ICE
Part I
Penny Hawking
Because families always try to soothe their demons instead of fighting them.
To all my readers, this is for you
—Penny Hawking
Night Runs
Taking a slow deep breath, Ice closed her eyes. Her hand formed into a fist as she crouched into a ball. She could practically hear the rapid beating of her heart. She held her breath. It was only when her vision started blurring that she allowed herself to exhale. Ice repeated this procedure a couple more times until she felt her body relax and her mind clear.
“It’s okay, I got this…I don’t feel anything, I’m a big girl.” She whispered to herself quietly. “I don’t feel anything.” She whispered more fervently this time. “Nothing…nothing at all.”
Even with her eyes squeezed shut, tears escaping the confinement and rolling down her face. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know her hands were shaking. She could feel them. Even in their balled-up form, her fists were vibrating.
Ice leaned slowly against the wall, allowing her muscles to relax as she pressed against the sturdy material. She let herself slide to the ground. Her butt hitting the cold concrete of the jungle gym.
The cool breeze of the night air, relaxed her, the tensions in her shoulders disappeared as she took in her surroundings.
When she ran from the house, she’d ran aimlessly with no direction or location in mind. All she knew was she had to get out of there. Away from her, away from her life, if only for a minute. If only to scream and release the feelings bottled inside.
Now looking around, she’d ran pretty far. All the way to Ellsworth Park. Matter of fact she didn’t know if one could even call it a park. All but one of the swings were broken. The jungle gym had graffiti all over it; but so, did the monkey bars; and the basketball court, and their lame excuse for a tennis court. She tried to remember the last time she actually saw a kid play in this park. For a rich neighborhood, they were really neglecting one of the most important aspects of their community.
Smiling sadly, Ice closed her eyes. The wind caressed her face, bringing about the peace she was seeking. Peace. Such a strange word in her life. Had she ever known peace?
“Well, I’ll be damned.” A very soothing voice spoke.
She jumped up as goose bumps traveled down her arms. She’d been sure she was alone. Ice whirled around to the figure standing in front of her. Her heart was no longer racing out of fright. This was something else. This was the anxiety of crush.
Peyton Stone.
The Peyton Stone. The sexiest person to ever walk the face of the earth. She looked him up and down, all 6 foot 2 inches of him. From his worn-out black converse to his faded ripped jeans, his thin leather belt and fitted gray V-neck.
Her gaze traveled all the way up to his perfect pink lips. They weren’t big, the bottom lip just a bit more plum then the top but they were still kiss worthy. She continued up to his grayish-blue eyes. Eyes that she had yet to understand. Eyes that seemed to change colors depending on his clothes or his mood.
Lastly, she took in his rather long dirty blond hair that grazed his shoulder. He usually wore it up in a sloppy bun, but now it was down, framing his face, giving him the look of a model.
“Wow, I feel thoroughly examined.” Peyton joked.
Her heart skipped a beat. “What?” Ice asked nervously rubbing imaginary lent off her jeans.
Peyton chuckled and tucked his hair behind his ear. “Never mind, but…I don’t know, but isn’t it past the Ice princess’ curfew?”
“Ice princess huh?” She replied as she watched him bring the cigarette to his mouth. He wasn’t even 18 yet to the best of her knowledge. However, she’d seen him smoke a couple times. It was such a nasty habit and she hated it, but for some reason it looked good on him. It completed his bad boy look.
“You like the pet name?” He grinned, slipping his hand into the pockets of his jeans.
Ice resisted the urge to smile. “Wow, very original.” She slid back down to the floor and sat as she had been doing before.
He smiled. “I know, took me years to come up with it.” He replied as he sat down next to her against the wall.
Ice rolled her eyes. He was cute but of course, she couldn’t let him know that. Besides, he probably already knew it with the millions of people throwing themselves at his feet.
She tried to press herself against the wall, feeling a little flushed.
Peyton had no notion of personal space whatsoever. He was sitting too close for comfort. Ice could feel the heat from his body radiating onto her. His thigh brushed against hers as he squashed an unassuming bug.
“I don’t have curfew.” Ice finally responded trying to put some distance between them without seeming rude.
They never really sat down and talked to each other before. Peyton wasn’t from around here. He’d came to their school sophomore year. Earning a reputation right away for his good looks, smart mouth and bad attitude. Ice had kept her distance. They had a couple classes together their sophomore year, slightly traumatic but livable. They were more acquaintances than friends. Over the past two years, they held brief superficial sometimes flirty conversations that made her blush. He was good at flirting. A little too good.
If he wanted a reputation as a flirty bad boy, he’d surely gotten it. That was all she actually knew about him. To be honest Peyton Stone was still a mystery. But then again weren’t they all?
Peyton lifted his eyes to her. “Wanna smoke?” He asked mischievously as the smoke escaped his lips. He stretched his cigarette towards her.
