Stalking the Unicorn: A Fable of Tonight

by Mike Resnick

  "That's true,” agreed Mallory. “But if you lay a finger on Eohippus, you're going to be a one-armed auctioneer."

  Gillespie stared at him for a long moment, then put the tiny horse back into the desk drawer.

  "You're going to regret talking like that to me!” he hissed. “I promise you that."

  "Cut the bullshit and start the auction,” said Mallory. “You're not scaring anyone."

  "When the Grundy gets here."

  Mallory checked his wristwatch. “It's three-thirty-two. Obviously the Grundy isn't interested in what you have to sell."

  "I'll be the judge of that, if you don't mind,” said a deep, rich voice to his right.

  Mürgenstürm whimpered in terror, and Mallory turned to see a strange being standing a few feet away from him. He was tall, a few inches over six feet, with two prominent horns protruding from his hairless head. His eyes were a burning yellow, his nose sharp and aquiline, his teeth white and gleaming, his skin a bright red. His shirt and pants were of crushed velvet, his cloak satin, his collar and cuffs made from the fur of some white polar animal. He wore gleaming black gloves and boots, and he had two rubies suspended from his neck on a golden necklace. When he exhaled, small clouds of vapor emanated from his mouth and nostrils.

  "Well,” said Gillespie, breaking the silence, “I believe all the interested parties are present. Mallory, have you met the Grundy?"

  "Indirectly,” said Mallory, recalling his confrontation with the gorilla in the museum.

  The Grundy gazed at him. “You've made a serious error in judgment coming here, Mr. Mallory. You are involving yourself in matters that are none of your concern."

  "I'm a non-participant,” said Mallory. “If you want to get mad at someone, get mad at the guy who double-crossed you,” he added, jerking a thumb in Gillespie's direction.

  "His turn will come, never fear,” promised the Grundy with conviction.

  "But not until you get the ruby,” grinned Gillespie. “And you ain't getting nothing until I'm long gone and safely hidden."

  The Grundy paid him no attention, but turned to Mürgenstürm. “And after his turn, yours."

  Mürgenstürm opened his mouth to reply, but he was shaking so badly that no words came forth.

  The Grundy returned his attention to Gillespie. “I sense another presence."

  Gillespie took Eohippus out of the drawer, held him up for the Grundy to see, and then put him back.

  "All present and accounted for,” he grinned. “And now, gents, I think we'll start the auction."

  "Two hundred balls of string!” shouted Mürgenstürm.

  "That's not even a nice floor for the bidding,” said Gillespie. “It's more like a sub-basement."

  "Three hundred balls, and complete runs of Playboy and Penthouse!” replied the elf.

  "Grundy, you're being awfully quiet,” said the leprechaun. “Did you come all this way not to bid?"

  The Grundy stared at Gillespie, two thin streams of vapor drifting out of his nostrils and obscuring almost all of his face, except for his luminous yellow eyes.

  "I offer you a swift, painless death for your transgressions,” he said at last.

  "That's not much of an offer,” said Gillespie, obviously unfrightened.

  "You are selling something that doesn't belong to you."

  Gillespie chuckled. “If it belonged to anyone, it belonged to the unicorn, and he's past caring about it now.” He stared directly into the Grundy's eyes. “And you can stop threatening me. You're not going to touch a perfect hair of my beautiful head until you've got your hands on the ruby.” He looked over at the detective. “Mallory, how about you? You want to make a bid?"

  Mallory shook his head.

  "Well, Grundy, how about it? Or do I turn the ruby over to the elf here?"

  "To my initial bid, I will add the sum of one million dollars, and allow you a reasonable amount of time to enjoy it before I kill you."

  "How much is that in beer and ice cream cones?"

  "You figure it out,” said the Grundy coldly.

  "Mürgenstürm?"

  "Five hundred balls of string, and I'll throw in a run of Hustler."

  "And a giraffe,” said Gillespie.

  "A giraffe?” asked Mürgenstürm. “Why?"

  "I've always wanted one."

  "And a giraffe,” said the elf with a sigh.

