Caleb shook his head as he deleted the text, and I felt a wave of relief go through me. He put his phone back in his pocket before answering me. “Not yet, though we can’t stay out here all night either. I’d get too cold. But that was Paul. He’s in Denver for a meeting and has been trying to get me to go see him.”
“Are you going to?” I hoped his answer was somewhere along the lines of “hell fucking no” but if he said he was going to, I knew I’d have to find a way to be okay with that. It wasn’t like we were dating or like I had any kind of claim to him after all.
“No.”
I smiled against his shoulder and hoped he couldn’t see how happy his decision had made me. “Okay.”
“He’s an asshole who sleeps around.”
Caleb sounded so bitter saying that, and it made me flinch because I slept around too. “Like me,” I couldn’t help saying.
He was quiet for a while as he curled his fingers over my arm, softly tickling me. “No, not really like you. I knew you were with other people before I decided to get into bed with you. I made that choice freely. With Paul I thought I was the only man he was with. I knew he was married, but when he told me he loved me, I believed him. After coming here I found out that wasn’t true. You were always honest with me, so no, you’re not like him.”
“But it does bother you that I’ve been with a lot more people than you have.” I knew the truth of that and didn’t need him to confirm it for me.
He shook his head, though, surprising me. “That’s not really why. It’s more that you don’t want anything more than that. I want you for more than sex. I like how we are right now. If I could have this more often, then I would. But I can’t have this and know that you’re also with other people. When you have a bad day, you need help, and I may not always be here to help you through that. I don’t want to be cheated on by someone I care about as much as I’m starting to care about you.”
I kissed the side of his neck and held him a little tighter. “I’ve never cheated on anyone, but I do see what you’re saying. I don’t know what I could do that would make the pain go away as well as sex. I need to feel completely drained of everything to feel right again.”
“Maybe feeling right immediately isn’t the answer,” he quietly said.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Maybe you need to deal, to go through the pain and actually process it rather than having sex until you can’t feel anymore.” He shrugged, and I tried to fully consider what he was saying. “I don’t know what you’re going through. I can’t even imagine that, and I want to be here for you, but I can’t have sex with you, not again, without us being in a committed relationship, and I don’t think I can be friends with you either.” He shook a little in my arms, and I kissed his shoulder.
“I know,” I said gently. “I want more than friends with you too. I don’t think I remember how to be in a relationship, though, and I don’t want to do anything else to hurt you.”
“Well, we could start with a date,” he offered.
Nodding, I remembered dates. I even remembered the kind that didn’t come with a promise of sex in the hotel room I’d already paid for before ever meeting the guy. “Movie?” I asked.
“And dinner out. So that I’m not tempted by you.”
That made me smile. “I tempt you?”
He laughed and turned to kiss my cheek. “You have no idea.”
A wicked idea came to me, and I nuzzled the side of his neck as I lowered my hands until my fingertips were just barely brushing the front of his jeans. “I’d love to have you right here with my cock buried in your ass and my hands in your hair. Your nails would scratch down my back as I bit your neck and fucked you into the leaves until you were crying out.”
He was panting by the time I was done describing my current fantasy with him, but instead of giving in to me, he shook his head and swallowed thickly. “See, that’s the issue right there. You’re too fucking hot.”
I nipped at his neck and felt him start to tremble against me. “Trent…,” he groaned. I could tell his resolve was starting to crack, and I moved my hand lower to the front of his pants and gave his cock a hard squeeze through his jeans. But he put his hand over my wrist, stopping me before I could do more. “Date first.”
I was disappointed, and I must not have been very good at hiding it either because he laughed. “You’re such a baby.”
“Can I have a kiss at least?” I asked.
He rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling at me. “As long as you know the kiss won’t lead to sex tonight.”
“What about if it leads to me sucking your cock and making you come?”
His eyes got wide, and I heard his breath hitch. “No. Can’t do that.”
“You want to, though.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out how much he just wanted to say yes to me, and if I kept pushing him on it, I was sure I could get him to do just that.
He nodded and brought my hand back up to his stomach, a good distance away from his cock where I really wanted to be touching him. “Of course I do. What sane person wouldn’t want your mouth on them? Fuck, I’ve been thinking about you sucking me off since the first time you found me on my back in my bed and cleaned me off with your tongue. No one had ever watched me come before, and there you were, refusing to go away, just quietly staring at me like I was giving you some private show.”
“The best kind of private show,” I murmured against his neck. I was fully hard and sure he could feel me pressing against the small of his back.
“But it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen tonight.”
I groaned at his resilience. “I should stop trying, then.”
“Yes, please. One date. We’ll try dating… we’ll try this between us again. Maybe then I’ll find out some stuff about you, and we can actually get to know each other.”
I frowned. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had wanted to know something about me. Everyone in Thornwood seemed to know more about me than even I did sometimes. “Like what?”
“Where were you born? Here in Thornwood?”
That was easy enough. “Denver. My parents were at the zoo when my mom’s water broke. If the paramedics hadn’t arrived first, my dad says she would have had me right there by the zebras.”
