Rock Star Romance Ultimate Volume 2

by Mankin, Michelle

  Okay. Who the hell did I think I was kidding? Myself?

  I turned my back to him so I could get my shit together without him staring at me.

  The truth was I’d had feelings for Jesse Mayes since about the time he showed up at my apartment unannounced and made me bacon and eggs.

  Or since he showed up at my place of work and asked me to come on tour.

  Or since way before that.

  I was trying to pinpoint the exact moment when my stomach had started doing the drunken butterfly dance in his presence, when he came up behind me and kissed my neck, and I blurted it out.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t have sex anymore.”

  He stopped kissing me.

  “I mean, it just feels wrong, you know? Since you’re paying me.”

  He let me go. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  I was unprepared for his response. I’d expected some kind of argument, but he just walked back over to the bed. “No more sex.” He turned to face me and stripped off his shirt, tossing it on the floor.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “That’s not cool.”

  He undid his belt, slowly, exaggerating the movements as he pulled the buckle back and slid the leather end through. He undid the button of his jeans too. “Not forcing you to look.”

  I looked away, crossing my arms over my chest. Then he made a move toward me and my gaze snapped back to him before I could stop it.

  He prowled up and took hold of my hands, lifting them over my head. He backed me up against the wall and pinned me there, but he really didn’t have to hold me very hard. I was an incredibly willing captive, my body doing the exact opposite of what I meant it to.

  “It just… feels… wrong…” I managed to repeat, as his lips brushed a hot trail of sparks up my neck.

  “Mm-hmm.” His tongue flicked my ear, sending a shiver down my back, straight to that magical erogenous zone at the base of my spine. “Like good wrong?”

  I yanked a hand free, planted it in the middle of his hard chest and with a massive effort, pushed him away, the inch or so he would give. “No,” I kinda lied. “Just wrong.”

  “Interesting…” he said against my neck, his lips moving over my skin, kissing and nibbling a trail to that sensitive spot where my neck met my shoulder. The man knew every button to push… and lick… and stroke. At the same time, his hand found its way up my thigh, beneath my skirt. “You seem to like wrong.” His fingers pressed up into the damp heat of my panties, massaging my softness, making my knees nearly buckle.

  “Jesse…” But the man was fast, and he knew what he wanted. He had my dress up and my panties askew in less time than it took me to draw my next breath, which was sharp and ended with a bitten lip, because his tongue was between my legs.

  “Mmm, Katie,” he groaned.

  “Ung. God. Stop that.” My newly-freed hands found the top of his head and my fingers delved into his hair, gripping him tight rather than pushing him away.

  “Does this count as sex?” he asked between slow, hot licks.

  “Oh, God… if you don’t know the answer to that… we have a problem.”

  His hot breath tickled my thighs as he laughed, but I didn’t look. I couldn’t, wouldn’t look at what he was doing, all over that sweet spot in that way he did that was about to make my head explode... among other things. “Ah... Jesse...”

  “Mmm.”

  I lost the ability to form words and resorted to ragged panting. My body hadn’t forgotten the attention it had received in the car; I was so worked up all it took was one mistaken glance at him between my legs and I came. The orgasm was sharp and hot and intense, and for a matter of minutes all I could do was roll my head from side to side as he licked me, his hands on my thighs holding me up. If he let go, I would’ve slid right down the wall into a heap on the floor.

  “That’s... so... unfair,” I gasped when I could speak again.

  “Just kissing you good night.” He kissed my quivering flesh, sending aftershocks of pleasure through my core.

  I worked my hands between my panties and his face and covered myself.

  “Your oral fixation is just going to have to redirect. Can’t you take up smoking again?”

  He laughed. He got to his feet and kissed me, long and deep, his mouth wet with my arousal. “I prefer cherry pie,” he said when he came up for air. He had his hands in my hair and he held me close, my face tipped up to his as he kissed me again.

