The Surgeon's Miracle Baby

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘I did,’ Louise responded stiffly, but something inside her gave in then, the nurse in her so ingrained that she made her way over, flicked on the overhead light, straightened his pillows, pulled his gown back up over his shoulders then retied the ribbons at the back. Somehow she managed not to touch him or acknowledge the grateful nod as he rested back. ‘What did you want?’ When he didn’t answer, she elaborated. ‘You buzzed—is there anything I can help you with?’

  ‘Forget that.’ He let out a stunned, incredulous half-laugh. ‘I haven’t seen you in over a year. Surely—’

  ‘Surely what?’ Her eyes challenged him to continue. ‘Surely there must be something to talk about? Surely we have some catching up to do?’

  ‘Louise?’ His voice was groggy, his pupils constricted from the undoubtedly generous amount of opiates he’d been given post-operatively, and for a sliver of time she actually felt sorry for him. The poor guy had had two rounds of surgery after all, and to wake up to the vengeful face of one’s ex wasn’t exactly the ideal scenario. But her sympathy lasted about two seconds. Remembering what he’d put her through, the agony of the past few months, Louise was hard pushed to keep a malicious smile off her face as she thought of his injury—in the hell of a lonely pregnancy and birth it was one she’d dreamt of inflicting herself!

  ‘How’s your pain?’

  ‘Not too bad,’ Daniel said, but from his gritted teeth she knew he was lying. ‘I can’t believe this—I mean, you being here!’

  ‘On a scale of one to ten,’ Louise said, completely ignoring his personal comments and keeping things entirely professional, ‘how would you rate your pain?’

  ‘Louise,’ Daniel interrupted, ‘can we talk about us?’

  ‘Us!’ It was Louise now giving a shocked laugh as she shook her head. ‘I’ll ask again—on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?’

  ‘Five,’ Daniel said. ‘And no, I don’t want anything else for pain. Louise…’

  She didn’t let him finish. Her only thought was to get out of the room and somehow attempt to process the fact in her shocked brain that Daniel was here, and it wasn’t going to be a fleeting meeting either—he was the consultant of the ward she was working on! She had to get away, had to work out how on earth she was supposed to deal with it.

  ‘I’m busy with another patient now.’ She attempted brisk and efficient but it came out rather too harshly and Louise corrected herself—reminding herself that even if it was Daniel, today he was a patient—that today, at least, he deserved her respect and care. ‘What did you buzz for?’

  ‘I wanted to find out how long it would be till my discharge meds are ready. I’m really keen to get home.’

  Which was understandable, but from the slightly grey tinge to his face and the fact he was still on high-dose analgesics, Louise doubted he’d be going home any time that day. Still, she’d leave it for someone else to break that news to him, she decided. Right now, all she wanted was out.

  ‘I can’t answer that for you, Daniel. Elaine’s the nurse in charge and she’s the one allocated to look after you, but she’s busy with another patient right now. As soon as she’s done, I’ll let her know you were asking.’ Managing the briefest of smiles, she turned to go, but the drugs he was on must have weakened his usual staunch reserve because she hadn’t even reached the door before he called out to her.

  ‘That’s it? You’re just going to walk out like that? You’ve nothing else to say?’

  She had nothing else to say—nothing that could be said, without breaking down anyway—twelve months of hell ripping through her as with the briefest shake of her head Louise walked out of his room, scarcely able to comprehend the appalling coincidence that had bought Daniel Ashwood back into her life.

  ‘What did Danny want?’ Elaine practically pounced on her as she walked out of the room—not that Louise noticed, her mind spinning at the shocking confrontation, stunned, appalled, terrified not just that he was here but that, despite all that had happened, despite all the dirty water under their bridge, somehow she still wanted him.

  ‘Louise,’ Elaine insisted. ‘What did Danny want?’

  ‘He wants to know when his discharge meds will be ready.’ Running a dry tongue over her pale lips, Louise forced herself to act normally. ‘I think he wants to go home.’

  ‘Well, he’s not going anywhere. The surgeons want him to stay for another twenty-four hours—I’d better go and break the news. Are you OK?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Louise said, then, seeing Elaine’s frown, thought she’d better come up with a reason. ‘I’m a bit sore, actually—I’ve never gone this long without feeding Declan.’