  "That still doesn't come to a million bucks,” said Gillespie. “What can we add to it?” Suddenly he smiled. “I have it! Kill Mallory for me."

  "I can't!” protested Mürgenstürm.

  "Do you want the ruby or not?” said the leprechaun.

  "But—"

  "That's my new minimum bid!” screamed Gillespie. “You don't make it and you're out of the running!"

  "Right now?"

  "That would be premature,” grinned Gillespie, “You only have to kill him if you win."

  Mürgenstürm turned to Mallory. “I'm sorry, John Justin,” he said, “but I've got to have that ruby!” He turned back to Gillespie and nodded.

  "Well, now we're getting somewhere!” said the leprechaun happily. “Have I encouraged you to enter the bidding, Mallory?"

  "Not even a little bit,” replied the detective.

  "Maybe you'd change your mind if I took another inch or two off your pet."

  "I wouldn't do that if I were you,” said Mallory.

  "My oh my!” smirked Gillespie. “All of these people threatening to kill poor little old me!” His smirk changed instantly into a contemptuous frown. “And not a one of you with the guts to do it! What a delightful situation!"

  "You heard me,” said Mallory.

  "Don't forget who has the ruby, asshole!” snarled the leprechaun. He took Eohippus out of the drawer and picked up the ruler.

  "Quick!” shouted Mallory. “Is she in the building?"

  "Yes!” said Eohippus, as Gillespie began to bring the ruler down across his back.

  "That's all I wanted to know."

  Before anyone could stop him, Mallory pulled out his pistol, aimed it at Gillespie, and pulled the trigger. The leprechaun flew backward off the desk, a bullet lodged between his eyes.

  "NO!" screamed the Grundy.

  "My God, John Justin!” cried Mürgenstürm. “What have you done?"

  "I've eliminated some vermin,” replied Mallory calmly, as he put the pistol back in his pocket. “Nothing more."

  "Fool!” screamed the Grundy, flames leaping from his mouth. He pointed an arrow-sharp finger at Mallory. “You meddling fool! It was within my grasp, and now I've lost it!"

  He uttered a mystic word, and suddenly a huge fireball appeared in his hand. “Prepare yourself for the smell of burning flesh, the melting of teeth and bones, the excruciating agony of the inferno!"

  "Throw that at me and you'll never see the ruby again,” said Mallory.

  The demon froze. “Speak quickly!” he commanded.

  "Gillespie didn't have it.” Mallory tapped his chest with his thumb. “I do."

  "He's lying!” said Mürgenstürm. “I know where he's been every minute since he got here!"

  The Grundy glared at Mallory. “Answer his charge."

  "Gladly,” said the detective. “Since Gillespie didn't know what the ruby could do, it stood to reason that he killed Larkspur because it was easier to hide a stone than a unicorn. He knew that all of us were turning the city upside down looking for him, so he hit upon the one place where it would be safe until after the auction."

  "Where?” demanded the Grundy.

  "My office,” replied Mallory. “As long as I was here, in this Manhattan, that was the perfect place for it.” He paused. “I finally figured it out when I found my coffee mug in his room. I'd been drinking from it just before I came here—which meant that Gillespie had paid a visit to my office after I'd left it. He could only have had one reason for that: to hide the ruby."

  "It makes sense,” admitted Mürgenstürm.

  "Silence, worm!” snapped the Grundy, an
d Mürgenstürm looked like he was about to faint.

  "Of course,” added Mallory, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, “it's not there any longer. I had Felina get it while I was at the Missing Persons Bureau.” He looked at the Grundy. “And, believe me, if with all your powers you couldn't find Gillespie, you sure as hell aren't going to be able to find her."

  "You are a shrewd man, Mallory,” admitted the Grundy. “Where is it now?"

  "In a safe place,” Mallory assured him. “And now, gentlemen,” he concluded with a smile, “if you still want the stone, you're going to have to deal with me."

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter 14

  3:43 AM-4:11 AM

  "What do you want for it?” asked Mürgenstürm.

  "My needs are a little different from Flypaper Gillespie's,” replied Mallory. “For starters, I want my friends freed and safely away from here before we even start talking."

