The Go-Between

by Andrea Ring

“It’s Nili. And no, we haven’t been over it, we’ve just lightly touched upon it.”

  “I’m not having this,” discussion, I almost say, but awareness tingles over my skin, and I freeze.

  “Intruder,” I whisper, and Nili jumps to her feet, her body turning towards the mouth of the cave.

  “Where?” she whispers back.

  “Swifty. Just crossed it. Wait.” I slip into the intruder’s head.

  She’s not here, not here, no need to panic. Of course her duties could have kept her, but no Go-Between has spent longer than four hours here in cycles. She’s fine, she must be fine, dear gods, please let her be fine!

  “It’s your father,” I say, blowing out a breath in relief.

  “My father?” Nili turns to me. “No, it couldn’t be.”

  “He’s worried about you. He expected you back ages ago.”

  Nili shakes her head. “No, my father doesn’t care. He wouldn’t come for me.”

  “He does,” I say. “He is.”

  “But he’s not allowed! Is he in danger?”

  “Nili, calm down. He’s in no danger. I will let him pass. But he cannot enter the cave.”

  “I will meet him, then. Explain.”

  “No!” I say. “No contact. Remember what happened to the other girls. Their loved ones turned on them.”

  She takes two steps toward the entrance then stops. “He doesn’t love me, but I do not believe he would harm me.”

  “Perhaps not of his own free will, but he might be bespelled. I will not risk you.”

  Nili sighs. “What, then?”

  “I will meet him.”

  “You? But you can’t leave.”

  “I can leave my cave whenever I like. It is my territory I cannot leave.”

  “But can’t you just talk to him, in his head?”

  “No. I can read his thoughts, but he can’t hear mine. I can only do that with females. Stay here.”

  I edge around her and the pallet and head out of the cave.

  When I am well down the slope, but before sunlight reaches my eyes, I change into an imposing man of some fifty cycles. It is the form I use when I meet new priests, or whenever someone wanders into my territory.

  “Hello!” I yell down the path.

  I hear a weak cough, a clearing of the throat. “Great Maja, Protector of Dabani, I come in peace!”

  “Show yourself,” I shout.

  It takes a bit of time for Nili’s father to show. He’s huffing and puffing by the time he rounds the last bend and comes into sight.

  “Maja,” he says, and he bows his head and goes down on one knee.

  “Stand, loyal villager,” I say. “No harm will come to you. I know why you are here.”

  Ravi Nandal slowly climbs to his feet, head still bowed. “Yes, Maja.”

  “Nilaruna is safe. You may go.”

  “Pardon me, great one, but…is she well?”

  “Of course. That is all.”

  Ravi doesn’t move.

  “You may go,” I repeat.

  “Pardon me again, most gracious sir, but…will she be long?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “Her duty requires that she stay with me indefinitely.”

  “How long will that be?”

  “Indefinitely means I cannot give you a definite time.”

  He swallows hard. “Is Dabani in danger then?”

  “No,” I say, “but you are aware of the fate of the previous Go-Betweens?”

  Ravi nods anxiously.

  “Then you know I must do everything in my power to prevent the same fate for Nilaruna.”

  “I thank you for that most sincerely, Maja,” he says. “But something has come up that may forestall her duties.”

  “I can think of nothing that may forestall her duties,” I say.

  “Yes, great Protector,” Ravi says, bobbing his head at me like a squirrel on a tree. “But two things may forestall it — family hardship and marriage.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Is something wrong with you or your wife?”

  “No, no,” he says. “All’s well with her and me. It is marriage I speak of.”

  “Marriage?” I say. “But Nilaruna’s had no suitors, no interest at all, according to her.”

  “That’s correct, sir. But circumstances have changed. There is one who has asked for her hand.”

  “Who?” I ask, even though I probably won’t recognize the name.

  “His name is Larraj, great one. He is an apprentice at the temple.”

  “Larraj?” I laugh. “But he’s just a boy!”

  Ravi grimaces, but then he straightens his spine and looks me in the eye.

