by Andrea Ring
I smile. “Done.”
“A mirror!” she says.
I conjure one in her hands. She looks, breathless, and then thrusts the mirror back at me.
“You changed nothing! I look the same!”
“Exactly,” I say. “Nili, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
She rolls her eyes. “Only to you.”
“Is that not enough?”
We gaze at one another. She kisses me softly. “More than enough.”
We lie back and snuggle.
“When will you meet us at the palace?” she asks. “Will you be traveling back with us?”
“No, I won’t be traveling with you. I must visit the rest of the kingdom and see if I can find the source of the treachery.”
“But when will I see you?”
I gulp. “Nili, we won’t be seeing each other.”
She sits up suddenly and clutches the blanket to her chest. “What do you mean?”
“I’m moving on,” I say. “It’s my final gift to you, a happy life as a princess, and someday, as queen. There’s no one more worthy of the position.”
Her eyes flood with tears.
“I love you. I will always love you. But Kai will be a good husband. He’s more progressive than most. You are a strong match.”
“But I don’t love him,” she says. “I thought…I thought I could do this. I could put myself in the path of an assassin, and I could feel mortal pain again…but only because I thought you would be there. I thought I’d have you by my side. I cannot do it alone.”
I sit up and grip her arms. “You can. You must. And know this: I will be watching over you. I will save your life. You will never feel that kind of pain again, not while I still breathe.”
“You don’t need to breathe anymore,” she whispers, and I scowl.
“You know what I mean. Please. Take this gift. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the easiest, because I know it is the best thing for you. You will grow to love him. I know you will.”
“But he will never love me,” she says. “You’re dooming me to a half-life, of wanting and never receiving. You are the only man who can love me.”
I raise her chin with my finger. “Really? Do you think so little of yourself? And of the prince?”
She sniffs.
“I will be watching, my love,” I say. “If you are in danger, I will be there.”
XXXIV. SAPHALA
Father, where are you? Oh, please come quickly!
My fingers are so cold they are frozen into claws. I do not think I could row to shore if I had to.
The wind howls through me, whipping my hair about my face, but I’m too cold to even brush it out of my eyes. I huddle forward, burying my nose in my skirts. I start to shiver violently.
“Saphala!”
My head jerks up. It sounded as though someone called my name. But I see nothing, hear nothing else. I bend back over to save myself from the wretched wind.
“Saphala!”
There it is again, a little clearer. Someone is calling my name!
“Father!” I yell back, but my voice is no more than a croak.
I rub my hands together briskly, trying to bring back some feeling in them. Maybe I need to row a bit closer. I finally get my stiff fingers moving again, and just as I pick up the oars, I hear water splashing, the unmistakable sound of oars slapping the waves.
“Father!” I scream again.
“Saphala!” a voice calls back. “We are here to rescue you!”
We?
And though I haven’t heard my father’s voice in six cycles, it doesn’t sound like him. It sounds like someone young.
No one knows of our plan except my father. He was supposed to come himself. Is this treachery? Has someone come to kidnap me for real?
But they said they’re here to rescue me. If my father couldn’t come himself, for whatever reason, this is what I would expect to hear.
I’m torn.
I grab one of the oars and hold it tight. It worked on Haady. No man would expect a retiring female to hit them over the head, so if they try to get fresh or worse, I’ll at least go down fighting.
“Saphala!” they scream again. “Where are you?”
“Here!” I yell, praying I’m doing the right thing. And then I see it, a small fishing boat, carrying two figures. “I’m here!”
They finally pull up beside me, and before I can question them, the larger of the two leaps into my boat and grabs me.
“Hold tight, my lady,” he says in a beguiling voice. “We’re here. You are safe.”
He picks me up like I weigh no more than a rose petal, and without so much as rocking my meager vessel, deposits me in the fishing boat.
“Who are you?” I whisper.
“Faaris, Captain of the Guard, and Manoj, Chief Advisor to the prince, at your service,” he says, climbing back aboard. He whips the cloak off his back and settles it over my shoulders before I can blink.
“Faaris and Manoj?” I say. I know both names well. Most of the noble girls in Bhutan had hopes that if their courting visits with Prince Kai didn’t go well, they’d at least have a shot at his handsome sidekicks. The tales of these sidekicks, however, do not do them justice. Handsome is much too primitive a word to describe either of them. “How?”
“Your father broke his leg today,” Faaris says. “We happened to be visiting Dabani on state business, and we agreed to find you.”
“But my father is an untouchable,” I say. I almost add, “And so am I,” but I don’t want them to dump me overboard.
“You are one of our citizens,” he says, “and that is enough.”
Manoj takes up the oars and begins to row. The wind whooshes through me again, and I moan at the bitter sting and hunch my shoulders under the cloak.
“You must be frozen through,” Faaris says. “Here.” He grips my arm gently and tugs. “Settle here against me and I’ll keep you warm.”
He doesn’t have to ask twice. I sit in the bottom of the boat with my back to his front, and he rubs my arms up and down through the cloak.
