almost all of it.”
He asked knowing the answer. He did not want to believe it. “My money? But I hid it.”
“He’s clever when it has to do with whisky or gambling. He must have watched you put it there. There’s no other explanation.”
Duncan cursed, and then said he was sorry for cursing.
She went on. “He must have seen you hide it, or discovered it.”
It was all he could do to hold back his rage. He had saved money while he was gone so they would not have to worry, come rent time. He had taken jobs sailing to make even more. After a lifetime of struggles, he could not stand to be without money enough to feel safe and secure. Since Duncan was old enough, he had worked the farm while his mother made extra money selling baked goods and knitting to sell at the mercat. They had always gotten by, but just barely. For all of his faults, Duncan had always thought his father to be an honest man. Now he would have to add thievery to his father’s list of fine traits. Duncan slowed his pace to match his mother’s, elsewise he would have been at a full run toward the horse races to confront his father. It was better this way, at least for his father, to have time to tamp down his fury.
Brodie did not see his son coming as Duncan clapped a firm hand on his shoulder and spun him around. “Where’s the rent money?”
His father’s helpless mien fed Duncan’s anger.
“What is left? Give it to me.”
Brodie dug into his sporran and pulled out a couple of coins, which he put in Duncan’s outstretched hand.
“Is that all?” Duncan asked.
The answer was the same sheepish expression Duncan had seen too many times.
“You stole from me, Da.”
When he would not look him in the eye, Duncan clutched Brodie’s shoulders and shook him. “Why did you do it?” When no answer came, Duncan tightened his grip on his father’s shirt collar.
; “I’m sorry, lad. I was going to make us enough to get us all through the winter.”
“Duncan, stop!” Elspeth grasped Duncan’s arm. “You’re making it worse.”
Duncan obeyed his mother for her sake, but he glared at his father with contempt. “You’re a poor excuse for a man.” Duncan released his father. It threw Brodie off balance. He fell to the ground.
As she helped Brody to his feet, Elspeth quietly said, “Help me take him home.”
Duncan’s anger was slow to subside.
“Please, Duncan, help me.” Elspeth took in the stares from onlookers.
Without a word, Duncan hooked his arms under his father’s and pulled him to his feet.
“Come Brodie, it’s time to go home,” said his wife. She took one side, and Duncan took the other.
“I’m sorry,” said Brodie.
Duncan cast a dark look at his father. “Try to walk to those trees over there without disgracing your wife. It’s too late for me, but at least have a care for Mum.” He turned toward his mother. “Wait over there, out of sight. I’ll bring my horse, and he can ride while we walk home the rest of the way.”
As he walked past, people turned their attention back to the horse race, but Duncan did not notice. His mind was on how they would now pay the rent that was due.
He had to walk past some overgrown brambles to untether his horse. Muted moans caught his attention. Thinking someone was hurt, he glanced toward the sound.
With her palms to the tree, Rose’s skirts were hiked up, and a man gripped her hips. Her breasts slapped against her ribs as he thrust himself into her. Rose stared blankly ahead as the man lifted his chin to suck in air and exhale. It was Tavish. Duncan turned away and led his horse past groups of people dancing and talking. Through the dancers, he caught glimpses of Jenny on the opposite side. She was alone.
Chapter 6
Highland Soldiers: The Betrayal Page 4