  “Yes, but he will grow. Ten is a marriageable age.”

  “If the woman is ten as well,” I say, not even realizing my voice has risen to shouting levels. Ravi cringes from me. “Your daughter is two and twenty!”

  “It is an offer,” he says with a shrug.

  I cannot gainsay his decision, even if I want to more than I want to take my next breath.

  “There is no one to replace her at the moment,” I say. “Surely you are aware of this. The marriage can wait until a replacement is available.”

  “It cannot wait,” Ravi says, wringing his hands. “The offer — ”

  “Will wait. I will send Nilaruna home within a fortnight, and we will discuss it then. You will return home.”

  Ravi glares at me, all deference gone. I tense, waiting for him to lunge at me, waiting for the potential trap to be sprung.

  But the glare passes. Ravi frowns and bows his head. “As you will.” And he turns around and walks away, disappearing around the bend.

  I stand there and wait, feeling the prickle of his presence under my skin until he’s crossing the Swifty and out of my range.

  ***

  My thoughts tangle as I head back into the cave. I replay Ravi’s final thoughts in my mind, trying to remain objective.

  A fortnight. It’s only a fortnight. Surely I can stall Sanji until then. Larraj is such a good boy, and he’ll make such a fine son. A fine husband he’ll be, as well! Good provider, good friend, good lover… and his thoughts circled back from there.

  I’ve never been a father, but I think I can safely assume that I would not think of a young boy as a good lover for my daughter. Ravi’s mind has most certainly been tampered with.

  Fifty paces from the cave, I change back into the form the gods foisted upon me. It takes too much energy to hold a different one.

  Nili is waiting for me at the entrance, one hand on the cave wall.

  “Is he alright?” she asks.

  “He’s fine,” I say. “Back to your bed. Thirty-two paces to the right, eight paces forward.”

  She quickly complies.

  “Tell me,” she says. “What’s going on?”

  I settle myself back in my sleeping space and say the very last thing I had planned.

  “Nili, do you want to marry someday?”

  “I…what?”

  “Marriage. Is this something you dream of?”

  She cocks her head at me. “Why do you ask?”

  “Please answer honestly,” I say, swallowing hard.

  “I…once. Yes, of course. Once it was all I dreamed about. You know.”

  “No, actually, I don’t,” I say. “I’ve never been a young girl. Explain it to me.”

  “All my friends, we talked about it constantly. Lalan wanted babies, ten at least, and a handsome husband to take care of. Saphala wanted to marry a merchant’s son, someone who could keep her in style. Tharisha would wish on a star every night that her father would allow her to marry someone of her choosing. It was like a game, a glorious game.”

  “And you,” I say to her. “What did you want?”

  “I…you’ll think it’s silly.”

  “I will not.”

  Nili lies down and props her chin in her hands. “I wanted love. I wanted a best friend. I wanted someone I could speak my mind to and who wouldn’t punish me
for it.”

  “That’s a lovely wish,” I say. “But it doesn’t answer my original question.”

  She sighs. “I was fourteen when I was scarred — did I mention that? I haven’t seen my friends since. All I had were the memories of our friendship, our time together. I’ve spent cycles in my own head.”

  My heart aches to hear this. “I’m sorry,” I say.

  “Honestly, yes. I would like to get married and have a family. But that’s not going to happen for me. I know that.”

  “What if it did?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your father has arranged a marriage for you.”

  Nili’s eyes grow wide and round, and as hope fills them, I know I’ve made an error.

  “Nili,” I say, “don’t…brace yourself. He’s promised you to Larraj.”

  I see the hope turn to confusion. “Larraj? But he’s a boy! I can’t marry him.”

  “I know.”

  She stands up in front of the pallet. “I can’t…no! He’s a little…no! That would be…impossible!”

  “I know.”

  She holds her hands out to me. “Help me. Please.”

  I shake my head. “I will if I can, you know that, but I don’t know what I can do to prevent it. I told him you are required here and reminded him there is no replacement at hand. We have a fortnight to come up with something.”

