Under Zenith

by Shannen Crane Camp

  “You’ll have to forgive me for having absolutely no faith in you until it was so obvious that I should have. I can be a bit dense sometimes,” he said, giving me the sideways smirk he had worn the night before, when all of the confused feelings had started.

  “I wouldn’t jump the gun,” I told him, wiping the tears from my cheeks and trying to buck up a little. “You probably shouldn’t have too much faith in me right now. I don’t think I’ll be completing this task.”

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit. I know I’m your harshest critic and I haven’t done anything to make this whole experience easier on you. But despite my best efforts to keep you from your goal, you’ve reached it anyway. You’re a lot stronger than you think, and this last task isn’t anything you can’t handle.”

  I wasn’t sure where the motivational speech had come from, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel at least slightly more hopeful about reaching my Destination safely.

  You know, without drowning first.

  With Hayden’s track record, however, I did have to wonder if the sudden burst of motivation was spurred on by his own desire to succeed. Just as he’d buttered me up during the second task just to force me to jump off of the island, he could very easily be playing the part of ‘supportive Guide’ just to make me complete this task.

  “As touching as it is that you have faith in me, I still can’t do this, Hayden. I’d rather just sit here until I fail rather than dying in a watery death chamber,” I admitted, not sure how I felt about Hayden being here to see the moment I completely lost my pride and gave up all together.

  “Isla, you’re so close. You just have to take a leap of faith and do it.”

  “A leap of faith I’d be fine with. Give me any sort of ledge and I’ll jump…as long as I’m not jumping into water. Besides, I still don’t know that I want to reach my Destination. We don’t know what’s waiting on the other side for me. All we know is you won’t be going with me.”

  “I’d think that would be a perk. Sort of a reward for passing all of the tasks,” he said with a grin that made my legs feel all wobbly.

  “Sometimes I feel like it would be a reward,” I began. “And then you’ll show me a little sympathy, and suddenly I remember why I ever thought of you as a friend in the first place. I just wish you’d be a little more consistent.”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” he asked with a raise of his thick eyebrow.

  I laughed at his statement and nodded. At some point in time I’d have to stop talking to Hayden and actually force myself to get inside of the small, water-filled chamber at my feet. I just wanted to put it off as long as I could.

  “Since I’m probably about to die again anyway, and I’m sure I’ll never see you after this, can you answer me one question?” I asked. “Without any sarcasm or joking or hidden agenda.”

  “Doesn’t really sound like something I would agree to, but I guess if this is your dying wish I can grant it,” he said, garnering a dirty look from me. “Just kidding. You aren’t going to die in there…now what’s your question?”

  “Why did you kiss me?” I asked.

  Hayden looked taken aback by the query, though I couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it coming. I wanted the honest answer from him, though I still wasn’t sure if I was hoping he’d tell me he hated me so I wouldn’t have anything to lose in that tunnel, or if he’d tell me he liked me so that I had a reason to be brave.

  “I kissed you because for one moment, I let myself be unprofessional and unbridled, no matter what the consequences were and no matter what the outcome of that kiss was,” he said honestly, his hands still grasping my arms.

  “And?”

  “And it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. It was awful and wonderful all at the same time,” he explained with a laugh. “I’m not really the type of person to be ruled by my emotions.”

  “Except your anger,” I pointed out.

  “Except for that,” he agreed.

  “So why did you say it was a moment of poor judgment earlier?” I asked, needing to know before I took the plunge into my watery grave. Somehow it made a difference to me, despite the fact that, in the scheme of things, it didn’t matter to my overall success in this task.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck after dropping my arms. “Because you hadn’t said anything about it and it looked like you were avoiding me this morning, so I didn’t want to be the creepy guy who’d taken advantage of your exhausted state last night, then kept pushing the matter the next morning. And I suppose my ego was a bit hurt that you’d avoided me.”

  I hadn’t thought for one moment that I’d avoided Hayden that morning, but looking back on the day, my refusal to get out of bed or talk to him was a bit avoidant. Maybe he wasn’t the only one with a stunning lack of tact.

  “I did kind of do that, didn’t I?” I asked guiltily.

  “Just a bit,” he agreed. “Listen, I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you, but you really have done beautifully here. I don’t have a doubt in my mind that you’ll make it through that tunnel just fine.”

  I didn’t share his confidence, but I couldn’t tell him that when he was actually being nice to me. And apparently he hadn’t regretted our kiss as much as I’d thought.

  Now I stood there, looking back and forth between Hayden and the tunnel, not quite sure what to do. It felt like I should say goodbye to him. Like maybe I should thank him for the help he did offer when he wasn’t being awful, or give him a hug or a pat on the shoulder.

  Something.

  It didn’t seem right to just turn away from this person who’d gone through so many experiences with me in such a short time.

  Not knowing what I should do, I gave Hayden one last smile, lost for words, and walked toward the puddle. I removed my boots one final time, not wanting them to weigh me down, and tried not to shiver at the temperature of the chilly water.

  “Isla, wait,” Hayden called, splashing up beside me.