  The man was irresistible. And so fucking hard… I couldn’t help it; my hands were all over him, rubbing up and down the hard length of him through his jeans. And his eyes darkened in that way they did, and I was hooked.

  Jesse Mayes aroused, for me, was an aphrodisiac.

  The world’s most addictive drug.

  The highest high.

  “Katie,” he whispered as I went down on my knees and unzipped him. I had the evidence of what that good night kiss had done to him in my hand, long and hard and thick, and the feel of him was intoxicating, all silk and heat and need.

  I took him in my mouth, driven by his groans, and felt him lean into the wall above me, holding himself up. “Katie,” he breathed, and when he came for me, he groaned and cupped my face in his hand.

  I swallowed him down and stroked him until he shuddered from the intensity.

  “I think we’re gonna need to redirect your oral fixation,” he said above me, panting. I looked up; he was leaning on his forearm on the wall, looking down at me. “Have you ever thought about taking up smoking?”

  I laughed, and he pulled me to my feet and kissed me… like he never wanted to stop kissing me.

  * * *

  Sometime later, after a shower and a lot of sleepy groping, we ended up in bed in the dark. Jesse was inside me again. We were in this kind of delirious, over-tired but frantic daze, clutching at each other, moving in a slow, hungry rhythm, his body pinning me down, my thighs spread under his weight until they almost hurt, my legs wrapped around his waist, and all I wanted was more.

  I could feel nothing, think nothing, but Jesse.

  My heels dug into his muscled ass, my fingernails sinking into his flesh as he possessed me. I came, a slow, rolling boil this time, my body bucking beneath his with nowhere to go. He held me tight, breathing with me as he kissed me, his chest heaving in time with my own. He made me his with every possessive thrust, again and again and again, and my body didn’t care if it wasn’t real. I came again as he moved against me, sucking back my kisses and stealing my breath until I had to break away, panting.

  I caught a glimpse of his eyes in the dark, shining, watching me, and then he pressed his forehead to mine, his cock throbbing deep inside me, his hips grinding against me as he came. I wrapped my arms around him, twisting my fingers in the whorls of his hair as he drove himself into me, holding him tight as he groaned.

  “Fuck, Katie,” he breathed as he settled against me.

  It was four in the morning.

  I was tangled up in Jesse, in his warmth, his limbs, neither one of us saying another thing. Eventually his breaths came slower and slower against my neck as he tumbled into sleep, his heartbeat thumping against mine.

  He was still half on top of me. He was still inside me.

  His arm tightened around my waist in sleep and my heartbeat surged.

  I sighed a ragged sigh, sinking deeper into the bed, willing my pulse to slow, my breaths to calm, my body to relax into sleep.

  I stroked the silken hair at his temple, brushing back a wayward curl, watching him sleep from beneath my half-mast eyelids. I couldn’t look away, couldn’t quite close them just yet.

  And, yeah. In that moment, I knew it.

  There was no point denying it to myself anymore.

  I was in love with Jesse Mayes.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  * * *

  Katie

  “They’re not back yet?”

  I stood in the doorway looking in at the empty hotel room. I hadn’t seen Jesse since he took off th
at morning with Jude.

  “I’ll track them down,” Flynn said behind me.

  I walked into the room and dropped my bags on the bed. I’d been at the beach, then doing a little shopping to kill the time… but I was really hoping I’d get to see more of Jesse today.

  It was my birthday, after all.

  We’d been in L.A. for four days and something weird was going on.

  On the surface everything was fine. Things had been pretty epic, actually, from about the moment Jesse and I started sleeping together. Then somewhere around Vegas things took a sharp turn. I kept hearing him on the phone with someone, a female someone, semi-arguing. And his mood took a nose-dive. But he never mentioned it to me and I was way too scared to ask.

  Because apparently, just when I thought things could hardly get any better between us—other than that pesky little problem of him not being in love with me—they got totally worse.