  ‘I know you didn’t get a coffee-break—why don’t you have an early lunch?’ Elaine offered. ‘Add your coffee-break to it. Theatre just rang and they’re going to be keeping that stab wound in Recovery for another hour or so—his blood pressure’s still very low.’

  Louise didn’t need to be asked twice, so she headed down to the crèche and stepped into the hubbub of children’s cries and chatter. The room was a den of activity as toddlers messily ate their lunch at low tables and babies banged spoons for attention in their high chairs. But Louise had eyes only for one child in the room, an anxious smile breaking out on her face as Jess, the cheery child-care worker who had greeted her early that morning, ushered her into a chair. ‘Someone’s going to be very pleased to see you.’ Jess beamed. ‘He’s just woken up from his morning nap. Have a seat and I’ll get him for you.’

  The sight of Declan’s angry red face as Jess brought him over tore at her heartstrings, her breasts literally aching for her son. ‘Did he take the bottle OK this morning?’ Louise asked anxiously.

  ‘It took a while.’ Jess gave a sympathetic smile at Louise’s distraught face. ‘He’ll soon get used to it and remember that it’s your milk that we’re giving him.’ Her tone was reassuring. ‘Don’t feel guilty for having to work. Like I said, he’ll soon get used to it.’

  He had no choice but to get used to it, Louise thought, wishing it didn’t have to be like this. She took her red-faced, tearful son from Jess, her breasts weeping as he was handed over, hating the thought of him crying for her while she worked just a short distance away. Rage starting to trickle in that her tiny baby had to be in a crèche rather than at home, where he belonged at this tender age.

  Yes, rage, Louise decided as slowly her baby calmed, as slowly he relaxed in her arms and hungrily took his feed. Rage that Daniel Ashwood had done this to her.

  Had done this to them.

  ‘Danny wants to talk to you.’ Elaine’s face looked as if she’d been sucking lemons as she reluctantly passed on the message. ‘I told him you were in the crèche, feeding your son, but he said that he’d like a word when you came back.’

  ‘You told him…’ Louise snapped her mouth closed. Panic built inside her, which she tried hard not to let Elaine see. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘I’ve already told you,’ Elaine answered tartly, turning on her rubber-soled heel. ‘And can you make it quick please? When you’re done, I want you to give an enema to bed 2.’

  If Elaine considered it a punishment, she was wrong—giving an enema was infinitely preferable to answering Daniel’s inevitable questions. Deep down she’d known this day was coming, just never in her wildest dreams when she’d woken up that morning had she thought it might be this one. Over the last twelve months she had penned so many unsent letters to him, and she wished she had one of them in her pocket now, could hand it to him to read, could let him know, without breaking down, why it had been so impossible to tell him she was pregnant, why she’d made the difficult decision to raise Declan alone.

  Bracing herself, she opened the door, her usually sunny face pale and grim, her mind whirring as to how to play this, how to deal with the barrage of fire that was surely heading her way.

  ‘You wanted to talk to me?’

  ‘I think there’s quite a bit to say.’ The calmness in his voice caug
ht her completely unawares. He looked much more together now. His bed had been freshly made, the curtains were open and his eyes more able to focus. ‘Don’t you?’

  ‘Not really.’ Louise gave a tight shrug, unsure where this was leading, confused by his demeanour. ‘I think you made things very clear the last time we spoke,’

  ‘Sit down, Louise,’ Daniel said, and then softened it slightly. ‘Please.’ It was easier to sit than stand, so she did so, utterly unable to look at him, terrified that if she did she’d start crying. ‘I just think it would be better if we clear the air now.’

  Clear the air?

  Her eyes darted to his, then darted away, her mind struggling to fathom his meaning.

  ‘We’re obviously going to be working together and things might get a bit uncomfortable if—’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Louise broke in. ‘I’m not going to walk around with a megaphone, telling everyone I shagged the new consultant last year when I was on a working holiday.’

  ‘Louise,’ Daniel snapped like a schoolmaster. ‘There’s no need for language like that.’