He chuckled and I smiled at him. “You?”
“Lexington, Kentucky. My mom wasn’t at the zoo like yours, or anything nearly as exciting. She was at home, called my dad back from work at the job site he was doing construction on, and they went to the hospital.”
I nodded. It was good to find out some things about him. I wanted to keep going, not just because I wanted to get to know him more, but also because it delayed us going back to his house. I liked his friends, and thought Natalie was a great cook, but I also wanted him alone with me as long as I could possibly keep him there. “Where are your parents now?”
“I don’t know. My sister is still fairly close to them, but they aren’t people I talk to anymore. She used to tell me how they were doing, but since they don’t care about me, or don’t seem to since I came out to them, I try not to think about them.”
“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t imagine being cut off from my family like that, or being rejected like he had. I nuzzled the side of his neck until he laughed. I hadn’t intended to make him laugh, but I was glad I could.
“That tickles.”
“Good. Where else are you ticklish?”
He snorted and shook his head at me. “No way in hell am I telling you that.”
“Why not?” I asked with a pout.
“You can already make me want to get naked the second you walk into a room. You really think I’m giving you even more power over me?”
I grinned at that idea. “Totally naked?”
Caleb was smiling even as he rolled his eyes at me. “Yes, totally naked. Maybe even on my knees for you.”
“Fuck you’re a tease.”
He pulled out of my arms, and sadly I w
asn’t fast enough to stop him from getting up. “Not nearly as much as you are. C’mon, we should head back to the house.”
“Already?” I protested. The sun was nearly setting, so I knew we should get going, but I could also see lights from the cabin in front of us, so getting back in the dark wouldn’t have been impossible either.
“Yes, already. I have guests to entertain.”
I got to my feet and started to follow him back. He slid his hand into mine, and I gave him a little squeeze. It was nice, and I was glad we’d come out into the woods. I would have been happier about it if we’d had sex out here too, but even though we didn’t, I still enjoyed spending time with him.
“I’m a guest too,” I reminded him as we neared the edge of the woods. There wasn’t really a trail that we’d followed back, but the forest wasn’t all that dense that close to the house either, so we didn’t have any more trouble than the occasional large rock to step around or tree root to walk over.
“You’re not a guest. You’re a pain in my ass.”
I licked my lips at his words as I remembered our night together. “Not recently,” I teased. That got a smile from Caleb, but he also gave me the finger. I thought it was a pretty fair trade-off actually. As we neared his house, I saw Dean, Natalie, and Sam sitting together on Caleb’s back deck.
“How long are they staying for?” I asked.
Caleb shrugged. I thought he’d let go of my hand once we were close enough to the house that they could see us, but he didn’t let me go, and I wasn’t willing to drop his hand until I absolutely had to either. “As long as they want. Sam is having a rough time at school since he told everyone he’s gay.”
“Brave kid.”
“That’s what I thought too.”
I followed him back up to the front door instead of us saying good-bye at my car because I thought it would be good manners to say bye to them too. I shook Dean and Natalie’s hands, gave Sam a wave, and was surprised with a whole pecan pie just for myself. “I can’t…. It’s too much,” I told Natalie even as my mouth began to water over the idea of being able to eat it all on my own. And probably all in one afternoon too since no one would be there to stop me from indulging in what I was sure would become my next food obsession.
“Take the pie,” Caleb told me as he put an arm around my shoulders.
Natalie nodded and surprised me by coming up and kissing me on my cheek. “You seem like a good boy for my Caleb.”
“Woman, you keep calling him yours, and I’m going to start getting jealous,” Dean announced.
I snickered, but I also had to shake my head to be able to correct her in her assumption. “We’re not together.”
She looked surprised for a minute before shaking her head at me. “You can play all you want, but I see how you look at him when you think he isn’t looking.”
I blushed and couldn’t deny what she’d said, so I simply nodded and said, “Thanks for the pie.” Then I turned to Caleb. “Saturday at six? I’ll pick you up?”
Caleb gave me a smile. “Sure. I’ll be ready. See you then.”
I wanted to kiss him. I would have settled for a kiss on his cheek, or maybe even a hug, but I wasn’t going to try that in front of them in case he rejected me. So I simply gave him a wave, said good-bye to everyone, and headed back home.
Chapter Thirteen
Caleb
BY 5:00 p.m. on Saturday, I was ready to go and anxiously sitting at my new dining room table—something I’d bought so we could have something to eat at—tapping my feet against the bottom rung of the chair I was sitting in. I still had an hour left to kill, but I was wearing my best jeans and a white button-down shirt with faint gray pinstripes and didn’t want to go down to the barn just to get dirty. I’d hardly ever worn it and was really glad I still had it and that it fit, because I wanted to look nice for my first real date with Trent.
“Hey,” Dean said as he came in the front door and sat down with me after grabbing a soda. He’d offered me one too, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to spill it on me while I bounced around anxiously waiting for Trent to arrive. “Do you have a minute?”