  I turned to him expectantly. I knew he wasn’t the romantic type, but that didn’t stop me from hoping he would make some sort of movie-worthy declaration of love…or at least like.

  Instead he pulled a small metal flashlight from his pocket and handed it over.

  “It’s not very bright, but it’s better than a pitch black hole,” he said, not sounding very enthusiastic.

  “Thanks,” I responded, taking the flashlight from him and giving him a little halfhearted smile. “And thanks for your help with everything.”

  “You have an odd idea of what the word ‘help’ means, but I’ll take it,” he joked, using my own earlier accusation against me.

  “Goodbye, Hayden,” I said. “I’ll miss the English accent.”

  He laughed at my statement, nodding fondly over the memory.

  “I may not miss your Southern accent, but I’ll miss you…just a little,” he admitted, bringing his finger and thumb together to show just how little he’d miss me.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a hug, not wanting to say goodbye to him forever without at least some sort of affection shown. It wasn’t easy being stuck with him for so long, but I’d learned a lot about my own strength and I had to give him credit for that.

  “You’ll be great,” he said in my ear, hugging me back tightly.

  “That was actually a nice thing to say,” I accused, pulling away, but still holding his arms.

  “Try not to screw it up like you’ve screwed everything else up,” he quickly amended.

  “That’s more like it,” I said, leaning over in a moment of extremely uncharacteristic bravery and planting a small kiss on his lips.

  It lasted only a second and neither one of us said anything when I pulled away. Hayden smiled sadly at me, looking like he’d set aside all of the things he didn’t like about me for one minute so we could enjoy this nice moment that would be over too soon. I didn’t want to drag things on any longer, already losin
g what little nerve I had, so instead of saying goodbye again, I turned away from him, flashlight clutched tightly in my hand and looking down at the dark water beneath me.

  “Courage, Isla,” Hayden whispered in my ear, his lips brushing against my temple as he spoke.

  I turned around quickly, suddenly wondering if we could just stay in the final task together without ever having to worry about possible suffocation, but he was gone.

  There was no trace that he’d ever even been there.

  The immediate feeling of emptiness was overwhelming, but it did help me get on with the task. If Hayden had stuck around it was possible I would have made excuses to sit and talk with him forever.

  “Right,” I said, giving myself a mental shake and facing the tunnel once more. “You just have to do it.”

  And with that, I got on my knees, took a deep breath, and fell head first into the small, water-filled passageway.

  Chapter 21

  What little light the small opening to the passageway produced was instantly extinguished as the grate slid closed over my only source of oxygen. My slippery hand held the flashlight in front of me while the other hand pressed against the brick walls that surrounded me on all sides, propelling me downward through the darkness.

  It wasn’t a good sign that the only thing I saw ahead of me was a brick wall dead end quite a ways away. That combined with the fact that I’d never been able to hold my breath for very long, were quickly making the panic set in. I could feel my heart racing, and suddenly I had to wonder if this whole thing hadn’t been a terrible idea.

  Maybe I’d been right to question the appeal of reaching my Destination. Maybe all it really meant was I was dying again. It didn’t make much sense for that to be the case; even in my panicked, air-deprived state I could see that. Still, I felt an ominous sense of foreboding as I floated down the tunnel, going ever deeper underground.

  By the time I reached the other side of the tunnel, my body was involuntarily gulping, trying to get the nonexistent air into my lungs. All of my muscles seemed to be tensing at once and I desperately looked around for the grate Hayden had told me about. Instead, all I found was another long, watery hallway with no end in sight.

  My eyes widened at the implications of this new hallway and had I been in the open air rather than trapped underwater, I probably would have cried. Instead I pushed my feet desperately off of the brick wall, hoping that the fact that this new hallway was going to the side and not downward anymore was a good sign.

  I was in full meltdown mode in a matter of seconds. I could see another brick wall looming ever closer ahead of me, which meant another endless passageway to swim through with no air, but it was likely I didn’t even have enough air left in my lungs to reach the next brick wall at all. I was growing weaker by the second from the emotional day I’d had, and the sheer fact that I hadn’t taken a breath in an unhealthy amount of time.

  Desperate, I shone the flashlight all over the passageway, hoping there would be some sort of hidden compartment in the wall or a reset button I could push. The beam of my light pierced the murky water dully and though the reset button was nowhere to be found, I saw a small indent in the ceiling, where a tiny pocket of air had been trapped. Even though it seemed far-fetched, I hoped I’d be able to breathe it in. At this point I was open to any and all possibilities.

  I plugged my nose with my free hand to avoid drowning myself, rolled over onto my back in the passageway, and pressed my lips to the small air pocket. The dry brick, though rough against my skin, was a welcome sensation and I tried to maintain my cool as I slowly sucked the air into my mouth. I didn’t want to gasp suddenly and end up filling my lungs with water by accident.

  The air was stale, but it stopped my body’s trembling momentarily and it gave me the boost I needed to get to the other side of the tunnel. With the newfound motivation of fresh air in my lungs I continued my sideways journey to the next seemingly dead end.

