by Deja Voss
I scan the fridge for the fifth time tonight, looking for something to fill the emptiness that I feel when she’s not around.
As much as I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I would never ask her to quit the job she loves and take a chance on me. At least not in the state I was in when I first got back to the mountain.
No job, no aspirations, nowhere to really live. I needed some time to get my life together and become the man that she deserved.
“What do you think about this one?” Gary asks, handing me his laptop.
“I actually really like it,” I say, checking out the logo he designed for our new private security business. The idea came to me at a club meeting a couple weeks ago when we were talking about new revenue streams for the club, and it only made sense.
If my brother and sister get to have their own business, it’s about time that I start my own.
My old roommate, Gary, was more than happy to come along for the ride, even if he is about the furthest thing from a biker that I know. It feels good, though, knowing I could help out a friend who’s been helping me out for so many years, a friend that I served with. The security business was a natural progression from my time as an infantryman, and with the brute strength of the club, and Gary’s computer genius, it’s a slam dunk.
I know Amber has been cheering me on this whole time. I can’t wait for the day when I can support her, our kids, and give her the life she dreams of.
“Are you expecting anyone?” Gary asks. The headlights shine through the window of the trailer, and I instinctively reach for my pistol just to be on the safe side. When I realize it’s Amber’s car, I’m instantly thrilled, and a little confused.
“Hey, babe,” I say, kissing her on the lips as I greet her at the door. “This was a pleasant surprise. What are you doing? Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”
She sets her overnight bag down and takes off her shoes. Her eyes are smiling.
“I didn’t want to say anything sooner in case it fell through,” she says, “but I have a job interview tomorrow morning at a studio in town. Do you care if I crash here tonight?”
I can’t even contain my excitement. I pick her up in my arms and hug her.
“I completely understand if it’s too much too fast. I don’t want to encroach on your space. I’m sure I can find an apartment downtown if you prefer.”
“Now you’re just talking crazy, woman,” I say.
This is the best surprise she could’ve possibly given me. Knowing that this woman would give up everything for me, the life she knew, the life she lived, to take a chance on a guy like me is more than I deserve in this world.
“I guess I’m getting out of here,” Gary says. “I’ll let you two have your space.”
“You can stay,” she says. “I don’t mind. Don’t let me interrupt whatever you’re doing.”
“Get out of here, Gary,” I laugh.
The sound of the door slamming behind him is music to my ears. I grab her around the waist and kiss her lips until she pulls away, jokingly gasping for air.
“I take it you’re happy with my decision?” she asks with a wink.
“Happier than I’ve ever been in my life, babe.”
I flick off the kitchen light and we walk back to the bedroom hand in hand, and I feel like my life is complete. I’ve got my club back, my family back, and now, I have the girl I never knew existed, but now I don’t know how I could exist without.
EPILOGUE
Amber:
“A lright girls, feel free to hang out in savasana as long as your body tells you to, but that wraps up class for today.”
I walk through the grassy field and collect everyone’s eye pillows and help them roll up their yoga mats.
“You are magical,” Esther whispers. She’s sprawled out on her mat, grinning from ear to ear. “I feel like I’m a puddle right now. This might be better than sex.”
“I don’t know,” Olive laughs. She’s got a bruise on her forehead that’s already starting to turn yellow. “I don’t know what kind of sex you have, Esther, but mine definitely doesn’t involve headstands, and I consider myself a pretty kinky girl.”
“That wasn’t a headstand, Ollie. That was a face plant,” she giggles.
I feel so warm and happy, and not just because the summer sun is beating down on my skin, the warm mountain breeze filling my lungs. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I’ve found my people. Even if those people are a field full of exotic dancers who want to learn yoga.
“What are you and the old man getting into tonight?” Esther asks. “Family dinner?”
“We can do that,” I say. Even though Micah and I are just boyfriend and girlfriend, the whole crew has done nothing but make me feel like part of their family. I spent my whole life wanting a big sister, and now I have Olive and Esther, and they’re better than any person I could’ve dreamed up on my own.
Sometimes, when the wind blows just right, I think I can feel Ava here with me. I get this rush of warmth in my heart, knowing that, even though she walked away from me, she also paved the road for me to get here, to this place on the mountain, the only place I belong. I’ve completely forgiven her, and every night when I close my eyes and say my prayers, I ask her and Mama to watch over me.
The rumble of motorcycles up the road gets my heart pounding. Micah and the guys were on a security detail this afternoon, and as nervous as it makes me when he goes on risky jobs, I know it’s right for him. It’s what he was made to do, to protect me, his club, and his family.
He walks across the field, looking sexy as ever, his face dripping with sweat and his hands dirty. There’s something about a man who puts in a hard day’s work that makes my ovaries damn near explode.
“You can’t come around here looking like that,” I say, as he presses his lips to mine. “You know what the smell of your sweat does to me.”
Esther makes a vomiting sound, but Olive’s ears perk up and she winks at me.
“I’d like to be a fly on the wall in your house,” she says. “I bet you two really know how to throw down. Plus you’re both gorgeous…”
“Well that’s real creepy,” I laugh, stopping her from going any further. “I’ll see you guys tonight?”