  ‘Why not?’ Louise shrugged. ‘That’s exactly what it was, according to you—a quick fling with no involvement!’

  ‘I said some harsh things when we broke up,’ Daniel said a touch less loftily. ‘A lot of them I wish I could take back. I never meant to imply—’

  ‘You didn’t imply anything, Daniel,’ Louise interrupted. ‘You spelt things out—very clearly, in fact. And for the record, we didn’t break up. If I remember rightly, you woke up one morning—after we’d spent a night making love, I hasten to add—and told me that it was never going to work, that I wasn’t the sort of wife you wanted—’

  ‘Louise, listen—’

  ‘No, Daniel, you listen!’ She’d grown up in a year, the dizzy, happy-go-lucky girl he’d met gone for ever as the woman she now was turned her eyes to face him. ‘You told me that the last thing you wanted from me was a serious relationship, that you’d thought we were just having a “bit of fun” before I went back to Australia…’

  ‘Louise.’ His calm voice only exacerbated her agitated one. ‘Clearly we did both want different things. I just felt that it was all moving too quickly. Yes, that night we had made love, but that night you had also made it clear that somewhere in the not-too-distant future you wanted a husband and babies.’

  ‘I didn’t say that!’ Louise said indignantly. ‘God, you make it sound as if I was desperate. If you care to remember, we were talking about where we saw ourselves in five years. I’d have been thirty-two by then…’

  ‘And I’d have been thirty-nine.’ Daniel shrugged. ‘And I realised that night we had different visions of our futures. It was just all getting too serious. Louise, you were talking of extending your stay in the UK because of me, because of us!’

  ‘Because I thought there was an us,’ Louise choked. ‘Because I thought you felt as strongly as I did. I thought we wanted the same thing.’

  ‘Well, we didn’t,’ Daniel broke in, shattering her already broken heart just a touch further, if that were possible. ‘Clearly! Elaine mentioned you had a baby now…’ Louise sucked in her breath, every nerve taut, staring at his expressionless face and trying to fathom what he was thinking, trying to work out her answer to the question that was surely, after all this time, coming. ‘And I’m glad for you,’ Daniel said, oblivious to the bewildered frown spreading over her face. ‘I’m pleased that you’ve found someone who makes you happy. I just wanted to be sure there were no hard feelings between us, given that we’re going to be working together.’

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, had truly thought she was walking in the room to defend herself, to listen as he berated her for not telling him about their child, but instead he was wishing her and her supposed partner well!

  ‘That’s what you called me in to say?’ Her voice was shrill, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to take in what he was saying. She couldn’t believe that his denial could be so firmly ingrained. God, they’d been together a year ago and she had a three-month-old baby—how could it not even entered his head that Declan might well be his? Did he think she’d walked straight out of his bed and into someone else’s who could give her what she had apparently so badly wanted? ‘Daniel, I have a three-month-old baby—’

  ‘What did you call him?’ Daniel interrupted with that curiously snobby voice he used when he was addressing a patient or member of staff and keeping them at a distance.

  ‘Declan.’ She shook her head as if to clear it, stared at him open-mouthed, waiting—for what she didn’t know, revelation, realization? She truly didn’t know. But he just stared back.

  ‘And you’re happy?’ Daniel asked, and she felt his eyes drift down to her hand, clearly taking in the naked ring finger. ‘I mean, you and his father—

  ‘It didn’t work out between us.’ Finding her voice, she responded with the truth. ‘You know me—I’ve got lousy taste in men.’

  He gave a pale smile at her thinly disguised insult. ‘So you’re on your own?’

  She gave a nod, stared into the eyes of the man she had loved absolutely and wished to God she could hate him.

  ‘It certainly looks that way!’

  ‘You have to tell him!’

  Pouring two glasses of wine, Maggie pushed one towards Louise. ‘And don’t tell me you can’t have a drink because you’re feeding—this is strictly medicinal!’

  ‘Believe me, I’m not going to.’ Taking a sip, Louise let out a long, exaggerated sigh, utterly exhausted physically from her first long day back at work and drained emotionally from the never-ending roller-coaster ride she’d embarked on the day she’d laid eyes on Daniel Ashwood.