Ice hesitated for a second, though she didn’t know why. She’d never smoked before in her life, never had the desire and didn’t see it in her future.
“No thank you.”
Peyton did not remove the cigarette from her face. They stared at each other a strange silence falling over them as if he was challenging her to accept it. He finally shrugged and took another drag. “Good girl, it’s bad for you.”
She stared at him in confusion as he took another drag of his smoke. He really was a strange kid.
Ice lifted her head and looked up at the sky, feeling a strange and calming sense of relief.
They sat in silence, Peyton smoking away and Ice staring up at the vast darkness above.
She couldn’t explain it, nor did she know how it was possible. Who could have known sitting next to Peyton Stone, looking at the endless sky and smelling the scent of his cigarette could relax her so much?
That such a small thing could make her forget. Forget, if only for a second. Forget why she’d ran from her room so late at night. Forget that if her mother knew where she currently was….
Ice turned her head slowly to look at Peyton. He seemed to be in a trance as he stared out into the darkness.
He looked so beautiful in his calmness that she felt as if she was intruding. Ice looked down at her feet, silently reminding herself to buy new moccasin flats. The ones she was currently wearing looked like they had gone through hell and back. Melissa had thrown them away and Ice had secretly retrieved them. She liked them; they were still good and comfortable.
“You shouldn’t smoke, it’ll kill you.” She said softly going back to his earlier statement.
Peyton scoffed. “Everybody fucking dies sometime.” He said sadly as he inhaled the smoke and exhaled
“You shouldn’t curse either.” She continued automatically. She felt ashamed, unable to stop herself. Melissa was pouring out of her pores. Her words. Her thoughts. Not Ice’s.
“Because it’ll kill me?” He asked mocking her.
Ice lifted her head to look at him, only to see the side of his lip slightly lifted in amusement.
“No, it’s just i
mpolite.” She trailed off, staring straight into those surreal eyes of his. She couldn’t understand them. Never had she seen eyes like this before.
Peyton didn’t respond but stared right back at her seriously. His eyes focused on her face, as though trying to dig into her soul for the answers to life.
Ice shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. It was unnerving her. She blinked and looked away but when she turned back, he was still staring at her. She scooted away from him a little bit. She forgot no matter how handsome he was, he had a tendency to be strange.
She remembered last year in 11th grade, Peyton had randomly walked up to her and held her hand for a solid 5 minutes. Striking up a conversation with her as if it was a normal occurrence between them. She’d been too shocked to respond, but he’d continued talking anyways until he’d walked her to her class and left her there. To this day she still didn’t know why he’d done that.
“Stop staring at me.” She said, pushing him softly.
“Just returning the favor my little Ice Princess.” He said calmly with a gentle smile.
“I wasn’t staring at you.” Ice retorted.
“I swear you inspected me from head to toe, just a couple minutes ago.” Peyton remarked.
Ice looked down at the ground slightly embarrassed.
“I didn’t mind it.” He added quickly.
Ice refused to look up at him. God, she’d made a fool of herself already.
“By the way, do you always talk to yourself?”
“What?” Ice asked confused, finally looking at him again.
“I mean earlier. Do you always talk to yourself? When you were saying you don’t feel anything. What was that about?” He asked explaining himself.
“What?” Ice knew she sounded dumb, but that’s all she could muster out.
He’d heard hear.
All of a sudden, there was a high pitch ringing in her ears. He thought she was crazy no doubt about it.
She shook her head, her heart started to beat faster. “What are you talking about?” Her voice faltered at the end. She abruptly stood up. The reason as to why she was in the park in the first place came back to her. She looked around. “I gotta go.”
Peyton didn’t answer as he watched her.
She looked down and noticed his hand was empty; he must have finished his cigarette. She also noticed it was dirty; his fingertips had some sort of gray on them like charcoal, ink, or oil.
“I gotta go.” Ice said again, not taking her eyes off his one hand that was lazily resting on the crotch of his pants. She wanted to feel his hand. It looked so warm and masculine, she just wanted to touch it, she didn’t know why but she felt the sudden urge to grab his hand. That one time in 11th grade, it had felt so nice holding his hand.
She looked away her cheeks heating up. It had finally dawned on her that it looked as though she was staring at his crotch the whole time. Thank God for her dark skin, otherwise he would’ve noticed her blush.
“I gotta go.” Ice said again, mentally hitting herself for repeating the same sentence. She tended to do that when she got nervous.
Peyton chuckled softly. “You said that already.”
“Yeah…um…okay bye.” Ice said turned around and jogged back home.
She was dumb. She felt dumb. Everything that just happened was dumb. what was even dumber was her jogging away. She lowered her pace and just started walking out the park.
“Hey Ice fairy!”
She stopped and turned around. The dim streetlights made him look like a shadow against the wall.