“Six o’clock. And make sure he’s showered because I don’t want to find out what the smell of his sweat does to you.”
***
“Come on,” I whine. “Can’t we just be a little late? Esther won’t care.” I’m sprawled out on our queen-sized bed in my underwear, watching Micah’s every move as he stands there in nothing but a towel, sorting through T-shirts hanging in the closet. “I don’t feel like getting out of bed.”
I push myself onto all fours and wink at him, but he just shakes his head and laughs.
“Listen, after dinner we don’t have to get out of bed for the next forty-eight hours if you don’t want to, but we
I don’t know what his epic rush is. It’s definitely out of character for him. His security business has taken on a life of its own, and usually by the time he gets home from a day’s work, all he wants to do is come home and relax with me. Between my yoga class schedule and helping him and the club keep up with the bookwork for his business, there’s not a lot of downtime. That’s fine by me. I love what I do.
And I love that I get to do it with him, this sexy biker who is now setting out dresses on the foot of the bed.
“Since when do you pick out my clothes?” I ask with a laugh. “Are you trying to tell me I can’t go to dinner like this?”
“You can if you want, but I really don’t feel like having to kick anyone’s ass tonight.” He kisses me on the forehead as he hands me a black linen sundress with bright red flowers on the skirt. “I like this one.”
“Okay, ya weirdo.” I push myself out of bed with a groan and pull it on over my head. I go into the bathroom to start getting ready. Dinners at Esther and Brooks’s house are never a formal thing, usually just beer and barbecue in the ba
ckyard. I know something is up, by the way he’s pacing around the trailer, mumbling to himself.
“Who are you talking to out there?” I ask.
“What? No one. Are you almost ready?” he shouts back into the bathroom.
I pull my long blonde hair back into a sloppy bun and dab on some mascara and lipstick. Good enough, I think. I don’t need to put on a full face of make-up to eat cheeseburgers in a camping chair with a bunch of bikers.
“Where are you?” I ask, walking through our trailer, peeking around the corners. It’s been over a year since I moved here, but time has flown by so fast. I guess that’s how it works when you look forward to waking up every single day.
Micah is an awesome boyfriend. A great lover. A person that I trust with my deepest secrets. He’s so loyal to his club and his family, and even though we’re both busy as hell all the time, he never makes me feel like I’m in second place. Life on the mountain is just plain good living. Clean air, lots of trails to hike, and I love watching the deer feeding in our yard and listening to the sound of the coyotes howl every night. I guess I’m a reformed city girl.
I look out the kitchen window, and he’s sitting on his bike in the driveway, revving the engine.
“What is your damn hurry?” I shout through the screen.
“Are you ready yet?” he shouts back.
When I get on the back of the bike, wrapping my arms around his waist, I can feel his heart pounding through his back.
“Are you having a panic attack?” I ask. It’s been well over a year since that’s last happened.
“I’m fine,” he assures me. I certainly hope so. Even though Esther and Brooks’s house is only a little way down the road, I’m not trying to die today. I trust his judgment, but I wonder what’s gotten into him.
Before we hit the edge of their property, I notice a familiar RV sitting on the side of the road. “What are June and Tony doing here?” I ask.
The driveway is filled with bikes, most of which I’m familiar with by now. Evie and Ethan and Jesse are playing in the front yard, and Gavin and Sloan’s dog Rosie runs up the driveway to greet us. Esther sure did go all out for family dinner this week.
“Holy shit,” I mutter as we get off the bike. He wraps his arm around me and we walk up the porch steps. “I didn’t realize everyone and their brother were invited. Do you think we should’ve brought something?”
“I did bring something,” he says. I start to tremble as he drops to his knee in front of me. When he pulls out the box, I’m already in tears. “Amber, I hope you know you’re the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. You’re the only woman who has ever mattered to me. I’ll do whatever it takes to show you that until the day that I die. Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” I squeal, as he slips the beautiful diamond ring on my finger. I wrap my arms around him, and I’m so happy I feel like I’m going to burst.
The screen door swings open and a parade of misfits files out onto the porch. All of his brothers, blood and patch, my aunt June and uncle Tony, Olive, Esther, and Sloan gather around.
“You made a pretty good dancer, Amber,” Esther says, “but I’d much rather have you as a sister.”
“Thank you,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Thank you all.” I walk around the circle and hug everyone, lingering in my aunt June’s embrace. She doesn’t need to say a single word, I know that seeing me happy and thriving are all her and my mama ever wanted for me.
“I love you so much,” I whisper to him as he takes me in his arms.
I can’t stop crying, I’m so overwhelmed with love for my newfound family, so excited for the life I have to look forward to with the man of my dreams up here on Misfit Mountain.
CHAPTER 1
ONE YEAR AGO : ESTHER:
T here’s nothing pleasant about sitting in the waiting room at the OB-GYN. Watching all these pregnant broads with their big bellies and hormonal glow come in and out the door while my skinny ass can’t get knocked up to save my life is aggravating. Being probed with an ultrasound in that ice-cold dark room by a lady who wasn’t even pleasant enough to make small talk with me while she did the deed just plain pissed me off.