  This time, instead of a tunnel leading even further away from hope, the next open passageway was above me, leading up toward a light far away. If my air-deprived brain was working correctly, it seemed like I had swam in a giant “U” shape and would open the grate to find myself somewhere inside of the maze still. It didn’t seem like I’d swam far enough to get me completely out of the endless sprawling brick structure.

  Ignoring this fact and focusing on getting to the air above me, I pushed off of the bricks, hopefully for the last time, with my hand stretched out in front of me, grasping for the distant grate.

  I scrambled frantically through the passageway that seemed to get narrower and narrower the closer I got to the grate. The little flashlight slipped out of my hand in the struggle and I was instantly engulfed in a partial darkness. Luckily, the grate above me gave off enough light to lead me in the right direction, no matter how eerie the sudden darkness was.

  My palms scraped against the rough bricks as I tried to fight my desire to take a breath, just like I had the time I’d sat beside my own body, watching my brother Tuck trying to revive me. As I neared the grate up ahead, I had to readjust my hands. The passageway had become too narrow to keep my arms at my sides and from that point on, I’d need to raise my arms above my head in order to fit through the small space.

  Like taking my dress off over my head that was stiff and too small for me.

  To say that I felt claustrophobic with the walls literally closing in on me would be an understatement.

  I could feel the skin on my shoulders getting scratched up as I wiggled my body through the space, hoping it wouldn’t get any narrower before I reached the grate. My upward progression was already slow and soon enough, I’d have to come to a complete stop. That wasn’t an option I wanted to explore any time soon.

  I used my fingertips to inch myself forward until my body stopped all together, just out of reach of the grate. I was completely wedged between the four brick walls with my arms pinned over my head, waving around helplessly right beneath the grate.

  My heartbeat quickened, and my eyes began rolling back into my head as my lungs screamed for air. I could feel myself losing control over my body and I knew that I’d slip into unconsciousness any moment and drown in this terrifying space.

  I tried to push myself just a few more inches with my feet. With my bare toes dragging across the bricks, I was able to move my body a good two inches closer to the grate above me, still only one inch out of reach. The water in front of me was tinted a faint shade of pink, and I could only imagine the damage I’d done to my shoulders when I’d pushed myself further up the tunnel. I could feel the brick tearing into my skin with every attempt to push myself closer to the grate, but a few scratches were the least of my worries with my world quickly darkening around me.

  Utilizing my last bit of strength, I pushed off the brick wall one last time with my toes, hoping it would get me to my Destination.

  My cold fingers made contact with the grate in front of me and as I wrapped them around the metal, I could feel the open air just above me. Sadly, I was still stuck.

  The irony of drowning only inches away from the surface of the water was not lost on me, though I wished I could have been enjoying it from the topside of this disaster.

  Holding on to the grate as tightly as I could I tried to push it to the side.

  Unfortunately, that happened to be the exact same moment my body gave up on me and as the grate began to slide, my world went black.

  Chapter 22

  “I swear I saw it,” I heard Tuck say somewhere far away.

  His voice was muffled and distant, but it was distinctly his and I had to wonder if I was making things up again, or if I was allowed to hear their voices one last time before passing over for good.

  I was acutely aware of the fact that my entire body throbbed and my head ached, but I couldn’t care less about the pain in my body right at that particular moment because I could actually breathe. Somehow I’d managed to get through the grate, even though I didn’t reme
mber doing it.

  Really, based on the last thing I remembered, I probably shouldn’t have completed the task. I was wedged between the brick walls and completely out of air. That entire scenario just reeked of a bad ending.

  Yet here I was, in some fuzzy dark place hearing the voice of my brother. No matter how much my body ached, hearing his voice made going through all of the impossible tasks worth it.

  “Son, I didn’t see anything,” my dad replied, sounding a bit closer than Tuck.

  “I saw her eyelids move, Dad,” Tuck insisted.

  His voice was losing the fuzzy quality and become sharp and clear.

  “Go get your mother,” Daddy instructed, and a second later I heard his retreating footsteps.

  So this was it? I got to see my entire family before I left? Maybe passing on wouldn’t be nearly as traumatizing as I’d thought. Somewhere deep inside of me I wished Hayden would be part of my welcoming committee (or was it more like a farewell committee?), but I’d gotten to spend a lot of time with him those past few days. I could understand if he didn’t want to see me again already.

  “Isla?” my mom called, and suddenly I felt her hand brushing against my arm.

  The gesture actually hurt quite a bit, which I hadn’t expected, and it made me flinch.

  “Did you see that?” Tuck asked incredulously.

  I lifted the corner of my mouth in the smallest hint of a smile at my brother’s antics. It was amazing that the smallest gesture on my part seemed so interesting to him.

  “She’s smiling!” my mom practically shouted.

  The apparently monumental task of smiling quickly wore me out and I let the expression fade from my face. If I couldn’t even smile for more than a few seconds, how was I supposed to open my eyes? I’d managed to make it through six impossible tasks with an impossible man, hardly ever breaking a sweat and now I couldn’t even smile?