“Do you want me to take you home?” He asked pointing behind him to what she assumed was a mode of transportation, but she couldn’t see anything past him.
The gesture put a smile on Ice’s face. “No thanks, I’m fine.” She yelled back and continued walking. After a couple steps she started to jog. She didn’t look back, so she missed Peyton staring after her.
When Ice had turned the corner and disappeared, Peyton slowly looked down at his hand. She’d been staring at his stained fingers. He rubbed the remains of charcoal as best he could before groaning.
“I should’ve washed my fucking hands.” He whispered in disappointment. Peyton shoved his hands in his pocket and turned back around to his motorcycle.
Encounters
(Ice)
Ice drudgingly put her car in park and took out her keys. She wanted to curse so badly, but the words in her head never slipped through her lips. She covered her mouth with her hands and screamed into it.
She stopped when she felt the tension release. She smiled a little and shook her head. Little weird things like that kept her sane. She wouldn’t want her mom to put her in a mental hospital again.
Ice pulled out her mirror and checked her face. She checked the line of eyeliner that she had applied earlier to enhance her big almond eyes. She checked her teeth to make sure there was nothing on them. She checked her face to make sure no pimple had randomly appeared. Her dark mocha complexion was always to perfection. She smiled one of her killer smiles and realized she actually looked happy. Now if only her outside appearance could transfer all that happy go lucky charm to her heart and mind.
“Another day, another dolla…” Ice said to herself and laughed. Why she said that, she didn’t even know, but it made her happy.
She stepped out of her Mitsubishi eclipse and slammed the door. Her heart dropped as she faced the institution otherwise known as Carlton Blaze High School. Taking small steps, she slowly walked towards the entrance. She stared straight ahead without making eye contact. To some, she came off as a rich snob. She didn’t care enough to correct them. If that was the person they wanted her to portray, then that’s the person she was going to show them.
“Hi Ice.” She heard a small squeaky voice behind her.
Ice stopped abruptly in her tracks and slowly turned around. There was only one person with that voice. She watched in amusement at the 4’8 freshman girl running towards her. Her fiery red hair was in its usual two pigtails. Brooke’s freckled face light up with a big smile on.
Ice never understood why she was always so happy. She looked at the dress Brooke was wearing, and she could have sworn she just stepped out of show from the Wild West. Without reserve, Brooke gave her a big bear.
“Hi Brooke.” Ice smiled whilst trying to get out of the embrace and failing miserably. The little girl was stronger than she looked.
Brooke stepped back at arm’s length and grinned. She tiptoed and tried to reach Ice’s 5’5 height. She got so close to Ice’s face that her lips were just inches from her.
“You look so beautiful.” Brooke whispered.
Ice smiled politely and backed away. Sometimes she had the faintest feeling that Brooke had a crush on her.
“Girl can you give her some space? All up in her personal bubble. She can’t even breathe and shit.” Joanna’s distinct raspy voice was heard behind them.
Ice smiled as she turned to see her best friend in the whole world. Joanna was 5’8 and gorgeous, her caramel skin flawless; her long black hair always looked like she just came back from the salon. She had a model figure and she walked liked she owned the world. Right now, she was strutting around in her black heels, gray pencil skirt and a blue top, that had people staring. Reckon they were senior in high school, not working professionals. The only flaw this walking model had was her potty mouth and horrible attitude.
“Hey beautiful.” Joanna sang, making air kisses to each of Ice’s cheeks.
“Hi Jo.” Ice replied.
Joanna turned to Brooke. “…and this raggedy Ann doll is still following you?” She asked pointing to Brooke as though she was a bug.
“Hi Joanna.” Brooke said sweetly, though there was a hint of something else in her voice that Ice couldn’t quite place.
“Be nice Jo.” Ice turned around and resumed her walk to the school entrance.
“All I’m saying is that I don’t understand why you still let this one roam around you.” Jo r
eplied.
“She’s our friend.” Ice said sending Jo a look to shut her up. She felt Brooke grab her arm as they walked into the building.
“Hey Joa---.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Joanna turned and cut off the poor teen.
Ice looked at him and gave him an apologetic smile. Tyrone rolled his eyes at Joanna and smiled at Ice.
“I know she wants me!” He yelled back.
“In your dreams!” Jo yelled back without hesitation.
Ice shook her head; those two had been off and on for years. She personally liked Tyrone a lot. He was the only boy that could actually hold Jo’s attention. He was funny, cute, sweet and a heck of a football player. He had coaches eating out of his ass for him to pick their college.
Ice turned her attention back to Brooke who was chatting away, talking about her weekend. She felt a little guilty that she hadn’t caught anything the poor girl had said. She rubbed her temple slowly, feeling a headache coming on. She sighed, she’d just gotten here and already she wanted to get out. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, released it and then opened her eyes again.
Ice: Part I Page 1