I glanced up at the clock. I had fifty-three minutes left. “Yep. What’s going on? Sam okay?”
Dean gave me a confused look. “Of course. Nat and I were talking, and I was hoping to see what you thought of something.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t imagine why he seemed to be dancing around whatever he was trying to say to me. We’d been friends for years and years. He could have told me anything, and I wouldn’t have minded.
“See, we’re really happy here. We love the trees, the lack of traffic, being able to see the stars at night, not hearing a siren go off every few minutes when we’re trying to sleep….”
I smiled because those were all the things I loved about Thornwood too. “Yeah. This place is pretty special.”
“It is. And that’s why we’d like to move here to Thornwood.”
I stopped bouncing in my surprise. “That’s fantastic!”
He still looked a bit worried, though, for some reason. “Thanks. We’re pretty excited. Problem is, while we’re looking for a new place to live, we were hoping to stay here with you for a little while longer. We’d also need some time to sell our place in LA and move our things out here.”
A crazy, ridiculous idea came to me, but once I had it, I could hardly even begin to ignore it as I smiled at him. “Why not just stay here?”
“That’s what I was asking you for….”
I shook my head. Apparently I hadn’t made myself very clear at all. “No, I mean, why not just stay here? The huge garage would be easy to convert into a home for you all, and Nat could still homeschool Sam like she wants to, and I could teach him how to ride that fat horse out back.” And my best friend would be living right nearby.
“That’s a great offer, and I know Nat would love to, not to mention that Sam is in love with that horse, but we couldn’t stay here. I’m sure you’d want to have your own space for….” He shrugged, but I knew what he was getting at. We both needed our private time. “And I wouldn’t have us stay here rent free either.”
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the table. “How’s this: Sam takes care of Magic and any other horses I decide to foster when Nat doesn’t need him for other things, she can help cook sometimes, and you can help me mend fences and do upkeep. You know I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to tools and stuff like that.” I hoped he’d take me up on my offer. I wasn’t asking him to work for me, and I would never have expected Natalie to sit there and make me each of my meals. I didn’t need a chef, and I was perfectly capable of microwaving a frozen meal or baking a pizza, not that she’d let me eat any of my frozen pizzas since she’d come and taken over my kitchen, but I had hope that I’d be able to eat junk food again someday soon.
“I could convert the garage over to a house for you and save you all of the labor costs,” he offered.
Honestly, I didn’t give a damn about labor costs or anything else. I was just happy to have my friends, and the people I considered to really be my family more than my sister and her kids, possibly staying close to me. The only reason I might have stayed in LA was for Dean, but he’d been the one to tell me how much I needed to get out of the city and its toxic history for me.
“I’ll talk it over with Nat. How soon do you want an answer?”
I shrugged. It didn’t really matter to me. “Few years? Before Sam graduates from high school, maybe?”
He laughed and shook his head. “You’re a good man, Caleb.”
I didn’t know if I necessarily agreed with him on that, but I was trying. I heard a car pull up to the house and looked up at the clock. Trent was five minutes early and I didn’t even have to go check to make sure it was him. I knew the sound of his car by now, even when I heard him just driving down the main road. It was grittier, and louder, than a lot of the other cars in town. Most people in Thornwood seemed to have trucks that rumbled
down the road like my old SUV. Trent had a nice car that was older but still powerful.
The doorbell rang, and I got up from the table. “How do I look?” I asked Dean.
He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest as he gave me a look. “You seriously asking?”
“Well… yes.” I wouldn’t have asked him if I wasn’t actually wondering.
“You look fine. My wife would tell you that you worry too much. Damn, I hope you aren’t still this nervous about dating when Sam starts. I don’t want to have to reassure both of you.”
I laughed, because Sam dating was a scary thought, and headed toward the front door. “Thanks, Dean. See you later. Talk to Nat.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to her.” He shot me a grin as I opened the door to find Trent standing there with a six-pack of cinnamon rolls in his hands.
“Hi,” I said, unsure about the cinnamon rolls but definitely interested if they tasted as good as they smelled.
Trent smiled at me. “Hey. I know flowers or chocolate are generally traditional. But these are from the diner and they taste better than any chocolate you can get in town.”
I took them eagerly and went to the island to set them down.
“Hey, Dean,” Trent said as he came in.
“You boys be good now. Have him back by nine,” Dean joked.
I rolled my eyes before grabbing Trent’s hand and pulling him out of the house. “You look great,” I told Trent. He’d chosen jeans too, and the dark green sweater he had on looked really soft. After I grabbed his hand, and my fingers brushed against his cuff, I found out it was too.
“Thanks. So do you.”
I expected him to say something else, like how I looked good enough to fuck or something along those lines, but he didn’t. He just smiled at me as we got into his car, and once I’d buckled myself in, I took his hand again as he drove. “What’d you do today?” I asked.
“Cleaned, mostly. I couldn’t really sit still.” He shot me a grin, and I blushed, knowing that feeling really well. “You?”
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