  "Done,” said the Grundy. He vanished for perhaps twenty seconds, then reappeared. “If you will step outside the office, you will find the woman waiting for you."

  Mallory picked up Eohippus and walked out into the warehouse. As the Grundy had promised, Winnifred was waiting for him nearby, a bewildered expression on her face.

  "Are you all right?” he asked.

  "Yes,” replied Winnifred. “But it was most disconcerting! One minute I was bound and gagged in a storage closet, and then the Grundy himself set me free!” She looked up at Mallory. “That was your doing, wasn't it?"

  He nodded. “What happened to the two of you?"

  "I bribed some leprechauns to tell us where Gillespie was,” said Winnifred ruefully. “Evidently they immediately raced ahead and warned him, because he was waiting for us.” She shook her head. “I must be getting old, Mallory. I would never have made that mistake twenty years ago."

  "Don't worry about it,” said Mallory. “You're all right now, and that's all that matters.” He paused. “I want you to take Eohippus back to the Morbidium and wait there."

  "You're not coming with us?” she said, frowning.

  He shook his head. “I've still got business to conduct in there,” he said, gesturing toward the office.

  "With the Grundy?” she demanded.

  "Yes."

  "Then we're staying too!” said Eohippus adamantly.

  "No, you're not,” replied Mallory. “The first piece of business I transacted was a guarantee of your freedom. Besides,” he added, running a hand gently over the tiny horse's battered body, “you can't be six inches tall. I don't want you taking any more chances."

  "But he'll kill you!” protested Eohippus.

  "Not while I know how to find the stone, he won't."

  "He'll torture the location out of you,” said Winnifred.

  "I've taken precautions."

  "You're a remarkable man, John Justin Mallory,” she said earnestly. “How soon should we expect you at the Morbidium?"

  "You're not waiting for me," said Mallory. “Felina's got orders to show up there if I don't check in with her by a specified time."

  "Has she got the ruby?"

  "Not anymore."

  "What should we do if she shows up?"

  "You'll figure it out,” said Mallory, handing Eohippus to her. “Patch him up and take good care of him."

  "I will,” she promised. “Good luck, Mallory."

  "Thanks,” he said, accompanying her to the front door. “Now, get going."

  He waited until they had left, watching through one of the windows to make sure that the Prince of Whales had let them pass. Then he turned and went back to the office.

  "Thanks for letting them go, Grundy,” said Mallory.

  "They are merely spear carriers in this little drama,” replied the demon with a condescending shrug. “I have no interest in them."

  "He'll kill them as soon as he gets the ruby!” said Mürgenstürm.

  "I give you my word that I will not,” said the Grundy.

  "He's lying, John Justin!"

  Mallory turned to Mürgenstürm. “There's only one person in this office who's lied to me,” he said harshly. “And only one who's volunteered to kill me."

  "I wouldn't have done it!” swore the elf. “I had to say it, or Gillespie would have given the ruby to the Grundy!"

  "You know, you're such a smooth liar that you probably even believe what you're saying,” remarked Mallory disgustedly.

  "You know it's the truth!"

  "I don't know any such thing,” snapped the detective. “Mürgenstürm, you're as charming as anyone I've met in this Manhattan—but charm has nothing to do with worth."

  "You're a very perceptive man, Mallory,” said the Grundy, walking over to the desk and sitting on the edge of it. “You have no intention of turning the ruby over to him, do you?"

  "No,” said Mallory.

  "John Justin!” shrieked Mürgenstürm.

  "Sooner or later every man has to face the consequences of his actions,” said Mallory. “Now it's your turn."

  "But it's not fair!"

  "Was it fair to slaughter Larkspur and strand thousands of people in the wrong Manhattan?"

  "But that was never my intention!” wailed the elf.

  "Someday I'm going to have to tell you what the road to hell is paved with,” said Mallory. He turned to the Grundy. “We have no use for him. Let him go."

  "He must die for what he's done,” said the Grundy sternly.

  "He will,” Mallory assured the demon. “His own guild will kill him at sunrise."

  "And if he escapes them?” demanded the Grundy.

  "Then he can spend the rest of his life peering into shadows to see if they're lying in wait for him."