  A lot worse.

  The closer we got to L.A., the worse it got. Jesse got all broody and withdrawn. He took to spending more time alone with his guitar. He always had a smile for me and the sex was still phenomenal, but something was deeply wrong and I was about one more of those far-off, distracted looks in his eyes from becoming a total wreck.

  In desperation, I’d even started hoping he might say something in his sleep to give me a hint at what was going on in his gorgeous head, but I hadn’t heard anything beyond a bit of mumbling. And I’d had a lot of sleepless nights to eavesdrop.

  “He’s still in a meeting,” Flynn reported, after texting Jude. “He’ll meet you at the restaurant for dinner at eight. Still lots of time to make it to the show.”

  Shit. He was running late. On my birthday.

  He’d already played two sold-out concerts in L.A. and tonight we were going to see Zane’s side project band, Wet Blanket, play at a club. I’d been so looking forward to this night, because I was dying for more downtime with Jesse. He’d been busier than ever—at least, too busy for me—and even though we’d been “being seen” every night, as usual, at some club or restaurant or party, I didn’t feel like I’d really seen him in over a week.

  “Okay,” I told Flynn, resigned. “I guess just knock on my door when you’re ready to go.” I tried to sound normal and not like my life was crumbling around me.

  “We should head out at seven-thirty.”

  “Great.”

  Flynn left and I flopped onto the bed.

  Fuck me.

  What the fuck was going on?

  L.A. had been amazing, other than this. For a surprise birthday present, Jesse had flown my sister and her family down when we first arrived. We’d had a ton of fun sightseeing and taking the kids to the beach, but they’d flown home last night; had to get back to work. They rarely went on holiday because of the coffee bar, so I was super grateful Jesse had managed to pull this together… but I also couldn’t help wondering if he’d done it partly to keep me distracted.

  I’d heard him on the phone again this morning, and he was definitely talking to a woman.

  Elle hadn’t shown up at his shows, so I still didn’t know if that’s what the argument was about. But I’d put money on the fact that he was talking to her, and whatever they were talking about, it wasn’t good.

  I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do about it. Ignore it? Resign myself to the fact that I was losing him? Correction, had never had him in the first place. So if he wanted her back, or had some sort of unresolved shit to work through with her, who was I to say anything?

  Or did I say something? Did I fight for him? Take a chance and tell him how I felt? Grab this situation by the balls and let the consequences be what they may?

  At least then I would’ve tried.

  Not like I was getting many more chances.

  This was the last week of the tour. Which meant in one week Jesse and I were supposed to just… say goodbye?

  I’d go home to Vancouver and he’d go… wherever Jesse Mayes went? All over the place, probably, writing and recording the next Dirty album and touring the world, and far the hell away from me. Soon enough I’d be out of sight, out of mind.

  But not to worry. There’d be lineups of warm female bodies just waiting to take my place.

  Fuck. Just fuck.

  I rolled over and mashed my face into the pillow, trying really hard not to throw up.

  Was that why he was pulling away? Was it going to be hard for him to say goodbye too?

  Or was he so wrapped up with Elle he wasn’t even thinking about it?

  That thought was just too painful to consider.

  When I heard him on the phone this morning, all I could think was, He’s talking to her. She’s putting that brooding look on his face.

  And if he still had feelings for her, I really shouldn’t be here at all. If that was the case, I didn’t want to be here.

  I just didn’t know how to do this… this incredibly slow, agonizing letting go of someone I didn’t want to let go of at all. I didn’t want to say goodbye to what we had. Why would I? If this was a real relationship it would be perfect.

  At least, before Elle came back into the picture.

  Though maybe she’d never actually left the picture. If nothing else, they were still in a band together. Not like he wasn’t ever going to see her again, like a lot.

  And this wasn’t a real relationship. It wasn’t even a relationship. It was a business deal. With a time limit on it. A time limit that I, myself, had insisted on.