  Nili drops her hands and hangs her head. “A fortnight.” And then her head comes up fast. “A fortnight. It’s time enough.”

  “For what?”

  “I don’t know yet,” she says. “But I’ll think of something.”

  ***

  My plan’s been burning a hole in my brain since I conceived it, but I haven’t found the right time to explain it to Nili. I’m not sure how she will receive it.

  We spend the next few days talking about the state of things in Dabani and the kingdom. I feel well informed, and there are no other nasty surprises.

  And we continue to grow closer, but Nili still doesn’t know who I am.

  I know I have to show myself to her. I know it is the next step. We start on the protocol, and it gives me the opening I’ve been waiting for.

  We venture outside, me first, Nili trailing twenty paces behind to give me room. I tell her that much space is respectful.

  In the shelter of the rock tunnel, I change into my younger form, the one I held when I became Protector.

  “What was that?” Nili asks, rubbing her arms with her hands.

  “Magic,” I say. “I’ve changed.”

  “You mean, your body?”

  “Yes.”

  She swallows. “Okay. What, um, form did you take?”

  “I appear now as the man I was before I became Protector.”

  “I thought you said you haven’t aged.”

  “I haven’t.”

  Nili’s eyes widen. “Then…”

  “Yes. But let’s start with this form.”

  I conjure a weak ball of light in my hands and hold it under my chin.

  Nili gasps.

  “Am I that hideous?” I ask, smiling uncertainly.

  “You…you’re…you look…beautiful,” she stammers.

  My heart stutters. “Thank you.”

  We stare at each other. Then Nili turns abruptly, arms outstretched, and goes back into the cave.

  “Nili?” I call. But she doesn’t answer.

  I put out the light and follow her in. She’s sitting on her bed, looking at my corner of the cave.

  “Nili?”

  She shakes her head.

  “Will you not at least look at me?”

  She shakes her head again. “I cannot see you anyway. And you can see me.”

  I conjure a torch and a slot on the wall and hang it. The cave glows.

  “Put it out!” she says.

  “Nili, I thought this is what you wanted. You wanted to live in the light.”

  She whips her head around to face me. “When I thought you were old! When I thought you were ugly!”

  “And now you can’t bear to see me looking halfway decent?”

  She climbs to her feet. “Halfway decent? You’re like looking at the sunrise. Like the most perfect rose unfurling its petals. Like a dewdrop cradled in a blade of grass. Like a — ”

  “Nili.”

  “And look at me!”

  I feel her pain, but I’m also so pleased with her reaction that I cannot acknowledge it. I take the few steps between us and stand before her. “I see you,” I tell her. I reach out slowly and caress her smooth cheek with the back of my hand.

  She jerks her head from me. “You’re blind.”

  I take my hand from her unmarred cheek and place it on her scarred one. “No, Nili. I see you.” I run my thumb back and forth over the rough skin. “All of you. You are beautiful, inside and out. A fire cannot burn that out of you. You shine so brightly I’ve sensed no darkness since you came.”

  Nili opens her mouth, but no words come out.

  It is my turn to pounce.

  I lower my head, plaster my body to hers, and place my lips upon her lips.

  She doesn’t respond at first. Her lips are wooden and her body rigid. I open my eyes and find her staring at me with quiet horror until we lock gazes. For the first time, we are staring into each other’s eyes. For the first time, she is looking at me, and I feel the moment that she actually sees me.

  Her lips soften. Her body molds to mine. Her hands come up to my face and cradle my cheeks.

  I press myself against her and bring my arms around her. She fits perfectly. I feel the scars on her mouth, rubbing on mine. I want to feel her everywhere, this creature who’s never been touched, touching one who’s never been touched himself.

  We’re both starving for contact. I feel it, this hunger, this need to connect, and Nili feels it, too. She runs a hand through my hair, down my back, and lower. My hands mirror hers. I thread my fingers through her hair, massage her scalp, and pull back gently on the strands. Her head tilts back and our kiss deepens. My hands flow down her back and lower.