“Better?” he asks.
“Yes, thank you,” I say.
“No need to thank us. We are grateful we were able to help.”
I cannot even process this moment. I was expecting an uncomfortable reunion with my father, and now I’m being rescued by two of the most eligible bachelors in the kingdom, who also have a direct line to the prince! The gods are indeed watching out for me!
“May I ask a question, my lord?” I say.
He leans his head down until our cheeks are brushing. He smells of sweet sweat and pine.
“Of course. Ask me anything you’d like.”
“How was my father able to contact you?”
“He actually contacted the current Go-Between, who used to be a friend of yours. She contacted us.”
I cannot imagine any of my friends being chosen as the Go-Between. Occasionally an untouchable is picked, but only when there are no other options. And all my friends — and their parents — would have wanted the chance to meet Prince Kai.
“Which friend?” I ask.
“Nilaruna Nandal,” Faaris says.
“Nilaruna,” I whisper. Of course. It makes sense. She wouldn’t have gone to the barracks — no one would allow it, surely. “You know Nilaruna?”
“We do now,” he says. “We came to speak with the Protector, and we met her. You’re very lucky to have such a friend.”
“You’ve met her?” I say. “I mean, you’ve seen her?”
Faaris wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. Ahhh. “We have. To live through such a horrendous ordeal…we have great respect for her. I think the entire kingdom will have great respect for her.”
“What do you mean, the entire kingdom?”
Faaris leans close. “Let me be the first to give you the good news: Nilaruna is betrothed to the prince! Your friend is going to be the princess.”
My mouth falls
open. For the first time in my life, I am speechless.
XXXV. PRINCE KAI
It’s still dark when Maja comes out of the cave and squats beside me.
“I’m off,” he says.
I nod. “Does Nilaruna know you’re not coming back?”
“She does, but she doesn’t know I’ve left. She’s still asleep. You’re going to catch hell for that, and I apologize, but we’ve said our goodbyes. I do not wish to prolong the agony.”
I nod again.
“My first priority is to find evidence of magic or the dragons and follow the human trail from there. I’ll visit you whenever I have information. And if you need to speak to me, just call. Especially if something comes up with Nili…please call.”
“I think you’ll find that your powers are going to grow,” I say. “You won’t need me to call. You’ll know if you’re needed.”
“All the same, it would put my mind at ease to know you will call,” he says.
“If you are needed,” I say, “I will call.”
He nods once and stands.
Then he walks down the mountain.
I watch him until he’s out of sight.
***
At the cave entrance, I pause.
The firelight dances merrily over Nilaruna’s face. Her scarred half is taunting me, like a hideous mask the actors sometimes wear in the playhouse. I long to rip the mask off and expose her true self.
But I cannot. She wears no mask.
For the rest of my life, I will wake up to a monster in my bed. If we ever make love, I will be bedding a creature of nightmares.
I close my eyes. I think about Nilaruna’s throaty laughter. About her witty jabs. About her passion and love for Maja, and her absolute care for a friend she hasn’t seen in years.
I think about the person I am marrying, not about the shell of her human body.
And that makes me think of my mother. The shell of her human body.
My mother would now be considered an untouchable — the same status as Nilaruna — by most of the people of our kingdom.
She used to play games with me.
“Close your eyes, Kai,” she would say. “No, you don’t need to hold my hand. There’s nothing to fear in the dark. Now, remember the room, exactly as it was. I’m going to hide one object. No! No peeking! And when I tell you to open your eyes, you will look around and tell me what I’ve hidden.”
When I was little, maybe three or four, the game scared me. I didn’t like to close my eyes. I would insist that she continue speaking so that I was comforted by the sound of her voice.
But that gave the game away — I knew where in the room she was, and what objects she most likely hid.
The last time we played the game, a few weeks before her accident, she introduced a twist.
“Open your eyes and tell me what I’ve hidden,” she said.
I looked. I’d gotten to be quite an expert at noticing my surroundings. But I looked and looked and couldn’t find one thing out of place.
She finally laughed and waved me over to sit on her lap. I was ten cycles old, and I would have let someone flay me before I’d let them catch me on Mother’s lap, but in private, I couldn’t get close enough to her.
“Look at me,” she said, quite obviously running her hands through her hair. And then I noticed it — she’d removed the wedding band from her thumb and placed it on a chain around her neck.
“Your ring!” I said, triumphant, and she smiled.
“When you have a wife, and children, and a busy life running the kingdom, you must still pay attention to the most important things,” she said. “Women can become invisible to their husbands. They might change their hairstyle, or wear a pretty new sari, all in an effort to please the one they love, and because you will take a vow to love and protect your wife, you must take the time to notice her. She will be the most important person in your world, your touchstone when life is chaotic and messy. Do not forget about her.”
I remember lifting the ring from her chest and examining it closely. “How long have you worn your ring about your neck?” I asked her.
“Twelve days,” she replied.
“Father hasn’t noticed, has he?”