  Like an idiot.

  In my most desperate moments, like right now, I considered running away. Just quitting this fucked-up job, leaving the tour and going home. I knew I risked just getting more and more attached to Jesse the longer I stayed, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave him. I didn’t know how I’d survive being left by him, but I still couldn’t leave.

  Maybe I just needed more time to figure out how to tell him how I really felt.

  Maybe I would never tell him at all.

  I just didn’t know yet.

  I called my sister and made her put Max on the phone, just so I could hear my dog and know I still had a home and a family who would welcome me back at the end of this fucked-up-edness with open arms.

  Then I called Devi to vent. As usual, she said all the right things. The things I knew were right as soon as I heard them. She said he was the world’s biggest asshole if he hurt me. But she also said I didn’t really know how he felt, so to stop torturing myself over the worst case scenario.

  “How is he treating you?” she asked me, like she did every time we spoke.

  “Good, I guess.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, obviously we have wicked sexual chemistry. And he seems to like having me around.”

  “Of course he does. Because you’re awesome.” Leave it to a best friend to point that out. “What else?”

  “He laughs at my jokes.”

  “Because your jokes are fucking funny.”

  And on and on we went, until I was feeling somewhat better about things, and super-confident that Devi definitely loved me. Which went a long way to cheering me up.

  When we got off the phone it was six o’clock and I was still no closer to knowing how to proceed with Jesse. We were supposed to meet at six; at least, before he decided to keep doing whatever he was doing and meet me late.

  On my birthday.

  I dragged myself up from the fetal position and thought about that.

  We’d had dinner plans. Birthday dinner plans. And now I was supposed to sit here by myself waiting until he said it was time to meet him, while he hung out with Elle… or whatever the fuck he was doing?

  To hell with that.

  I got dressed in the super-hot halter dress I’d picked out to wear tonight, got myself date-with-a-rock-star ready, and texted Flynn to meet me in the lobby.

  “Where is Jesse?” I crossed the lobby toward him; he was already waiting for me.

  “In a
meeting,” he said.

  “Where?”

  “At the restaurant.”

  “What restaurant?” I stared at him. “The restaurant? Like the one where we’re having dinner tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  I digested that. I’d picked the restaurant myself based on Maggie’s recommendation, and she’d worked her magic to get us a table on short notice. And now he was using it for his pre-dinner date with his ex or whoever?

  “Is he with Elle?”

  Flynn cocked his head a little, maybe surprised by the question, processing it. He didn’t say anything for a really long time.

  “I don’t think so, Katie.”

  His tone said he knew so, but I didn’t fully buy it. I didn’t particularly buy anything Jesse’s staff told me, because who was to say they didn’t lie to cover for him on a daily basis? Surely they’d done it with his groupies, maybe they’d done it with other women he’d dated, and maybe they’d done it with me.

  “Take me there,” I said.

  He hesitated. “We’re not supposed to be there until eight.”

  “You can take me or I can take a cab, but either way, I’m going now.”

  Flynn drove. I sat in the backseat, a nervous wreck, trying to figure out what I’d say to Jesse if I found him with Elle. I kept picturing all the glamorous images I’d seen of her on magazine covers and wondering what she’d look like in person. Wondering how I’d keep my dignity when it became clear to all that she was now with Jesse, again, and I wasn’t. Or, maybe she wasn’t, but I definitely never had been.

  Maybe this was for the best, in a warped way. Maybe this was what I needed. Something definitive to help me digest the fact that Jesse wasn’t mine and was never going to be.

  So he liked to fuck.

  He liked having fun with me.

  We got along well.

  Those three facts did not equal a promise of future fidelity and happiness. Not when the guy in the situation had no interest in a future, or even having a girlfriend in general.

  But how much longer could I pretend to Jesse that I was faking being in love, while the world got to see the truth, that I actually was in love? And when would it become obvious to him that I wasn’t faking?