The way these chicks are eyeballing my biker husband is unnerving, especially because I know they all have something that he wants more than anything in the world, something I’ve been unable to give him in two years of trying. I know he’d never do me dirty, but I’m jealous, nonetheless. I turn my resting bitch face into a mean snarl, ready to attack the next person that so much as coughs in our direction.
“I don’t want to do this, Brooks,” I say, digging my fingers into his hand. “We don’t need doctors. We don’t do doctors. It’s going to happen, I swear. We just need some more time.”
“Your father didn’t do doctors,” he says, squeezing my hand back. “You want Patch poking around in your lady cave?” The thought makes me cringe. Patch, the guy who sews our men back up when they take a bullet or get into a brawl, was definitely not going anywhere near my lady cave.
“I swear, I’m fine,” I plead. It’d been so long since I’d set foot in a gynecologist’s office they wanted me to get a full servicing. Smears, ultrasounds, poking and prodding me all over while I shiver on a table. It’s worse than back in my prostitution days. At least then, I was getting paid. “I’ve just been stressed with starting the business, and all the club stuff; I’m sure my body just needs to decompress a little bit. We’re gonna be alright. We’ll get that baby.”
“It’s not just about the baby,” he says. “I want you to be healthy, too.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I feign a laugh. He’s serious though. If he could cover my body in bubble wrap and keep me in a padded room for all time, he’d be happier than hell. Brooks had always been incredibly protective over me, even when we were growing up. I guess old habits die hard.
“Mrs. Harrison,” the nurse calls from the doorway. We follow her down the corridor. I can only hope the next time I have to set foot in this place it’s because my morning sickness is so bad I can’t even function. I hate everything about it here: the fake plants, fake watercolor mass-produced paintings on the wall, sorry ass attempt at creating an ambiance of cheerfulness. “You two can have a seat.”
“You don’t want me to strip for you?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.
Fake sympathy and a fake smile stare back at me. “Not this time. The doctor will be in in a minute.”
“See!” I say to Brooks as she softly closes the door behind her, “Everything is fine.” He just nods and smiles back at me. He’s such a good man. Hopefully soon, he can be a good father, too.
There is a quiet knock on the door, followed by the woman in her mid-thirties who was probably more familiar with my lady parts than any other woman in the world shuffling her way through the room. Clipboard in hand, she sits down in her rolling chair and sighs.
“I’m sorry this took so long,” she says. “I hate to keep you waiting. It took me a little while to review your ultrasound.”
I don’t like the tone of her voice or the expression on her face. She looks like the kind of woman who’s sugarcoated bad news way too many times in her life. As if she’s about to read us a prepared speech from her ominous clipboard.
“I don’t want to alarm you two, but I’m very glad you came in when you did. The earlier we detect these things, the more likely we’ll have a positive outcome, and you definitely got here just in time.”
“That sounds serious,” Brooks says. “Is she okay?”
This is the part where I kind of black out and just let him take over, as a husband and as a support system. I feel fine. Maybe I’ve been super stressed-out lately, maybe I’ve lost a little weight and a little hair here and there, but I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who’s noticed. I attribute the fatigue to our busy schedules and trying to cram in enough sexy time to actually make said baby. I’m fine. I’m healthy as a horse.
Healthy as a horse with a lump on her ovary.
Something about surgery. Something about a biopsy. Brooks squeezing my hand. Now he’s crying. I have never seen him cry before. It’s going to make me cry.
“Mrs. Harrison,” the doctor says. “Esther…” she says again, nudging my shoulder.
“How long do I have, Doc?” I ask. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to tell me I’m dying, but I’ve got a really busy schedule coming up. I’ve got a lot of things to do, and I need a time frame.
“Let’s just get this ovary taken care of. My goal is to preserve as much of your reproductive system as possible, but we are likely going to have to remove the ovary and the cyst. We’ll send it off for testing while you heal.”
“Just be honest,” I say. “Am I dying?”
“I can’t tell you that,” she says. “We’ll need to figure out what’s going on inside of you first. You’re young enough. You are in great hands, some of the best. You just show up for surgery, and we’ll take care of the rest. You’ll likely be able to go home the next day, and you’ll want to take it easy for a week or so.”
“If I’m going to die, I can’t afford to take it easy for a week or so,” I say. I’m a busy woman. There are things that I need to take care of for the club. There are things I need to do for Brooks. There are things I need to do at the ranch to make sure it doesn’t turn into some shit hole dive if I do croak.
“If you want to live,” she says sternly, “you’re probably going to want to take it easy for a week or two. Now let’s get some paperwork signed. It looks like we can get you in first thing tomorrow morning.”
I scrawl my signature on the sheets of paper while she goes over logistics about tomorrow. I hope Brooks is paying better attention than I am, because there’s a million things banging around in my brain right now, and which door of the hospital I need to use to go to check in for my surgery isn’t one of them.
“I’m really sorry, Esther, Brooks,” she says. “I promise we’re going to do whatever we can to get you well.” She shakes both our hands and leaves us there to marinate in silence.