  Pulling back from her lips, I ask, “Do you want this, Nili? If you want to stop, it has to be now.”

  “Don’t stop,” she says against my mouth. I breathe her in. “Yes, this.”

  I guide her to her bed and follow her down. She stays with me every step of the way. I’m over three hundred cycles old, and have no more experience than she does, but together, we fit. We are whole.

  We have each other.

  After, as we lie tangled in each other’s arms, I sense Nili stiffen.

  “What is wrong?” I ask, breathing in the damp skin of her neck. I lay a gentle kiss on her collarbone.

  “I do not think I can bear this,” she whispers.

  “Turn over,” I ask her. She faces me, head down. “Please look at me.”

  “I cannot…do this,” she says.

  “I know we’re not married, Nili,” I start to say, but she holds a finger to my lips.

  “You gave me such a wonderful gift,” she says. “I will always be grateful.”

  “Grateful?” I say, pulling away from her. I sit up. “I do not want your gratitude.”

  She smiles sadly. “But you have it. I have not felt…I’ve never felt…you made me feel beautiful.”

  “You are beautiful.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Maja, please. We needed each other. It was perfect for me, a perfect moment. But you do not have to continue. I know how this ends. I…I’m telling you to end it. No more compliments. No more endearments. It only cheapens the experience.”

  “What in the seven hells are you rambling about?” I say.

  Her eyes harden and she sits up opposite me. “You were lonely. I was available. I get it. Enough.”

  “Lonely?” I say. “Available? You think I just took what I needed without a care for you?”

  Nili looks away. “What we both needed,” she says. “I understand needing someone. I needed it, too. It’s
okay.”

  “Bloody, bloody hells, Nili, look at me.” She doesn’t, so I grab her arm and spin her around. “Look at me! I was lonely, yes, and you were here, yes, but you were here! You! Not just anyone. Nili, I love you. I’ve loved you since you tried to kill me. Since you told me your name, since I felt you enter my lands, maybe lifetimes before. This was not about a physical need. This was about you and me and what I feel here, in my heart. I love you.”

  Nili stares at me, pouty mouth ajar, jade green eyes boring into mine. I hold her gaze as I climb to one knee before her. I grasp her hands tight in mine.

  “Nili, please. I love you. Tell me you feel it, too. Marry me.”

  She says nothing, but her hands start to tremble in mine. I can see the tremors climb her body, until her lips quiver and her temples pulse and a single tear shimmers at the corner of her eye, then falls. Followed by another. And several more.

  Until she’s sobbing in my arms. And suddenly we are kissing again, and feeling each other again, and we make love for hours in the perfect glowing light, until my strength gives out and I know I can hold this form no longer.

  “Nili,” I gasp. “Give me some room. I have to change.”

  She doesn’t move. She simply places a hand on my shoulder. “I’m here.”

  “I need room,” I say again, and I crawl off the pallet to my corner.

  “Maja,” she says, swallowing, “prepare me.”

  “No time. Just…do not be afraid.”

  I meet her gaze. She nods. I nod back. And I close my eyes and swiftly change back into a black dragon.

  II. PRINCE KAI

  “You’re insufferable, and prince or no, I can strike you down without breaking a sweat!”

  I watch Shiva yell at me, and I yawn. Just to let him know where we stand. Shiva only understands strength.

  He grasps my neck with one massive hand and lifts me from the ground. “You will learn your place, mortal, or I will grind your bones to dust!”

  I roll my eyes. “I get it. You’re big and bad. Can you put me down so we can actually finish this?”

  He throws me across the room, and I land in a crumpled heap. My ankle feels like I twisted it, but I ignore the pain, hop to my feet, and dust myself off.

  “Thank you. Now, as I was explaining to you, I’m in need of a wife.”

  Shiva growls. “You summon me to play matchmaker?”

  “No, I summon you to help save our kingdom. I am the last of the royal line. If I do not marry in the next three moons, I forfeit the crown. There will be great unrest as every power-hungry man alive fights for the title of king. Is that what you want to happen?”