  ‘They call him Danny!’

  ‘Of course they do.’ Maggie grinned. ‘I was Margaret until I met you—you Aussies change everyone’s names!’

  ‘You really didn’t know he was working there?’ Louise checked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion, but Maggie shook her head.

  ‘I’m as stunned as you are! Come on, Louise, it’s a massive hospital and there’s not exactly a huge demand for surgeons in the psychiatric ward—it’s not just the patients that are shut off from the rest of the world in the psych unit.’

  ‘I can’t believe he’s working in the same hospital. I mean, of all the places he could have ended up…’

  ‘That’s the only bit that’s not so hard to believe,’ Maggie said. ‘Come on, Louise, when you decided to move to the city, why did you pick Melbourne General?’

  ‘Because it’s the biggest hospital, because it has everything…’

  ‘Someone of Daniel’s calibre was hardly going to end up in a 200-bed suburban hospital,’ Maggie pointed out. ‘It’s why he’s in Australia that intrigues me! He has to know, Louise.’

  ‘He doesn’t want to know!’ Louise snapped, and then regretted it. ‘I’m sorry, Maggie, I don’t mean to take it out on you. I just can’t believe it didn’t even enter his head that Declan could be his! I’m serious,’ she said as Maggie gave her a very disbelieving look. ‘He wasn’t avoiding the issue—he honestly didn’t seem to think there could possibly be one!’

  ‘He’s a doctor, for heaven’s sake,’ Maggie argued. ‘You don’t have to be a mathematical genius to work out that you broke up last year and you’ve got a three-month-old baby!’

  ‘Ah, but I was out for a good time!’ Louise said with a distinct edge to her voice. ‘According to Daniel’s thinking, Declan could be anyone’s!’ Tears filled Louise’s eyes. ‘Is that what he thinks of me?’

  ‘It’s what he thinks of himself that worries me,’ Maggie said cryptically. ‘Louise, you have to look after yourself here. Stop trying to work out what he’s thinking—I don’t think you’re ever going to really know.’

  ‘When we were together,’ Louise gulped, closing her eyes at the bitter-sweet memory, ‘I felt as if I’d found my soulmate. I can remember seeing him on the ward that first time I did the doctors’ round—all a
loof and snooty in his suit, just as he always was with everyone—then we did the ward round, and it was the first time I’d actually spoken to him, probably the first time he ever really looked at me. I remember saying something and he laughed, and I knew from everyone’s reaction that he was acting out of character. I just knew from the little I’d seen of him that he was distant and not very friendly, but with me he was like another person.’

  ‘He adored you,’ Maggie said gently, as a massive salty tear rolled down Louise’s cheek.

  ‘After that ward round he came back and I knew he was going to ask me out. I was just so completely and utterly sure that he’d come back…’

  ‘And he did.’ Maggie nodded.

  ‘It wasn’t just about having a good time and some sort of casual holiday fling,’ Louise insisted, despite the fact Maggie wasn’t disputing what she said, despite the evidence to the contrary, despite Daniel telling her face to face that it had been just that. ‘Those four weeks we were together were the closest I’ve ever been to another person, and Daniel can deny it all he likes but I know that at the time he felt it, too. I just don’t know why he suddenly changed his mind.’

  ‘Look, all you can do here is watch out for yourself. Frankly, I’m all for telling him. If he doesn’t want to offer emotional support then slug him for the financial. After all, he can afford it and you do need the money.’

  ‘I don’t,’ Louise insisted. ‘I’ve got three months’ work pencilled in, I’m doing fine.’

  ‘Are you?’ Maggie checked. ‘You’ve got a pile of bills stuffed behind the microwave—’

  ‘As soon as I get paid, they’ll be gone,’ Louise swiftly retorted, but Maggie just stared. ‘And I’m going to start looking for a place this weekend.’ She felt a twinge at the thought of not living with Maggie any more, but while their small flat was fine for two single girls living a carefree existence, it wasn’t suitable for raising a child and had only ever been a stopgap for her. ‘In a few weeks things will be fine. Fine,’ she said again, as if by repeating it she was somehow assuring it would all happen.