She hugged me. “We can but learn from those who come before us. Remember this lesson well, Kai. Paying attention to the details gives a ruler his humanity. A nod of greeting to a servant bolsters loyalty. A compliment can brighten someone’s day. The people around you are not window dressing. They are the reason for your existence.”
My mother had wisdom. She was so full of life. What she became, the untouchable most would not even spare a glance for, was not who she was.
I think about Nilaruna, the wise and gentle soul that she is. And I am humbled, perhaps for the first time in my life.
A woman with intelligence and fire and zest and wit has chosen me. I believe that if Nilaruna weren’t scarred, I would have been drawn to her. I am drawn to her.
I wonder what’s hiding beneath her clothes. I wonder how much of her body is scarred.
What if her breasts…I mean, what would they even look like? How would they feel? And what about her…womanly parts?
My manhood stirs. I cannot explain it, but there’s something quite erotic about the possibility of certain parts being scarred and rough instead of smooth and silken.
Except, what if she experiences pain?
My erection deflates.
Causing a woman pain, especially when I intend the opposite and wish to drown her in pleasure, does not excite me.
Argh, why must everything be so infernally complicated?
Nilaruna stirs on her pallet, and I lower myself to the ground beside her.
“How’d you sleep?” I ask.
She stares at me. There are tears in her eyes.
“He’s gone, isn’t he?”
I nod.
A sob breaks from her throat, and she buries her head in her pillow.
“Come here,” I say, tugging on her gently until she’s in my arms.
Nili sobs into my chest, and I hold her.
I just hold her.
XXXVI. NILARUNA
“I’m sorry,” I say, swiping my eyes and sniffing delicately. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“If I am going to be your husband,” Kai says, “then I will take any burden you share with me. That is the way it should be.”
“I’m grateful,” I say.
“None of that. Let me bring you some tea. Maja left some for us.”
He brings me tea and biscuits. I feel like royalty already.
“Are you up for traveling today, or do you need a day of rest?”
“I’m fine,” I say. “Actually, my leg feels quite well. Do we need to wait for Faaris and Manoj? Have you heard anything?”
Kai shakes his head. “They are supposed to meet us back at the inn. Or would you prefer to stay with your parents until we depart for the palace?”
“I’d rather stay at the inn,” I say, “or even depart today. There’s nothing left for me in Dabani.”
Kai rubs his chin. “I need to speak with your father. I should ask for your hand. It’s only right.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” I say. “My father will be happy because you are the prince. And my mother said…it doesn’t matter. I’m through with them.”
Kai sips his tea. “What did your mother say?”
I avert my eyes and concentrate on not crying. “That we’ve been blessed by the gods. That my death for your life is a blessing.”
I can hear Kai breathing. He takes another loud slurp of tea. I finally look at him.
“Damn them,” he says. He closes his eyes briefly and then opens them. “I do not wish to disparage your parents. We owe them the debt of your existence. But I will not stand for anyone treating my bride in such a fashion. It’s decided, then. We’ll go directly to the inn. I still have to meet with the high priest before we leave. But I promise to make it as quick as possible.�
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“I’m sorry, Kai,” I say. “Sorry that I’m in love with someone else, sorry I’m an untouchable, sorry you cannot hold your head up and walk proudly with me down the road. I am handing you a burden, and that burden is me.”
Kai finishes his tea and pulls up a cushion beside me. “I don’t know what I can say to that, Nili. You are the one who is doing me a favor, but even saying that makes your sacrifices sound trivial, and they are anything but. You are giving up your love and maybe your life for me and the kingdom. Whatever that brings, whatever hardships I have to endure…I’ll face it all. It is my duty as prince.”
I am nothing but a duty.
I knew that, and yet to hear it so bluntly…it stings. It stings a great deal. Still, I have been kicked and spit on and ignored and dismissed, all because of an accident that wasn’t my fault. And I asked for truth from Kai. Better the sting of truth than false promises and pretty words that mean nothing.
“But Nili, that’s not all,” he says, breaking into my thoughts. “I like you, the person that you are. I won’t pretend that your appearance is not shocking, because it is. Our society goes to great lengths to hide those who are not physically perfect, and that makes your scars all the more shocking. I admit, I’ve never seen someone like you. If I…if I offended you when first we met, if my reaction to your appearance was offensive, I apologize. I was unprepared for our meeting, in so many ways…”
Kai chuckles. “Do you remember one of the first things you said? When you asked if we were going to assault you?”
I nod.
“I thought Manoj was going to piss his trousers. Women outside our circle do not speak to us, and if they manage more than a simpering giggle, they certainly do not speak like that. You’ve been challenging me from the first.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, cringing.
“Do not apologize!” he yells. “Heavens, Nili, I’m trying to give you a compliment. You’ve been nothing but yourself this entire time, and I like it. I value it. I know exactly who you are, and I like you. I want to be with you. You’re going to be good for me.”
I roll my eyes, and he laughs.
“Okay, that didn’t come out right. I don’t mean that your purpose here is to be good for me — that’s just a bonus. I’m hoping I will be good for you, too.”