  A savage smile crossed the Grundy's face. “I like that."

  "I thought you might."

  The demon turned to Mürgenstürm. “Begone!"

  "But—"

  "If you are still within my domain at sunrise, I will come after you myself,” promised the Grundy.

  Mürgenstürm glared at Mallory.

  "Thanks a lot, friend!" he said bitterly.

  "Friends don't do what you did,” said Mallory. “Now, get the hell out of here. Sunrise isn't that far off."

  Mürgenstürm walked to the door, seemed about to say something, thought better of it, and left.

  "Wait,” said the Grundy. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. “All right. He's left the building.” He turned to Mallory. “All that remains is to settle upon a price. I seem to be the only interested party left."

  "Wrong,” said Mallory.

  The demon growled deep in his throat, and the smoke issuing from his nostrils turned a bright blue.

  "Who else is there?” he demanded.

  "There's me."

  "You?"

  Mallory nodded. “That stone is my ticket home."

  "I've tested the membrane,” said the Grundy. “It will remain permeable for two or three more hours. We can conclude our transaction and you can still go home after you turn the ruby over to me."

  "But I don't know if I'm going to turn it over to you,” replied Mallory.

  "What?" growled the demon, his eyes glowing even brighter.

  "You're the Grundy,” said Mallory. “You kill things. You cause plagues. You slaughter unicorns for these damned jewels. You've even made my Manhattan unsafe. Why should I give you the key to additional power?"

  "Fool!” raged the Grundy, leaping to his feet. “You don't begin to understand!” He stared at Mallory, his eyes mere slits in his horned head. “Do you think I wanted to kill Larkspur?"

  "You sure as hell didn't try to talk Gillespie into returning him,” said Mallory.

  "Gillespie was never supposed to kill the unicorn!” snapped the Grundy. “He was only supposed to deliver it to me!"

  "And you, of course, would have returned it to Mürgenstürm's guild,” said Mallory sardonically.

  "Never!” bellowed the Grundy. “I would have kept possession o
f the animal, and eventually, when it died of old age, I would have appropriated the ruby, as is my right. But I didn't want Larkspur to die yet! Closing the membrane will make my work all the harder!"

  "Your work consists of doing terrible things,” said Mallory. “How the hell does a dead unicorn make it harder?"

  The Grundy shook his head savagely. “Fool! My work is to be a balance point, a fulcrum against the worst tendencies of worlds."

  Mallory stared at him. “What are you talking about?"

  "I'm talking about why I need the ruby!"

  "What's all this crap about fulcrums and balance points?"

  "It is my duty to act as a balance against the worst tendencies of a world. In this Manhattan, where anarchy reigns and cause is not always followed by effect, I am a force for order."

  "You impose order by killing and looting?” said Mallory incredulously.

  "I am a demon. My nature restricts the ways in which I can function. I must maim and kill and pillage! It is what I was born to do!"

  "All of which constitutes as poor a justification for evil as I've ever heard."

  "Don't you understand? This society is without direction! It needs a common enemy to give it a sense of purpose.” The Grundy paused. “I am that enemy."

  "And much against his will, the noble demon takes the onerous burden upon himself, is that it?” said Mallory sardonically.

  "I can take it upon myself precisely because I am a demon!” thundered the Grundy. “I take nourishment from death, I revel in grief and injustice!” His face glowed with an unholy ecstasy. “There is an exquisite mathematical precision to the creation of suffering, a geometric beauty in the state of hopelessness, a fierce primal joy in the creation of terror. You could no more fulfill my function in this universe than I could fulfill in yours."

  "So you become the common enemy. What about all the other would-be enemies of the state?"

  "That's why I wanted Larkspur to live. I cannot by my very nature reform a lawbreaker; nor will I permit the existence of competitors—but I can impose order on this world by letting my would-be competitors commit their crimes in your Manhattan."

  "For which my Manhattan thanks you,” said Mallory dryly.

  "Your Manhattan should thank me. An overly regulated society needs lawbreakers, just as this society needs a sense of order.” The Grundy stared at Mallory. “Do you even begin to comprehend what I am saying to you?"